Speaker A: Welcome to sharing my truth with Mel and Suzie the uncensored version where we bear it all.
Speaker B: We do 1234 hello.
Speaker A: Welcome back, everyone. Welcome back. Sharing my truth pod. I'm Susie. I'm here with Mel and we are sharing my truth pod. And you can follow us on Social at Sharing My Truth Pod and you can follow us on TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, the whole bits and bobs. And I'm here with my good friend Mel. Hi, babes.
Speaker B: Hello, darling, how are you? I'm very well, thank you.
Speaker A: Oh good. Well, we have I know you were just in London, I was in the.
Speaker B: Motherland and it was lovely weather, which is the weather. Well, it tends to be quite nice in May. It's just unpredictable.
Speaker A: Yeah.
Speaker B: Yes. But it was very, very nice. And it's good to be back. It's always good to go back. Yeah. So get my injection of Britishness. I love all my treats and all my whatevers. See my family and friends and stuff like that. It's always good.
Speaker A: Yeah, well, I mean, it's always nice to have kind of some time away from good old Tirana and it's always nice to kind of just to see your old friends, to see your old temptations, as we could say. Do you have old flames in London who you see sometimes that Max knows or doesn't know about?
Speaker B: Not really because it was so ****** long ago. Not really, no.
Speaker A: I mean, I guess it was.
Speaker B: No. And I didn't spend all my childhood there or all my adulthood there, so that would be complicated.
Speaker A: That's so funny though, if you did, if you just saw them in the streets. I mean, like, because when I go back to Edmonton, where I am born and from, and it's bad because I.
Speaker B: See them, I was very involved in.
Speaker A: Edmonton and I have a lot of not ex boyfriends, but just exes of all kinds.
Speaker B: Right. So it's experiences.
Speaker A: Experiences. And I see them with their babies, I see them with their new wives.
Speaker B: Oh, wow.
Speaker A: And some of them are just not as cute as they used to be. So I'm like goodbye.
Speaker B: That's very funny.
Speaker A: But yeah, not tempted there, I'll tell you that.
Speaker B: Okay, that's good.
Speaker A: But what's so great is that we actually did get a listener to call in and he left us a voicemail. And for anyone who also wants to leave us a voicemail, you can go to our Instagram and there's a link in our bio or you can also just go to our email@example.com and you can leave a voicemail. There's a button right at the top. And so, yeah, this listener, he left a voicemail and we're not going to put the recording in the podcast because just in case we don't want to name any names or anything, we're going to leave it very anonymous. But I'm just going to read from what he has spoken to us.
Speaker B: His question, really, his question.
Speaker A: So this is from our listener. How do you get through your relationship when you have more sexual chemistry with so many individuals? And how do you always say no to temptations? How do you battle the everyday flirtations, innuendos and direct approaches for sex? So, I mean, this is a really good question because it's not exactly about cheating, right? This person sounds like they have not cheated yet, right, or anything like that. They're just being extremely tempted upon.
Speaker B: Tempted upon.
Speaker A: And they would like to, or I don't know if they would like to, but they're obviously thinking about it. We don't know obviously how long they've been in the relationship or what the relationship is like at all. But from what it sounds like, I mean, this person might be having a hard time and he might be getting.
Speaker B: Close to getting into the line.
Speaker A: Cheating space to the line.
Speaker B: That's a great point from my point of view. Would you like to hear my point of view? No.
Speaker A: Sometimes.
Speaker B: I think this question is as old as time and this is old as Adam and Eve. I mean, everyone this is the question about monogamy. Does it work? Does it not work? I mean, this is the point is that just because you fall in love with somebody or you have strong desire, all those things for one person, and you really want to be just of that person and make a life with them, obviously doesn't mean there are lots of chocolates in the chocolate box. It doesn't mean you've had one, you don't want any of the others, and it doesn't mean that you're a human being, that you don't react or feel or something. It's the same like you have a crush when you see an actor, an actress or whatever, of course you react to things. And you're not in a box. You don't like, put yourself in a box and shut the box and never temptation shall ever come your way ever again. It's really a question of if you're with somebody and it is monogamous. That's up to you. You've both decided that you want to be monogamous. That is the agreement. Then you can be tempted. Of course there'll be flirtation and banter and people approaching you, for goodness sake, but you just don't do it and that's the end of it.
Speaker A: And I think that's a really good point that you just putting yourself in a box. I think that's when **** gets dangerous, right? Because I think that's when you're tempted more, it's actually when you've put yourself in the situation where you're like, yeah, no, I'm not ever going to look at another woman or another man, or of course I'm not attracted to this other person. Of course you are. That's just human nature. It's okay to be attracted. It's okay to have these feelings. It's okay to be tempted in the way.
Speaker B: Of course you can't feel bad about that. No. And the other thing you can't stop people approaching you.
Speaker A: No.
Speaker B: Somebody's going to say something to you or approach you on the street or whatever. You have no control over that. No, obviously. I think the question I would ask this person really more is if you are giving it this much thought in other words, you are thinking about it. It's not just like sure, I see people that I fancy. That's a very English word, isn't it? Or you fantasize about other people that may not be your partner or you have crushes on other people, but you don't actually feel the impulse to really want to do anything about it in the real world. So it sounds to me perhaps this person is like you said, maybe somewhere between that and the next step. So they are thinking about it a lot. So that would be my question. Why have there been lots of situations and you're thinking about it a lot? Because of course there are situations. You can go to a restaurant and somebody can flirt with you, or some people flirt with. It's not really a big deal, is it?
Speaker A: No.
Speaker B: I certainly know people where the relationships have been where people get very upset if you even have a slightly flirty conversation with somebody or anything like that. But I think how could you possibly think that you're never going to find somebody attractive ever again just because you're in a long term relationship. That's completely mad.
Speaker A: Yeah, exactly. I think it's the whole thing with jealousy too. And we obviously have also a podcast episode about cheating fully. And this isn't exactly what this is about. This is about temptation, which is a very different thing. And we had our conversation before we started recording it's. Like temptation is not cheating because there has to be levels to this. You can't just have someone come up to you like you're saying, talking to you, or even like and I mean, there are lines for different couples, right?
Speaker B: Absolutely.
Speaker A: And even if we have spoken about ethical non monogamous relationships so even those relationships have lines, even non monogamous relationships have lines of like I asked you not to give another person a *******. That's a line that your partner had for you. Maybe you could make out with them, but you weren't supposed to **** them.
Speaker B: Right.
Speaker A: And that's their line and exactly. That's their boundary. And it's like why were you so tempted to do that? Because we get in these ways, it's finding the internal fighting that internal whatever you have in you and not and that's it.
Speaker B: You have giving up on it. And of course people can love people. I think people don't understand this, that you can love somebody, but sometimes you kind of can go through ebbs and flows of not finding them attractive but maybe being bored or distracted or whatever it is, and that you are a human being. But this is very different to actually cheating, which as we said, we had another episode. And also cheating happens for a myriad of reasons. And it's not just that there's something wrong in the relationship. There could be lots of things. But that's the thing about temptation. There are temptations everywhere in life, about absolutely everything. There's temptations for some people who get themselves into difficult situations where they steal stuff or whatever. There's temptations. Yes.
Speaker A: And even like from our last episode when we were talking about body image temptations with eating ****, you're on a diet. Yes, you don't want to have pizza on a Saturday night, but a ******* look so good. How do you stop yourself from doing that? It's the exact same thing when you're on a cleanse. How do you not have that amazing glass of wine after a hard day.
Speaker B: Of work or you smoke or whatever it is exactly something you don't want to do.
Speaker A: Self preservation and just self control. Self control.
Speaker B: And the self control, the desire to control yourself has to be stronger than the desire of the temptation. That means in most cases, you don't do something because you don't want to hurt the person you're with and you know it's going to cause them a lot of pain. But if you think and I think this is actually specifically women do this, and I know I've talked about my issues with cheating in previous episodes, but you have to be realistic that sorry, I'm getting lost in my thoughts. But that women think that men don't see a nice woman and a beautiful woman and they basically in their head, it's like a computer. They undress her. What do her tips look like? What does she look like in a swim?
Speaker A: I do that, though.
Speaker B: What does her ****** look like? Blah, blah, blah. They basically go through this kind of inventory. If you actually think your husband doesn't do that about other women or your partner or whatever, of course he's done it. And it's like but that's not a big deal. He's not doing anything. And I think that women often think that if men do that, somehow they're in the realm of cheating. That's just ludicrous. That's bullshit. I mean, if you think about ****, then they wouldn't watch **** if they weren't interested in other images 100%. And there's nothing unnatural or strange about it. It's just that you have to you control yourself. That's it. You literally control.
Speaker A: And that, trust me, from someone speaking who is a very sexual person and just literally just wants to **** a lot of the time to a lot of people, it's ******* hard. Self control is not easy in any ways. And whether it's about a diet or sex or any kind of temptation, we.
Speaker B: All have our things.
Speaker A: We all have our things.
Speaker B: We all have our issues. I mean, is that interesting that we're talking about temptation? Because I honestly have to say I just rarely meet people I think yeah. Or men. I think yeah, I think I meet the wrong ******* men. I really what it is because I'm just like, actually this happens to me all the time. I've said this to you yesterday. Sorry, this happened to me yesterday. I say this to you all the time. I'm on the subway, and this man I was actually on the subway with my husband and this man who's probably about 80, and he got off my husband's like he has stared at your **** the entire time. But it's always men who are 80.
Speaker A: Not the 80 year old.
Speaker B: This is why I don't have an issue, because the men who are staring at my bazumbas are not of any interest to me.
Speaker A: That was such a good word, bazumbas. Oh my God. That's what I'm calling them.
Speaker B: They are quite bazumbarish I e big. Does that not be zumba make?
Speaker A: I think I want a couple of bazumbasumbasumbas.
Speaker B: But anyway, so that's how I have solved my problem. But just saying but this isn't I don't want to laugh. It's not funny. This is very serious. And I just want to say this serious, but I want to say to this person, this is completely normal. Everyone has struggled with this at some point on some level, whether it's them or their partner or whatever. It is a normal human thing. And of course you can't control whether you find somebody else attractive, but by finding somebody else attractive is not betraying the person you are with. That's the thing to understand, as long as you don't do anything.
Speaker A: Well, I do think also I think that it's harder for men.
Speaker B: Yes.
Speaker A: Because one, we've spoken about this, it's just biology.
Speaker B: Yes.
Speaker A: And men are much more physical. People, when men cheat, or if they feel more tempted, let's say it's because that they might have some kind of a physical void in their relationship they're in. And obviously that could be the way of women. It's not just like black and white, but in the way of women and why they may feel more tempted. It's because of the emotional void that they're not feeling. Maybe they want more attention in the relationship that they're not getting. Or it's maybe spiritual, and they just feel like some kind of higher thing is bringing them to a different level than what their partner is at, and they feel like they have to kind of move away from this.
Speaker B: Is that what women I'm talking about? Sorry. Yeah.
Speaker A: So just men are much more physical. Women are much more emotional and spiritual in the way of their temptations and their cheating. Yeah.
Speaker B: I mean, I think it's just basic biology. The boys have to swim, they got to get out. And I think I said this to you, like, the only time in my life I've really understood this, the term blue balls.
Speaker A: Of course.
Speaker B: I mean, obviously you don't have balls, so I don't know what that is like but the only time in my life I've ever understood what that could possibly be like is when I was breastfeeding and your ***** get so big, and if they're not like, doesn't come exactly. I was trying to make that not sound weird, but they get so huge, they literally feel it's horrible that they're going to implode. And if you think my ***** are big now, they were absolutely as large as my head, each one. That's a lot of *****. And they were like, just ready to implode unless it's kind of released. Yeah. And this is a very strange analogy, I realized, but it's the only time I've understood if your balls are full.
Speaker A: You got to get it out.
Speaker B: Yeah. And so women, their desire for sex and the way they're aroused is totally different because although obviously you feel aroused, but women, it's easier to control that. You just kind of pull it back. You can actually, in your mind, pull it back. It doesn't mean you don't want to do something. And sometimes, obviously, normally, if you've had too much to drink, you kind of go further sometimes than you should have done because that barrier is removed. But with men, there is a biological I mean, that's what I think, and somebody's probably going to gum for me, but I think that there is a biological need, and that is probably why temptation, if it goes too far, too far, too far, too far. It happens for a number of reasons. But I would like to caveat this, Susie, by saying I'm not in any way excusing this.
Speaker A: Of course not especially. You not.
Speaker B: Absolutely. But yeah, I do think there's a but because we looked at some facts and we that biologically, supposedly.
Speaker A: Yes.
Speaker B: There is that difference between men and women and the idea of temptation and why women and men might be more or men might be more likely to be tempted than women. Although the facts on cheating don't actually bear any of this out.
Speaker A: So we're just talking about I mean, it's so hard because I'm going to give it to men. Women are just way more attractive.
Speaker B: You know what I'm attractive.
Speaker A: Women are more you know what I mean? I get it. It's ******* hard being a man in today's age when there's a whole slew of hot women out there to look at, especially on Instagram, in ****, in person, you're literally bombarded with hot women everywhere.
Speaker B: Right, yes.
Speaker A: And so I'm not saying it's easier for women because there's also hot men.
Speaker B: In most of these places.
Speaker A: I mean, if you're a hot young.
Speaker B: Woman down I don't know where vaulting.
Speaker A: Them, but I'm saying in person, you get like you're out with your girls. And if you're like you're trying to have a good time, there's always some single man or some other man who wants to talk or an eight year old who wants you. Yes.
Speaker B: And it's not easy for everybody. Not necessarily the other way around.
Speaker A: Yeah.
Speaker B: I think it is easier for men to find women than women to find men. I don't know. That's another whole thing about women were picky. Yeah. And now I'm going to get criticized saying, like, standards or yeah, of course. But yeah, men would **** a pie.
Speaker A: There's a whole movie on it.
Speaker B: There is, yes, they would. Yes.
Speaker A: That's good, though.
Speaker B: What's good, though?
Speaker A: That women have maybe more standards. I'm happy for us.
Speaker B: I am very happy for us. And I definitely have those standards we.
Speaker A: Were talking about also hall passes.
Speaker B: Yes.
Speaker A: And obviously like bachelor, bachelorette parties in the way of, like, these are what they used to be. It used to be just kind of get out of your ******* system because you're going to be married or whatever it is. Maybe you are married and you're like, you're going to go on a trip, I know what you're going to do. You can have two days to **** around and then you're back to it. Or how does it work? I've never had a whole pass.
Speaker B: No. Well, neither have I, but I think yeah, there is a whole movie about it. There's several that are appalling, but that's another discussion. But there's two things. Like a hall pass is when you've actually agreed. You've actually had a conversation. It's not some theoretical bullshit or you think it's okay, you've actually agreed. Right. Very rarely is that ever going to happen. The second thing, when you're talking about bachelor parties, we call them stags in the UK, where I know a few situations. I'm obviously not going to divulge those situations for many, many years ago, I hasten to add, where the men went on their bachelor parties, their stags, and they did do things they shouldn't be doing, and their wives do not know and never found out. And that is definitely not what you should be doing.
Speaker A: No.
Speaker B: So just remember that, boys, just because it's your stag, which is a terrible name, or your bachelor, that doesn't mean you're still a bachelor or a stag, or either of those two. Yeah, you're not those things. You're going to have a fun time with your mates and perhaps drink a bit too much. Yeah. I mean, you might end up in a titty bar. You're not a hooker meant to touch the *******. Yes. That's the key. You can look at stuff, don't touch it.
Speaker A: You can look at a *****. We're not going to say no.
Speaker B: Well, in some countries that's legal. That's legal here, isn't it? The whole nudie thing. Yeah. Different countries, you get just the ****. And anyway, this is a whole this is going to hold, I think it's province to province. Is it really?
Speaker A: I believe so.
Speaker B: I'd love to be in that meeting, in that government meeting.
Speaker A: So in those province, we're allowed no vaginas. In Ontario, we allow the ****** to come out the G two Alberta Cross.
Speaker B: That would be fantastic.
Speaker A: I want to be in that meeting.
Speaker B: As well, doug Ford, if you'd like to call me, I want to be.
Speaker A: On the committee for that. Oh my God, that's really, really funny.
Speaker B: But yeah.
Speaker A: So, like, hall passes, do they work? We don't know. We haven't had one. We don't know. I think they might. I think in certain relationships and you talk about it and you've been in the relationship and you have actual trust.
Speaker B: If you go and do it, then I think it can work. Traditionally, I think the whole past was often given from the woman to the man. Well, yeah, if you both go and do it and then you both come back and you talk about it, not the actual nitty gritty ins and outs, nobody really needs to hear that, but just like kind of what happened then, okay, I can sort of see how that possibly could happen. Not in a million bajillion years could I ever have done that. However, I do understand that, but I think you both need to go and do it because if you don't, it's going to be lingering there and then you're going to do well, the temptation is going to come that's terrible. No pun intended. Sorry. Temptation is going to come along and you're going to fall into the pool of temptation and do the dirty, and then you're going to think, oh, it's okay because I didn't use up my whole pass, but it's not okay because you should have done it when you had the hall pass. The hall pass expires. There's an expiry date. Anyway, enough.
Speaker A: You do talk about the expiry date.
Speaker B: Yeah. I think it has to be two days defined.
Speaker A: May 20, may 21 may 22. Because you're out to Connecticut for a halt. It has a holiday.
Speaker B: Decide the holiday in Connecticut.
Speaker A: All the hot women are random thought.
Speaker B: Yeah, but it has to be a specific time. And if you don't find anybody well, tough bananas.
Speaker A: Really tough bananas. Exactly. Well, there's also, there's levels of commitment in relationships and obviously that should be a communicate head.
Speaker B: Absolutely.
Speaker A: With not in your head.
Speaker B: You actually got to have spoken about that. So it's like, I know lots of people. It is in their head.
Speaker A: Yes. So it's like, are you actually committed to this person and have you spoken about it and how much are we both communicating and committed to each other?
Speaker B: Absolutely. And I think pretty much most people have issues with this. Yes. Because it's very difficult. And then the idea of talking about what you actually want and what you think the other person wants to hear and is not going to get offended is a very fine line.
Speaker A: It truly is.
Speaker B: It really is problematic.
Speaker A: But it's I mean, sometimes you just kind of kind of and some people say this I'm not saying this is right, but sometimes people say it's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to ask permission.
Speaker B: Interesting. So interesting.
Speaker A: Is it?
Speaker B: I have no idea.
Speaker A: Maybe it is like maybe you do the dirty, as we say, you come back, you feel bad about it, you're like, that's actually not what I wanted to do. And then you try to ask forgiveness.
Speaker B: Depends how many times you've done it.
Speaker A: Well, maybe it was just the one time.
Speaker B: Let's just the one time. I think it depends on who the.
Speaker A: Person is, obviously what the relationship is.
Speaker B: So some people, it might be fine and they might go, okay, it was just sex. And that's one thing. Obviously if they're emotions, that's another whole thing and that's very painful. I think it really depends on who your partner is. And at the end of the day, if you're with this person, you know where their line is. Yeah. So you know that if you say it, they're just going to lose their ****. Like me. Yes. So I would lose my ****. That would be the end. That's it. Whereas other people would be like, okay, that's not cool. It just really does depend on that. But yeah, that's an interesting way of putting it, permission rather than forgiveness.
Speaker A: Yeah, it is very interesting because I think a lot of people don't do it this way. I think how I thought about it was when I was doing something bad and I was like a teenager and it's way easier to ask forgiveness from your parents than it is to ask permission for some things. But yeah, I mean, in this day and age, yes, maybe sometimes it is just easier to talk to your partner after the fact when you actually have more clarity on situation instead of when it's all kind of jumbled in your head. You think you want to do this, you don't know if you want to do it. Maybe you're going to do it, you have a plan, but you're like, I don't ******* know. And so you do it because it's so exciting and enthralling and exhilarating and then you come back and you're like, I didn't want to ******* do that. That was horrible. But I have to tell my partner because I have a conscience. So it's really, really difficult.
Speaker B: It'd be interesting to know how old this caller was who called us because I do think that's an interesting thing. Like if you're younger, like your age, you're 28, you're 28 but all you're much younger, you're probably more likely to be in a situation where you're meeting people. I go out a lot socially and I have lots of friends, but it's kind of the same people. They're all married. I'm not like meeting Fantabolous. I love everyone my friends. I'm not saying that they are not fantabulous, but I'm not meeting new people. And I also think the older you get, if you have kids and you work and so on, you obviously don't go out socially the way you did when you were younger because quite frankly, aren't enough hours in the day and I'm tired, and it's just different. It changes. So your circle is different. You have less and less time for your friends because there's so much going on in your life, so you don't meet as many people. So maybe the temptations are different. Does that make any sense, what I'm saying? Whereas obviously, when you're younger, you're going out all the time. You're in bars, you're in places, in clubs or whatever you're doing. You're in places where there are new people all the time, all the time, all the time. And who are young, who are also young and fit and want to fall and want to ****. Exactly. And that's the other thing, is your frame of mind, if you actually what this person's frame of mind is, is your frame of mind, it sounds like his frame of mind is like, I want to be doing this. I feel like, yes, I know this. Sort of like, I know this is right, and I do want this. However, I kind of want that, too, and I want to do that too. So where are you on that dial? So I would say, if I take myself, for example, I'm not in that frame of mind of wanting to meet anybody else or have sex with anybody else, and therefore I don't really meet them because I don't go to clubs and bars. God, I don't know the last, actually. Bars, maybe that's different, but clubs not for a very, very long time.
Speaker A: Yeah, I think that kind of stops in your late 2010. Anyways, usually for clubs, specifically, bars, no bars.
Speaker B: Everyone goes to bolden it.
Speaker A: Well, yeah. No one's ******* trying to spend $2,000 for bottle service or whatever the ******* cost these days.
Speaker B: And I used to love clubs. I was a big club, little club kid. Yeah, I loved a boogie from when I was very joking. If I said that to my girls, it'd be like, oh, my God, mom, you cringe. But I went to clubs when I was 1516 and all the way up to amazing clubs when I was living in Europe. But I loved that scene. Whereas my now husband, who I met when I was 24, he can't dance to save his life. I mean, he's got the real he was doing the dad dance at 24.
Speaker A: No rhythm.
Speaker B: No rhythm. He absolutely hates it. And so then there's that, too, right? Because I would always be going to clubs with my girlfriends and out until 05:00 in the morning, which that is not my husband's bag, Max's bag, being out till five, he's like, no, I want to go home, go to bed. I mean, even probably, I think when he was 24, it wasn't really very interested where I was always out. Like, my girls do that now, they're clubbing. I was. Doing the same thing, coming home at 05:00 in the morning because I thought it was amazing. And then you get sick of it.
Speaker A: Yeah, of course. Well, you want to meet so many people, you want to do all the.
Speaker B: Things you want to call that's exactly it. You want to continuously meet people. So there is continuously temptation. Yes. And if you're younger and you're probably possibly not attached, then obviously then it's not an issue. But there is continuous there are Tennessee people, there's continuously temptation. So then I would ask this person, this listener, the question of like, where are you going that you're always I mean, is he talking like every day? Like he goes and gets his coffee from Starbucks and he has a flirty flirt with and then he comes into.
Speaker A: Work and the secretary is like hot for him and then what is going on? This man lives a very sexual life.
Speaker B: Well, yeah, I think it sounds like a very exciting life, quite frankly. But, I mean, the short answer to his dilemma is if he is with somebody that he's committed to and they have decided they're committed and it's a monogamous relationship and they shouldn't be saying doing whatever other people then you can't and the temptations and if you have a high sex drive, you got to find a way of dealing with it. And I would say if you don't, trouble will be afoot. Trouble?
Speaker A: Sounds like it already is.
Speaker B: Yeah, there will be trouble because your desire, your sex drive will be much too powerful.
Speaker A: 100%. And it's so hard, especially when you have those high desires. High desires for just the people who you're seeing everyday.
Speaker B: *****. She's being honest. You should have *****. Yeah, sorry, when you have the high.
Speaker A: Desires for the *****. No, yeah. When you have the high desires for the people that you're seeing every day, like we're saying, or just like well.
Speaker B: That'S a problem, isn't it?
Speaker A: I think it's also just so hard with social media. We spoke about this briefly. Like, you have so many people who you're seeing every day on social media that you're like maybe you're speaking to them, maybe you're replying to their stories. They're replying to your stories like you think that they want to **** you and then maybe you hang out for coffee and you're like, I don't ******* like this person. And then you're like, Just kidding, I want to go back to my partner. It's like kind of a cycle where you kind of it's like the grass is always greener on the other side.
Speaker B: Yeah.
Speaker A: It's like you want to **** someone else because it's going to be more exciting. Or maybe you're just not getting enough at home and you got to get yourself into this bad situation, this bad right back in your head.
Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, I think I would say that if you are with somebody and you're like that sort of classic image of your sort of embracing your partner, but your eye is kind of always looking over that person's shoulder to see who else is around. If that is your frame of mind, this is not going to go well. Yeah, that is not a good place to be. If you are just talking about the fact that of course you find people attractive or you have a bit of flirty banter with somebody, or there are situations where you see a very attractive woman or man and kind of think what's going on beneath that is completely normal. And everyone feels those feelings. Yes. They just don't act on them. It's just kind of it passes and that's it, right. That is completely normal. But that, as far as I'm concerned, shouldn't be some major battle. It should be just a normal kind of healthy human being.
Speaker A: 100%.
Speaker B: If you are continually looking over your partner's shoulder that you supposedly love and want to be with forever and blah, blah, blah, your Prince, your Princess Charming oh, God. And you are always thinking, is there another yes, whatever out there, then there's your problem.
Speaker A: But this is why I always say there's no way. We only have I know you believe in soulmates. There's no ******* way you only have one ******* soulmate and you're this meant to be this person forever. It's like there are many people who you may match with that might be different, better matches for different reasons. Maybe they're all not perfect, but you have better matches for some reasons, better matches with other reasons, and you're never going to be completed by this person. So it's like you have to obviously learn how to entertain yourself if you want to make a commitment work. But if you don't want to make the commitment work, then that's your answer.
Speaker B: Yeah, 100%. I know we differ on this just to kind of add my two cent worth. And I do actually think this is a generational thing because I hear it a lot, and particularly from Gen, Z's and millennials, this idea of this person can't fulfill me 100% or be my 100%. And I would say, I think it is for my generation. I would say, of course they can't. Yeah, they're a human being, but that's the point. And I would say about myself, I was never looking for somebody that could be my 100%. I'm not anybody's 100%. How are they going to be my and why do I need 100%? So I think it's just my perspective is completely different. I look at it in a completely different way. But the issue of temptation is a separate thing that I think for most people it bubbles in a small way. Some people. If it's huge, then it is problematic. It really is. And if you are going to act on those urges that sounded very strange. They've been spending a lot of time with Mr. Mowgli today. Oh my God, I don't know what that was. Anyway, now I completely lost my train of thought.
Speaker A: You were talking.
Speaker B: Then that is a whole different thing. And we have done episodes on monogamy and polyamory and there are lot in those relationships where they're ethically non monogamous and they set all those boundaries and that's incredible that they can do that. And that is exactly what you should be doing. You should not be and we did this episode on **** boys, like, you should not be promising **** to people, fake promises to get them into bed, telling them any old bullshit to get them into bed. I mean, you probably shouldn't be believing either, but that's another discussion. But it's this question of, you know, what your relationship is with the person you're with. You should know that. So you know that if you do something and you step over the lines and the boundaries that you've already set, you're going to hurt them. And so it's self control and that's the end of it. And if those urges and temptations are too big, then maybe you should actually question what you're doing with that person. And then we go into your territory talking about the 100%, because nobody is going to tick all of your boxes, they're just going to tick most of them, and you're going to want to spend your time with them. So if I talk from my perspective, I want to spend my time with my husband. And for many reasons, he's very supportive and he's a very supportive person and a very strong person in my life, particularly for me, who's come from not a great childhood. And I found somebody who was incredibly supportive and that was really important and maybe inadvertently I was looking for that. But of course there are things that he does that annoy me and I do things that annoy him. I mean, of course you do. There's no way you could be yes, I'm absolutely perfect. Although of course I have no and then you are the queen, darling. I am the queen. That's just not going to happen.
Speaker A: Yes, it's very tough because it's like, obviously no one's going to be a 100% no, you can't ask for that. But it is like, why are you looking always there's always going to be another person who possibly yes, exactly. Well, possibly there's always that possibility, but as long as you're not like I try not to regret any of my decisions because they all bring you to where you are right now. But you have to be in the mindset of like you don't have to look for something or someone, but you have to be open to possibilities. Obviously you don't want to hurt anyone in between that. But there's always going to be there's.
Speaker B: Always another fish in the sea, whether.
Speaker A: They'Re better or they're worse or maybe they're the same or good and bad in different ways. Maybe this person is not the one for you. And that's totally ******* okay.
Speaker B: Absolutely. If the temptations are too frequent, too often. And I would say, and I always say this, if they're becoming obsessive, if anything in your life, you are doing to an obsessive level. And I don't care whether it's sex, whether it's alcohol, whether it's eating, whether it's gaming, I don't care what it is, if you're doing it to wanking and it's obsessive, you have got an issue. Yeah, I don't like to say problem. There is an issue. If it is overtaking your life, then there's an issue. And you need to tackle what that issue is. Shopping. It doesn't matter what it is. If you like doing certain things, like you like having a pizza on a Friday night or shopping on a Saturday or whatever, they are within boundaries or even the boundaries of sex, or like I just said, wanking, masturbating, then it's okay. But if it overtakes everything else in your life, it doesn't matter what it is, then you are creeping into somewhere where there's an issue. So that would be my reply. My response to this listener, if it sounds to us like the message that we got, that these temptations are quite big, so if they are becoming obsessive and they are really consuming your thoughts, which kind of his message sounded a bit like that, then you need to think about that bit, if that makes sense. If it's just every day like, oh, I saw a girl, she's quite cute, or, yeah, I wondered what her ***** looked like, or whatever it is, or for JJ or whatever, this girl's nipple, though, come on. That's totally different. But if it's taking over your life, it doesn't matter what it is, then you need to take pause for thought. There you go. No, I love that. That's my answer, honestly.
Speaker A: I agree. Yeah, I think that makes sense. I think, obviously, being obsessed about anything isn't good.
Speaker B: No.
Speaker A: And you have to take pause.
Speaker B: You do thought. Is that what you said? Pause for thought? I love it. Pause for thought.
Speaker A: Well, I hope this really helped our listener.
Speaker B: I really do.
Speaker A: And for anyone else who is obviously dealing with temptation or cheating or anything like that in their lives.
Speaker B: Absolutely. And I would like to also say to this listener, thank you. Sorry, I don't know what that funny sound was. Thank you very much for leaving that message, because that also takes a lot of courage. Yes. Something you're struggling with and you're trying to find an answer. And I would like to say to you from me is that you have taken the first step by trying to find an answer or searching or speaking voicing. It that's a big deal, rather than it going round and ran and ran in your head and driving you mad. Absolutely.
Speaker A: And that's what we love. We are having these conversations because these are things that we've obviously thought about too. Of course this person is not alone. Whoever's else is dealing with this is not alone. These are real things that happen in everyday life and it's ******* hard to be a human.
Speaker B: Everything we talk about on this podcast is things that have happened to us. That's why we call it the podcast is called Sharing My Truth because it's about things that have happened or happened to people all the time and life and feelings and thoughts and sex and everything else is not easy. We all think it should be straightforward, but it's not.
Speaker A: No.
Speaker B: There you go. That's my I love it. That's it.
Speaker A: If you guys want if anyone listening wants to share any voicemail with us, you can find that on Sharingmytruth.com. You can go there and click the little voicemail button. Leave us a voicemail and we will listen to it and you might end up on the podcast. Not your voice, obviously, but another version of yourself, and we will talk about it and discuss. You can always say in your voicemail if you'd like to include it or if you just want to talk about it or whatever. You can also leave information like that. You can always DM us on our social media. You can obviously we're going to keep everything anonymous DM us. You can say if you'd like, this included, or if not, we just want to chat. We're happy to just chat with you guys. That's amazing. That's what we love to do. So, yeah, definitely reach out to us. We love hearing from you and we're all dealing with this again. Don't feel like you're alone.
Speaker B: Absolutely.
Speaker A: Everyone's trying to ****.
Speaker B: Well, there you go. She said it.
Speaker A: Well, thanks so much, guys. I can't wait to hear you. I can't wait to talk to you next week.
Speaker B: Absolutely. More trades. I love you too, darling.
Speaker A: Okay, everyone, have a great week. We'll talk to you soon.
Speaker B: Thanks for listening. Bye. Thanks so much for listening. Please rate and review this podcast and follow us on social at Sharing My Truth Pod and leave us a voicemail on our sharingmytruth.com to share your stories and experiences with us. We'll see you next time.
Speaker A: Bye bye. Three, two, one. Yeah.