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Episode 12 - The Truth About Libido & Lube
Hosted by Mel & Suzie

Melany Krangle & Suzie Sheckter

Speaker A: Welcome to sharing my truth with Mel and Suzie, the uncensored version where we bear it all.

Speaker B: We do 1234.

Speaker A: I'm Mel. My darling Mel. How are you, babes?

Speaker B: I'm good, darling. How are you?

Speaker A: Oh, I'm excellent. And I'm Suzie. And we're talking about a very exciting well, exciting if it's maybe the operative word, actually. We're talking about low libidos and women. And women specifically, obviously, because we're obviously not men. No, but how we can really focus in on our own sexual health and our sexual journey. And what can we do about if you have a low libido, how can you really navigate that in a I mean, correct way? I don't know if it's the right word because everyone's so different and it happens for a different reason for everyone. There's no correct reason for the same person. So yeah, that's what makes it so complicated. I'm sure if you're going to your doctor with low lipid and you're like, oh, I don't know why, I just don't want to have sex right now, they're going to just shove you off your way because they're going to be like, well, it's probably just your hormones. It's probably just your birth control. It's whatever. It'll come back. Or try this cream. I don't know. I've not struggled with this in a huge way. I know that when I personally get stressed, I do not want to have sex. I feel like that's quite normal, though. Not that anything is not normal, but I think that's pretty average. Like you're ******* stressed, you're thinking about a million things. How could sex be on the list? And that's a lot for me. I don't know. Mel, what do you think?

Speaker B: I think low libido and women affects actually most women during their life. I definitely, from a personal standpoint, feel that particularly low libido in women is very much trivialized. We talk a lot about low libido and men and erectile dysfunction and everybody knows about that and probably because it's very visible. But I think that in women, we don't talk about it. I think that you go to your doctor and if you did ask, I think a lot of women would be very scared to talk about it and think they'd just be, like you said, completely brushed off. Although the thing I personally think is it's probably something very real going on in your life, whether that is stress. And I'm a big believer that stress women particularly need to be relaxed to have sex and men use sex to relax. So it's like really odd how that is diametrically opposed. But I think that low libido in women, it can happen, especially, for example, when you've had a baby because of what's actually happened to your hormones and then not even talking about the fact that you're absolutely knackered, you're tired, you can't focus, you think about sleeping, it becomes obsessive, actually. Right. Sex is just like, no thanks. I was just like, I can't even do anything. I haven't the energy to have a shower, let alone think about anything else.

Speaker A: Yeah, it's so weird. I remember when I was younger and I would just when I was like a teenager, like let's say like 1716 to 1819 and all I wanted to do was have sex. Like that's all I wanted to do is just like, you know absolutely. So that's why that's all like I loved it, it was so fun. I was single for that pretty much that entire period. It was like a very fun time in my life because also I was probably trying to run away from a lot of things that were also my life, just like using it as a distraction and probably things like that. But now I'm just like I cannot even imagine using sex as a distraction for me right now. There's too many things that are going on that I just like sex is literally the last thing on my mind when I have so much happening in my life.

Speaker B: No, that's the irony. But I think particularly low libido in women. I think it's almost seen as like and this is going to sound a bit derogatory towards men, but men, it's just like, oh, she's being like that. She just doesn't want to do it, or she's just in that place or whatever, and it's not actually seen as this kind of important thing that's probably happening with your hormones. You're not doing it to be a pain in the ***, you're doing it because you really aren't feeling it. Something's going on with your body and then not to mention it could also have something to do with the contraceptives you're taking. I mean, I certainly know from my point of view, I've tried lots of different contraceptions from the pill to the Novoring to IEDs to whatever, and they've all affected me in completely different ways. And I actually found some I just couldn't I had an IED put it I literally couldn't even make it to six months.

Speaker A: Are you on an IUD right now?

Speaker B: No.

Speaker A: Yeah, so when you had your IUD, was it hormonal or was it the.

Speaker B: Non hormonal something that shoved up?

Speaker A: Yeah, was it to have the hormones or was it non hormonal?

Speaker B: Yes, not the agony about that. And I had it put in and she said, oh, this is sort of my gynecologist is going to hurt a bit. And you're like, okay, fine, you've had TV. Okay, that was hideous. I left it I started immediately feeling left her office feeling really quite strange. I got in the car, I drove to my office, which was about sort of 20 minutes away, I got out of the car and vomited. No, it's the weirdest thing in the world. And well, I thought it was weird and then I started reading all about it. I was like, oh, actually it's not that weird. This is what it does to people. Yeah. And I suppose I didn't really do much research about, I just thought, well, that's going to be fine. Lots of women do that. That's fine. And it's not. And even I've tried lots of different types of pills because all these different types, of course. Yeah. And some of them find the right one for you, some of them, and since the age of 17, some of them work really well and some of them have a really not a great effect on your body.

Speaker A: They do all sorts of things.

Speaker B: So it's not a stretch to think you could have issues with your libido. Sorry. And it's quite distressing if that happens because especially if you think of yourself as a sort of healthy woman and then all of a sudden this thing isn't working. And then the tension that creates in a relationship is huge because I think pretty much mostly if you're a man or a woman and you have libido issues, it's so difficult and so embarrassing and shameful and all the stuff that surrounds it to talk about it. You just try as long as possible to kind of not talk about it.

Speaker A: To push it away.

Speaker B: Yeah. And then, of course, those things in your relationship will just build up, build up, build up, build up, build up. And that's hugely problematic. And I think that happens to a lot of women. I think a lot of women happens when they've had children, and I know a lot of my friends actually completely avoided sex for a very long time.

Speaker A: Was that in your case as well? I know you had some C sections, so it was obviously no little bit difference down there, but, I mean, it.

Speaker B: Wasn'T like top of my mind, I can tell you that. We'll C section, you've literally been cut across the middle and it's very uncomfortable. You're not actually allowed to drive for, like, eight weeks after a C section.

Speaker A: That's so wild.

Speaker B: But in Europe, I wasn't the insurance doesn't cover you because you can't do an emergency break because you can't push your foot down.

Speaker A: That is so crazy.

Speaker B: And it really hurts. In England, we call it too posh to push. No, women who have C sections are too posh to push.

Speaker A: You are very posh. There's nothing to say about it.

Speaker B: I have to tell you. And I've had two C sections, so it's been said to me many times. Too posh to push. He's too posh to push.

Speaker A: Oh, my God.

Speaker B: No, it's not the fun way. Jesus. But not that the other way is nice either.

Speaker A: Oh, my God. It's all pretty gruesome, isn't it? Yeah, brilliant.

Speaker B: I mean, you've seen the size of the hole, you've seen the size of a baby. Do the math.

Speaker A: If it's not fitting there, we're also going to go out. Not coming out your butt. Yeah.

Speaker B: I think the doctor explained to me, and I was just like the sort of sheer realization when you're pregnant, you're like, oh my God. That is what my ****** and you did it twice.

Speaker A: You did it twice.

Speaker B: Well, not through the did you know.

Speaker A: You were going to get a C section the second time?

Speaker B: Oh my God. Yeah, you did.

Speaker A: You were like, my ****** is not going to do that.

Speaker B: Exactly. Hell ******* to my obstetrician. I was like, I had a hellish time the first time. There is no way this baby's coming out the normal way. Right? There's just no way my body can do it. I'm not doing that again. It was awful because I had an emergency C section blood transfusion.

Speaker A: Holy ****.

Speaker B: There's no way I'm doing it.

Speaker A: Oh, that's for another episode. I'm sorry. I'm getting distracted asking you all these questions. It's extremely interesting to me.

Speaker B: But then you can see how it might not be like sex and absolutely. Getting your little sexy gear on might not be top of your list. If you've either had your ****** slash because the baby's come through and you've had to have it sewed up.

Speaker A: It's all very romantic up there.

Speaker B: Is it?

Speaker A: All very romantic. I like that.

Speaker B: Not to mention your little mummy flap, your little feel great about yourself.

Speaker A: Wow.

Speaker B: Hot Suzy. You don't. You really don't. And actually, that's another thing about about it. Like you think about the libido thing is you, particularly when you become a mother. Let's say you're a mother and you're a wife. I think a lot of women think, how do I play all these parts? Maybe I can't. Maybe I just do the one thing. Like, I'm just a mother. I can't be a mother and a lover and a wife. And of course she can. But I think a lot of women find that incredibly difficult. And maybe actually a lot of wet men find that very difficult, seeing their wife in that light. But you think of all of those things that could affect your libido or just thinking, I can't get in the mood, or whatever. And I think, like so many things, like we're talking about in men, erectile dysfunction, well, it's actually often very difficult to get to the root cause of what's causing it of causing Ed. Yeah. Because it could be medical, it could be something that's going on with your body other than that issue. It could be a medication that you're taking which is giving you side effects, which is causing that, like, blood pressure medication to men. And that's traumatic for men, that they take this medication to sort out blood pressure, and then it affects the *****.

Speaker A: Well, because there's also blood pressure right there. Hey.

Speaker B: And then it could be psychological. And that could be a myriad of.

Speaker A: Well, that's the whole thing. Same with women, right? Yeah.

Speaker B: Medical, it could be a medication you're taking. It could be something that's happened. I e. You've had a baby.

Speaker A: Could be just you don't like, who you're with right now, you don't want to have sex with them, which is crazy.

Speaker B: It could be something psychological and, like, so much, so many things, if you kind of don't deal with them, they just build up, build up 100%. Then it just gets worse and worse and worse. And then you think it's you you think it's all about something wrong with you, and there isn't something wrong with you. It's just something either environmental or something that's happening to you or something that yes, you need to change, modify, whatever, but I think it makes it can make you feel very lonely. And I mean, I wouldn't say personally, I suffered from low libido, but I've definitely suffered from, like, most of it, like, not your top priority. When you have babies and you have small children, it's very difficult. Like, work, sleep well. Yeah.

Speaker A: If you have a newborn and you are exhausted, like you've never been in your entire life, you're not having sex.

Speaker B: It's something else. You're not didn't sleep for two and a half years.

Speaker A: I remember I did that to my parents, too. They love to talk about it. They love to talk about how horrible I was as a little baby, and I believe I did, and I will admit that, okay, I wish I didn't, but I did, and it's literally horrible, and I can't do that. And I'm worried about having kids because karma is real. Yeah.

Speaker B: Come back.

Speaker A: No, it's terrifying. I mean, I've only been on contraception, like, twice in my life. And it was started with the pill, and I was on the pill for, like, three months. And then I went to the ring and I was on the ring for, like, three months, and then I just stopped it all because I just didn't like it and I wasn't good at it. Yeah, it was just and my mother hates birth control with the passion. When she first knew I was on birth control, she was like, don't do this. Just wear a condom, don't mess with your body, blah, blah. So I pretty much got off it. I've obviously been fine. I've never had an abortion or anything like that either. I have been very safe, and that made me be very safe with just using condoms and knowing my cycle as well, which has been extremely helpful for me. But yeah, so that's never been, like, a reason why I've had libido problems. So it's always you can kind of, like, check it off the list. It's like, oh, do I like my partner right now? Yeah, he's pretty nice. Check it off the list. Oh, I'm not really on birth control right now. Yeah, check that off list. And you can go that way as well, with its, like so you kind of know.

Speaker B: But it's interesting you say that thing about birth control, because I would say personally, I was the complete opposite. If I hadn't been on birth control I probably would have been a raging mania, really. I suffered from I mean I started my periods I was twelve from intense thumping, pain, **** real somebody's in there playing football, bent over double kind of pain and then acne and all that as far as I was concerned and I think a lot of young women feel this they didn't have a choice, right? And actually, strangely, I'm coming to an age where I have to come off it and it terrifies me, right? Absolutely terrifies me. And I know I have to do it but I am worried about because every time I've come off it, it's made me feel strange or it's had a really big impact so it's kind of like the reverse. It's kind of totally some people need it to kind of some women to control their hormones, to make them feel stable and some women, if they take it, it makes them feel unstable. So it's kind of interesting, isn't it? That goes back to this whole thing that we're all totally unique yeah. Same in what we want, we do, we desire, we're all completely different and I think society in general is sort of trying to portray this like you're sort of meant to fit into this. So if you're gay, you fit into this box, if you're straight, you fit into this box, if you're trans, you spit into this but if you're what bond? Everyone has their little box. Well, what if you're somewhere between all the boxes? And of course that's possible because we're all humans and we're all unique and we're all kind of have our own.

Speaker A: Little I know I love when people are like it's all black and white I'm like how ******* possible is that? Everyone's born and you have the exact same experiences like what the **** are you on?

Speaker B: And you think about how complex birth is and chromosomes and all these I don't know if you've ever seen like lines of DNA and there are all these like yeah. And you're like, well, of course, if there's any deviation in any of that, you're just different for whatever reason. And so that means you're different in a myriad of different ways, including how you feel sexually, how you feel about yourself, why that's affecting you. And I just think that for women in particular, a lot of issues, whether it's low libido, whether it's menopause, whether it's postpartum any kind of issue, for a very, very long time, we've just been oh, no, we don't talk about that. It's just women being funny, they're just being hysterical, they're just being annoying, they're just being whatever they're being.

Speaker A: Yeah, because of hormones or whatever.

Speaker B: These raging hysterical whatever. Yeah, pretty much. Whereas actually there could be something very real going on 100% that there's probably a solution to I mean, you're not going to find it in 5 seconds but there's a solution and you need to try and find it. You need to try and try and resolve it, and you certainly need a partner who's going to be supportive and not make you out to be some, well, sort of weirdo.

Speaker A: Well, it doesn't help when a lot of the doctors are not helpful at all as well. It does not help. And it's actually bad to say, like, I do not go to the doctor. I'm very healthy, thank God. But it's just I've not been a regular at the doctor's office, but I have heard horror stories from women of just immense pain. It's just unbelievable. And doctors don't care. They don't believe them. They just have no interest in knowing what the actual problem is, and it blows my mind.

Speaker B: And they're also not very experienced and not very sensitive.

Speaker A: And is it because that there's just, like, no research into women or, like, what is the problem? And I don't believe that because we're so intricate.

Speaker B: I think that is very true, yeah. I think also a lot of the drugs that can solve some of the issues around female issues, I don't know. The drug company is particularly interested in producing those drugs. Maybe they don't make enough money. I have no idea. But I certainly had issues. Now I've got to the stage in my life, like, I will not have a doctor that's not a female. Totally. I don't want to go to a gynecologist that's not a female. I don't want anybody anywhere near my ****** who doesn't have one themselves. My husband. Exactly. No way. I mean, just you have no idea what I'm going through, what I'm feeling. And even then I found gynecologists. Like, they just don't they don't empathy, they don't give you any information. They don't talk to you, they don't tell you, they don't warn you. You have to go and find out for yourself.

Speaker A: Right?

Speaker B: And then you're like, oh, well, that didn't work, kind of thing. I mean, I recently actually had a very good experience with my doctor. I have a new female doctor, and I was talking to her about menopausal stuff, and she was really great. She was very, do this, do that.

Speaker A: Are you menopausal yet or no, I'm not there yet. I know you're not there yet because it has different timing for every woman.

Speaker B: Obviously, different time, and you actually have.

Speaker A: To and you're not 50, darling. You're very young.

Speaker B: It doesn't actually have anything to do with your age, though. And menopausal is a different thing.

Speaker A: Okay.

Speaker B: Symptoms before the menopause. But you actually I think the technical definition and somebody can correct me, but is that you don't have your period for a year because I'm on contraception, so I don't know. And when you're on contraception, sometimes the contraception kind of produces a period. It's not actually a real period, so it's kind of an interesting time, but a lot of women and it's getting spoken about a bit more. There are a lot of different symptoms, low libido being one of them, because your hormones, it's just what's going on, your estrogen levels, what's going on in your body. It's just, like, raging in there. And actually, I mean, the flip thing that can happen, particularly in your 50s, is you can become a complete sex maniac, so you can go, like the complete other world.

Speaker A: Yes, Mel, that's going to be you, babe. You're going to be ******* nuts. But I love it.

Speaker B: Everyone's different and I guess it's also what's going on in your life. How are you feeling? How do you feel about yourself? And, of course, that affects everything, but I definitely think the medical professional, I've heard this said to me many times, make sure you go to a medical professional that you're comfortable with, that you feel is going to take you seriously. I mean, that's harder. In countries like we live in Canada and the UK, where most people go to use them, a state operated medical system, so it's not like states. You kind of can choose your doctor. They do have private health care in the UK, but, I mean, most people don't use that. So that is easier said than done. I mean, if you've got this GP, you've got this GP, what do you do? And I think, like you said, people avoid them 100% and they're a pain and then it takes a long time, they don't really listen to you and blah, blah. But I found over the years, whatever the issue is, and particularly we're talking about low libido, I would go to the doctor. And I'd have done lots of research. I'd have all my questions lined up. Right. And I found that out the hard way, that you actually I know it sounds mad, but when you go to a doctor, you have to actually know what you're asking.

Speaker A: Right.

Speaker B: Like, you're not actually you have to have done all the research. Like, I'm feeling like this is it, that you're sort of asking questions about something you've already clued up on, as opposed to the reverse, but then don't.

Speaker A: They hate when you do that? They're like, oh, were you the ******* Doctor?

Speaker B: Yeah, I think you sort of have to be a bit careful and you don't sort of obviously say, yeah, I've Googled this and Google's a rabbit. But, I mean, I just think you need to go with some information, you need to be informed, you need to have done some research. That isn't to say you're going to tell the Doctor what to do, or this is what I need, but I think you just need to be informed. And that certainly helps, it really does, because maybe if you're sort of living in blessing or ignorance and think, I'm going to go and see the Doctor, I'm going to tell them, right, there's something wrong with my libido and it's causing all sorts of problems for me and my relationship. And you think the doctor is going to give you all the answers? Well, he or she probably isn't, so I think you have to be a little bit savvier than that. And I think it's important to do a little bit of reading. And there is a ton of information out there. Obviously, like I said, the Internet is a total rabbit hole for that. You just go down all these basically rabbit holes and just end up going on these weird ways. And of course, you have to make sure you're going to a reputable source. Otherwise you can read a load of rubbish, which isn't relevant and isn't true and so on. But yeah, you got to be informed.

Speaker A: I actually have a confession to make. I have actually never been to the Gynecologist.

Speaker B: Really?

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: But you wouldn't hear in Canada because unless it's a bit different in other countries. Like, my second child was born in Switzerland, and then it's private healthcare. So you have a gynecologist in Canada. You don't actually have a gynecologist until you're pregnant. Well, I don't know. I haven't had even my children here, but unless you're referred so I have seen a gynecologist in Canada because I had an issue from a PAP smear, and they refer you. So if you go to your GP again, everyone go make sure you have a PAP smear. Very, very important.

Speaker A: Right, so I've never had a PAP smear.

Speaker B: Okay, that's very bad.

Speaker A: But I have the shot. I have the gardasil shot.

Speaker B: Oh, the HPV.

Speaker A: Yeah, the HPV thing I think you.

Speaker B: Still need to get. Yeah, but I think you should still be good. Do they not tell you, this is the problem?

Speaker A: This is the problem? No, because I'm okay, so I'm telling you, I have probably not been to the doctor since I was, like, maybe like 18. So it's been like almost ten years.

Speaker B: But what happens if something happens?

Speaker A: Well, I'll just go to the clinic or anything like that. I guess there was a time where I had a really bad cold and I thought it was COVID or something. I can't remember the last one was about a doctor. But I don't know, it's just I have never had a doctor look at my ******.

Speaker B: Wow.

Speaker A: I know, and I feel bad about it. I don't feel good about it.

Speaker B: But I'm also podcast. And you are going to make an.

Speaker A: Appointment because I'm not on birth control.

Speaker B: Right.

Speaker A: So I've never had to go get an IUD in or whatever like that. I've never had to go get birth control in my adult years. And I've just, like I felt super healthy for the most part. I've had, obviously, like a UTI here and there, but I've just like, I've.

Speaker B: Never but you've had a lot done.

Speaker A: Yeah. Also, I've been with Jeff for like seven years, so it's also been since I was like, maybe 20 that I got an STI check, which was like, at a clinic, which is one of the free anonymous clinics that you just walk into and they tell you or whatever. But, yeah, I've just been flying under the radar hoping everything is just peachy.

Speaker B: Key. I very rarely go to that. I'm one of those people that doesn't go a lot, and it is a bit of a British thing with sort of stiff upper lip and all that bullshit. And whenever I go to the doctor, like I did last week, well, it was a swim thing, and they're sort of like, oh, they look at the wrap and it's like, oh, we haven't been here for a year, or whatever. But I do go, there's something wrong, and PAP smear. Oh, my gosh, yes, okay. Oh, my gosh.

Speaker A: You've never had the I've never had the clamp or look at the clamps, and I'm like, I don't want absolutely.

Speaker B: This has nothing to do with libido. We've gone off track again.

Speaker A: I'm sorry.

Speaker B: Oh, my God. You have these things stuck up you. It is the most and then blood opens up and then they scrape this thing and you try and explain it to men. They scrape the inside.

Speaker A: Why do they have to do that? Why do they have to scrape the inside?

Speaker B: Cancerous cells. I've had it done many, many times because I go to the doctor, I'm surprised.

Speaker A: You're amazing.

Speaker B: And then the last time I had it done, they found some irregular, right? So then they refer you to a gynecologist and they do another test again, really deeply unpleasant. Shoving another thing.

Speaker A: Great.

Speaker B: Love it.

Speaker A: Scrape.

Speaker B: Sticking some solution in there.

Speaker A: Lovely.

Speaker B: Unpleasant. And then they're like, oh, yeah, it's all fine. Gosh, I went through all of that and it's all fine. And then you have to sort of go back again and blah, blah, blah. And that's it. When I was there, I had done some research about the IED and I was like, oh, I think I should do this because I'm coming to that point in my life, the menopause, and this is a great thing. And she's like, yeah, come back and we'll put it in. Big mistake.

Speaker A: But anyway was it a big mistake?

Speaker B: Huge mistake. I used the Nova Ring, which is the ring thing.

Speaker A: The ring, which I love the way I'm doing that. I've heard kind of bad things about that. We can talk about that after. Yeah, okay. But the IoD was bad for you because you puked that one time. Or was it just, like, uncomfortable?

Speaker B: Yeah, as soon as I had it in, I could feel it. And I exercise. Like I use the pellet. I have a Peloton bike, so I'm cycling and I could literally I'm doing the day after doing the cycling, and I can feel it.

Speaker A: Oh, my God.

Speaker B: And eventually it sort of settles, but then I just started to feel and I'm a very hormonal person, so. I could feel my mood. I'm like, okay, I feel very low. So I know because I know my periods. It's all very much my mood, and I really don't feel myself.

Speaker A: Is this like a month after or what is it?

Speaker B: Pretty soon? Yeah. I mean, I don't know how psychosomatic that is, but pretty soon. And then my skin just and then that's obviously not great because then you feel **** about that. The whole thing goes around in the circle. And then I contacted the guy called, okay, I want it out. I can't handle this very soon. Like a month? Wow. No, keep trying. You have to keep it. And then I called my GP, who was super sympathetic. I said, I can't handle this. After that, it was less than six months. It was three or four months. And I said, You've got to take it out. And I said, Do I have to go back to the gynecologist? She said, oh, no, I can take it out. And she said, the good thing about an IED, this is far more comfortable coming out, could say God. I was like, thank God. So taken out. Fine. I went back on the word no overring, which I find very easy.

Speaker A: Well, I mean, yeah, because I was on it for, like, three months. Yeah, for, like, my maybe I think it was, like, maybe 18 or something like that. And I had no problem with it personally, but my mother would because she.

Speaker B: Is against birth control.

Speaker A: My mother would not against birth control. Sorry. She just didn't want me on it. Exactly.

Speaker B: I know what she's talking. Yeah.

Speaker A: And I obviously get it as well. So there's been article after article about women who just, like, blood clotting and athletes are, like, dying and obviously please do your own research. These are just articles that I've read. But that's all the thing. It's like, not every birth control is right for you and in the way of, like, one and try them all.

Speaker B: And I have never had any issues. Right. And for me, it completely regulates me, and I'm slightly terrified about the fact that I actually have to stop everything. And then, well, that's another episode. Menopause HRT.

Speaker A: So hormone replacement therapy. HRT.

Speaker B: Yes. Okay, so as your Oestrogen levels dropped okay, wait.

Speaker A: Oestrogen is adorable. Estrogen.

Speaker B: Oh, no, that sounds like Easter. Well, it's going to be like this whole thing, like my daughters say to me every time I say vitamin. Vitamin. No, it's vitamin. And I'm like, It is not a vitamin. It's a vitamin. It's estrogen.

Speaker A: Okay.

Speaker B: Estrogen and vitamins. Now, what the hell am I talking about?

Speaker A: Sorry interrupt you.

Speaker B: So estrogen, that stuff. Okay.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: And that you want to kind of your levels go down or whatever, you got to replace them.

Speaker A: Is that just like a pill? What is that? Hormone replacement therapy. That sounds like a pill. And that's because of menopause.

Speaker B: Yeah, exactly.

Speaker A: And that's also because of your libido. We're coming back. We're full circle. Full circle, people. Thank you for coming on this journey with us.

Speaker B: Yeah, well, it can affect your libido because stuff, I mean, on a basic in a layman's terms, I e. Non medical, which I am definitely not, is that your hormones are affected. I mean, you're all over the place, but in many ways in some ways that you're either super sexual or less sexual. And then that's quite funny. If some women, when they get to their fifty s and they're really sort of much more sexual, they're much more experienced, they know what they're doing, they know what they want. And then your husband's like, no, that's.

Speaker A: When you open in the marriage.

Speaker B: If that can ever work. Oh my God.

Speaker A: Well that's what it also good vibrators for as well.

Speaker B: Absolutely.

Speaker A: And he can use that on you. If he doesn't want to do it himself, he can use that thing on you. Absolutely.

Speaker B: That is very wise move.

Speaker A: Thank you.

Speaker B: It's just the whole thing and I mean, it's just so weird, isn't it? Like women, we just go through so many things and it's just sort of never ending. And my personal hope is that I've had so many my hormones have been all over the place, like my entire life for absolutely everything from my skin to when I had children.

Speaker A: Is that genetics, do you think? Or is that just like a personal thing? I don't know if you've looked into.

Speaker B: It about the way that affected my mum, but specifically my mom and I don't have sisters.

Speaker A: Right, okay.

Speaker B: But I'm just all I know is I'm just a very hormonal person.

Speaker A: Right.

Speaker B: And it's always affected me in so many different ways. So I found this thing the other day that was like if you've had that, it's possible your menopause could not be as bad. Oh, win win.

Speaker A: Or if it's just like because you're so used to it, it's not as bad.

Speaker B: Well, it could be not so bad.

Speaker A: I love that. Let's go with it.

Speaker B: Not so bad.

Speaker A: I love that.

Speaker B: So I'm liking that. And I was talking to a friend the other day and who's a nurse, and she said, yeah, that's true. It could actually maybe you've done the hard work kind of thing.

Speaker A: God, I love that. I would love that for you.

Speaker B: I've had the **** and now I'm going into this wonderful enlightened place because.

Speaker A: That means that I'm a bit hopeful that I know. I love the positive attitude.

Speaker B: My doctor said the same thing. She said it is possible. Yeah. That you've been so you've had it rough, babe. I've had it rough.

Speaker A: And here you go.

Speaker B: Exactly. There's a treat. You're coming into the there's a treat.

Speaker A: You got to keep your wet *****.

Speaker B: That's it. Exactly. You got to keep it. I think that is actually wishful thinking.

Speaker A: Okay.

Speaker B: It does get a little dry. Yeah, dry down.

Speaker A: Big lost libido.

Speaker B: But that's something else.

Speaker A: Is that different?

Speaker B: You drive ******.

Speaker A: You drive ******. Why would that make you want to have sex?

Speaker B: Sandpaper down there? And so you don't want a big.

Speaker A: Old *****, right, a big old *****.

Speaker B: I mean, that's the irony is you could have dry ******, which personally I don't have, but whatever. It is a big problem and it's absolutely hideous because you imagine it's dry as a bone, as it were, and then you've got something weather bone who wants to come near you and it's a huge problem.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: And it's like no, when the lube comes out.

Speaker A: Okay, good. Yeah.

Speaker B: You got to get busy with the lube, ladies. Busy with the loop. There are lots and lots and lots of brands. There's lots of stuff out there. Do you have a favorite that you're going into?

Speaker A: Do you have a favorite at all? We'll put our favorites on the social, definitely.

Speaker B: Because there's also different kinds of water based and all of that. Yeah.

Speaker A: You got to find out what's right for you right now, where it's right for your toys.

Speaker B: If you are getting older all to that point in your life, you really have to get friendly. And I'm not talking about vaseline. I'm talking about proper lube.

Speaker A: Oh, ****. Yeah. Do not. But you know what? If you are in desperate needs, coconut oil is actually great, and it is.

Speaker B: Okay to put up there.

Speaker A: I have done the research.

Speaker B: I know that there is certain stuff you got to be really careful with the toys that you use.

Speaker A: Yeah, for sure.

Speaker B: If they're well made and that they can be porous. And you got to be really careful.

Speaker A: That's true.

Speaker B: So you need to find that out. But the older you get, yes, it can be dry down there. But again, if you see the right empathetic professional, medical professional, they'll listen to you and go, well, this isn't the end of your sex life. And I think years ago, women did think it was the end.

Speaker A: I feel like that's what I heard.

Speaker B: I actually heard somebody say that to.

Speaker A: Me once, and it's like, oh my ******* God.

Speaker B: How terrible.

Speaker A: Horrible, how bleak is that to look forward to?

Speaker B: And I think that actually happened a lot to a lot of women. And hopefully now we're talking about all these issues a lot more that people are realizing, oh, actually, it could be having the time of my life. Especially if you're in the 50s, your children are less, you're kind of financially secure.

Speaker A: Yeah, you should be go **** around.

Speaker B: Ladies.

Speaker A: But with your husband or your babe.

Speaker B: But there are some issues, and there could be not like libido related. It could be like dryness and he's got problems with Ed. However, all these things can be surmounted. You can actually probably have some fun trying to find out the solutions.

Speaker A: Totally.

Speaker B: You see all these things. And I think it's a completely normal human reaction to go, oh my God, and just shut down, and the kind of shutters go down, you think that's the end of it. And literally I'm dead down there and that's the end of that part of my life. I'm not feeling it, and blah, blah, blah, blah. And actually that's not the case at all. And that's pretty much when you have to start getting creative in your life. And why not? People are under this mistaken belief that people are in their seventy s and eighty s and not having sex because they're having sex. They may not be having the same kind of sex as people in their.

Speaker A: 20S breaking a hip.

Speaker B: Well, yeah, doing other stuff, and they're having a nice time, and they're being intimate and they're having a fulfilling life, but you just got to think outside the box of it.

Speaker A: Absolutely. Get more comfortable. It's time to get one of those really expensive nice have you seen those sex pillows? It's like a sex wedge. Those are like $200. Okay, I wanted one.

Speaker B: There's all sorts of stuff you can.

Speaker A: Get, but yeah, there's so much more.

Speaker B: Out there, huge amounts of things. And you just have to maybe think about what you want because I think it can be actually very overwhelming. Like, oh my God, if you go into any of these sites like Love Honey or whatever, 100%, and it's just like, oh my God, what is all this stuff? But maybe like, pick a thing you're going to look for and then research that and get that and try that and go on to the next thing and kind of start in one place. Not start with, okay, I'm going to buy sex furniture and Humongous ***** and everything else.

Speaker A: Unless you want to try a Humongous *****, which you can.

Speaker B: That's completely fine. I mean, some of them are like ginormous.

Speaker A: It's better to start out small, definitely. And then if you're like, Well, I think I can do more. They are you go into the store entirely sure.

Speaker B: It's a lot. I'm not entirely sure, and maybe I'm a little naive, and maybe somebody can let me know, but it's like, what do you do with that? And I am now not talking about libido at all.

Speaker A: No. We're going to get a bunch of **** pics in our DMs, by the way, because of you, Mel. It'll really change our libido right now. Yeah, no, I know we're not talking about libido, but we also are. It's all relative, honestly.

Speaker B: Yeah, it's all relative. I mean, I think mainly the main thing I would say is that don't think you're alone. And I say this with anything, don't think you're alone. Don't think you're the only person, the only woman going through this. Many women experience this throughout their life and do a little bit of research. Just try and calmly not freak out and think I'm weird and my husband's going to leave me or partner or whatever it is. And then if you can go and see a professional, a medical professional, your GP, whoever who you know is going to listen to you and be a little bit empathetic and when you go there, just be armed with some information. Don't just go in like completely clueless and just know there is a solution. And also just know that your life as a woman in the sort of hormonal sexual journey is a very long one and there will be highs and there will be lows and the lows are not going to last forever and you just have to kind of get through them. And I know that's very easy for me to say but I certainly have had those experiences and I just think sometimes things and if you're talking about low libido you can get very upset about it very overwrought and then it affects your relate and then the whole thing just snowballs.

Speaker A: It's obviously scary when you're older and dealing with this because there's so many other changes in your life like menopause. But it's also I know that it's terrifying when you're younger dealing with this. Obviously if you're in your twenty s and you are in the state of not wanting to have sex and you did want to have sex previously, it's not an easy thing to deal with.

Speaker B: No. Because it makes you feel not in control. Yeah, that's a scary feeling and that's very scary. But I would again emphasize just please go and get some help. Yeah.

Speaker A: And talk to your friends. I think we don't use our friends who are the same age as us open minded. Exactly. If you can talk to your mom about it, maybe you can't. Maybe your sister, someone who has been in the shoes.

Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. I think it always helps and I think that's why we talk here Susie, is that if you get some perspective the thing doesn't seem as huge. Totally. If you can kind of look as.

Speaker A: Women, I think we also do this most is we build things up in our head a lot. I'm a huge overthinker. I know you are as well. So I mean, dealing with that on our own we can make it a much bigger deal and just holding on to all that stress is not helping the libido either. Analyzing exactly talking to someone you trust.

Speaker B: And love, I definitely think and getting a little bit of perspective and then you really should be talking to your partner as well. I mean we go on about communication but you really should and in a kind and thoughtful way and that this obviously isn't about your partner, this is about well it might be but in which case it's a whole different this is about something else going on in your life. I think you'll find that you'll probably come to some resolution much quicker. But certainly it's happened to me. I've had interactions with medical professionals who were pretty awful and said really negative things, and you were too young at the time to go, oh, no, that's wrong. And I've learned the hard way that those situations sort of send you down a path, but don't listen to those negative things. You really shouldn't. They're not God, if they're a medical professional, they're just a doctor. So if they tell you something negative or something unhelpful, they don't want to listen to you or just go, okay, well, I'm going to find somebody else to talk to. I know that's not that's easier.

Speaker A: Well, I think the first step is even just like, for the people listening, like, you've made the step into wanting to find out more about your libido menopause, even birth control, what this episode has been about. And yeah, that's the first step, being embarrassed. Totally. We've dealt with this as a 20 something and a 40 something. We've both 40 something, darling, and we've both dealt with low libido, which is crazy. Right. And that means that many, many other women many, yeah, if not all, have dealt with it.

Speaker B: Absolutely. And you can come to a solution. You don't have to live in misery and please don't. And just also remember that if somebody's not being empathetic and they're not being helpful and they're making you feel small and whatever, to stop talking and talk to somebody else totally. It's not you, it's them. Yeah.

Speaker A: Well, thank you so much, Mel. This has been a delight, as always.

Speaker B: I love a nice chat with you.

Speaker A: I love a nice chat. You're my chatty gal.

Speaker B: Absolutely. I love it.

Speaker A: Well, thank you so much. I mean, I think we've all learned a little something today. And I will go get a Pepsi.

Speaker B: Yes, you're going to because it's going.

Speaker A: To make you're going to come with me. You're going to hold my hand.

Speaker B: I cannot believe this.

Speaker A: Get a hold of my hand.

Speaker B: Okay.

Speaker A: But yeah, it's great to talk to you, Mel, and we'll talk to everyone next week. What do you think about that?

Speaker B: Definitely. Bye, darling. Bye, darling.

Speaker A: Because we love you.

Speaker B: Thanks so much for listening. Please rate and review this podcast and follow us on social at sharingmytruth pod and leave us a voicemail on our to share your stories and experiences with us. We'll see you next time.

Speaker A: Bye bye.

Speaker B: Two, one. Give it up. Give it.

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