Suzie : Welcome to Sharing My Truth with Mel and Susie. The uncensored version where we bear it all.

Mel: We do. 1, 2, 3, 4.

Suzie : And hello everyone and welcome back to Sharing Retrieve Pod. You are here with Mel and Suzie and we are so excited to be with you here today. Thank you for choosing us.

Welcome aboard.

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and connect with us. Tell us your truths, tell us your funny stories. Do not send us your **** pics.

Mel: Yeah, please don't. I've had enough of those. I'm worn out by it all.

Suzie : We are worn out by seeing too many that we just don't know. You know, we're not sure. It's interesting if you're seeing like some celebrity, like what's his face who has the big ****?

The one from Mad Men.

Mel: Oh, does he? Huge. How do we know?

Suzie : I mean, I haven't personally seen it in person, but.

Mel: You haven't you surprised?

Suzie : Unfortunately.

Mel: What's his name?

Suzie : John Ham.

Mel: That's it.

Suzie : I was like, what the is his name?

Mel: He does actually look like a man. He's got a big *****.

Suzie : Huge ****, apparently. You can look it up on the paparazzi shots. He's wearing like sweatpants and you can just see jiggling around.

Mel: Wow.

Suzie : Obsessed. So unless you are Jon Hamm, please do not send us your pickies.

Yeah, even then. Nope. On him.

Okay, darling, we are chatting about a kind of controversial topic.

Mel: Yes.

Suzie : And I know that we differ.

Mel: We disagree.

Suzie : We disagree. We different opinion.

Mel: In a friendly manner.

Suzie : Of course in a friendly manner.

Mel: We have differing opinions.

Suzie : Exactly. We just differ in opinions. And that's going to happen when your little. Gen Z or not Gen Z. Millennial. Gen X. What the hell are you?

Mel: Gen X. Gen X, darling. Gen Z.

Suzie : It could be a Gen Z. You look like one.

Mel: Uh huh. Yeah.

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: Okay.

Suzie : It's nice. She's got a lot of Botox. No, she looks great. Um, yeah. No. So what we're talking about is after a relationship, do you keep in touch with the person whether you're breaking up or you're the breakie up B the Breakup.

But the breakup or the breakupy. Do you keep in touch?

Mel: No.

Suzie : Okay, I'll let you go first. Why?

Mel: I mean, obviously, if you have children.

Suzie : Yes, of course.

Mel: I mean, that's a different thing.

Suzie : Of course.

Mel: And then you want to be civil.

I think it very much depends on the situation, of course. And of course, if you're in a situation where one person really didn't want to break up, then it's hugely problematic to kind of stay in that person's face all the time.

It's kind of a kindness to kind of not. Not be mean. I never would say be mean or be cruel, but just to kind of create some space between you.

Suzie : Yeah, I mean, I don't disagree with that because obviously, like, if you were in a toxic relationship or something like that, 100%, you should cut that person off. But if it's just like a very, like, hey, we weren't meant to be together, or like, this just isn't working out anymore and you want to be civil about it, you can't even stay friends.

Mel: Well, that's different. I mean, if it's mutual, but often it isn't mutual.

Suzie : Yeah. I mean, when is a breakup ever actually mutual?

Mel: Yeah, no, but sometimes people are like, okay, you know, we're done. It's not like somebody's cheated or it's not like somebody's more in love with the other person. It's just like, no, we weren't.

Right. And that does happen. And obviously in that case, that's. That's a bit different. But I still think, like, after you break up, if you kind of want to have a bit of space and then I'm not saying you're not going to be friends a little bit down the road, but I don't think, unless obviously you're in each other's circles of friends.

That's a different issue.

Suzie : It's all. It's what happens, though. It's like in this day and age when everyone is so connected, it's like, of course, how do you get out of that person's life if you just.

You have the same friends and, you know, you share a dog and you know you're. You like each other enough to stay friends and. No, I'm not talking about my own experience.

Mel: I'm not saying. What I'm saying is. I'm not saying not be friends. I'm just saying not be like, uber nicey closey closey friends.

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: Okay. Yeah.

Suzie : Like, that's what I'm like with all my friends, though, Mal.

Mel: Yeah, but For a period of time. Just kind of not be seeing that person all the time.

Suzie : Yeah. So what happened with me? Cause I'll get personal.

Mel: Go on then.

Suzie : So I broke up with my boyfriend, and so I was a breakupper.

Mel: You're a breakup. Er.

Suzie : Unfortunately.

We share a dog. Little baby mogs. And yeah, we. Obviously, I spent. After that happened, we didn't speak for a week, and it was, like, really weird.

And I think I had the dog, obviously, and that was kind of it. And I just didn't. I didn't really know where we're gonna go from here. Obviously, it's a very weird situation, but somehow we kind of figured it out where it's like the.

Like, for me, I can only speak for me, obviously, he. If he wanted to completely not talk to me, I would 100% respect that decision.

Um, for me, I. Because I literally do genuinely love and respect him so much. And also, we share a dog still. Like, I would. I literally just want the best for him, and I want to just be in touch with him and, like, make sure he's doing good and, like, even, like, help him out sometimes, like, if I can.

And, like, hang out. Like, we still, like, love the same shows. We, you know, like, nothing's changed with us were in the fact that it's just. We fell out of love, like, that's it.

But we're still. We were such good friends before. How could you just let that go?

Mel: No, I understand that. I mean, I understand that. I'm saying there are cases where, you know, somebody's really in love and the other person isn't for sure. And you. And they're hoping and they're clinging on to the hope that you're going to get back together.

And you keep kind of socializing in a very kind. Like, you're kind of creating situations where the person's. There is not really fair. I think you have to be clear.

You have to be clear in your words and your actions that this is. This is over. Right. Yeah. I don't mean that everyone's gonna say, you know, like, ice Queen, British woman.

But what I'm saying is obvious. I would never say to anyone, be cruel or be mean. That is absolutely. You know me. That is not my modus operandi at all.

But I'm just saying if you break up with somebody, it really depends on the situation. But there are many situations where people break up and one person is clinging on to the hope, male or female.

Yeah. They will get back together.

And if you.

It's obviously hugely Problematic if you have children or in your case, you share a dog or whatever. But, you know, you don't want that person. You want that person to get on with their life.

Like you said, you love him and you respect him. You want. And he is getting on with his life. You want the person to get on with their life.

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: And if they cling to something that isn't real, that isn't there, they're not going to cling. They're not going to get on with their life. And whatever way we look at it, and obviously it's a long time ago since I broke up with anyone.

It is never nice. No, it is never a nice situation. Unless you are a psychopath. It is not a nice situation. If you wanted to dump somebody. That's a horrible way of putting it.

Break up somebody. You feel awful.

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: Because you shared intimacy with this person. It's just not right. So there's no point. I'm just talking generically.

Suzie : No, of course.

Mel: No point going on and on. But of course you feel like, you know, 99 of people feel terrible, and then the person who's dumped feels. Everyone feels terrible. And there are many, many, many, many different situations.

Like awful things can happen. Somebody can behave badly. Maybe they didn't behave badly. Maybe. Maybe you just. There's a lot of reasons why people break up. So there's no point in saying this is what you have to do, because it really depends.

Obviously, if somebody's cheated or somebody has behaved extremely badly towards you, then the best thing you can do is, yes, cut them out of your life, obviously, because they're not good for you.

But absolutely, you should do that. Do people do that? They often don't they? Often.

Because it's so hard. I mean, it's that weird thing of even, like, even not just with love interests, it can also happen with friends where you sort of break up or you don't see somebody.

Suzie : It's. Why is it so sad with the friend?

Mel: Because it's so odd. Like somebody you've seen and you shared conversations and not necessarily, obviously, sexual intimacy, but you shared an intimacy in your friendship.

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: And then they're just not there. It's just so weird. It's so final. And I think that's what it is. It's so final. You go from this person being there all the time and sharing all these moments and all these conversations and all these whatevers, and then nothing.

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: And I think, obviously, you know, as a. As a. As a normal, caring human being, that is very difficult to Go from nothing to something.

From something to nothing, as it were.

But. And I think it depends very much on the situation. And I would say I have friends, not many. I have a few friends who've really managed to divorce amicably.

They're not friends.

Suzie : Should be, though.

Mel: But they're amicable. Yeah, they're not friends, but they're amicable. Other people where that's not been possible. And obviously there are all different kinds of situations. But I think it's like, if you want to get on with your life and you want to meet somebody else and they want to meet somebody else, or just get on with your life, whatever that shape it takes, you kind of need to change patterns, don't you?

Suzie : Yeah, well, it's like, why would you want to get into a relationship if you know that you're going to break up with that person? That's like, not the point of getting into a relationship.

You're hopefully getting into that to kind of enjoy the experience. And yeah, if you break up, you break up. But, like, that's not the goal of this. Right. So it is just like you want the.

You should want the best for them, even if they. The best isn't you. You know what I mean?

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie : And I think a lot of people have a lot of trouble with that. But also, I mean, you know, things happen with relationships. It gets really complicated. People cheap will lie, and people get really upset, obviously, over that, and they, like, get their hearts broken.

But if you're able to kind of get past, you know, someone's issues who probably. They probably didn't have anything to do with you anyways.

Um, it's just the way that, you know, I think we should all be friends with our exes if we can. Or just be super amicable, as you're saying, be civil.

Mel: I mean, super civil.

Suzie : Why are we so angry at someone who we used to love?

Mel: Well, because it depends how it ended.

Suzie : No, of course, you know, that's why I said, you're lying, you're cheating. It's a lie.

Mel: And I'm a great believer in don't burn your bridges and don't bone your bridges.

Suzie : Burn.

Mel: If you can stay civil in any kind of relationship in your life, you take it, take it, take it to the end until you can't, and then you get angry. But if you can stay civil, of course you want to do that.

It's a lot easier at the end of the day. But, I mean, I think it's also quite difficult for people around you. And I'm Thinking of somebody I knew a while ago, much younger than me, but she was with this guy and she'd been with him for a long time.

And so then the families kind of get involved and then he cheated on her kind of in a not very nice way. And then, not that it's ever nice, but kind of there was a lot.

Suzie : Of lying and it wasn't like a.

Mel: One time thing running around behind, you know, while they were living together with this other person.

And then the family's involved and then the family, his family was like, oh no, we still want to see you and stuff. And you're like, no, that's not the way it works.

Maybe you can eventually do that. But she needed to. As much as she really liked them, she's like, look, I can't do that. Yeah. And she was very sensible. Obviously I would, you know, in an ideal world, of course I don't want to cut anybody out of my life, but I can't.

He's done this to me.

Suzie : Oh yeah.

Mel: I can't then be friends with you. So I'm saying there are very, very differing kind of situations. And in your situation it was amicable, so it's different.

But I still think there's a period where you kind of, you're not, not, you're not going to avoid somebody, but you're not going to spend lots and lots of time with them.

Kind of going to go off and do your thing and then maybe later on you might be more friendly again.

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: I'm just saying it's probably healthy to go and spend time with other people, not with each other because that didn't work, if you know what I mean. It's a bit like if I know people, plenty of people who've stayed in relationships far too long.

And if you're in a relationship, it stops you from going out into the world and meeting.

And the longer you stay in that relationship and for most people, if you're not miserable, if you're not deeply miserable or somebody's doing something horrible to the other person, often people stay because it's easier.

Yeah, but the problem is in the staying. It stops you getting out into the world, meeting other people, doing other things, whatever it is. You don't think it does, but it does.

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: It stops you from making new friendships, from meeting you.

Suzie : I love interest, the whole going to events.

Mel: Yeah, absolutely.

Suzie : Meeting new people, having so much fun.

Mel: And you need to change your kind of circle a bit, change your ideas a bit. Not, not be mean or cruel to anyone. Just go off and do other things. So if that person is.

Is part of your past, then you just want maybe a little bit of space, and then you can sort of come back.

Suzie : Yeah, well, I mean, it is interesting how much. How many of my friends. I think almost all of my friends look at me like I'm ******* nuts when they're like, what the ****?

How are you? How are you guys still friends? Like, they actually, like, don't understand it. And maybe I'm being super naive. Cause I'm like, no, he doesn't still love me.

And he says, like, he's over it. So, like, I believe him.

But, like, that's just, you know, on me. And if he did especially want to cut it off, like, I said, I would respect that. But, yeah, my friends don't get it.

They're like, are you sure you're okay? Like, we're having a little party for the holidays. And my friends are like, is he coming? And I was like, of course he's coming.

It would feel so weird if he wasn't, because he's friends with all my friends. Like, it would just be so weird to not have him there. Like, the last thing I want to do is also having my friends pick sides in something.

Like that would kill me. Like, it would just be the worst. So, you know, if you can keep things happy and just, like, be able to share your life with that person still in a different way.

Yeah, just pivot a little bit. You don't have to them anymore, you know, like, it's just able to just kind of enjoy. Yeah, you're welcome to enjoy, you know, just a different kind of relationship with them.

Mel: Yeah, I mean, every scenario is different. I think what you have is very rare. Most people cannot do that.

Suzie : No, I know.

Mel: And most people don't break up in an amicable way from either side, whatever the reasons are. So that is very unusual, but I.

Suzie : Just would like to change that. Yeah, I think it's a mindset thing, too, though, like, with people.

Mel: But people want to be angry at something. Like, you know, when. When relationships fail, people don't look at themselves. They don't think. Well, they always think the other person's to blame.

You know, it's the old adage, when a couple goes to couples counseling, they go to the counseling thinking the. The therapist counsel whatever is going to say, yeah, you're right, your husband, your wife is an ******* or whatever.

They're the person who's wrong. But what generally happens is they listen to both and say, these are the things you Are each doing wrong? That is creating, you know, the friction that's going sort of backwards and forwards.

It takes two to tango. Yeah. And that most people cannot get their head around that because it's a failure. A relationship is a failure. And you. If, if it failed, whoever broke up, whoever did whatever, you have to admit that you failed and figure out what you do next time.

Yeah. I'm talking about most situations. I'm not talking where extreme things happen. That's a whole different.

Suzie : Well, exactly.

Mel: Discussion, please.

Suzie : If this person is toxic or has like done some really dirty *** ****.

Mel: Or they're violent or they're coercive.

Suzie : Oh my God.

Mel: That's like manipulative. That is a whole different thing. Male or female. That's a whole different thing. And that's why I want to caveat. Not being generalist. Gen. A generalist. No. Generalistic.

Yeah.

Yes. So that's, that's.

Suzie : No. And I think, I think that's, that's totally fair.

Again though, I believe that if we can all just be a little bit more civil and like just. Cause someone broke up with you just because someone, you know, just because the relationship didn't work even, you know, just because you're not having sex anymore doesn't mean you can't just hang out and talk.

Like I think people, I think put sex on a pedestal. And so once that topples, it's like, well, you know, what is this now? And like, are we able to be able to like be civil because we're not having sex and like I can't see with another woman.

It's like, why the fudge? Not like it's.

Mel: I know, but I think you're very unusual.

You're not, you're not. You're a, you're, you're not a confrontational person. You're right. I'm not seek out all battles with people.

Suzie : No.

Mel: You want to smooth things out. That's, that's your.

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: The way you are. And. But it's very unusual. And this particular relationship you're talking about, that it was amicable is unusual.

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: It is not the case for most people. So somebody is left feeling very angry.

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: And that is the norm. Yeah. For whatever reason, angry, upset, destroyed. Because like you said, people lie and they, you know, God, they can really hurt people for sure. And when you hurt somebody, you can send them down a path of how they go into their next relationships kind of shape something in you.

All your experiences send you along a journey which kind of. Of send you into the next thing into the next thing. Unless you actually sort of stand back and go, holy, no, I got to do something different the next time.

The majority of people don't do that for sure, because they keep going down the same journey. Because it's very difficult.

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: To stand back and look at yourself.

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: Say, I did this wrong. They did that wrong. I. This is not what I want. This is what. Blah, blah. It's very difficult to do that because for the most part, it's quite painful.

Suzie : Yeah. But, you know, it's been really nice. Is that, like, literally, like, whenever I'm able to see him and we chat and we hang, or like, we're just seeing each other for a quick bit.

Like, it's like, super nice. And I'm like, oh, my God, did I make a mistake? If I ever think that. And then I go back and I'm like, no, no, no.

Like, he's doing his thing. I work with him. Do you know what I mean? It gives me this interesting bit of closure that I think a lot of people don't get because they kind of cut them off too soon or, like, whatever happens.

And so you're never.

It's like there's just too many questions. Right. Like, if you're cutting them off and you feel like you're not over it, I feel like that can put you in kind of a.

A bad thing, too, because then it's like you're always going to be thinking about them. You're always gonna be having questions.

Mel: Yeah, for sure. I mean, look, people. I can. So many stories I have of people breaking up, and generally people behave.

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: Like really bad.

Suzie : Yeah, for sure.

Mel: And they don't, you know, let the other person, of course, have some kind of peace. But that's difficult if you're hurting somebody.

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: And the other person wants something different.

Suzie : Totally.

Mel: What do you do? I mean, it's. It's like, what do you say? You can't say, oh, no, you'll be all right. You will be all right. But in the moment, you don't think you'll be all right.

Yeah, it's very difficult.

Suzie : Well, guys, if you guys have any sort of experience with this, I could probably use it. A little advice.

If you guys want to talk to us about breakups. Maybe you went through a hard breakup or you're still friends with your ex. Mel's going to talk to you about it.

Trust me, I've gotten it all.

Mel: No. Not gonna mince my words either.

Suzie : And you guys want. You guys can go to sharemytruth.com and talk to us there. Or you guys can go to Share My Truth Pod on our socials and DM us because we'd love to hear your experiences and stories.

Mel: Until next time, see you later. Bye.

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Mel: Thanks so much for listening. Please rate and review this podcast and follow us on social at sharingmytruth Pod and leave us a voicemail on our website sharingmytruth.com to share your stories and experiences with us.

We'll see you next time. Bye Bye.

Three two one.