Suzie : Welcome to Sharing My Truth with Mel and Suzie. The uncensored version where we bear it all.

Speaker B: We do.

Suzie : 1, 2, 3, 4,

and. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to Sharing My Truth Pod. You're here with Mel and Susie.

Thanks for tuning in with us today.

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Hey, babes.

Speaker B: Hello, darling.

Suzie : How are you?

Speaker B: I'm fabulous.

Suzie : Fabulous.

Speaker B: I'm always fabulous.

Suzie : I know your intro.

Speaker B: I, I, it's so funny.

Suzie : I don't know, Try to keep it fresh.

Speaker B: It's very fresh.

Suzie : I'm trying to experiment, you know, clickety clackity. What are you gonna do?

Speaker B: Clickety. Yeah, excellent.

Suzie : Try to keep it, keep it a little, you know, knows.

But so this week we're talking about divorce,

dating after divorce, to be specific. And neither of us,

thankfully, knock on wood,

have ever been through a divorce.

Speaker B: No, but we know lots of people who have.

Suzie : Well, do we ever.

And obviously you, especially because you're in that age group of everyone's getting divorced or go, have been going through a divorce or whatever.

And I'm at the age where people are starting to get married. I already know people who have had divorces at 30,

late 20s.

It's rough, it's rough out there. And you know what's even worse is that at my age, you can see when it's possibly going to happen.

Speaker B: Yes.

Suzie : It's so bad.

You see these people getting married, you're like, oh, you're like, that's not going to last, but hopefully it does.

And you hope for the best, you wish them the best and you give them a kind of a worse wedding gift because you're like, you're gonna,

you're not gonna last anyways.

Speaker B: Yes, right. Right. Yes.

Suzie : So, I mean, I have a little bit of experience with divorce and my parents are still even together, but my mother was a divorce lawyer.

Speaker B: Yes, indeed, she was for many years.

Suzie : Crazy job. Yeah, for many, many years. And she's retired now, but yeah, she has,

she did a lot of, of horrible divorces and she took the worst of the worst clients because she felt like she, they needed the most help.

Speaker B: Yes.

Suzie : And it's just. Yeah, so. So. And I did work for her for a few months in my teeny years.

Speaker B: That's hilarious.

Suzie : Like when I was like my late teens or something.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Suzie : Not a great situation. I remember people crying to me. I remember them swearing on my. Swearing on the phone to me.

Speaker B: I'm sure it's.

Suzie : It's the worst.

Speaker B: Yeah. Divorce is awful. Yeah.

Suzie : So we got a listener story.

Someone sent us a little story and I'm gonna read it and we'll give her a little opinion. What do you say? What do you say, Mel?

So they say.

So I finally say yes to this woman I matched with. Divorced, like me, two kids. Seems cool.

We meet at this trendy wine bar. She picked drinks. Laughs. All good. I pay the tab. No big deal. Next morning, I wake up to a Venmo request from her.

Not for half the bill. No. She actually itemized what she ordered. 18 glass of Pinot and truffle fries.

Speaker B: 18 glasses.

Suzie : $18, $18 glass. Sorry,

I thought it was a joke. I texted haha, funny. And she replied, just keeping things fair.

I declined the request and I never heard from her again.

That was my second date post divorce. I've been traumatized ever since.

Speaker B: Not surprised.

Suzie : What a weird thing to do.

Speaker B: I have heard of women doing this and I think.

Suzie : Really?

Speaker B: Yeah.

I've heard of women. I didn't. We talk about this in one episode. I've heard of women doing this,

asking for like either the money back or like an allowance or something like that. Like really early on.

Suzie : But she's the one who venmoed him.

Speaker B: Right.

Suzie : So she's the one who's like, hey, I just want to make sure that like, I'm paying my share in this.

Speaker B: Oh, I see. Sorry. She sent him the money.

Suzie : She sent him the money, he paid. He didn't think it was a big deal. And then she sent him her share of the money.

Speaker B: Okay, okay, sorry, I misunderstood. So I think, I mean, we could.

Suzie : Talk about both, but. Yeah. So in this certain case.

Speaker B: But I think it's because women,

some women are thinking,

you know, they want control.

And if they kind of do it the traditional way and the man pays,

which we are more akin to,

they think, well, then he has control. And she kind of has a point.

But I do think it's kind of. Why wouldn't you mention that up front? I think there's a line between women expecting a lot. Yeah.

And then women. Women like this. Taking it like it's so very clinical.

Yeah.

Suzie : I just don't think.

Unless it's.

Unless he may. Yeah, unless this. This listener made a comment that he's not saying. Like, he's not telling us the full story because maybe the date end. But.

So this is what I do on a date. If the date ends weird and I know I never want to see this guy again, I will offer to share the tab, right?

If I do want to see this guy again, I will.

If and he's happy to take the tab, then that's amazing. And that means that he is a good guy and like, whatever.

Speaker B: Yeah, I think. Right?

Suzie : So, like. But like, I'm like, if I never want to see this guy again, I want to make sure that, like, I'm never going to see him again. And I pay my way.

And I'm like, no worries. We're going to stay friends. Or not actually friends. But like, yeah, I'll pay my share. That's fine.

See you never.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Suzie : So maybe that's what she's even doing. Like, she.

But it's after the fact,

which is why would you bother?

So I don't really understand her thoughts. I'm absolutely sorry to this man because he is like,

what is dating nowadays after divorce? Like, he's like, what is this?

Speaker B: Well, I think. I think that's the thing. If you're. I mean, we don't know how old he is, but if you're assuming you're divorced, you're somewhere 40s to 50s,

possibly, probably,

right?

So when you were dating,

it was a whole different ball game, right? Like, we were dating in real life. We were meeting at work, we were meeting at parties,

we were meeting through friends.

Like I've said before, I met my husband through friends. Like a mutual kind of. She kind of set us up sort of.

You know, people just met in a much more. Well, they met in real life. I mean, that's. That's it. There were no apps. That's how you met.

Or friends tried to help you, set you up or whatever. So it was just a totally different landscape. So there wasn't this whole messaging bullshit in the apps.

And then I think men just assumed if they took women out, they had to pay for it.

They just assumed that.

Suzie : I just think that's a nice. It's the nice, courteous thing to do.

You asked for the date. Let's say, even if you didn't,

you are trying to take this. You're going to try to make your best gentleman face on, right? You're going to put that energy out there being like, I'm happy to take care of you.

I'm happy to take you out. I'm happy to buy your $18 glass of wine, I'm happy to share some food with you, and I'm happy to pay for it. And that's what dating is.

So maybe because she has had a bad experience through her own divorce, because he says that she is also divorced with kids.

So she's like, I want to make sure that I'm paying my share and I don't have to deal with you being you taking like, using this over, like, my head in a way which I'm possibly her ex husband did.

You know what I mean?

Speaker B: Yeah. I just think it just goes back to this thing that we've been saying. Well, we continue to say.

Suzie : Yeah.

Speaker B: Is that it is such a confused landscape. Because let's. If you, if you assume these people were divorced, they were dating when they were first dating 20 years ago. Yeah. Right.

When there wasn't,

to put it succinctly, such a confusion with masculinity and femininity. Right. Women worked. All my friends work. Women made their own money. All my friends made their own money, paid their own rent, did their own.

But there wasn't kind of this confusion about it. Right. Like, we weren't worried about men being masculine.

Suzie : Yeah.

Speaker B: But we weren't really worried about being feminine. Maybe that's what it is.

Yet we still.

I mean, that's the crazy thing that is so hard to understand. I think for older people, like gen Xers, like anybody 45 plus is like, we grew up in a world where women worked, were educated.

All my friends are educated, all my friends have had careers, they've all had children, all got married, some divorced.

But you can do that and be feminine and a man can do that and be masculine, and you can kind of give each other that different energy. Family. Yeah. I mean, it's hilarious to me now, like in social media, they talk about, oh, finding your feminine energy.

What are you talking about? You're a woman.

What the hell are you talking about?

Suzie : And some women have different feminine energy with their masculine energy. Like, some women are more masculine, if that makes sense. And.

Speaker B: But some men are more feminine.

Suzie : Exactly. Even though they're still straight. And they're like, everyone's still straight. Yeah.

Speaker B: But we never talked about this before. This is something that we overanalyze. Every nano aspect of life is that I just think if you are divorced, so like, we're assuming you're in 40s and 50s.

It must be so confusing. It must be like extra exhausting dating because you didn't date in this way the first time around. So you don't know what the rules are.

Like, you know,

this is going to sound very like,

old is like I say to you, you're young, Susie. You know what the ******* rules are. Because you're living the rules. If you're like 40 and 50, we're like, what the ****'* going on?

Yeah, like, we just don't know what you're doing.

We don't speak like you. We don't like,

I mean,

know the.

Suzie : Oh, I can tell because I, I match on like Tinder and, or not Tinder anymore, but like I'm mostly on Bumble now and I match with guys who are like around like 50ish.

And I'm assuming some of them are divorced and even like the 40ish guys and they have kids and yes. Speaking to them is like,

I don't know, it's so weird. Like they really don't know how to talk to a younger woman, let's say.

Like they're, It's a very weird thing. And then you kind of have to be like,

do I entertain this?

Speaker B: Yeah.

Suzie : Or is this just kind of like they're using me as practice also.

Speaker B: Maybe it's also an artist. I do think, I mean, they're probably. What are they inappropriate?

Suzie : No, they're, I think they're just like they, they use too many emojis.

Speaker B: Yeah, that's a generational thing.

Suzie : It's a generational thing. They use too many emojis. It's too long of a text. There's like, it's, it's, there's just like weird nuances that they don't understand. But that's,

you know, that's why men should be dating women potentially. They're more of that age.

Speaker B: Funny you bring that up because I've had that with you and also with my kids, is that I've had to learn. And I actually use extra emojis when I text you because I, and I.

Suzie : I love analogies from you. I think it's adorable.

Speaker B: But I do it on purpose.

Suzie : Yeah.

Speaker B: And I add more in.

But like. And my, my, my daughters, I add more in. But like, even if I text my friends, we use so many emojis. It is like a Gen X thing.

I think we're just still so excited about em.

But I mean, I do, to my credit, I know that, you know,

younger people, millennials and Gen Xs, Gen Zs. Gen Z, sorry. Gen Zs don't use Emojis. And they also don't love really long texts. So my friends will send these really long texts, like a tome.

But you have to send to younger people.

So young. I mean, anybody below the age of 35,

it has to be snippets.

Like every thought has to be a text.

Suzie : Yeah.

Speaker B: You know, just to cut it.

Suzie : Because it's like, that's what makes sense to us.

Speaker B: I know. Which to us, because we talk lately. Ridiculous.

But, but, but having said that, fair enough. And that. And you're using technology in a different way, and that's fine. But if you are dating younger women or you're an older woman dating younger men, you'd think that would be 101.

******* learn how to communicate.

Suzie : I know.

Speaker B: In the language of the people that you want to date.

Suzie : Exactly.

Speaker B: Wouldn't that be like.

Suzie : I know, but then it's like, so interesting. Do I text like them? Do I start texting like them to get an older man? If that's what really I want.

You know what I mean? Do I start using all these emojis and start going like.

I don't know. There's so.

They're so enthusiastic. I think over text, they're over enthusiastic. Which can give a lot of young women the ick.

Speaker B: Yes, I get that.

Suzie : Which is like, why are they being so enthusiastic? Like, calm down.

Speaker B: Because. Because they are enthusiastic. Cause they want to get on.

Suzie : They're excited.

Speaker B: Yeah.

And if you think about it, that's quite nice. I. I just think, like, it. That is kind of interesting. But I. I do.

Yeah. I mean, Jesus, dating after divorce, like,

if you've. Especially if you've, like, had a period, which I think most people do, of like, it's trauma. Very traumatic. Any divorce is very traumatic,

whether the children involved or not. It's the end of one life,

beginning of another.

Generally, it's horrible. And generally there's finances and nasty ****. You know, even if you were quite nice to each other, it's not pleasant. Right.

And so you have a timeout period probably when you're like, I don't want to go near anybody.

And then.

And then you sort of have the courage to decide, okay, I gotta get on with it. I gotta get out there, I gotta do something.

And then you gotta go through all this ****.

Suzie : And the ******* apps are the worst. And this is where this guy met this woman. So, like,

yeah, like, it's. It's really, really tough. And it's tough for women too,

because,

like, let's be honest, the women usually most likely have the kids, most likely, I'm saying guys, not all the time, but most likely have the more of the kids from the divorce.

So they're busy and they don't have time to figure out how to text and what the etiquette is. And they're probably dealing with their friends who don't actually are giving them good advice because they're not divorced or whatever is happening.

Right. So like it's just so much for the old, the Gen X. I don't want to say older generation, but like the Gen X generation to figure out 45 plus.

Speaker B: 45 plus,

it is exhausting because also yes, you have probably less time and then when you've worked up and you know the sort of the bottle to go out on a date.

Does that make sense? Bottle's very English expression. No. What do you mean worked up? The bottle means worked up the courage.

Suzie : Oh, worked up the bottle. Does that mean you're like wasted and you worked up the courage?

Speaker B: Oh, okay. Not everything in England is to do with being drunk and you've worked up like, okay, you're gonna go out, you fix the dates. You gone through this whole friggin hoo ha of communication.

Love the hoo ha which is way over the top. Right. You haven't even met this ****** person. Yeah, you. And then you're a woman, you get all ready and you set the planes and then they like send you a message an hour before and cancel.

I mean you just never want to date ever again. Would you can't be asked.

I mean, you said. And I, I think and the same for men. I'm sure it happens to men. And that's also horrible.

Suzie : Like, oh, I've done this to a man. Where I've canceled last minute.

Speaker B: Yeah,

yeah. But that's generally because they're unlimited. I mean if you're a nice man and this can happen, anything could happen. Something's happened. And I think because we're just not being normal and everyone's playing games and I know when people date or meet,

everyone's always played games. That's the game. It's a game. Right. But I think somehow the technology makes it even worse. Yeah.

Suzie : Because you get this dating fatigue and especially like after a divorce where you've just like dealt with one woman. Now you're dealing with 50 matches and texting all of them at the same time.

And which ones are texting back? Which ones aren't texting back? What, what did you talk about with this one? Like where's the conversation? Are you guys going out, like, are they even texting you back and are they going to cancel last minute?

Like, it's so exhausting for men who are just. And women who are just like,

getting out of a long, long term relationship.

But I think you don't have the time for the ****.

Speaker B: I think that's what it is.

There's too much choice.

I think if there was less choice,

then everyone would be fine.

Because there's this. Because it's an app. And literally if you're sitting in Toronto, you can talk to somebody in New York or London or Houston or la, which is really ridiculous and completely impractical.

So you probably shouldn't do it. But there's too much choice.

Suzie : Yeah.

Speaker B: So if you narrowed it down, it would be less exhausting. That's what we need to do. Narrow it down.

Suzie : Narrow down.

Speaker B: Yeah. There's too much choice. And you're always looking over your shoulder.

Suzie : Thinking there's another one person. Exactly. Okay, well, we have actually another story as well. And we're on the topic of divorce.

Speaker B: Okay.

Suzie : So we have another listener who wrote into us and he said we'd been on three dates.

Speaker B: Okay.

Suzie : Good chemistry, great conversation. But on the fourth date, she looked at me and said,

do you even like women?

I was like, what?

She said, you're polite, you're kind, but you never make a move.

You treat me like an accountant.

And the truth, he says, I was terrified after my divorce. I didn't know how to be close to someone again.

Not sexually, not even emotionally. I'd shut down that part of myself for years. And she called it out in one sentence.

It stung, but she was right. That was the moment that I realized I had healing to do before I could really date anyone.

Speaker B: Yeah. Well, it's incredible.

Suzie : This man is being so very introspective and thoughtful. Wow.

Speaker B: Man,

wow.

I mean,

she probably did you a favor, actually, because.

Although that's pretty harsh,

but I mean, maybe you do need to go in and think about it and think about,

you know, what are the things that went wrong and what is it about you? And it's not about being mean. It's just like taking some time out and stepping back.

Yeah. Because.

Yeah, I.

Yeah.

Suzie : I mean, but I want to say to this woman, like, why didn't you make the move?

Speaker B: Well, let's say he's a nice.

Suzie : She wanted to make a move. If she.

Speaker B: If he was polite, he's a nice man, kind. And he was waiting. Right.

Suzie : It was a third date. I mean, on a third date, it's kind of late to be. Not even have anything done to you?

Speaker B: Yeah, I guess it is.

Suzie : But I mean, like, not even a kiss? Like a little hand on the leg, A little kiss?

Speaker B: So this is the. The thing. Do you now need to ask if you're gonna kiss?

Suzie : No.

Speaker B: So why, like, you know, like, this whole thing. Do you just go in for the kiss? You just. You don't have to ask.

Suzie : There's a moment. There's a moment.

Speaker B: Of course there's a moment. But this whole consent that people are like, no and, like, asking if they can kiss you, because that's what you see in the show. Of course there's a moment.

That's. That's. That's how it's always, like. You look.

Suzie : You look.

Speaker B: It's ridiculous. You'll see the woman, but you're gonna go, excuse me just one moment, please. Can I make sure I have your consent? I mean, talk about killing the mood.

Suzie : Yeah, exactly.

Speaker B: But, you know, that's what you see.

Suzie : But you know what? If you do want to ask because you are truly unsure and you're like, I feel like, I don't know, maybe this woman cares about, like, very much.

You could be like,

can I kiss you?

Speaker B: You could say it in a sexy way.

Suzie : Sexy way.

Speaker B: You could. Couldn't you say, I. I. You could say something. Nice, beautiful lips.

Suzie : I kiss those beautiful.

Speaker B: Well, I'm not sure you can say that, but.

You're not helping at all.

But I. I feel for him. I really do. And I. I feel for everyone dating. I think it's.

It's hardcore. It's. It's harsh.

Suzie : This isn't even just divorced guys, like, regular guys. And, like, I'm telling.

Speaker B: It's a jungle of lilies.

Suzie : Like,

no. Like, I. So I'm going on a date tomorrow with this very nice guy. I don't think he's ever been married or divorced, but he's only 36. And you're like, ugh, what is with these guys?

They've never been divorced or married. And I'm like, well, he's 36.

Speaker B: That's. Yeah, that's what I always say. I'm. I'm very concerned if he's the. I think 36 is on the cuss.

Suzie : So young, but it's.

Speaker B: It's not really.

Suzie : But a city. A city 36 in today's age is like. Is like a 25.

A rural 36 is like a 45.

You're, like, 10 years younger or 10 years older.

Speaker B: I don't know. I just find it hard to, like.

Suzie : I'd be worried if he was divorced and he was only 36. I'd be like, really?

Speaker B: Why?

Suzie : Why?

Speaker B: More normal to me if he was 36 and divorced.

Suzie : That's so interesting. Like, no, I don't know.

Speaker B: I'd say if he was 32.

Suzie : Almost none of my friends are married.

Speaker B: That's true. Like, what's going on?

Suzie : And I only have, like. I typically,

like, all my friends are older than me, so, like, I'm 30.

So all my friends are, like, 33, 35, 37, 8, whatever it is. I don't have a lot of friends in my 40s yet. But, like.

Speaker B: And they're. None of them need to get a move on. They really do.

Suzie : If they want kids.

Speaker B: Yeah, if you want children.

And somebody said it to me years ago and I thought they were mad. I was like, 27. It's like, don't wait too long.

But actually,

she had a point anyway. But that's another story for another day. I mean,

but I think it's so difficult for people particularly. Okay.

Suzie : Yeah.

Speaker B: I think it's very hard for you youngins who are dealing with this crazy. I mean, it's just crazy, this situation. Right? Like, I just do not understand.

Like, somebody like you,

super attractive, cannot meet somebody in the real world, to me, is completely batshit crazy.

But that is your generation.

Excuse me, Millennial.

And you grew up, not all of your young years, but a lot of your. All of your teenage years, really, with social media and with technology.

So it's not, like,

completely nuts to you, right? You've grown up with it.

Suzie : Oh, it started when I was 18, I think Tinder came out, and that was the first one.

Speaker B: Right.

Suzie : So, yes. Truly grew up with it.

Speaker B: Truly grew up with it.

Suzie : Millennials. Yeah.

Speaker B: You may not like it, but you do understand it, right? And you've kind of.

Your generation has helped it evolve into what it is, basically, because on your, like, behavior patterns or whatever. But people who are older, who are,

like I said, who've dated in a totally different environment, and they're going into this dating world, right?

I mean, holy ****.

Suzie : So let's talk about people in divorce. People who've had divorce when they were going out on these first dates.

What's the etiquette? Do you talk about your kids?

Do you,

like, talk about your ex?

Do you talk about your vasectomy?

You know, like, what's. What's the rule? So, like, do you talk. Would you, like. I think you can talk about your kids for sure.

Speaker B: Looking at me when you're asking.

Suzie : Because you Got kids.

Speaker B: I think that I'm joking. I think if you,

I think you just keep it fun and friendly and if somebody asks you questions and if you're dating a woman who's kind of your age and the kids, things come up, I think you should definitely admit to having them.

I don't.

Suzie : Oh, please don't hide about your kids.

Speaker B: People do. Right.

Suzie : Yeah, that's true.

Speaker B: I think if you have children, be up front.

Suzie : Yeah.

Speaker B: And, but I think why can't the conversation be fun and lively and it just goes wherever it goes? And the question is, whatever it is, and just don't really think about it too much.

Suzie : You know what, and this is like from my experience, dating on the apps and going out on a lot of dates, like, let's be honest. And like, some are great, some are not so great.

I found that some of the better ones, I've actually spent more time texting them,

figuring out the basics of them. And then you feel like you actually know this person instead of just being like going on a date where you don't really know them.

You're hoping that there's a connection there.

Speaker B: Well, it's, it's nerve wracking. And I think the,

you know, the other thing is you're,

you don't find making conversation difficult where lots of people do and they are so nervous. Like, you know, what the hell do you talk about? What's pro. And nowadays you've got all these layers of what's appropriate, what's inappropriate, what's this, what's that.

Yeah, but I think it stops people from talking.

Suzie : Yeah.

Speaker B: And then they get a little scripty. Right. And they sort of have these scenarios in their head and they're. And the thing is, is if you're worried about being yourself, I mean, it's kind of like pointless.

Like eventually that's going to come out. You should just be yourself.

Suzie : Right.

Speaker B: But I see what you're saying and I guess the thing about the texting is then you get a better idea of their sense of humor or where you can go.

Suzie : Absolutely.

Speaker B: So, I mean, that makes some sense to me. But I mean that in itself is tiring, this texting,

like this endless *******. You know, because I was saying to you before, like when you text and it is a generational thing, I think Gen X's text a lot. Like my parents or boomers, they don't text, they call you and you're just like, the phone goes.

Suzie : You're like, oh my God, I just.

Speaker B: Don'T want to talk to them.

Suzie : Yeah.

Speaker B: But the thing about texting is first you have to think about it, then you have to type.

And then you go, oh, no, I don't like the way that sounds. And then you type it again. Then you. And actually takes a lot.

It takes a long time to have a conversation. Whereas if you actually just had the conversation real life, it'd probably be a third of the time.

Suzie : Right.

Speaker B: And that's the problem. But I, Yeah, but I understand you need that, that barrier. You need that sort of safety thing.

Suzie : I feel like my tips for anyone who's going through divorce or going on the apps for the first time or anything like that, it's like when you match with someone and hopefully you can start the conversation.

Sometimes like for Bumble, women have to start the conversation. So that's a whole other thing. But like,

so you're starting the conversation. Nice. Not too long of a weird text. Not like, oh my God, you're so gorgeous, I can't wait to take you out. I love you so much.

Like,

I'm like, okay, calm down. Like, hi,

Suzy.

And then say something about my profile. So like, I have a dog. Be like,

great, like cute dog. Like what's his name or what's their name or whatever. Like, so something, hi, their name and then something about their profile.

Speaker B: Easy peasy.

Suzie : Hopefully they reply. And if they don't, don't take it personally.

Speaker B: No, please. And that's, I think that's really good advice. Don't take it personally because I think people do. And really we have to remember this is,

this is somebody behind. I mean, you don't know what's going on. No. And you don't know what. And the other thing I think is that so many people have strategies and they're like.

And it's weird to even think that, but like,

so you have to remember that like you're genuinely, it's. You're not playing on a level playing field. You're just going out there and trying, hoping for the best. You don't know what their strategy they've probably swiped.

Text a billion people and you just become a number.

It's not about you personally. You've just become one of the many. Yeah. And I do think that's a very good,

good advice to kind of do a little warm up before.

Because I think even with text, even though it's tiring,

maybe do less, do fewer matches and put a lit. More, a little bit more into the texting. Because I think you can tell somebody's personality from the way they text.

Suzie : Exactly. And that's how I think too.

Speaker B: Yeah. If they're funny or if they, like, say offhand. And you don't really. You don't like that. You can tell.

Suzie : You can very much tell who they are by how they text. 100%.

Speaker B: Really? Like, really. To the point.

Suzie : I've texted. You're like, what the ****'* going on? But so, yeah, so say something cute. Have a little banter over matching if they're. If they're, you know, if they are replying, which is great.

And then ask for their number. So you're not constantly on the app if you actually like them.

Speaker B: Is that what you do?

Suzie : Well, I like when a guy asks for my number and he's like, I'm not usually like. And it's a really easy way to say it. Like, I'm not usually like, I don't like checking the app all the time.

I'd love to take your number if you want to take this off the app. And that's a really nice thing.

Speaker B: And then I think that's.

Suzie : And then it's much, like, less of going into the app, and then you get distracted, and then you're doing stuff. You're actually just, like, focusing on the person. And I think the women like that.

Speaker B: Does the app allow you.

Suzie : Oh, yeah, they love. They love that. They want you to have a relationship.

Speaker B: No, but I mean that the. If the communication goes off the app, then it's not happening in the app.

Suzie : Oh, but they know that it's.

Speaker B: Okay.

Suzie : Well, you will still be on the app.

Speaker B: Yeah. You're coming back.

Suzie : Yeah, exactly. So. So whatever. So getting the number and then having a bit of banter in with their actual texting.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Suzie : And then asking them on that date, being like, you know, like, as. As soon as you kind of make sure you connect that, like, you have that connection.

You have a good little bit of banter, you make that date, whatever that date is.

I think it's best to give them two options in, like, a Wednesday or a Friday.

Speaker B: Yeah, we'd love to see you. Like, I love that.

Suzie : You know, so now let's pay. Sales pitch. It's a little bit of sales knowledge for everyone.

Wednesday or Friday would love to take you out if you're free. Either of those days,

you plan the date.

Speaker B: The man.

Suzie : The man give her a few options. Okay. So that. You know what the. You know how much you're gonna be paying? Because you're gonna pay.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Suzie : So you know how much the. The dinner or the drinks I recommend. Just go for drinks. Little Cocktail, little wine nibbles, maybe. A nibble. Right. Just go for a sweet little date somewhere.

Somewhere close to her.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Suzie : So she feels comfortable, she can go.

Speaker B: Home if it doesn't work out.

Suzie : Exactly. And there's no hard feelings, you know, don't just offer to pick her up, but don't think, don't expect her to take that. I would never take.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Suzie : A pickup on the first date because.

Speaker B: That would be uncomfortable.

Suzie : Yeah. But some, some women like that, so you can always offer these things.

Speaker B: Okay. So it's like, that's very old fashioned. It is.

Suzie : But I think for a divorced guy.

Yeah, that might be helpful. And the older women, if you're trying to get like, maybe like a 40 or even 50 year old woman,

that they're gonna appreciate that.

Or if you're really generous, you can order them an Uber to wherever you're going to.

Speaker B: Wow. Well, you could, you could.

Suzie : And it just gives that little extra something.

Let's, like, this is like for, let's say a woman who you're really enjoying conversations with. Right. Like we're not saying do this for every single date.

Speaker B: No.

Suzie : But you shouldn't be matching or asking every single person out.

Speaker B: No,

I think that's. Yeah, definitely. That seems crazy to me. I understand the theory behind that. Because you think, well, it's a numbers game. Yeah. But I think if you do, then it's exhausting.

Then you're exhausting and you don't possibly have enough energy to put enough into all of them.

So maybe like cut it down and put more into the less. As if.

And maybe choose better. Because we've heard a lot of men, they just swipe all the time.

They don't just go, okay.

Suzie : It's like, do you even like this woman?

Speaker B: Right. They don't say, okay, I'm gonna look at. However it works. Like 10:25, I'm gonna swipe on three.

Not just, just get the app and go, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe. Which is what I think.

Suzie : A lot of men, I'm so picky on the app. Like I, if there's like,

if I have like, it's either a good feeling or a bad feeling about their profile.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Suzie : And usually. And this is a guy like men. I hope you're listening. If you're on the apps,

I will only sometimes look at their first picture.

So if your first picture is with a, like, it's not just you in the picture and I don't know who you are, then I'm swiping left.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Suzie : If It's a weird picture of you with sunglasses, you far away.

You far away that I'm not,

I'm not gonna like, I'm not gonna swipe. So like, make sure your first picture is the best one.

You're smiling, you're cute, you're in a suit or something.

Speaker B: Or maybe, maybe you're somewhere and you're having a drink like you seen.

Suzie : Yes, it's out and about.

Speaker B: Just normal.

Suzie : Just a normal picture.

Speaker B: Yeah, just not some weird. Yeah, just normal.

Suzie : And just make, yeah, just make sure that you are putting your best foot out there and that you're actually,

your intentions are good. If you're actually trying to date someone, if you're just trying to ****, then just go on Tinder.

Speaker B: Well, exactly. Don't waste people's time.

Suzie : Yeah.

Speaker B: Go where everyone's got on the same page.

Suzie : Yeah.

Speaker B: We're all there for fuckability. So go there.

Suzie : Fuckability. I love that.

Speaker B: And go to the other places for the other thing. I mean, just wasting everyone's time. And this is also time consuming and energy sucking. Don't do it.

Suzie : Yeah. How to date when divorced is very, very tough.

Speaker B: Yeah.

I feel, I mean, I know a couple of my friends and I've said from the female point of view,

just exhausting.

Yeah, exhausting. And you just like, because you have.

Suzie : Kids, you possibly have kids and then you have a real job, it's not like you're just like.

Speaker B: I mean my friends who've, who've done it, you know, all have kids, all have jobs,

all are tired, you know, and it's just like, I think it's just like you put. I think the problem is that women put so much hope into this meetup and all it is is you're going for cocktails for dinner, it's dinner, it's drinks.

Calm down, calm down. You've got to think of this, this is, could be an interesting social thing and that's nice.

The problem is when you get to a certain age, if you're divorced, you've got enough ******* social things that you don't have time to go to. Yeah, that's the problem.

It's exhaustion on that level. And I think men are a lot, probably a lot more relaxed about it.

But they're probably too excited.

Suzie : Yes and no. I think they're like, I think they're. Men are much more nervous about like the etiquette I think nowadays.

Speaker B: Yeah. If they're older, I'd say they'd be very. They're older with younger women, probably less so. With women of their age, but still, there's still a lot of like walking on eggshells.

And they're worried. And then that's the problem. You can't see their real personality.

Suzie : Yeah.

Speaker B: Because if they're like funny and cheeky women, like funny, cheeky men.

Suzie : Yeah.

Speaker B: But then they're worried to bring that out because then they're like, ****, is that, you know, not great. Yeah.

Suzie : But that's why you can find all this out while you're texting them. So you. I truly think, like, I think you're right. Text them for literally two or three days.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Suzie : See how it goes. And you can ask them out, like for the following week. But just like, make sure you have a date in the books. Because then they'll be like, why haven't.

Why isn't he asked me out yet? Is he just trying to text me?

Speaker B: Yes.

Suzie : So like, ask them out once you get to their number and you can kind of go in that way and then keep texting them. And then if you're really not feeling it also, and you haven't, like met up with them yet, you just tell them, be like, hey, I don't want to waste anyone's time.

Speaker B: Yeah. I, I think that I like, like, I think it's excellent advice because I also think that when you get to the date, you're not so nervous.

Suzie : Yeah.

Speaker B: Because then you've had this little banter.

Suzie : Have some stuff in common already.

Speaker B: Yeah. And you can initially break the ice by laughing about whatever you were bantering about.

And then also it just means, you know, the kind of tone of the way that person is a little bit. Because you've had a little bit of banter.

And so it's less nerve wracking, isn't it? Absolutely. Because I think that, I mean, I can't even ****** remember dating, like meeting somebody that you've never met and just like, oh,

you know, and you're like, what are they looking at? Like, everything. And you're worried and. Yeah.

Suzie : Putting a first impression. But those first impressions are important.

Speaker B: They are. And that's why you never get it back. Really? Yeah.

Suzie : And your first. Your dating profile is important.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Suzie : And you have to put your first best picture. It's important. It's the best one.

Speaker B: It is.

Suzie : I think a lot of guys take this. They're like, oh, the girl will look at the. No, we're gonna look at one ******* photo. We're gonna look at what unfortunately, we're gonna look at what you do.

We're gonna look at how tall you Are. And we're gonna look at your photo.

Speaker B: Yes.

Suzie : Because it is a very not materialistic challenge. Shallow. Well, shallow. What's the better word? But yeah. Yeah, it's a very shallow.

Speaker B: Stupid. Thank you.

Suzie : Superficial. It's a very superficial platform. All of them are. So you just have to play to your best skills.

Speaker B: You do.

Suzie : Cute smile, cute face, cute pic.

Speaker B: I think it's all excellent advice. Thanks, babes.

Suzie : Well, I just hope this. I really. I really. Because I'm in the dating field and it's really ******* hard.

And so I really hope. And it's hard for me as a woman who has all the toys,

really, like, you know what I mean?

Speaker B: Like, somebody who doesn't find conversation difficult, who's attractive, who's. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's hard for you. I mean, God help the. I keep saying this. God. God help everyone else.

I just feel for everyone. I really do. Like, yeah. Just like, oh, my God, it just must be so dark.

Suzie : Yeah. And thank you for these guys who wrote into us. If you guys have another, like, divorce or dating story in general or you guys have your own advice for these guys, maybe you are dealing with the same thing.

We'd absolutely love to hear from you at sharing my truth.com. you can send us an email or DM us on any of our socials at Sharing My Truth Pod.

Anything else, Melissa?

Speaker B: I think that's it.

Suzie : All right, babes. Love you.

Speaker B: Until next time.

Suzie : Until next time, you cutie patooties. Good luck out there. Swipe, swipe, swipe.

Speaker B: Thanks so much for listening. Please rate and review this podcast and follow us on social at sharingmytruth pod and leave us a voicemail on our website sharingmytruth.com to share your stories and experiences with us.

We'll see you next time. Bye bye.

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