Suzie: Welcome to sharing my truth with Mel and Suzie. The uncensored version where we bear it all.

Mel: We do 1234.

Suzie: Hey everyone, and welcome back to Sharing My Truth Podcast. I wanted to be a radio dj when I was younger. I would have been like, hey guys, welcome back to radio and 67.3 FM here with slutty little sues. You know, whatever your dj name is. Anyways, hey, guys, you're here with your red toothpod. It's not a radio show, unfortunately. And we're here to give you this cute little barrender to follow us, subscribe to this podcast on Spotify, Apple, whatever the ****. Listen to your podcasts.

Mel: All those buttons.

Suzie: YouTube, press of all.

Mel: We're on YouTube now a lot.

Suzie: I know. If you ever want to see our.

Mel: Cute little faces and all the comments, please do.

Suzie: Oh, my God, the comments kill us every time. And Mel will reply to most of them. She's our girl. If you want to have a conversation on YouTube with Mel, she's there. And yeah, go to share my truth pod on Instagram and TikTok and all this good stuff. You can go to sharebytooth.com, send us a voicemail, send us email, do whatever you want. You can also listen to our podcast there.

Mel: If you don't have anything else, you can.

Suzie: Hey, babes.

Mel: Hello. Hey. Yes, hello. I don't know what to say. I've been a little overwhelmed trying to.

Suzie: Get through it, you know?

Mel: Yeah, it's very good. Well done.

Suzie: Thank you, babe.

Mel: Better than I could ever do.

Suzie: No, I don't think so. You'd just be posh.

Mel: Posh.

Suzie: You'd be like.

Mel: Or Bridgerton about it.

Suzie: Whatever the **** you say.

Mel: Yes. All those weird, jolly old weird things I say.

Suzie: No, people don't understand it, but they would like the sound of it.

Mel: That's true. People often don't know what I'm talking about. But that's fine. It's probably good that way.

Suzie: So what are we talking today about?

Mel: Well, we've had a writing and I think this is kind of interesting. It's from a gentleman.

Suzie: Oh.

Mel: Who is anonymous. So I don't know much about it.

Suzie: Of course it's anonymous. We don't tell anyone's name. So if you guys want to write into us, we always anonymous.

Mel: Yeah, exactly. So he has. He did send us a little message and he said that he's in a relationship with this woman and they've been together for a while. About five years. Great. But she is super kinky and she's kinkier than he is like, he's pretty at best, I guess. He hasn't actually said this, but he said I'm, like, normal. So I think he sort of means, like, beige. Like, yeah, yeah.

Suzie: He's vanilla sex. There's nothing wrong with vanilla.

Mel: Well, that's the thing. I don't have enough detail other than he said my girlfriend is kinkier than me, and, like, what do I do?

Suzie: Right.

Mel: So he hasn't gone into detail and I think here and lie the problem. Yeah. So you need to send me more details.

Suzie: Well, also you need to maybe. You need to maybe have a conversation with the girlfriend. Maybe. You don't even know if this is kinky or not kinky.

Mel: Yeah, well, exactly. Like, I think that lots of people have in their mind, and we've done this in previous episodes about Kink because we obviously get asked about this a lot because apparently we're experts on it.

Suzie: I am an expert on kink, Mel.

Mel: Suzie probably is, but I think a lot of people imagine Kinky is like, we talked about Catwoman. That's what we talked about. There's like, you're in this sort of latex outfit with some great big whip and blah, blah, blah. Yeah. You're doing full on thing. Whereas actually lots of people do lots of micro levels of kink.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: A good way of trying to say, of course. Like, they might like, you know, spanking or they might like handcuffs or they might, I think the vast majority of people are in. In some level, in some of those things. On a very, if you like, beige level.

Suzie: Mm hmm.

Mel: But, you know, that would be considered kinky. But I don't think it's very kinky. But so what does. My question is this. What does he mean by kinky? Well, is he talking about getting some handcuffs out? Is he talking about a bit of a whip? Is he talking. She gets her, what's it, boots on? Or is he talking full on Dominatrix? And that's what I need to know.

Suzie: Well, yeah, so obviously we don't know the answers to these. No, but I think a lot of people are having this kind of weird problem, especially guys who kind of think they want maybe a kinkier dominatrix kind of a woman in bed, and then they realize they're like, wait, I actually just kind of want regular, normal sex.

Mel: Yeah. They're just like, yeah, because then they feel a bit overwhelming.

Suzie: Exactly. And then they're like, I don't. I don't want to be tied up anymore, babe. Like, I just wanna, I just wanna be on top of you looking into your eyes and having an orgasm. Like, that's all I want. And then. But I can understand, as someone who maybe is a little bit more kinky than the regular person, I can understand that maybe that's not.

Mel: What. Are you really that kinky?

Suzie: I'm not like, super kinky, but I think that I might be more kinky than the average, which might be just what hurt what she's doing.

Mel: So. So there you go. What's the average? The average then?

Suzie: I think the average is mostly just doing different positions.

Mel: And this is your age. We're talking millennials here. Or young twenties, thirties.

Suzie: Yeah. Like, I don't think a lot of people are doing anything. I don't think most people are doing, you know, bringing even toys into the bedroom. Right. Like people are going staying pretty vanilla because they don't want to interrupt whatever their partner likes. That makes sense. They're trying to just make their partner happy, which sounds like *******. This mic keeps going into my *******, but, yeah. So that's what kind of sounds like is going on with this guy where he's not really communicating.

Mel: Well. Yeah, he's obviously a little freaked out by the things that she wants to do and we don't know what they are, but he feels that, yeah, she wants something kinkier than he was. And the question is, I don't think that's a problem. I think you just have to talk to her about it. I mean, as I know, I keep saying these kind of things, but just have a conversation. Because the other thing is he may be kinkier than he thinks.

Suzie: Right.

Mel: So if he has a conversation and maybe her level of doing stuff, whatever it is, is taking it too far for him.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: So she's gonna have to come back to where he's more comfortable.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And then they're gonna have to figure out where they go. And if they're not right for each other, they're not right for each other. But I think it's always about a conversation, because I think to be honest, whether it's kink or just anything, nobody is exactly matched. That's impossible.

Suzie: You kind of have to just make compromises in the bedroom a little bit.

Mel: Either somebody has a higher sex drive, somebody finds it kind of easier to get in the mood. Like, there is always a thing, isn't there?

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And I also think throughout your relationship, that also can shift up, can change.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And so you're never, like, exactly matched, unless probably right at the beginning when you're driven by the vava honeymoon phase. Yeah. And all the whatever's flying around, you know, and you're feeling it and you're doing whatever you're doing. And then obviously, that wanes as. Because basically, when you're in the beginning of meeting somebody, you're kind of in a bubble, and you shut the world out, and so you can just go at it. And then, of course, as life starts to creep in, you're like, you know, then. Then it starts to change, which is basically what happens.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And I think people being exactly matched up is just a fallacy. It just doesn't happen 100%. So it's this sort of kinky thing. I think the reason we're interested in it, because more often, I think we got this was sent in by a man talking about a woman. I think even in our heads, we think whether we know it to be reality or not, we would always think it would be the man being kinkier than the woman, the man asking for the threesomes, asking for strap ons, asking for whatever he's asking for.

Suzie: Yeah. She wants to do it, but she.

Mel: Wants to do what? We don't know exactly what she wants to do.

Suzie: But I'll remind our audience that, like, a kink is a sexual act, and a fetish is, like, a, like, obsessed with, like, a body part. Like, I'm obsessed with, like, a feet. Like, a foot fetish.

Mel: And a kink is, like, fetish.

Suzie: And so, like, a kink is, like, you know, wanting to be, like, whipped in the bedroom, and you like to be flogged and all this other stuff. And then kinks can be really small, too, where it's like, I kind of like my ear licked. You know what I mean? Yeah. There can be small and larger kinks, and you don't have to just go, like, I want to be peed on in the shower, right. Where it's like, maybe that is what you want. And for me, that's like a.

Mel: No, no, that's a line for me.

Suzie: But it's also like, you have to. And to this guy, to this gentleman who wrote in, he has to. And we've spoken about this with one of our first interviews with Doctor. What's her name?

Mel: Carolyn Klein.

Suzie: Carolyn Klein. With Doctor Carolyn Klein. And she said, you know, we have to. If it doesn't, like, trigger a disgust reaction, then, like, you can experiment with it.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: But if you are triggered in disgust.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: You're never gonna get turned on.

Mel: 100% agree.

Suzie: So that's when you have to kind of have your own boundaries, and you have to be like, okay, like, this is definitely not for me. Like, for me personally, that's the peeing thing. Anything to do with bodily fluids. Like that sort of. I can't do it.

Mel: Smelly bodily fluids.

Suzie: No, I cannot do it. So. But, like, I'm very open with other things. But you have to know your own boundaries 100%. And for that, and for five years, if you're dealing with this, you should have communication about it.

Mel: Yeah. I mean, God knows what you've been.

Suzie: Doing, letting her spank you and you don't like it.

Mel: Well, I assume what's been going on is they've been having vanilla sex, and she's got more and more, and perhaps it's actually not that vanilla. It's just vanilla to her.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And she's been getting increasingly frustrated, and maybe she's asked him and she's started to bring things in or talk about it, and he's getting more uncomfortable. Obviously, I'm making this all up because. I don't know. But I think it is interesting because we have a preconceived idea that it would be the man who'd be kinkier, which is wrong. That isn't correct. I don't think that's fair, because, you know, it's like, I think with a.

Suzie: Lot of the guys I've been with for, like, the entirety of my sexual journey has been, like, I've been a little bit more experimental with stuff like that than the guys have, and maybe they're just afraid to kind of say something, being like, hey, do you want to try this weird thing?

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: Do you know what I mean? Like, they don't want to scare me off.

Mel: I think it's harder for men to ask this stuff because they're immediately like, you're weird. Yeah. Whereas if women do it, you're hot.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: It's a sort of different reaction, 100%. But I think it. It does. You know, I just think when we say the word kinky, we have this idea of something really wild where in actual fact, most of the time, lots of people do these sort of minor level kind of kinky things, and. But, yeah, you have to know what your boundary is. And I would agree with you. I mean, for me, I am. Yeah, Pete poo. Like, the whole thing. I mean, any kind of like that interacting into something that's meant to be, as far as I'm concerned, nice. And it's just like, oh, wow. I mean, my brain just shuts down. Yeah. My whole sensory. No.

Suzie: Yeah. So you have to just be.

Mel: You have to know what you can't do.

Suzie: Exactly.

Mel: And then also, there's this thing. We've talked about it of, like, if you're into sort of kinky things of dominating or being the one who's not dominated, you have to know about yourself whether you are somebody who. I don't want to be dominated. I'm really uncomfortable or I'm not. I'm the sub. I mean, I don't mean in the super kinky way. Like, we've did an interview quite a few episodes back, interviewing somebody who's very heavily into the bdsm scene. I'm talking just generally in your sex life, there is somebody who's dominant and not dominant. And you have to know how you feel about that. And if that is crossing a line where you're being made to be the sort of thing that you're not, then you're uncomfortable. And you have to make it clear. And perhaps that relationship with that person will not work. Because at the end of the day, if your intimate life, it doesn't work, you can certainly work on things like, we've said this before, like, maybe it doesn't quite gel at the beginning. I mean, we all have this idea. You meet somebody and it's always fantastic. And of course, that's just not true. Sometimes it can develop to be fantastic. You kind of got to know each other's buttons and stuff and some. Sometimes that it just not going to happen because you cannot kind of get to a place. But I think you need to talk to her really quick. Like, listen to this. Go talk to her now. You need to know what exactly she mean. Or maybe, you know by kinky. Yeah. And what of those things are a hard no and what are like, okay, that's not totally disgusting. I could kind of sort of get to that.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And also the things that you are willing to try. Because I would say in any relationship, you gotta be open to trying, even if not you're trying. You know, trying is not gonna kill you. And it, you know, you can. If you try it and you hate it, fine. And I'm not talking about really, really crazy stuff. I mean, I know if they're, like, over your line, my idea of crazy and somebody else's may be different, but wherever your line is, I think you should be open to doing things you wouldn't otherwise have thought about doing. And then if you do it and you're like, I really don't like that. It really makes me uncomfortable. Then you know?

Suzie: Exactly.

Mel: But you don't know if you don't do it.

Suzie: I know. Like, I personally am a trisexual, you know? Like, I'll try anything once.

Mel: A trisexual.

Suzie: Like, for the most part, you know, within reason. Okay. But, like, it's the same with, like, picky eaters. I cannot ******* stand a picky eater who literally, if, like, besides allergies, obviously, it's like they won't even try it.

Mel: Yes.

Suzie: You know, you're gonna have some ****** little chicken whatever at this gorgeous restaurant because you can't even try, like, a piece of broccoli. Like, I cannot stand these people. And it's the same in the bedroom. Like, and some people might even say that, like, oral sex is kinky.

Mel: Oh, yeah.

Suzie: Right. So it's like you don't even want to go down on your girl or something.

Mel: Like, lots of people.

Suzie: That's. You experience, like, a red flag for me. It's like you're not even gonna try to do something.

Mel: I mean, that is a huge red flag, but, yeah, but it's very common. It's very common.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: It's very common that women don't like to do it, or men. And as I have found out from talking to people, and I was, like, shocked.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: Like, what are you doing then? That, to me, that was my first question. But a lot of people don't like it. Are grossed out by the idea of it.

Suzie: And I understand, like, there's, you know, you don't have to, like, do it for, like, an hour. Well, there's, like, also things where it's like you are, you know, you have to kind of have these compromises in the bedroom where you kind of have to lick their balls a little bit.

Mel: Yes. Susie.

Suzie: You know, like, just a little person.

Mel: In my life, you would say, I 100% agree. You can't always do everything that you want. Yeah, I know. It doesn't matter what it is. And I've said this to Susie many times, particularly if you're married or in a relationship, it's not always about you. I know that sucks. But if you want bits of it to be about you, you've got to do it about the we. Not the we as in p, but the we as in you and me. You have to. And it. It's kind of selfish otherwise.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And. But I think that's a good thing. If. If something disgusts you, then really just don't do it.

Suzie: That's boundaries, baby. That's what you have to figure out. But it's also like, you cannot not go down on her. Like, I mean, maybe some. Some women actually just don't like it, which I also think, like, they just need to figure something out with their lives and they need to be a little bit more open with their.

Mel: Do they are the really women who don't like.

Suzie: There's women who feel uncomfortable with it because they find it's too intimate to.

Mel: I think that's because who they're with.

Suzie: Well, it's also like, it's a shame. It's like a shame thing in quotations, like, a lot of women are felt shame about really of your age. I don't know about my age, but I know women of older ages who don't do it.

Mel: And who just the hell are they?

Suzie: Well, they're just. They're not doing too well. Okay. No, but there's like. Yeah, there's like, there's these. Because no one really talks about it. And men, even if they want to see it or do it, they're like, no, no, no, I don't like it. And it's like you just have to kind of let go a little bit in sex and kind of be able to release yourself to really enjoy yourself. And that's kind of with everything.

Mel: Yeah, and I think, actually that can be very difficult for the vast majority of people. Say, now my headphones are falling off. Yeah, it's good. But I also think you should not shame your partner, including kink shaming them. So rather than sort of saying, oh, you're ahead, disgusting, or whatever, because you like whatever, you may not like that, which is completely fine. Yeah, but rather than saying you're disgusting, just have a conversation about it and say, look, this is just a line I can't go to. Can we kind of overcome this? And generally you can. Generally you can, yeah, because everyone has a line. But don't shame people. And people do, don't they?

Suzie: Well, they do. They shame people.

Mel: And they.

Suzie: But sometimes they also just go like, oh, yeah. Like, no, I just, like, don't want to do it.

Mel: Just like, okay, yeah, yeah.

Suzie: That's someone who. I would never be with. Someone who's just, like, completely closed minded about stuff like that. So you have to kind of see where. And, like, you've been with this person for five years. She's more kiki than you, and you haven't spoken about your boundaries. Like, that's on you a little bit.

Mel: Yeah, I agree.

Suzie: Right. So it's like you need to kind of figure out if you can deal with her kinks. And you can kind of work yourself around them where you're still getting turned on, you're still getting your rocks off, and you're still appeasing her kind of sexual desires and things like that, then that's great. But if you're like, this is too much for me. You need someone who's more kind of, I don't want to say advanced, but more like interested in kinky stuff than me. And I can't do that anymore because sex is a huge part of a relationship.

Mel: Oh, huge part.

Suzie: If you want it to last 100%. Right.

Mel: And if you're not doing, it's a huge part of why it fails to. Yes, it really is. And the one thing I think all the experts would say, like, if you sort of listen to any kind of therapist or whatever online, like all the sort of, now there are plethora of clips of things, is they always say, like, the couples that survive are the ones that communicate are the ones that prioritize sex, the ones that communicate, the ones that don't judge, you know, all these kind of things. And I, you know, it actually does take a very long time to get to that point. But you need to have a conversation. You need to sit down, and you're not going to figure this out. One conversation. So don't put too much pressure on that conversation, but just at least open the conversation. I mean, you are getting naked with this person. Yeah. You've seen the bits and bobs.

Suzie: Yep.

Mel: You've interacted with the bits and bobs.

Suzie: I would hope so. For ******* sake.

Mel: I think you can talk to them.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: I mean, I think have a glass of wine. Yeah. Relax.

Suzie: Get a nice dinner.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: And then just open it up, being like, hey, you know, I am not hugely into peeing on you during our showers, but you know what I really like is when I go down on you and your vibrator together, there's things where you can say, I like this. I don't like this, in a sexy way, which could also be foreplay. And you can get into it, you know what I mean?

Mel: And don't focus too much on the negative. No, it's not. So talk about the things that you like, rather than the things that you hate.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: So talk about. I maybe say the things you like and then say the things you don't like. Or just say, look, this is probably a little bit of a line for me. How do you feel about that? Try and feel them out a bit in terms of, I mean, look, if you've been with them this long. You know where they're at, the bits.

Suzie: And bobs are at.

Mel: Yeah, you know, the whole thing. Anyway, talk to each other.

Suzie: Talk to each other. That's Mel's good advice. And she's always ******* right, even though I hate to admit it. But what do you guys think of this? If you guys are having this problem too, maybe you're the kinky one. Maybe you are having a problem with a kinky partner or a kinky friend who you're like, stop sexting me. You're my friend. We want to hear from you. Wow, that's a very specific. So yeah, you guys can always go to sharemystreetpod.com. no, sharemytruth.com and sharemytruthpod on socials.

Mel: Thanks very much.

Suzie: And chat with us there.

Mel: Very good, susie.

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Mel: Thanks so much for listening. Please rate and review this podcast and follow us on social at sharingmytruthpod and leave us a voicemail on our website, sharingmytruth.com, to share your stories and experiences with us. We'll see you n