Suzie : Welcome to Sharing My Truth with Mel and Susie. The uncensored version where we bear it all.

Mel: We do. 1, 2, 3, 4.

Suzier : And hello, everyone, and welcome back to Share My Truth Pod. You're here with Mel and Susie. Thanks so much for tuning in with us today.

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Hello, babes.

Mel: Hello, darling.

Suzier : Hello, darling. Gorgeous girl.

Mel: Hello. Hello.

Suzier : How are you?

Mel: Fabulous.

Suzier : All is good. I know I'm always gonna say fabulous.

Mel: I know the day I say not good that I'm not good.

Suzier : There was one day, really, and I was like, oh, it's bad. It's a bad worry when you're like, I'm fine.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : And I'm like, oh, she's not fine. She's not fine, everyone.

Mel: That's the British way of saying I'm not fine.

Suzier : Yeah. It's pretty terrifying, to be honest, when that happens.

Mel: So if I actually say I'm really bad, really start to.

Suzier : You're actually bad. It's going to be really bad.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : Terrifying.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : Happy to hear that you're fabulous as always.

Mel: I'm fabulous. I'm. I'm in the fabulous zone. Love that.

Suzier : And it's summertime and the weather is fine. I'm feeling fresh and feeling fresh. It's. Do you know what cuffing season is mellow, I feel.

Mel: I think I know, but I'm not.

Suzier : So it's like sounds once summer ends, right. Once it kind of winds down with like. Because everyone's having, like a hot girl summer and you're dating a lot of people and then you cuff and then you're having to cuff in the winter.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : So you kind of like slow it down in the fall and you try to find that one person who you're trying to, like, cuff with in the winter months because it's cold.

Mel: But you mean, like, to sort of Hibernate with. Hibernate with. And watch Netflix.

Suzier : Exactly.

Mel: Get takeout.

Suzier : So right now I am in cup or not. I'm not in cupping season, but I am on the goal. My goal is to, you know.

Mel: Oh, to find the coffee. Yeah.

Suzier : The coffee is to, you know, nail someone down.

Mel: Got it.

Suzier : And cuff them.

Mel: Got it.

Suzier : To me. For the winter months.

Mel: For the winter.

Suzier : Because it's cold.

Mel: The goal is just for the winter. Well, if they're any good, we'll keep them.

Suzier : Exactly. So it's kind of like a. You have like a three month trial.

Mel: Yeah. Fair enough. I'm sure it works, you know, man to woman. Woman.

Suzier : Absolutely.

Mel: Feeling. Yeah.

Suzier : But this is what we're talking about today. It's, you know, the mating. The mating. The meeting. The dating. The dating.

The dating. Multiple people at once to find that person who maybe you're going to become a partner with for the rest of your life. Or maybe you're just going to have a coffee.

Mel: Little.

Suzier : Little coffee with.

Mel: I think they used to call it keeping your options open.

Suzier : We keep your options open in the summertime.

Mel: Yes. Because the summer you're out, you're looking cute, you're in the bars and whatever the hell you're doing. And it's easier to meet people, is what we're saying.

Suzier : Exactly.

Mel: Particularly in places like Toronto or New York or where it's like really nice in the summer, really cold in the winter.

Suzier : Exactly. This is the serious cuffing people.

Mel: Yes.

Suzier : And so we as young people and anyone else who's dating the hot divorcees and such,

we're all just trying to, you know, know,

find. Find the. Find the best one for us. And let me tell you, kids, it's not easy.

Mel: It sounds that it's not easy at all.

Suzier : It's not easy, but it's necessary. And I believe that you must date multiple people at once to make sure that that person's the right person for you.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : And that they are the best in bed. And that they make you the happiest.

Mel: Yes.

Suzier : And that you don't feel like you're missing out on something else.

Mel: Yes.

Suzier : It's not great to just come to a, you know, just stop yourself short.

Mel: No.

Suzier : If you can, maybe do better.

Mel: But we're saying that this, this episode is about,

like, where's the line? Like, where is it? Is it okay? Is it okay?

B, Is there a line when it's not okay?

And when do you kind of.

Suzier : Lock it down?

Mel: Lock it down.

Suzier : Lock it down.

Mel: Yes.

Suzier : Yeah.

Mel: Over to you, Susan.

Suzier : Thanks, darling. Well, at this Point in my dating life.

Mel: Your dating life? Yes.

Suzier : I am dating multiple men.

Mel: Yes.

Suzier : Try the woman thing. It's not great.

Mel: You've tried the woman thing? Yeah.

Suzier : Just like, don't think I'm into it. I'm not into dating the women. I think I like to do nasty things to them.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : And that's it.

Mel: Got it.

Suzier : So dating the men is fun and it is interesting, I think for myself as a woman in the dating scene who thinks it's very much okay to date multiple people at once, as long as you're being honest about it and you're not like pretending you're exclusive with one person because that's obviously a problem.

But yeah, as someone who's dating multiple people,

like it's by date three to five,

you know, if this person is your person or not, if they're off.

Mel: The list or not.

Suzier : You got to have a roster. Okay. So you're having, you know, the first guy you're meeting or the girl the first person you're meeting.

And you're going on a few dates with them.

Mel: Right.

Suzier : You're gonna go in the first date, which is gonna be drinks.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : And you're having a nice time. You're excited to get to know them. And then they lock down the next date that night. That's the best way to do it.

Mel: Yes, that makes sense to me.

Suzier : And then you have the second date and let's say it's another drinks or dinner. Either. Or you also have a great time and you're like, okay, I could see myself with this person.

It's like, not bad. And like, you know, some people, like, if you're having a first kiss on the first or second date, for me, it's always the first. I like to make sure that I'm clear about my intentions of like, you better be a good kisser because I'm not gonna see you again if you're not.

Mel: But how you dip your toes, it's how I.

Suzier : You have to. If the man is not a good kisser on the first date,

if you don't have that in like innate attraction and like passion and like sex appeal on the first date, then like,

I'm sorry, you're not going to make it up on the second.

Mel: No, it's. There's not a lot of point. I do understand that. I mean, I think this whole. That multi date. As long as the other person knows. Yeah. And maybe multi dating.

Suzier : Yes, of course they should be.

Mel: Then what's the issue?

Suzier : Yeah, exactly. And then, and then. So it's like, so the first date,

you get to know them, you want it. Second date, great. You want them again. Third date, you know whether you need to add someone else on your roster or if this is it, because I feel like the third date now they're comfortable and you're more comfortable.

So you can kind of like talk about maybe more controversial things,

you know, you can maybe like, do like a little sexier makeup. Maybe you can go to like third base if you want to get like, crazy.

Mel: Third base is on the third date.

Suzier : 100%. Third base is on the third date. Even sex, I would say, wow. If you really are into it, you can have sex on the third date. That's totally great.

Okay,

So I think the third date, you really know if it's like the man for you or the woman for you.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : Or if you need to add someone else to the roster and they're just for fun or you need to break it off.

Mel: Okay, I have a question on this point.

Suzier : Go ahead.

Mel: So if you've got to the third date. Yeah. And you've had sexy, sexy time. Okay. And you're like, he's nice.

He's not for me. Right. What's the point in keeping him on the roster?

Suzier : Well, if he's good and bad, keep him on the roster. Just for funsies.

Mel: But does he know he's on the roster?

Suzier : Yeah. That's something you gotta feel it up. Feel about.

Because it's like, you obviously don't want to lead someone on with bad intentions of being like, maybe I'll. We'll date and like, yeah, I'll get free dinners out of you.

Like, I. It's obviously not the right thing to do.

Mel: No.

Suzier : But if he's good in bed, and obviously if you're giving him sex, then like, yeah, sure, you can get a few free dinners.

Mel: Who cares? He'll be fine.

Suzier : But yeah, not like in, like,

leading him on in the way of like, oh, I really like you. Like, I think I'm going to be with you. Like, **** like that.

Mel: Okay.

Suzier : But also like, they.

Mel: You should have figured it out.

Suzier : Figured it out whether you want to date someone else. But it is good for your mentality as a person who's dealing quite a few people just to get your mind off of one person.

Because if you only have one person, you're putting way too much pressure on that one person.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : And you are like, if this person's not,

you know, giving me what I need or want, then I'm going to go find another person. Or I already have Another person.

And I'm going to be like, oh, this person can give me this. You're not giving me this. So I'm just going to go to this person and it's a lot of juggling, isn't it?

It's a little bit of juggling, but this is what dating is nowadays.

Mel: Sounds exhausting, but was it not like this for you? Listening to you back then?

Suzier : Back in the old days, man, the.

Mel: Golden days in the 1950s. I'm not that old, everyone. No, I don't think it was.

Suzier : Well, how was it? Like, you obviously dated one person.

Mel: Yeah. I think,

I mean, was it different? I think, I mean, it depends on the person. Right. So some people were dating lots of people. Right. And some people kind of did one at a time.

Suzier : Yeah.

Mel: And some people. And sometimes you sort of had the fling and that's what it was. I don't think I was ever really a multi data.

Suzier : I mean, that makes sense to me.

Mel: But like, not really. Technically dating, I mean, that's a big term, isn't it? I think because of the dating apps, though, it's kind of changed all of that.

Suzier : Like, you can have so true.

Mel: All of these different conversations with people because of technology. And obviously we didn't have that, you know, we barely had mobile phones. I mean, do you know what I mean? When were mobile phones?

Probably when I was.

Suzier : Yeah, in the 90s.

Mel: Yeah, 20.

Somebody's gonna come for me. I can remember when I bought my first mobile phone and I was with my now husband. Wow. So I would have been 25 by that point.

So there was.

That was the thing of communicating.

It was a lot harder. So managing all these different kinds of people, you'd actually have to talk to them on the phone.

Suzier : Horrifying.

Mel: Exactly. So then, you know, that's harder to manage, isn't it? Yeah. And there was no email. So how are we managing them?

Suzier : Just meet them on the street.

Mel: Yeah. Like, I just think,

just think that everything took a lot longer because you couldn't text,

you couldn't message in an app. You couldn't. There was no way of communicating other than the phone. Yeah.

Suzier : I mean, these apps are encouraging multi dating. Oh, my God. Writing a letter.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : Or it's kind of so romantic. I wish a man would write me a letter.

Mel: Yeah. But then obviously the difference was, which we've been going on about is that you.

I went out a lot. I was. I was definitely a girl who was about town. I loved. I was always out.

Suzier : But you didn't **** about it kind.

Mel: Of depended on what point in my life we're talking about.

Suzier : Right.

Mel: Because I met my husband when I was very young. So I wouldn't say I had many, many boyfriends. No. Because I was young when I met him.

Suzier : Right. But usually had a nice view. And would they take you out or you'd go out with your girlfriends, you'd meet another guy.

Mel: Um, I also think I had a couple of serious boyfriends.

Suzier : Right.

Mel: So that's different.

Suzier : Right.

Mel: I had a serious boyfriend in high school. Yeah. And I had a serious boyfriend for some of university.

Right.

So then that kind of covers that. Right.

And then I'd say a lot of people would go to parties and obviously you'd snog or sleep with people.

Suzier : Snog.

Mel: Yeah. And then that was it. And then you're like, yeah, I'm good now, thanks.

Suzier : So interesting.

Mel: But multi dating. Yeah. I mean, I just think that was difficult to manage because it would have taken so much time.

Suzier : So much extra time. Yeah. Right now it's so easy.

Mel: Now you can do that. A. You can select these people easily. The only way we were meeting people was in real life. So you went out to a party or whatever,

and that's where you met somebody.

You weren't meeting them in any other way. Like, you're doing a bit of both. You're meeting on the apps and in real life.

But then the way you can communicate. And I think the other thing is you can keep all these people in their little boxes because you're using technology to communicate with them and they are doing that to you, which is fine.

Right. But I guess. I guess we weren't. No.

Suzier : Yeah. So, like, right now I'm dating three guys.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : And they all know this.

Mel: They all.

Suzier : Well, they all. They don't know each other.

Mel: No. But no, I don't mean that they know that you're.

Suzier : They know that I'm dating other people. Yeah.

Mel: And you're too early in the game to be.

Suzier : I would never. Yeah. I would also never hide the fact that I'm dating multiple people. Like, I'm. Yeah. I'm like. They're like, what are you doing tonight? I'm like, I have a date.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : Like, I say it straight up because I'm like, I'm not going to start any relationship with lying.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : About that. That seems dumb to me. They also should know that there's other guys in my life and they have to step up.

Mel: Yes. Yes.

Suzier : That's something.

But it's like. And I do. It is very interesting to see, like, what Some men are willing to give you and what. Some men are not. And you can see that very early on.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : When you're in this relationship, like relation, like dating them.

Mel: Like what, for example.

Suzier : So, like, you know, if a guy's like, oh, I'm just going to like, let's just go for drinks, like late night, like, blah, blah, blah, like, that's all he wants to do.

You're like, that's not what my expectations are of a relationship or dating. Yeah. And it's not even about the booty call. It's more just about like the,

oh, I like,

like I'm only available after like 8:00pm or. And it's like, well, I'm going to like, I want. I'm not.

Mel: You know, it's like the lack of effort.

Suzier : Yes.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : And then there's other guys who are like, we'll buy you a coffee, like any time. Like, they'll set, like, they'll literally send it to your door if they're thinking about you.

And like really cute, thoughtful things like that.

But then let's say they're just not as fun in bed.

Mel: Right.

But I think that's the intention of the guy, like the guy who's only. I'm only three. Three after eight. Which is like, what the **** does that mean? Yeah. Is that he's.

His intention obviously is purely for hookups, for sex. Right. He's probably not looking for somebody. Whereas the guy who's sending you a coffee, although obviously you may not be the one, but he's generically looking for somebody at some point.

Yeah. And I think that's the thing actually that men don't understand about women is that men do sort of have an intention, don't they? They're like, I would like to meet somebody,

but I don't know if it's this person or the next person. They're just generically looking for somebody and who knows who it will be.

So they sort of behave in the same kind of way because you might be it, you might not be it.

Suzier : Yeah.

Mel: Whereas women,

we seem to have a very different view of that, don't we? We just can't get over the fact that, yes, you're looking for a relationship, but it may not be this.

This person. So just don't go overboard and go crazy. Just keep, you know, see how it goes kind of thing.

Suzier : Yeah. Especially like if you're dating early on in the relationship.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : You're dating, you're trying to put your best self forward. You're trying to. Look, if this Is any time to be generous.

It should be when you start, when you're first dating,

you know, like, you're going out for nice dinners.

You are, you know, having a really fun time.

You know, you're.

You're buying each other, like, cute. Like, not even gifts, but, like, you know, you're doing something thoughtful for someone else. You're driving them places. Like, there's all these nice, thoughtful things you could do that don't cost that much money.

Mel: Oh, absolutely. It's just showing who you really are and what you want people to see.

But I think maybe the guys who are doing that, who. Yeah, of course, they're probably. It's also their kind of thing, their game to get, you know, it's very possible more interested.

And so, fine, that's whatever. But I think the men who are like that are showing that they're a certain kind of man,

and the men who are just like, oh, yeah, I'll see you on Saturday between 9 and 10. Or, like,

clearly, you know, okay, whatever.

But yeah. And I don't know. Do women look at it in the same way?

I don't know. I don't know.

Suzier : Like, it's like, it's.

Mel: They get too intense too quickly.

Suzier : Being able. Well, this is the thing. It's like being able to date multiple people. It allows you to be super grounded and, like,

to not be like, oh, my God, he did this really nice thing for me. When it's really, like, the bare minimum.

Mel: Right.

Suzier : Do you know what I mean? Where it's like, you can see whether a man will buy you a dinner,

which is, like, to me, the bare minimum. If we're on a date.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : Um, but if you're only dating one person and he does that once, then you're like, oh, that was so nice. He bought me dinner. And it's like, yeah, but there's 10 other guys who would do that.

So what are the 10 other guys also gonna do for you?

Mel: Yeah, I think. Yeah, I think this thing. So going back to what it was like. Cause you're just making me think about this when it was like, when I was younger.

I think the other thing is,

the good thing about the apps is that you can meet, potentially meet a lot of people. Absolutely. Which, of course,

we couldn't. I mean, we could, but we couldn't. Cause there's only the people you're meeting, and you can't text.

Suzier : You can't text so much quicker, but.

Mel: You'Re only meeting the people you meet in situations. So you're in a bar, you're at a party, you're at a dinner party, wherever you're meeting the people you come across,

you're not meeting.

There's so many possibilities of meeting people today because you could meet somebody that you would never meet at these parties. Am I making any sense?

But then the, the bad side of it is so in a sense, it's opened up the world. But then in, in a bad sense, I think it makes people want to or have to multi date because then they're always like, there could be something better around the corner.

Like there's this endless search for something else which maybe we didn't have and maybe people can argue with. Did more people settle? I don't know the answer to that question.

Yeah, but I think the apps and the like, the fact that there's just so many opportunities to meet people because you could be in Toronto and on an app and meet somebody in Montreal or New York or whatever,

that. Does that mean that you kind of always know there's something else out there because you can and so that you kind of have to multi date? So do you see what I mean?

There's like a good side and a bad side and then there's the point. When do you stop?

But I think the answer to when you stop is when you meet the guy,

right?

Suzier : I mean, so that's why I love the multi dating is because you're able to try so many things and you're also able to learn so much more about yourself and who you want as a partner and what you're like with all of these different people too, because different people will bring out different things in you.

And so you're like, how do I like myself when I'm with this person?

And like, but like, or like, how do I not like myself when I'm with this person? Like, it's, it's an amazing thing to actually be able to be with different people that you also, like, don't know as well as, like, you would your friends.

So it's like you are a different person almost and they,

they bring on a different side of you. And it's very cool to see and to like, experience because,

yeah, all these men are very different.

They're hopefully not like the same cookie cutter guy that you're just dating multiple times.

And they want different things, and they want different things.

And they're either gonna be, you know, patient or excited or enthusiastic or generous. You know, there's all these. And you can kind of feel out which of these traits are the best for you and you appreciate the most.

So that's been a really interesting thing that I'm dealing with right now.

And I, I think it's just so much better to like deal to do that because you just, you find out so much quicker what you actually want and how not to settle.

Mel: Right.

Suzier : Because then you're not settling. But it's also like,

it's okay to.

When you're like, okay, this is the guy. He's amazing. He's generous, he's sweet, he's kind, he's funny. Those are all my tick boxes.

And like you're like, oh, well, I didn't actually need someone who's like a 10 out of 10 hotness because he's checking my other boxes.

So it just feels a lot better to know that like you don't have to like settle for the hot ****** guy.

You can actually be with someone who has a great personality and you didn't realize how much you like that.

Mel: Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, it does make sense. And I think that's probably the positive side of it.

I don't know if the negative side of it is that you like keep thinking maybe I should just, you know, keep, keep going, keep going. Yeah, but I mean, I guess the other.

Suzier : But here's the thing, it's exhausting.

Mel: Well, I was about to say it must be exhausting.

Suzier : Like it's exhausting to date so much. Yeah, it's a full time ******* job if you really like. I even like at least a part time job if you want it to be.

Mel: Yeah, but I, yeah, I think it is.

But I think even if you are not into that because a lot of people might be like, I'm not comfortable with that.

And really it's whatever. Anybody is comfortable in their own situation,

but still the effort of dating in general is exhausting. But I think if you wanna meet somebody, I'm sorry, it's the only way to do it. It's like, you know what, you can sit at home and be safe and happy and nobody's gonna hurt you and all the rest of it,

but you are never going to meet anybody and you will be alone for the rest of your life.

And you know, somebody actually made a comment to us today in our on one of the socials about that, that they prefer to be alone. And I understand that because it's exhausting,

it's tiring, it's like overstimulating, it's like too much, especially today.

But on the other hand, it may not matter to you now in your 30s or your 20s,

wait until your 40s and your 50s and you're alone.

You will see how that is very different,

because everyone starts to couple off,

even today. Even though things are different.

Suzier : Yeah.

Mel: They start to couple off and you're sitting on your own. I mean, you know, and your friends, it's your. Even your friends, you don't see them as much because they're coupling off, they're having children.

Even if that's later, that is happening. Right.

Suzier : Yeah.

Mel: So the point I'm making is dating. I'm sure it just sounds exhausting. Well.

Suzier : And the pool becomes very shallow.

Mel: Right.

Suzier : At a certain age.

Mel: Of course. Of course it does. Of course it does.

Suzier : Or you just have to keep going for the older ones.

Mel: Yeah. Yes.

Suzier : You know, which is interesting.

Mel: I get it.

Suzier : Or even maybe the young girl or the younger ones.

Mel: Yeah, maybe.

Suzier : But,

yeah, because there's not a lot of, like. Let's say I'm still dating like, this. Like, I'm 30 right now. Let's say I'm still dating at 35, which is when a lot of people get already, like, married already, like, having their first children.

And so it would be very interesting if I was still doing this at 35, which I'm hoping not to. I'm, like, actually dating with intention right now. So I'm hoping to find someone.

Or maybe I have already found him. But, like, here's the other thing.

Mel: Yes.

Suzier : When would it become a red flag if I was still doing this at 35, obviously, and I was still trying to find the one.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : Because somehow I could not find any guy that's, like, worth my.

I don't know. I don't know what you would call that. Like,

my. My expectations, like, are, like, meeting my expectations. Yeah.

Mel: So, like, worth being exclusive with.

Suzier : Right, Exactly.

Mel: Which.

Suzier : There's a lot of guys out there who are worth being exclusive for. I just, you know, some women have very high demands and are very particular about who they want to date and who they want to marry.

Mel: I think there's two things it. When has it become a red flag. Yeah.

For you. You know, to other people. I guess.

And then is it a red flag for the men you're meeting? I guess that's the same question. If they're, like, a certain age, like, they say they're over 35,

is that a red flag that they're dating all these women? Have they not found anyone?

Suzier : Well, that's where it kind of gets interesting, where you have, like. You're seeing these kind of, like, 30 plus, like, 30 plus age. **** boys.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : That are, like,

so gross to me.

Like, I can never even give them the time of day at this. At this point in my life. 20. At 25. Yeah, sure. Like, you're having fun.

When these guys are, like, over 30 and they're ******* around and, like, not dating with intention,

it's like, you're gonna be alone forever. But, like, alone as in, like, you're never gonna find a partner. And if you don't wanna find a partner, then, like, that's fine.

Like, that's what you gotta do. But, like,

it's when these guys are just, like, dating, dating, dating. Like, they have commitment issues. That's the thing.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : I mean, it's the commitment issues.

Mel: Yeah. If the commitment. If they're lying to the woman they're with and they're not saying,

look, I'm not interested in a relationship. And if a man says that and you are, you should run for the hills and the other way around.

Yeah.

But if, you know, you do think there's gotta be a point where it all gets a bit boring,

does it not?

It does.

Suzier : Because you're also like, I don't want to be doing this forever. This is exhausting. I don't want to be meeting people constantly and, like, asking them the same questions over and over and over again.

Mel: Finding yourself so annoying.

Suzier : I'm like, how many ******* siblings do you have?

Mel: Like, yeah.

Suzier : So boring to be doing that constantly. So, like, yeah, you have want to get to the good stuff as quickly as possible.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : But yeah, so I feel like. Yeah. When it becomes a red flag is like,

if the person has, like, now too high of expectations for their partner and you will never meet them.

Like, the other person was never gonna meet them.

And they're like, it's fine. I'm, like, happy to keep doing this forever because I know I'm gonna meet the right person. Even though it's like, you probably could have married 10 of the guys that you dated in the past, like, five years.

Mel: Yes.

Suzier : But you have chosen not to not to, which is like, that's your choice. You're free to make those decisions for yourself.

Mel: But.

Suzier : But it's the fact of, like, do you actually want to meet your person? Because you're going to have to do a little deep dive as to why you haven't chosen one of these great men or women that you've been dating.

So it's a little complicated.

Mel: You mean you have to do a deep dive.

Suzier : No, I'm good.

Mel: You're good.

Suzier : I'm saying the people who, like, are at these, like, who are still dating year after year after year after year.

Mel: Well, yeah, I guess. Do they ask themselves, like, why is that happening? Why is it happening?

Suzier : I know.

Mel: Why are they constantly.

I mean, is it because of,

like,

social media and the apps and whatever and there's this sort of idea that there's always something better on the horizon. But then on the other hand, you know, when you meet somebody, you know.

Yeah. Like very quickly, you know,

whether it's platonic or not, you know, or sanction,

I don't know why I have to use that voice. But you know, very quickly whether there's something there. Right. Obviously it takes a little bit longer to know, you know, can I actually have a relationship with this person?

I appreciate that. But, you know, pretty quickly you can feel it.

And the one who is going to be the one, you're going to spend a long time with it. It's almost like it's not something you actually rationalize or think about.

It just kind of happens,

doesn't it?

Suzier : It does.

Mel: So the idea is, if you're multi dating,

the idea is that everyone knows and that's fine. And you're just kind of what they used to call playing the field,

but everyone knows everyone's playing the field. So everyone's on the field.

Suzier : If a person's single and they're dating, they're playing the field.

Mel: Right, Exactly. I don't think. I don't think that has changed that much.

What I'm. I, you know, was talking about when I was younger. What is just different is we didn't have all these ways of communicating, all.

Suzier : These ways to play in the field.

Mel: Exactly.

So I think it was just a different.

Yeah. Way of doing it.

And I'm not sure I was terribly good at it. But anyway, that's another discussion for another book.

Suzier : I'm sure you had very high expectations of men.

Mel: Yeah, I think I.

Suzier : Which is a good thing.

Mel: I think I. I knew, like, I.

Suzier : Know Max has stepped up to the plate, obviously.

Mel: Yes. Yeah. I mean, I think I knew what I was looking for. I don't think,

if we're talking about me,

is that I had this idea that I see with a lot of young women, like, he has to make this amount of money and he has to be this and he has to be that and has.

I really didn't have that in my brain. Yeah. Like, it didn't even cross my mind. What crossed my mind is, is this person a nice person, a good person? Fun?

Is he gonna. Yeah. Get There, of course. And I, you know, I met somebody who was gonna be a lawyer. He was a student at the time, he's gonna be a lawyer.

So obviously there was a clear path, we're going somewhere. And I had a good job.

So that's kind of the way I thought about it.

But in this, I think today, it's so specific.

Suzier : Yes.

Mel: And like,

we've talked about that in other episodes. Like they have to be 6 foot tall and they have to make this and they have to do that and they have to do the other.

Because you are going onto an app and putting down requirements literally in a ******* field, like in a field in the app. Like, what's the thing? You know, you're writing this down.

You have to think about it. If you are writing it down and putting that information or typing it, whatever, in an app, you have to have clearly thought this out.

Right. Otherwise what are you writing, what are you putting? Inputting what? Data. Data, Data, data, data are you inputting? Right. Whereas that wasn't the case.

So then that does make it extremely transactional.

And then,

then you're thinking, well, look, if I'm going to go to all that bother, I've got to ******* figure out, I gotta do my research. Yeah, well, this is why it makes sense to me.

Suzier : But this is why men lie about their height, right?

Mel: Yes.

Suzier : Is because they're like. Women are only wanting to even see men who are over six foot. Oh, it's ridiculous.

Mel: You are so silly. I'm sorry. To all the women out there. If you have, if you look at the.

Whatever you look at and they say they're not six foot tall and a. You're not six foot tall or not extremely tall. What are you doing?

Suzier : It's unbelievable.

Mel: Hard enough for people to meet.

Suzier : You're missing out on so many great guys. It is insane.

Mel: And how on earth do you know? I mean, what difference does it make to you? It's just stupid.

Suzier : And then, well, the guy's gonna get there too, obviously, because he's lied about his height. And you're gonna be like,

are you gonna know that he's not six foot tall?

Mel: Of course you're not gonna know. But it's the other thing. And we've had a lot of comments about this and to this point, like women who lie,

probably with the photos.

So they put this photo and.

Suzier : Well, you're obviously putting your best photo forward, but. But not with a filter lady or.

Mel: A photo of you when you were. And this is awful because this is what men say but when you were 10, 20, 40, whatever, pounds light, and then all of a sudden you turn up and you don't look like the photo.

I mean, obviously if you've changed a bit, like everybody does. Yeah, that's fine. But why would you put a picture? Because it is essentially marketing dating apps. It's horrible. You're marketing yourself.

Suzier : Yeah.

Mel: Why would you put a photo that when you turn up to the date, you look completely different? I. Heavier.

Suzier : Like, are you worried?

Mel: Totally.

Are you not worried that A, you have to do that for somebody to turn up and B, when you get to the date, you've lied before you even got there.

And then how are you going to connect? Like, why would you want to do that? I don't understand.

And it's just going to go wrong, isn't it? Yeah, it's just going to go wrong.

Anyway,

I'm going off track. But I do this idea of multi dating, I do get it.

I just think, like in your head, you, for example, do you have like a point where you're like,

okay, I'm not gonna do this anymore or.

Suzier : Yeah, I mean, I'd love to meet the person. I think it's. It's about, it is about feeling everything. And like,

I think where I'm realizing where my checkboxes are because you have you. Everyone has a checkbox as to, like, what they're looking for.

Not every guy is going to check all the checkboxes.

Mel: Yeah. And women have them. Men have them. And women, of course.

Suzier : Of course.

Mel: Everyone gets upset about that.

Suzier : Calm down. So my check boxes, they have to be funny.

Mel: Yes.

Suzier : They have to be generous.

Mel: Yes.

Suzier : And that's not just like with money, that's like with their time.

Mel: Thoughtful.

Suzier : Thoughtful. Exactly. So funny and thoughtful. Slash generous. And then they just. I have to be attracted them.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : So it's, it's like. But I don't have like a certain, like, image in my mind of what they're gonna look like. It's just like I have to feel that attraction.

And then they have to go to bed.

Yeah, but those are my four hopeful things.

Mel: I think that's pretty reasonable.

Suzier : Like, and the guy who I'm going to be settling down with has to have all four of those.

Mel: I think that's very reasonable. You're also 30, you're not like 20.

So like the good in bed thing, you could think, well, maybe when you got to 20, you could, you know, it could improve, but.

Suzier : Right, exactly.

Mel: You're a real adult now. You're not like a, you know, you.

Suzier : Know what I'm saying? I'm done teaching men how to ****.

Mel: Exactly.

Suzier : I'm not doing that.

Mel: And I completely understand. And then this thing about.

Yeah, you want.

You don't have a specific criteria of how they should look, which I think is actually very impressive. I think you want to just obviously be attracted to them as anybody.

Like,

you've got to have actual attraction, otherwise, you're lost. Yeah. Because there will be points in your relationship which will be very difficult.

And if you don't have attraction, why are we here in the first place? No.

Suzier : And, like, the attraction is just gonna make the sex hotter. And, like, of course. Of course I'm gonna, like, you know, you can have great sex with someone who. It's not, like, really your type,

but you definitely need to have that attraction to that person.

Mel: Of course you do.

Suzier : That, like, makes you want to literally, like, jump their bones.

Mel: Of course. I mean, that's basic. That. Of course. I mean, I don't even know why that's even a discussion. Right. On either side.

Suzier : Because people are like, oh, but they're such a nice guy. So what?

Mel: It's not enough?

Suzier : No. I'm sorry. I need to be attracted to them.

Mel: A man to a woman. It's not enough.

Suzier : Of course.

Mel: But I think this idea.

You're not like this. You're not saying they have to be this height and they have to have this color hair and they have to.

Suzier : No, because that's literally, like, the least my worries, which is just stupid. Yeah.

Mel: But a lot of women are like that. They. They have some, you know,

really specific idea of the way a man should look, which is problematic on the apps, because then they're seeing. They go, no, no, no, no. And you're like.

But then you're like,

you know, cutting out half of the potential guys. But then I do understand meeting people is exhausting.

And meeting new people and having these conversations again and again and again.

So there has to be a way that you filter each other out. I do get that.

Suzier : I know it's very, very hard. Like, I. So the three guys I'm dating right now. What, I'm on the apps.

Mel: Yes.

Suzier : The other one I met through a friend I got set up.

Mel: Yes.

Suzier : And he's very sweet, and they're all very sweet. And then the other one I met in person at a party.

Mel: Right.

Suzier : So it's a good combo of, like, all these different guys. So, like, you know,

you're kind of figuring out which you have the best attraction to, and, like, you have the most in common with. And all these different, like, weird little combinations because they're all.

They're all the same, but they're all so different. It's like, so weird. Like, they're all very sweet. They check a lot of my boxes,

and yet I'm still not,

like, ready to settle down with any of them yet. So, like, that could mean that I'm still waiting for that one. Another person to come along.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : To blow my little brains out. To blow or blow my socks off.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : Knock my socks off.

Mel: Knock.

Suzier : Not blow my brains out.

Mel: That's probably not a. **** my brains out. That. But yes, that's probably a better way of putting.

Suzier : Got it.

Mel: But yeah. I mean. Yeah. I mean, it's a lot of work, isn't it?

Suzier : So much work. Mel.

Mel: It's so.

Suzier : I literally just want to bring them all over for you. It's like a dating game.

Mel: Yes.

Suzier : And then, like, you're gonna ask them the questions, though.

Mel: Yes.

Suzier : I'm gonna have them all in a lineup. You're not gonna be able to see them. And you know me so well.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : So you're gonna have these questions that you're gonna ask them.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : And they're gonna have to answer them. And you're gonna pick which one I should actually carry on with. Yes.

Mel: Exclusive.

Suzier : Exclude. Get.

Mel: Exclusive.

Suzier : Get locked down.

Mel: Locked down.

Suzier : And the whole. The game show is gonna be called cuffing season or something. Lockdown.

Mel: I'm. I'm up for that. We have a game show. We do.

Suzier : We have a game show. We should have a game show.

Mel: It would be a lot easier than, I think, the friggin dating app.

Suzier : Honestly, like, I just.

It's nice for someone else to, like, have an outside opinion about this.

To like, look at the men you're dating or look at the women you're dating. And because you have. You know me so well. Get a friend. And being like, which one do you think would work best for me?

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : It would honestly be so helpful.

Mel: Maybe that's the next.

The next thing.

Because then.

Yeah. God, I mean, just so much time and so much effort and so much.

So I get it. Like, people just give up, don't they? And they just can't be bothered. We give up.

Suzier : And then we settle.

Mel: Yes.

Suzier : And then we're not happy when we settle.

Mel: And then we cheat.

Suzier : And then we go on the dating apps and we start the whole process.

Mel: The whole thing all over again. Yeah.

Suzier : No, I'm not kidding.

Mel: Or we go back to this idea of, like, date, like. Like parties, like dating events or whatever. Which I do see starting to be a lot more popular.

Suzier : Singles events. Love it. But like, cool singles events.

Mel: Yeah. But then, I mean, to me, that's a really good idea,

but.

Because then you feel a bit safer about it. There's less pressure. But you are going to an event so everyone knows what they're doing. Right. But then what happens to the people who don't,

like,

nobody's interested in them. That must be awful.

Suzier : Look, there's someone out there for everyone.

Mel: Oh, yeah, there is, but it takes a lot of guts. Like, you go to something and then,

you know, you get led. I mean, you know, that's a lot, isn't it? You go to one of these events or just go with the intention. Just have some fun.

Suzier : See, that's also the thing. It's like you go, that's also the thing.

Mel: It's a great point, Mel.

Suzier : It's like you go to these events or you just go on a date from an app and you go in with no intention or no expectation.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : You go in the day with no expectation. You go into the event with no expectation. You go into meeting people with no expectation of, like, this is my person, or like, you know, I want to be dating this person for a long time or like, I really want to have sex with them.

There's no expectation for anything.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : You just go. You're looking to meet a new friend.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : And if the sexual chemistry is there. Incredible. And you're having a good time.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : And you know, all these other things that you're looking for there. Incredible.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : But if it doesn't happen,

there's always another person.

This is what the apps are showing us. There's always someone else. It's okay if the first person didn't work out.

Didn't. It doesn't usually work out for anyone.

So as long as you're keeping your mind open and you're not getting upset about it.

Mel: Yeah, I definitely, I think, keep your mind open and just like, if you are trying to meet somebody,

it's sort of a numbers game. I mean, that's a numbers game. Awful.

And I think, like, anybody who has,

you know, like me, been married a long time, like, if I hadn't been in that situation where a friend of mine introduced me,

like, then it's luck as well. It's like a numbers game and it's lucky and it's a lot of things.

Suzier : And the right place, right time for people.

Mel: 100% it is. And keep your mind open and don't get too intense or stressed or Anything and have a bit of fun along the way.

I mean that. I think that's good advice, isn't it? And also, just don't get so wound up like, oh, my God, I'm this age and I haven't met. And I know that's very easy for me to say, and I haven't met somebody.

And like,

I think you can just get really overwhelmed by the whole thing and stressed out about it. Yeah.

Suzier : It makes you more anxious about it. Makes you more anxious and more desperate.

Mel: More desperate than. More intense than. Each date is like, this is going to be it. This is going to be it. And you can't do that because it's just a person.

Suzier : Well, other people can smell desperation.

Mel: They can smell desperation. And it's a lot of pressure to put on a person.

Suzier : Yes.

Mel: Isn't it? Like your whole.

Like everything is on this date. It's a lot. And people can sense that.

So I think the answer is, I think multi dating makes sense as long as you're honest with each other. And quite frankly, I don't see how if you're on the apps, you're not multi dating because you're talking to so many people.

The whole point is swiping and all this ****. Like how you just do that with one person. That seems nuts to me. It's ridiculous. You're going to put all this effort into one person, and then even the, you know, you do all the chatting and whatever and then you meet up and you meet the person.

We've got to. That's, let's say Thursday. You got to meet somebody else on Friday and set something else on Saturday. You can't just put all your eggs in one basket.

Suzier : Exactly. If you're putting all your eggs in one basket, you're literally ruining the potential that you have of meeting the one that you should be with.

Mel: 100%. I think the question is probably for a lot of people is,

you know,

their multi dating may look different to other people's multi dating. So some people might date lots of people and literally have the first, second date, no sexual interaction, and then they can tell and that's it.

Whereas other people may.

That's not. They. They have more interaction if you know. Right. I guess it's what you're comfortable with, right? Yeah.

Don't you think?

Suzier : Yes, absolutely.

Mel: Some people, it's like, no, I don't. I don't need to have sex with that person to know that I don't want to be with them.

Suzier : Exactly.

Mel: I mean, I think that's.

Suzier : Well, I mean, yeah, there's a lot of women who are much more exclusive about who they have sex with.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : Than I am. Yes, but. Right. And so that's great.

Mel: But that's entirely preference, personal preference and that's completely fine. Yes. And same with men. I'm sure there aren't as many men, but if you go on two dates and the attraction is not there and you're not feeling it and you don't want to get jiggy, then fine, you move on and maybe that's your multi dating is like going on several dates,

like one, two, whatever. And they're like, it's not happening. I really liked you. But that's it.

And that's the way you do it. And that's fine.

Suzier : Absolutely.

Mel: I think everyone has to figure out this crazy thing out for themselves and what they're comfortable with or like you said, what they need.

You know, some people, we all need different things,

do we not?

Suzier : I would hope so because then we would all be dating the same person.

Mel: Exactly. So I don't know why everyone's so critical about all this stuff.

Suzier : No, you just. There is someone out there for everyone, I believe.

I just think you have to be open to it. And if you're not open to it, then you're never going to find that person.

Mel: You're never going to find them and let, and if you don't, like I said, it's a horrible way of putting it, but it is a numbers game.

You know, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.

Suzier : Gotta kiss a lot.

Mel: Do you meet that prince? You know what I mean? And I, and I'm afraid that is the truth.

Suzier : And I promise you guys and girls,

you will know by the third date if this is your person.

If the first kiss,

if the first kiss, you're not feeling it,

that's it.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : I would love to know a story from our audience. If they have had a bad kiss the first time and now they're like, there's no way.

Mel: But that's another thing. Maybe that is your,

your thing how you tell like you go on a few dates, you like the person,

you have a kiss sounds all very innocent. And then you know, and that's enough. And then you stop there. I think everyone, I'm saying, has their own.

Suzier : Yeah.

Mel: Boundary.

Suzier : Yes.

Mel: But they're not, you know, at, at your age, quite frankly, they're not going to change, are they? They're not 20 or 18 or whatever. You're not suddenly gonna.

Suzier : It's much harder to teach an old dog New tricks.

Mel: Exactly. They're not all of a sudden gonna be, you know, great. Yeah.

Suzier : I mean, like, you and look like you have the first kiss on the first date, which is like my preference. Because then if it feels right, obviously,

if you. Feels right, you're gonna have the first kiss on the first date.

You know, after that, that it felt good. That it. You was. It made you excited about what's to come.

Um, but also, still, sometimes if I'm like, oh, that wasn't the best kiss of my life, I'll still go out with them a second time because I'm like, maybe they were just nervous.

I'll give them the benefit of the doubt if I like them.

Mel: Nice. That charity. I know.

Suzier : I thought that was nice of me. Um, but I will give them the benefit. Benefit of the doubt. Because you never know. People are getting nervous. People may not be kissers on the first date.

And you're kind of true. You're feeling it out. So, yeah, I'm trying to. Trying to be nice about it, but usually. And it's. I'm always right. My instincts are always right about it.

It's like, if it's a bad kiss and I still gave him a chance, I'm like, this was.

It didn't. It never works out.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : Well, but that's just me.

Mel: You should always listen to your instincts.

Suzier : I know. That's also the thing. And the instincts will tell you when to stop dating too.

Mel: They will.

Suzier : And you got to listen to your gut.

Mel: You have both.

Suzier : Don't.

Mel: And women, like, listen to your gut, listen to the flags like they're there for a reason.

Suzier : Yeah. Does this feel right?

Mel: And just stop, move on, find the next one as you put it on the roster.

Suzier : Let's get them on the roster, gals. And guys.

Yeah, guys. If you have had any sort of dating experience like this, are you a multidater?

Are you only dating one person at one time and you found your person?

We want to know, do you also kiss on the first date?

Mel: Yeah.

Suzier : What's that like for you?

Mel: Tell us.

Suzier : Tell us.

Mel: Send us a message.

Suzier : Go to sharemytruth.com with. You can send us an email or a voicemail or you want to share my truth pod on any of our socials? Instagram? You can DM us. We'd love to see you there.

Mel: Who would. Until next time, kisses.

Thanks so much for listening. Please rate and review this podcast and follow us on social at sharingmytruth podcast and leave us a voicemail on our website sharingmytruth.com to share your stories and experiences with us.

We'll see you next time. Bye.

Bye.

Three, two, one.

Sam.