Suzie: Welcome to Sharing My Truth with Mel and Susie. The uncensored version where we bear it all.

Mel: We do.

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Hey, babe.

Mel: Hello, darling.

Suzie: How are you?

Mel: I'm fabulous.

Suzie: Feeling good? Feeling fine. Mel and I went to a deli today, so now we're in food comas.

Mel: So it may make no sense whatsoever.

Suzie: That's very, very possible.

Mel: Even less than normal.

Suzie: You know, it's very, very possible. But no, we've had like two hours of talking. So now we're, we're in a good state.

Mel: We're lumbered up. We're like lubricating.

Suzie: You were lubricant?

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: Feeling good.

So for today's episode, we thought we'd do it fine because we're going to do a little series on this.

And the full topic is red flags. Yes, red flags. About women.

Yes, women's red flags.

And how we just are princesses, obviously, all of us, but sometimes we're a little nuts.

Mel: Absolutely.

Suzie: And Mel, I'm going to read you some of some people's red flags. And if anyone else listening and you feel like you have a red flag about a woman or about a man, literally, tell us about it.

We want to hear about what your red flags are too.

So I'm going to start off with one.

This is typically about women.

I know women who do this.

Mel: Okay.

Suzie: And the red flag is that she always is the victim. In all the situations she's telling a story, she is the victim. But it's a common theme.

Mel: I know. I think I'd run quite fast towards the door.

It's not, it's not good. It's not good at all because it's just gonna, it's gonna escalate. It's just so boring.

Suzie: Well, it's just like you have to have some self actualization.

Mel: We have to take accountability. Sometimes you're actually the person who's ****** up.

Suzie: Absolutely.

Mel: And if you always make yourself the.

It means that you can't actually accept the fact that you're wrong.

And women do that a lot. I've been guilty of this. I hope my husband's listening.

That I, you know, women like, you're in an argument with a man, and you always have to be right,

and you have to. And you bring it back to the most random ******* **** because you want to be right. And all women do this. It's very annoying. And I'm sorry we can't actually change that program deep into our DNA.

But if you can't at any point accept that you're wrong or maybe actually know that happened because you messed it up or because you created the situation,

it's not good, is it?

Suzie: It's kind of this whole thing about how men, you know, how we talk to a man about our problems and we don't actually want a solution.

Mel: Right.

Suzie: We just want to talk about our problems.

Mel: Yes.

Suzie: And men don't understand that. Yeah, understandably, yes.

Mel: Because it's illogical.

Suzie: But yeah. We just want to talk about our problems, and we don't want you to give us a solution. We just you to listen and be like, oh, my God, babe, that sucks.

Are you okay?

Let me give you a million dollars.

But.

Because I know I do this, and I hate when men give me unsolicited advice even though I'm asking for it.

Mel: Yeah, because you don't want it.

Suzie: Exactly. But you know what's funny, and I've realized this about myself is that I actually,

when my friends are telling me a story or something, that is a problem with them,

and they are most likely just wanting my sympathies.

I want to solve their problem like a man.

Mel: Oh, yes.

Suzie: And. But I'm like. I'm like, oh, my God, they're so annoying. Even though I 100 do the same thing.

Mel: Yes.

Suzie: But I'm like, don't. I'm like, there are some women, though, that do have no accountability for their own lives.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: And it's like. And obviously men do this too,

but there are a lot of women who are like, oh, my God, I can't believe, like, this is happening to me again. And it's like, you are manifesting this for yourself because you cannot figure out the solution to get out of it.

Because you don't want to. Because you want to keep the drama. Because women love the drama.

Mel: Yeah, yeah. Women love drama. I think it's also that women,

like, they sort of repeat patterns, and they can't think. Hang on, the thing. This is happening because I'm doing the same thing again.

I haven't actually learned anything. I just keep doing the same thing because apparently everyone else is meant to read your mind.

And I do think we do that. I think I do that.

Think that has a. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like, sorry, what are you talking about? I say, what? And I say to him, how do you not know what I'm talking about?

We've been married for 25 years. How can you not understand what I'm talking about?

And I've said, like, three words. And he's supposed to understand a whole conversation?

Suzie: Absolutely, he is. But tell him to figure it out.

Mel: Yeah. Figure it out anyway. Yes. It is a thing. Red flag.

Suzie: It is a thing. It is a red flag, though. Victim. Blaming yourself.

Mel: Yeah, whatever that's called. Victim.

Suzie: Victimization. Your victimization.

Mel: And we mean this in a really, like, not if something bad's happening. We're talking. If you do this about the most random stupid all the time.

Suzie: Well, yeah. And then. And you know what? This is also for men and women. But if they're always, like, talking about their ex, like, their ex is crazy.

Mel: Yes. Oh, do you then think.

Suzie: Then you're like, okay, yes, of course. I'm sure your ex was probably a little bit nuts, but why were they so crazy? Did you make them crazy?

Mel: Oh, yes.

Suzie: You know, and I feel like that's a big thing about men is men. A lot of. I know we're talking about women, but men a lot of the time are like, oh, my God, she was a fudgeing, crazy *****.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: And it's like, well, was she. Or did you make her insane because you're a manipulator?

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: But it's the same for women.

Mel: I agree.

Suzie: When women are like, oh, he was just, like, horrible and he was awful. And I know people like that. I know women like this.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: And they're like, he was. He was horrible. He was crazy. And it's like. Yeah, because you were insane, too.

And you guys. It's like you guys brought out the worst in each other. So 100. He was crazy, but because also, you were insane. I don't think this is for every crazy relationship.

Mel: But it is a thing. Yeah, it is a thing.

Suzie: Just like, you gotta look a little bit deeper into yourself.

Mel: That's it. Look deeper into yourself maybe is.

Suzie: Yeah, they take that off the list. Okay. This is definitely a woman's thing.

Mel: Okay.

Suzie: When a woman shares other People's deepest, darkest secrets. Red flag or not?

Mel: Hmm. The fact you can't keep your mouth shut.

Suzie: Right.

Mel: I think is a very common female thing.

Suzie: It's a very common female thing. But is it a red flag?

Mel: I guess it depends. What you shouldn't be doing it. If the person said don't tell anyone and if you. The problem is as women,

we're all in competition with each other.

So we kind of again, and it's horrible. And we say this is two women. We know this.

Suzie: Yes. We're being. We're self actualized women. We are.

Mel: Is that we're looking deep into ourselves. Women kind of like it when other women fail.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: Because they think my life is so great, Right? Yes.

Really catty, horrible thing.

And so. Oh, oh, oh, oh. You didn't get the house or you didn't get the joy.

Suzie: Oh, oh. You look like, oh, it's horrible.

Mel: Oh, that thing. Like I do it like when you like magazines and you see like a celebrity with cellulite, you're like.

Suzie: You'Re just like.

Mel: And it's so terrible. Or you see a skinny. I was just around a pool. Yeah. I was in the States and it in Vegas and it was hot and I was around the pool one day and you know, you see all the women in their bikinis and when you see a woman who's really skinny but she's got satellite and you're like.

And you. It's just awful.

So women do this kind of stuff.

So what the. What was the question?

Suzie: Completely. It's. When women are telling each other's deeper secrets.

Mel: Yes.

Suzie: So is that a red flag if.

Mel: They'Re telling it in the way that it's like,

like looking down on them? Catty. Yeah.

Then I mean, you shouldn't be repeating somebody's deep dusk. Deep in dark, deep.

You shouldn't be doing that.

And if you say. I'd say the red flag is if you're doing it in a really catty, critical kind of way.

Because I know I just said that women do it, but there's an extra level. There's a level on top of that, isn't there? Of extra bitchiness.

There's like normal women and then there's extra catty bitchy. So if you do the extra catty bitchy, does this help you?

Suzie: Yeah, absolutely. Very descriptive.

Mel: Run, run, run, run. So like as fast as your legs.

Suzie: Can carry you 100.

This is like,

because when I love, I actually, I feel like I, I have a very good secret keeper. If someone tells me to Keep a secret. I won't tell anyone.

Mel: Yeah, I believe. But yes, I have this.

Suzie: Maybe I have. You know, if I'm like seeing a guy,

most likely that guy is gonna know about my friend's secrets in some capacity.

And that is a known thing amongst couples. Couples tell each other secrets about their friends. Okay. It's just that. It's just a thing that's.

Mel: That's a bit different.

Suzie: But then there's the thing about, like,

you. You have to make sure that, that the man isn't talking about it with his friends or anyone else. You to be like, you're ******* now the secret keeper of my secret.

Mel: Temporary. And he's trustworthy.

Suzie: And well, that's the other thing, right, where it's like,

you're not just telling everyone everyone's secrets. Because I know women who are ******* blabbermouths and I make sure I cannot tell them anything about myself or about anyone else.

Mel: Don't. Don't tell them.

Suzie: Exactly. You can't tell them.

But like, this is the thing. It's like, if you are gonna tell someone a secret of yours, either it's gonna be to a man and they are probably don't care or remember anyways.

You just have to get it off your chest.

That's what happens to me.

Mel: I think actually men are very good keepers of secret.

Suzie: Because they don't remember.

Mel: No, not just because of that. Like, they weren't. They weren't.

That could be part of it. And also they don't have that bitchy streak. So they, they actually are like, okay, this is your secret. I'll keep it. I know like my husband does.

I know friends of his. Like, they won't if another friend is bro code.

Suzie: They're way better at bro code than girls are at girl code.

Mel: Yeah. I can think of a situation recently, like one of his friends is like, another friend had said, you know, don't tell anyone, please. And he wouldn't. Not my husband, the other guy.

He wouldn't say anything.

Like, I think men are much better at putting a steel iron, whatever, round the secret because they're not bitchy. They're not getting into it. They're not like, they're like, okay, this is just as important as this.

Suzie: It's in our DNA as women to talk **** and to dissect it to literally to a nano level about everyone else. It is literally in our DNA to gossip.

Mel: Yes.

Suzie: Okay. It's just the way it is. I'm sorry, but, you know, if you are going to tell someone your Secret. Just expect that it's going to get out.

Mel: Yes.

Suzie: If you're going to tell.

Mel: What we're saying is don't tell a woman a secret.

Suzie: Definitely red flag. But we all do it.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: So it's like a. It's like a normal red flag.

Mel: Okay.

Suzie: It's like a yellow.

Mel: So it could be. Depending on the level.

Suzie: It's kind of like a yellow flag.

Mel: Could be pink. It's.

Suzie: It could be pink, purple. Um, okay.

Mel: Yes.

Suzie: This is kind of like a basic one. And this can go for either way.

Mel: Okay.

Suzie: But let's say if a woman does not have her partners, like, they don't share the same lifestyle. So let's say he works out a lot,

he goes to the gym, he goes out, he has friends, and she, like, say, let's say he's an extrovert, she's an introvert.

I mean, is that a red flag if you have a different lifestyle?

Mel: I think a little bit. I mean, I think that it can work.

And I don't. We're not talking about interest levels because we've talked about this in connection to me. Like, I don't have a lot of the same interests as my husband and he doesn't have my interests.

Right. But yeah, we still get along.

I mean, we're not talking about that. You're talking.

Yeah, I mean, that's a good example. Like a guy, if he likes to go out with his friends all the time and she doesn't.

I don't think in the short term it causes necessarily an issue, but I think in the long term it's problematic because I think you're not enjoying the same things.

Yeah, it's.

Suzie: It's interesting. It's like if you bring each other.

You bring different situ. Like different experiences to each other. Right. If you guys have completely different lifestyles, let's say even, like you are completely different religions, but you're okay with that and you kind of bring each other into the same thing.

Because I know relationships who have different religions, obviously,

even yourself, like, it's. It's just. It's a great way to figure. To find something else about something that you would never otherwise know about.

Mel: Yeah. And obviously it depends. Like in my case, it's no religion and then a religion.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: But so it depends on which is even something.

It is. Yeah, for sure.

And if.

Yeah, definitely you can come from different religions. Probably not obviously very religious, otherwise you wouldn't be into the. The other person.

But I think ultimately you can be from different religions, moderately from different, like have moderate practice of that religion, but ultimately have the same values. I mean, you can be wanting to go in the same direction.

You just have different upbringings because of your religion.

But I think if you have different lifestyles, like you like doing different things. Like completely different things. Like for example. Well, take myself as an example. Should we take me as an example?

Suzie: I would love that.

Mel: So I don't like sport,

going to sport. Like my husband loves anything.

Like he would go and watch snooker. Do you know what snooker is? It's like Paul, in England.

Suzie: What the **** is snooker?

Mel: Snooker is like pool in England. I think we only play it in England.

He would watch dart. I mean, he'd watch anything that.

Some kind of game. Right, right. He loves it.

I mean, I would prefer to watch paint dry. I would, I really would.

And it's just difficult for me. I know that's actually a failing. But I should, but I don't and I can't. But so.

And you know, I like shopping.

He doesn't like shopping.

So on a sort of. That kind of level, but on a bigger level, like we both like when we go on vacation,

we're both the same kind of vacation people.

Suzie: That is so important.

Mel: Yeah. We don't like a schedule.

We don't want to be meeting a tour group at 8 o' clock every morning with a long list of. We're going to all these things. We're not those kind of people.

We both like to sort of. I'm better at sitting by the pool than him, but we're pretty relaxed is what I'm saying. We have very scheduled lives, lots going on.

And so when we go away, we like to just go with the flow. We like to. We like to go for walks. We like like going eating out. We have a lot of the things we.

When we're together, we enjoy each other's company.

So then that,

that works. So that means essentially you're living the same lifestyle. Right.

I'm probably a little more bougier than my husband. Like he's not really.

Suzie: Well, that's normal, I think.

Mel: Materialistic. Yeah. But if you bring it back to.

Suzie: Like the extrovert, introvert person,

I feel like it would be a lot harder. And me saying this is like an extrovert. Even though I love being alone, but like I love my alone time.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: But I'm very much extroverted. Yeah, exactly. So like if I were to be the extrovert in the relationship and then I was dating a guy who was like very introverted and wanted to Stay home and didn't want to meet anyone or my friends.

That would be way harder. I feel like on the extrovert,

it would. Do you know what I mean? Because you're like, I need you to meet my friends. I need you to enjoy their company and want to come out with me.

Or I would literally drag them out and then I would feel like ****. Because I feel like I would want to bring them out. It just wouldn't last. Yeah, it'd be a very hard relationship to get into.

Mel: Yeah,

exactly. I mean, it's different. If we're talking, you know, let's say the guy or the girl. Like some. A sport like golf, which can take people away for hours and hours.

The other person doesn't have to like golf. That's fine.

But it has. There has to be some kind of balance. You can't be, like, going, I don't think I've seen this many times when somebody has an interest like golfing or cycling or something, where they literally go off for days or hours.

Suzie: Right.

Mel: And it causes a lot friction. You know, it's not like, oh, it's something I quite like to do.

Like,

that can cause a lot of problems if. And. And you have to have something that you kind of like doing together.

Suzie: Right. You have to have. And so what do you think? So you travel together as a couple?

Mel: Travel. We have a.

Suzie: Save your kids.

Mel: We were.

Suzie: You have your kids?

Mel: We have our children. Yes, that. That did happen together. He was definitely there.

Suzie: He was there for something.

Mel: We do, like, and this sounds very old, but we do like going for going on a walk. Like, going.

Suzie: No, that is nice.

Mel: We like doing that. We like going eating out. We enjoy each other's company.

Suzie: Love that.

Mel: So, okay, if we were gonna go and visit a city and let's say, I don't know, go to New York for the weekend. I like art and I like shopping. He's not particularly interested in either.

We both like comedy shows and restaurants. And restaurants.

So we would kind of do.

Suzie: You actually do have quite a bit in common, Mal. Did you know that about your husband?

Mel: We would do the common things together and sometimes, like, I' go off if I want to go, I'll just won't let it. He doesn't have to get involved, and then he doesn't have to get.

I don't have to get involved in his thing. And then we kind of come back together.

Suzie: That's nice.

Mel: So I think that.

Suzie: No, that's very nice. I love that.

Mel: Yeah. But that. But I think if you have wildly diverging interests.

I do think, for example, this is. Somebody should answer this. If one person in the couple doesn't drink,

I see this. I've seen this a few times. Particularly like people who've given up drinking.

And I'm not talking,

you know, alcoholics. I'm sorry. Socially, you like a glass of wine or whatever, you go out a couple of glasses. But let's. Let's not lie more than a couple of glasses.

And your. And your partner doesn't drink at all.

I think that can be.

Suzie: That would be wild for me because I love a good glass of wine. I love a nice bottle of wine. I'm not like, gonna go to toonie Tuesdays anymore and get like dollar beers.

Yeah. You know what I mean?

You know, Mel, you remember those days.

But yeah, I love going out to a restaurant and trying a nice bottle of wine or trying a really nice cocktail.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: I love a martini.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: I don't even know what my life would be like if I didn't have those things. Like, I'd be in Vancouver and I'd be hiking or something, which is so.

Mel: Not who I am with somebody who.

Suzie: Someone who also likes to hike.

Mel: Ew.

Suzie: No, I'm just kidding. Hiking is. Is fine.

Mel: Hiking is fine. To start all the time. Start all the time. Yeah. I don't know. I think wildly different interests.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: Not can be.

Suzie: I don't think it's.

Mel: That takes up a lot of your time or like, when you put it. I know. I figured it out.

Suzie: Oh, my God.

Mel: But when you're together, like, it's fine to have interests that you go off and do your little thing, but the time you spend together. You like doing wildly different things when you're together.

If that makes sense.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: Then I think you're a little bit ******. That's it. That's the answer. A little bit ******. That's the answer.

Suzie: Okay, here's another one for you.

Mel: Yes. Go on then.

Suzie: So red flag or not? Excessive clinginess or dependency in the relationship.

Mel: Well, why are those interconnected? I'm very clean.

Suzie: You read clingy.

Mel: Oh, I thought you said clean.

Suzie: Clean.

Mel: I thought you said cleanliness. Clingy.

Suzie: Clingy and dependent.

Mel: Yeah. Problem. Yeah, Clingy is a problem.

Suzie: Clingy is a big problem.

Mel: It's a big problem.

I think there are actually a lot of women I've met who are like this.

I've met a lot of men actually, who are clingy too.

Suzie: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Mel: Who are.

But the thing about men who Are clingy is it tends to turn into something a little frightening like. Yeah, they're clingy. Like, let's say you go out with your friends.

Like, where are you? I didn't know you were going out, you know.

Suzie: Well, that's a control issue.

Mel: Yeah. But I think clingy can turn into that because, like,

what else is it? Like, you know, whereas. And women who are clingy, it's also control. Like,

they're like, where are you? What are you doing?

Like,

always having to validate everything you're doing.

I think that's a control thing. Like you needing to tell me 50 million times a day that, you know,

make me feel good about myself sort of thing.

Suzie: Yeah, they always are. Constantly needing validation. And like, don't get me wrong, I love to be validated about my hotness.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: And about everything else good about me.

Mel: Well, no, of course you do. But somebody should. If you're with somebody, they should also be able to be honest.

And I'm not saying like, cut you down or be horrible, but there should be like some balance. We live in the real world.

Suzie: Well, it's also just like, I want. It's like how I want to bring my partner up. I expect them to bring me up as well.

Mel: Yeah, yeah.

Suzie: And I don't think that's a clinginess for like a validation thing. It's more just like I like to be told that I'm amazing and I'm also going to make sure that you feel amazing in this.

Mel: But I think that's. I mean, women do that. That's fine. Yeah. Things like I can think of clingy.

Suzie: Is more like, I need to talk to you every day. Where's your location? Yeah.

Mel: Or I see a lot of women who.

Who do this thing where they tell you end how amazing their partner is or how much they love him and blah, blah, blah, and you're like,

okay. I mean, you know, I think my husband's great. And I've said it many times, he's a very good man. He's very thoughtful.

But there are things about me that are clear. Obviously, you know,

I'm not perfect, Susie.

I know. Shocking. And he's not perfect. And so if you sort of went on and on and on about how amazing,

other women just feel like, yeah, right, he's a man. Come on, get real. Right. Whereas, you know those women who go on and on about, oh, he, he's amazing and I love him.

And you're just like, uh, huh, huh, huh, you know, it's Yeah, I do. And they have this clingy. And those women are often the ones who are mega clingy to that man.

And it must be suffocating.

Suzie: Well, it's exactly suffocating. And then, I mean, like, I know the women who. And they're typically women my age, so, like late 20s, early 30s, where they're kind of in this desperation phase because they really want a boyfriend.

Mel: You've said it, not me.

Suzie: I've said it. That's fine. Ladies,

let's get real here, okay? So the desperation phase of, like, I need a boyfriend because I need children. And this isn't just the way it is. This is biological.

Mel: 100%.

Suzie: It's literally a ticking time bomb in your head.

Mel: It is. Yeah.

Suzie: For some people.

And it's tough because you really want that boyfriend, you really want that man, you really want that husband.

But if you are too clingy and you are too excited and you are too,

like, please talk to me. Please talk to me all the time. Like, give me validation,

you know, I want your attention. Like, what are you doing? What are you doing? It's like, **** off.

Mel: Absolutely. And.

Suzie: And the men are going to be like, I can't deal with this all the time. If this is just the beginning of the relationship or the dating,

how am I going to be able to do this? This is not sustainable, and I'm over it. I need a woman who has her own life.

Mel: Absolutely.

Suzie: And doesn't care so much about me. And making her, like, about me.

Mel: Look, I mean,

this is a generalization, but this is definitely what I've seen. If a man truly loves a woman, I mean, really loves her,

really into her, like, she's everything he will.

You don't need to be ******* clingy. You just don't need to be. He will be there. He will.

Like, he does not.

It doesn't matter if he has to run, you know, a fit 50 ******* K will. However long a marathon is, or if he has a major presentation the next morning, he will drop everything,

come see you. He'll have two hours sleep. If he is really into you, you don't need to be clingy. No. And to be frank, that would be my advice to anybody who is clingy.

It's gonna do the opposite.

Suzie: It'll have the opposite effect, 100%. And it's. You know what? It's the same where I've had girlfriends or even, like,

even men, but, like, where it's just like calling all the time.

Mel: Yes.

Suzie: Texting me all the time, these big paragraphs. And I'm like,

I don't have,

like, the capacity to deal with this at this very moment, but, like, it's hard to say that, especially to a friend, because you're like, well, I want to still be there for you.

Yes, but this is why. This is why this date that you're talking to me about did not go as planned is because this is what you're doing.

Mel: That's funny though, that you say long paragraphs, because that is a generational thing.

So like, my friends, when they text me, it'll be this long paragraph. Yeah, because of our age. I mean, they'll just keep going in the thought.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: Because, well, maybe the girls are just.

Suzie: Doing it to me, maybe they're not doing it to the guys, but I swear to God, they're also doing it to the guys.

Mel: But then for younger people, I've found. And I've learned this from you and my kids.

Suzie: Oh, it's like text after text.

Mel: I just have to do.

Break it up into ideas. I do have to do my. My daughters, like the long thing, just. No, it doesn't work. But my girlfriends who are my age, you just do the one stream of thought.

Suzie: You can't do that.

Mel: But I get it. I do understand. It's a lot.

Suzie: It's so much.

Mel: But this. Endless. Yeah, I. Yeah, it's not good.

Suzie: No, it's not good. Ladies, get a hobby, because the man is not gonna appreciate it as much as you think.

Mel: It's annoying. There is a very fine line between interests and being a psycho. Yeah, that's actually quite a thick line.

Suzie: Maybe not anymore, though, Mel. Honestly. Okay, well, let's. We have time for a few more.

Mel: Yes.

Suzie: Couple more, at least. Um, so this one, I think you may have a little something to say about.

Mel: Ooh.

Suzie: Not getting along with your partner's family for friends.

Mel: Yeah,

that's a problem.

I would say suck it up. Oh.

Like, get along right. You know, like,

this is a big problem for women,

often with their mother in laws.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: It can often be very clashy because,

you know, women just.

Mothers don't like some other woman coming along and taking away their son. And they can get very territorial about it. The mother is also at fault, I would like to say 100%, and I've seen it many, many times.

And I think also the woman has to just kind of accept them. Unless they're horrible. That's a different. If they're me and.

And they're horrible to you,

that's a whole different Conversation. If they're just kind of generally perhaps a little irritating or you don't like certain aspects or whatever it is,

you have to, I'm afraid, suck it up a bit. And you have to go to the annual dinner or the whatever and blah, blah, blah, and just smile and find some way of conversing.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And not being combative.

Be very careful with that.

I could talk to you for hours about this because it's.

I see a lot of particularly women getting into real problems with the family.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: Of their husband, partner, whatever, and just starting trouble for no reason. Because they have to have the last word.

Suzie: Exactly. I feel like that's a big thing with exactly what you're saying. Women who are just like not accepting of the family that they're coming into.

Mel: Yeah. You just, you have to accept them. It also is like what it is.

Suzie: You have to just shut their mouth. And we were talking about this a little bit with like, you know, the royal family.

Mel: Yes.

Suzie: Where it's like, you know, obviously like, let's not talk about it right now because it takes hours. But like the Meghan Markle Harry thing.

Mel: We'Re like, you married into it.

Suzie: You married into it. You're gonna have to deal with it.

Mel: What? What did you think? It's like, it's a package.

Suzie: What did you think?

Mel: And, and I think,

you know, there are extenuating circumstances. And perhaps I understand this because my family is so incredibly difficult.

So I have a different perspective maybe than most.

But I honestly think. And unless your husband, partner, whatever, has a problematic relationship with their family, obviously there are all different dynamics in this and all different reasons why things can happen.

But if he basically gets along with them and they're fine and you just find them annoying, which is probably 98% of the time, most people just suck it up and deal with it.

And if you have to go to dinners and stuff, just go and smile. Don't start arguments with your mother in law. Be very careful.

However, I do understand mother in laws who step on toes who.

So if that does happen, you need to have a conversation with your husband and he needs to have a conversation. It shouldn't be fought out.

Suzie: Well. Because it can get into this, like potentially abusive behavior. Right. Where you're like, you can't see your friends, you can't see your family because they don't like me.

Mel: Yes.

Suzie: Right.

Mel: And then you've got to remember that.

Suzie: And you can't isolate yourself with just this person because maybe they're not. Correct.

Mel: Yeah. And also a person, whatever the Background is. And I would say this, even myself, where the family is combative and it's not a great situation. It's still part of who you are.

Suzie: Totally.

Mel: It's made me who I am for good and for bad.

And so if the family are just kind of a little annoying. But your husband loves them,

they are part of who he is.

And I think you just have to find ways of dealing with it.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: Rather than trying to be difficult and just don't start fights and arguments for the sake of it. It is a humongous waste of time.

Please take my word for it.

You know, you will lose. You know you'll get gray hairs over it and it's not worth it and you're not going to win. Just.

Just find a way of dealing with. If you can. If they're just annoying as opposed to.

Suzie: Right.

Mel: Abusive, nasty, etc. That's a whole different thing. Well, it's.

Suzie: So the other thing I want to say, because this is family and friends.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: So like the other thing is like men are friends with a lot of different types of male personalities.

Mel: Yes.

Suzie: And whether those men are more like alpha, like brawny, like a obnoxious. Let's just say it.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: There's nothing you can really do about that. These men will always be friends.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: And you just gotta have to accept it. And you have to accept them in your home if you have to.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: For whatever that is. You're not marrying the friends. Right. Or you're not dating the friends. Obviously you're gonna see them. And unless they're being super rude to you.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: And like, what do you do?

Mel: Yeah. And I think you can find ways of dealing with. Because I've certainly had situations like that where. And I find ways, like I get a bit jokey with them and if they're a little bit.

I can think of one guy I know who's. I, I like him, but he's a little misogynistic. So I just give it back to him.

Suzie: Totally.

Mel: A bit of a joke with him. He is who he is. I'm not going to change him. I'm really not interested in changing him. So I just sort of give it back a little bit.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: Just, you know, and, and it's a bit of a joke and that's fine. And he takes. I think he takes it well. He keeps going around for dinner, so that's nice.

But yeah. I mean, you have to accept those things because you're going to have plenty of friends that your partner doesn't like either.

And you can also find ways, maybe let them go and spend time and you're not always there. Like you can find ways of managing that, can't you? Yeah,

but just be a bit of a grown up about it.

Suzie: Okay, so here is another. Our last red flag.

But this kind of goes into what we were just talking about.

So red flag or not,

if a girl is best friends with a guy.

Mel: Hmm. Yeah. Because we did an episode on this.

Suzie: Well,

this is a weird thing because I have a lot of guy friends who I would. Some of them, I would call some of my best friends. Like, I love them.

I would literally do anything for them. And I would love if they had girlfriends, Like, I try not to be very like weird and toxic and like,

like inappropriate. If they ever had a girlfriend, I would never do that in front of them.

But you know, some women who are maybe like, they actually should just be dating their friends instead of having a boyfriend on the side.

Mel: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Suzie: You know, I don't know if it's a red flag. It just definitely depends on the situation.

Mel: Not necessarily. Because you can have met people in lots of different ways. It could be a childhood friend or a work friend or, or lots of things.

I think it just depends on the nature of the relationship.

And, you know, you can pretty much tell if there's any kind of vibe going on between one side or the other.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And so that, that could be. That could be a problem. I don't think it's necessarily a red flag. Yeah, I think it depends. The only thing I would say in context of that is,

and some women are going to hate me for saying this is women who don't.

Not necessarily women or men who have friends that are the opposite sex, as if they don't have any friends of their own gender.

Suzie: Right. They're just. The girls are just friends with the boys.

Mel: Exactly.

Suzie: The boys are friends of the girls.

Mel: Yeah. And I personally think that's.

Suzie: That's a red flag.

Mel: That is a red flag.

Suzie: Right?

Mel: Like, I think that is a red flag. Most definitely. Because it's like, well,

why can't you get on with your own gender? I wouldn't have an issue. Like, you know, Max, my husband, he gets on very well with women. He always has. Like, his moms are very kind of strong personality.

His grandmother's a very strong personality. So I think he's had very strong female influences in his life. And he's always got on with women,

but just gets along with them. You know, I.

He doesn't necessarily have a best friend who's a woman. But it would be weird if he didn't. But you know him, he has lots of male friends. I mean, lots of male friends.

So it would be. That would be a red flag if the man doesn't have any male friends.

Suzie: Well, it is interesting because now I'm just thinking about it. So, like, obviously I grew up with an older brother and I feel like that must have something to do with it too,

where it's like, I don't think that has everything to do with it, but it's just because my brother and I were very close in, like, we just get along really well, thankfully.

So it's made it way easier for me to understand men and be friends with men instead of just being, like, looking at them as sex objects.

Mel: Yeah, I think. I think that's definitely part of it.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: Definitely is the same for guys.

Suzie: They have. They have sisters. They're going to understand women a lot better.

Mel: It's not just that they understand them. They're much more at ease.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: Like, I can tell, like, because of Max's family, he's very at ease with women. And again, not in a sexual situation.

Suzie: No.

Mel: Because he had a very good relationship with his grandmother and his.

They're very strong.

Very strong in his life.

And so he's very at ease with women.

And so that would be the same with you. Yeah, that's a different thing. Yeah.

Suzie: So, yeah, I agree with you. If they have only male friends. Yeah, that's a big red flag.

Mel: Or the man has only, like, pick me, girls. Yes.

Suzie: And it's like, yes, this is a exhausting and obnoxious.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: And it's like, why can't you get along with women?

Mel: Exactly. It's like the woman who says, I'm too beautiful.

Suzie: I'm.

Mel: And I can.

Suzie: Women just are so drama. And it's like, well, maybe you're the drama baby.

Mel: Women are jealous of me, so I can't.

Suzie: Yeah, yeah.

Mel: Get over yourself. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So that would be my answer to that.

Suzie: Well, if you guys have any other red flags about women or guys or men,

we'd love to hear about them. You can go to share my truth.com and you can email us there or send us an a real voicemail. You might even be on the pod or go to any of our socials at Share My Truth Pod where you can DM us your red flags.

Mel: Yes, please do.

Suzie: And we'll chat with you later next time.

Mel: Thanks so much for listening. Please rate and review this podcast and follow us on social at sharing my Truth pod and leave us a voicemail on our website sharing my truth.com to share your stories and experiences with us.

We'll see you next time.

Suzie: Bye bye. 3, 2, 1 I.