Suzie: Welcome to Sharing My Truth with Mel and Suzie. The uncensored version where we bear it all.

Mel: We do. 1, 2, 3, 4.

Suzie: And hello, everyone and welcome back to Sharing My Truth Pod. You're here with Mel and Susie. Thanks so much for tuning in with us today and here's your friendly reminder to give this pod a five star review.

We really, really appreciate it. You can go to any of our socials at Share My Truth Pod where you can DM us your own truths or you can go to share my truth.com where you can leave us an email, send us a voicemail, and you might even be on the pod.

Mel: Hey, babes. Hello, darling. How are you?

Suzie: Well, it's a lovely day here in the good old to.

Mel: It is.

Suzie: It's, you know, the summer of dating is upon us.

Mel: Yeah, I guess it is.

Suzie: If you go out.

Mel: Upon you.

Suzie: Oh, yeah. If you go out there right now.

Mel: Meat market, it's a.

Suzie: It's a sausage fest. If you go on any of the patios right now, I bet. Oh, people are on the prowl.

Mel: Yeah. Well, I think. Yeah. So the song comes out, you have a drink and drink a few.

Yeah.

A drink. Or many. And then it's all. It's game over, isn't it?

Suzie: Yeah, it's, it's. But it's good. It's really good.

Mel: It's being in the world, not on a phone.

Suzie: I know.

Mel: Being in the world, meeting people, engaging with people.

Suzie: Yeah. Instead of just like focusing on just dating on the apps, it's nice to see people actually talking in person.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: And not, wow, what a crazy. What a crazy thing to think about.

Mel: What a concept. What a concept. Like actually not thinking that, you know, you meet somebody and they're a psychopath or a, you know, whatever we've seen on Netflix. Yeah.

Suzie: People. Like when you're meeting people on the apps, it's way more likely that they're a psychopath on the apps than when you're going to meet them in person and actually get the vibe it's true.

So why are you afraid of people coming up to you? You shouldn't be. Let it happen.

Mel: Because it's effort.

Suzie: Ah, and here we go. So what are we talking about today, Mel?

Mel: Well, we're talking about men and women,

but men, their wives. Right. And that you have to make an effort. You have to keep dating your wife and it's sexy to make an effort.

Does that encapsulate it?

Suzie: Love that.

Mel: Okay.

And it's true. Like men who are thoughtful, men who make an effort even when they've been married for 10, 20, 30 years,

it's sexy. That's what keeps the marriage alive. That's what keeps it going. And FYI, before you come for me, we're talking about men to women, not women to men in this particular pod, right?

Suzie: Sure. We love it.

Mel: We're talking about how do you keep it alive? And vava voomi. How do you not get bored with the monotony? And how are you excited by monogamy?

Suzie: Yeah, so I'm not really excited. Excited about monogamy. I'm.

I'm interested in this. Whatever's happening here, Mel, I love that.

But no, I mean monogamy. I think for a lot of women. Women have this incredible idea about monogamy. Oh, I have my one person. They treat me so nice. We go on these dates.

I don't have to make that much of an effort with everyone now, which is my guy, who I can make my effort with.

But then I feel like a lot of the time the guy stops making the effort in the monogamous relationship and the woman is like, well,

like I'm not. I'm still making the effort or I'm still trying to make this work.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: And they. Then everything kind of falls apart, and then it turns into monotonous. Monotonous, monomany.

Mel: Look,

I mean, to be fair to all parties, I think that what does happen in relationships is both parties stop making an effort,

and then it just becomes this vicious cycle.

One person's done one thing and then the other person reacts, and then it keeps going, and then you actually can't remember who started it.

So. But I think, because we're talking about men keeping the relationships alive and, And. And great and interesting and sexy and all the adjectives you want to think of with their girlfriends, wives, whatever.

How do they do that? And I do see a lot. I think you do see a lot. A lot of men.

And again, I'm saying the word men, because we're talking about this, at this perspective is they get together like they do all the work, the dating, whatever, and. And then they get together and then that's it.

They can't be arsed anymore. They just don't make an effort because they think, well, you're married to you now. I don't have to buy you gifts. I don't have to take you out on date night.

I don't have to tell you how beautiful you are or sexy you are or any of the above.

And it's just not true. I mean,

women thrive on Being adored.

Suzie: And I mean, yeah, like sorry that we're a gorgeous little creature.

Mel: I mean you can, you can, you know. And I'm sure a lot of people are going to disagree with me, but again, this is my opinion of is that women do generally like to be adored and we want to be made to feel as if we're amazing and beautiful.

I would also caveat that, you know, it kind of helps if you're making an effort too. If you become a sort of schlubby old woman,

then that's not good either. So it's both about both parties making an effort. But I mean, we've seen it. We've talked to a lot of men who kind of say stuff like, well, I don't want a high maintenance woman and I don't want to.

I don't believe in buying gifts or jewelry or handbags or whatever the thing is.

So I'm not gonna do it.

And it's not really about what you want.

It's not really about what's important to you. Rather it's about what is important to her.

And the same goes the other way around.

The woman has to do stuff for men that she may think, well,

why is this important? But that's irrelevant.

And I think that this idea that women don't have to be kind of romanced and what's the word? Like,

well, I guess romance is the best way.

Suzie: Well, we've taken out romance from a lot of the relationship, kind of like pillars. People are like, oh, I don't need romance because chivalry is dead. Yeah.

Mel: We all have to be equal and all this stuff.

Suzie: Yeah. Which is bullshit.

Mel: Which is bullshit. And I do understand that women are kind of have done this to ourselves a bit and we are the drivers, unfortunately.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And then we've confuse men and they're like, well, hang on, if you want 50, 50,

then surely you don't want gifts. Like, what am I doing? I don't know, I don't get it. But I think that most women find a man who makes an effort,

a man who's really thoughtful.

Like he actually thinks about you and what you like and what you're interested in and what you want to do before he thinks about himself is incredibly appealing.

And it doesn't have to be this idea of continuously being materialistic. You know, some.

Okay, some women are very into whatever handbags, Sephora products.

Suzie: Me and you are two different. Not, not us, we're different. We're different from all. A lot of other women.

We love the little material Things, Jewelry,

clothes,

bags. Yeah, things like that. There are lots of women like us.

Mel: It's all shtick. It's our shtick.

Suzie: Yeah, I love that word.

Well, there's a lot of women like us, but there's also a lot of women who are not like us and who don't need any kind of material things. They just want to go out to dinner or they just want to travel or they want to.

They want animals. Like there's so many weird little things, which is fine.

Mel: I mean it doesn't matter what it is.

Suzie: But she doesn't know what's important to the woman.

Mel: And surely you are. Like we get so many comments in our social media about this. It's like surely you're drawn to the kind of woman you want to be with. So if you want to be with a woman who isn't into clothes, who's maybe very kind of natural and not like overly high maintenance,

surely you're drawn to that kind of woman. So then why are you complaining that she's wearing makeup? That woman wouldn't be wearing makeup.

Like if you are drawn into to very feminine women who dress in a certain way, blah, blah, blah, then you're drawn to women who like nice clothes.

Suzie: Or more like quote unquote, high maintenance.

Mel: Exactly.

Suzie: Sorry.

Mel: So if you're drawn to it, if that's what you like, then you kind of have to go with the thing, like the thing that comes with it. The same with women, to men.

But I think because we're talking about men and that they should carry on when they're married or in their long term relationships, they should still be dating,

I. E. Putting effort in thinking about what their wives and girlfriends and partners and whatever you want to call yourself,

want, enjoy,

put their needs. And that's the crazy thing I do think about women is if you put all that thought and effort,

you'll be amazed at all the stuff she'll do for you. Yeah, she won't think twice about ironing. Shirt. It's my favorite.

Suzie: Dry cleaning.

Mel: Yeah. Cleaning,

cooking, working hard. I don't give a ****. And I'm not saying that women are only good for domestic stuff, so don't come at me for that. But I'm saying just doing stuff, like I do a lot of stuff for my husband and for my family.

I pretty much do everything in the household realm.

Suzie: You're the lady of the house.

Mel: I'm the lady of the house, but I also work. I've always worked, but I'm the one who has sole care of the kids. I've always done everything.

You know, it's our agreement. I do all of that. But my.

And you know, we're talking about if we're getting personal in my relationship, my husband has always made a lot of effort.

Like, he does stuff all the time, like,

whether it's buying me jewelry or buying me flowers or buying me gifts or taking me out.

Suzie: And he cooks for you. He does all these love. Like, even if he couldn't afford that kind of stuff.

Mel: Exactly.

Suzie: He would still take charge. Absolutely. And take care of you in the ways that he could.

Mel: Exactly. And when we first dated, he had zero money, like everyone in their 20s. But he still tried to do things in function with.

I mean, I remember, like, the sort of first gifts he bought me. Like, he's been buying me gifts from the beginning or, like, dinners he would take me out to.

Of course, he couldn't go to nice places, but he would always plan. He would always think about it.

And just today we're going away. We're going to be in Europe for a few weeks and in.

In the summer. And he said, okay. So I booked this restaurant. I booked this. I. He knows I like these places.

Yeah.

Suzie: And he's just done all the effort in it.

Mel: Yeah. And he still does it. Yeah. And I always ask him, like, how do you know how to do this? But then he says to me, well, how do you know how to do this?

I wasn't taught because my mom is not domesticated or maternal or anything.

So, like, how do I know how to be with natural instincts?

Suzie: This is just how you are.

Mel: And I definitely believe.

Suzie: And you care, too.

Mel: And I care. And it's about. It's not about 50. 50. It's about he does nice things for me, which makes me want to do nice for him. It's not complicated.

Suzie: No. It's my favorite thing to do something nice for someone I love.

Mel: Exactly.

Suzie: It's literally my favorite thing to. Because I love to cook, to make someone a really great meal when they're, like, not feeling great. Bring over a bottle of wine, like, do something that, like, is so thoughtful that I'm hoping that, like, they'll appreciate and they'll love what I think.

I think a lot of women get entangled with. And I've been in kind of like this before in past relationships where I will put all this effort in. In hopes that the man will bring it back.

And they don't.

Mel: And that's not.

Suzie: And it's like, oh, well, like, they'll learn how to do this because I'm doing all these things. And what's crazy, ladies, is that men do not learn from kind of experience.

They literally just need to be told they do not understand that, oh, she's done this for me, so I should do this for her. No, you have to explain yourself in ways that men will sort of understand and they'll appreciate, too.

Mel: Yeah, I think that's right. I think it's very unfair. We have all these expectations of what men should be and sort of this was a magically no list.

Suzie: No, exactly.

Mel: And I would say that,

you know, when I was younger with my husband. Yeah, I mean, I think he knew a lot of stuff, but sure,

you know, he had to tell me what he needed from me, and I kind of had to tell him what I needed from him. But this idea that a lot of women, particularly we want to change men,

is like, just stop.

This person is a person. If you don't like it,

move on. And the same and the same. And people can kind of evolve and you can point things out for sure. They can understand their behavior and people can change their behavior, and that's fair enough.

They can't fundamentally change who they are. That's not fair. And the same for women. They're not gonna fundamentally change who they are.

Suzie: No.

Mel: Then why are you with them?

Suzie: No.

Mel: Right.

Suzie: I was with Guy for a little while,

and it was like,

I, you know, I was like, I was trying to tell him what I needed, like, how I wanted to be loved in a way, because, you know, I. It's hard when, like, you're like, oh, what are your love languages?

And I'm like, am I all of them? Like, I love,

you know, words of affirmation. I love to physical touch. Like, I love gifts, but also love giving gifts. And, like, you know, like, I. I love to do everything for my partner, and I expect that the same from them.

And so I think when I was with this guy and he,

you know, I was trying to explain to him, I was literally telling him what I needed and what I liked and what I wanted. And he was like,

in a way, trying to change me and being like, oh, you don't actually need that stuff. You've been. You've been taught wrong pretty much. Like, you know, like, you have been taught, like, oh, like, you're better than that.

Like, why do you need gifts? Like, it's all bullshit kind of thing. And it's like, but if it makes me feel good,

why. Why wouldn't you want to make me feel good in any Way.

Mel: Well, exactly. And I.

Suzie: It doesn't make any sense why men don't want to make women feel good if they know, if they have the power to, if they have the money to.

Why don't you want to do that for your partner if you love them?

Mel: Yeah. And I think also like the other way around. I see a lot of women who complain about like their husbands go and do a lot of like sports stuff or go to sporting events, play golf or go, you know, on vacation or weekends away or whatever with their guy friends and they sort of endlessly complain about it.

And you're like, why?

If this is the thing they like, if you let them just be,

then it's amazing what you'll get back.

Suzie: Exactly.

Mel: You know,

in my situation,

my husband loves sport. I never even ask him, he just goes. I mean, he loves, he goes away with his guy friends.

Great, go. I don't.

Suzie: Get out of my house. No.

Mel: Yeah, but I don't need to like, where are you at 9 o' clock on a. No,

if you are like that, because at the end of the day, if you don't have any trust, you might as well just give up.

Suzie: Right?

Mel: So if you, if you are like that rather than,

well, you had a weekend away, so I have to have one. Yeah, you have.

You know, you're. It's amazing how much better you're just going to love each other. Right. I'm not saying that, you know, look, I'm not telling you that my marriage, my relationship is perfect, that life is complicated, lots of things happen.

But I think generally if you're in a relationship and you put some effort, effort and some thought in both sides, then it's amazing what will come back. And I do think that doesn't happen today.

I think it's getting worse.

I think that you see a lot of men talking about, like we just said, high maintenance and that women need all this stuff and they just want six figure salary and all this kind of ****.

And I think there's an element of that, but I just don't think that's true.

There are millions of people out there who don't have six figure salaries, be they men and women. There are millions of women not looking for that. They're looking for a guy who loves them for who they are, who will put some effort in, who will bring them flowers on a Friday night,

who will take them for dinner or a picnic or whatever the **** it is. It doesn't have to be this huge thing.

It doesn't have to be all this money.

Suzie: There was a.

Mel: That's, that's social media telling you that is true.

And I think in turn there are lots of men looking for a relationship where a woman loves them,

respects them,

does stuff for them,

you know, loves them, you know, and the woman wants the effort and the thoughtfulness back.

I don't think that has changed. But somehow what we see on social media is all these like,

really foul, quite frankly, women who are just,

you know,

all they want is money, all they want is. It's just not true. And then, but then the men are the.

Suzie: Yeah. And then the worst on the other side.

Mel: All the men want is like a certain kind of looking woman. Yeah. And that, you know, and they talk.

Suzie: So much on people, on women's like pages of all these comments. Obviously this isn't all men. Of course not. And obviously this isn't all women. But I feel like. So the reason that I broke up with my last serious boyfriend, it was,

and it was never about money for me, but he had lost,

for what I felt like he had lost the spark of like putting an effort into our relationship.

Mel: Right.

Suzie: And it wasn't even just our relationship. It was like putting an effort into him and his future as well.

Like, don't do it for me, do it for you, but do it for us,

you know, like, I don't, I don't want to feel like, you know, I'm in control of your life in this weird way. I want to make sure that you are happy doing what you want to do or if like the woman is the one who, like you want to make your woman happy.

Yeah, of course do that. But it's, it's more about how to make yourself happy.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: So is it you, you know, like, it's not the six figure salary, but it is the fact that you will, you do have ambition to do something with your life. Maybe that's just to be the best manager you can be at the local restaurant.

You know, it doesn't have to be a huge thing, but just like the fact that you were passionate about something and love your job makes it,

or whatever you're doing makes it so much better when you come back into that relationship and you can actually talk to your person about something that you're passionate about that you love, that you're excited to share with them and that, yeah, you can maybe share that more by getting them something nice that makes them think of you because you have a job.

It's like the bare minimum. I'm sorry, guys, you need a job to Live in this economy and. Or just to, like, take them out for a nice dinner because you thought of them.

Buy them a coffee in the morning.

Make them a coffee in the morning. Whatever you think they'll like.

Like, these are not that hard of things to do for your woman that you'll get so much back out from. Because if a woman knows that you're thinking about her constantly and you're doing so much for her,

she's gonna do so much more back to you.

Mel: Like, it's so attractive and it has such long, sexy.

Suzie: When a guy. It's. And this is also the thing where it's like, women need foreplay all day long.

Mel: Yes.

Suzie: If you want more sex.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: You have to give the woman foreplay starting from 7am when you wake up and you get her a coffee.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: And she's gonna be like, holy ****, are you getting me coffee? Like, this is so nice. Especially if you're not doing it a lot. Right. So this is just something that happened.

Oh, this is so nice. You're gonna make coffee and then you kiss her on the cheek. You leave for work. Let's say you're texting her during the day, maybe even just once during the day, because you're busy being like,

hey, thinking about you. Would love to take you out today or tomorrow, whatever it is.

Okay.

Mel: Hot.

Suzie: We're going out. Amazing. Can't wait. So she has something to look forward to with you.

And obviously this is different with kids. I'm sure it's much more complicated, but especially if you're just starting into the relationship and you're not trying to make it so boring.

Like, the foreplay starts when you wake up, and then when you come back home and she,

you know, she's getting ready for dinner. You guys are making dinner together that night,

and you bring the bottle of wine that, you know she loves home for the evening or whatever that might be.

It's like every little thing you do that is, like, thoughtful for her will make her want to **** you so hard.

Mel: Very good, Susie. But it. It is. It is actually true. Yes. And I. Cause we. We see a lot of comments. There's also. There's a lot of stuff on social media.

It's always about men complaining about women that they don't want to have sex with them anymore. And it's become very boring. Right. And very monotonous.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: And I never see anything. Anybody asking, well, has it occurred to you why she doesn't want to have sex with you?

And it may not be you specifically. It might be the sex you're having.

It may be like you said, the whole. There's no foreplay, there's no effort. It's because it's boring.

It's not what she wants to do. And it's just a total turn off. And women, if they're not kind of,

well, if there's, if there's no like effort on the other side, then why, why would they want to have sex with you? Right. I mean, it's very hard for women to kind of like men.

We've said this many times. It,

you know, it's easier for them to have sex as a drop of a hat because it's more kind of.

Suzie: It's less about the mind, more.

Mel: But the body, it's more physical. Not that it's not for women physical, but the women, you've got to be in the space. Like your head has got to be in the game.

Yeah.

Suzie: The trust has to be there. The like.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: The broom has to be good. Everything has to be taken care of.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: And then women can relax and actually have an orgasm. Men can.

Mel: It's easy.

Suzie: Whenever.

Mel: It's always on their mind. Not that it isn't for women, but women just. You have to be in a whole kind of mood. And if you're like ****** off,

you know, men can seem to be very. It's very easy for them. Sex when they're ****** off. It's. It's harder for women. And I'm not talking ang, like passionate anger and you're kind of resolving an argument.

Yeah, yeah. I'm talking if you are ****** off. Yeah. Or somebody hasn't done something, or you're just feeling narky. It's very hard to get all vava voomi. It just doesn't, it doesn't happen for women.

Whereas if you. And obviously, yes, everyone, that is a generalization, but generally that is the case. And. But if your husband, partner keeps making an effort, even five years in, two years in, 10 years in, 15 years in, 20 years in, and you as the woman in turn do that,

the likelihood you are going to survive and your marriage is gonna keep going, even though there will 100% be bumps in the road and whatever's, you know, things that are difficult,

you will stay together.

But why is that that piece is so difficult for people?

Like, they think almost like you've got married. I've made all the effort, I did all the dating ****. I got all dressed up. And women do the same thing. They sort of look all beautiful when they're Dating and get married and then like cut the hair off and start wearing ******* leggings 24 7.

And you know what I mean?

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: And you're like, it's still your husband. Make an effort. I mean, I'm not saying.

Suzie: Well, no, but where else are you gonna have the sex from? Where else are you getting sex? This is the guy who you need to turn on.

Mel: I'm not saying.

I'm not saying you have to look like. But make an effort,

you know, don't turn into this. I mean, it works both ways and. But I do, you know, because we are talking about the male perspective.

We both of us see a lot of men who get into relationships and, you know,

it's possibly the woman's fault, but they get into a relationship and then they just can't. They don't make any effort. They just like, they just stop.

They stop doing anything and then they wonder why.

It's like, you know,

nothing. And I'm not saying that obviously they're stopping possibly because they feel the woman isn't doing anything. Right.

Suzie: The reciprocating is off.

Mel: It's subconscious.

Suzie: Right? Yeah.

Mel: So at the end of the day, you both need to make an effort. There's absolutely no way that, you know, a man makes all the effort and the woman doesn't. That's gonna work.

You've both got to do it. But what I'm saying is if you do do it, then you'll be amazed at how sort of well rounded, how amazingly kind of rich your relationship will be.

Because, and I see a lot of women, they're like, well, I'm not doing that. I'm not ironing his shirt. I'm not making him a sandwich. I'm not. I'm a working woman and I'm a girl boss and is *****.

Look, I work for my. I've always worked.

I work for myself. I, you know, I've never not worked. I still ******* iron my husband's shirt if he needs a shirt.

Suzie: I just think that's a nice thing to do. I would do anything. I would do anything. Why is it nice for someone I loved or someone I cared about?

Like, what is the big deal?

Mel: It's a domestic function.

Suzie: Right.

Mel: That women seem today, have a big problem with that. Now in, you know, my relationship,

you know, as, you know, my husband does all the cooking because I hate cooking. But I pretty much do everything else,

which for me is amazing. Yeah. Because I don't mind all the other ****. I hate cooking. Right. But I don't Mind cleaning up? I don't mind,

you know, the kids stuff. I don't mind washing, I don't mind cleaning, I don't mind ironing.

You know, I just don't like cooking. I'm not very good at it. And he's very good at it. So in our relationship, we've divided. We've decided you play to your skills.

That is not my skill.

And.

But I don't understand why women,

modern women,

have a problem with something that's. As soon as it's domestic, and it's actually not. It's even women of my age who will, you know, refuse to do stuff. As soon as it's like a domestic thing, they won't do it.

Right. And you're like, that's just stupid.

Yeah.

Suzie: Because you're just trying to take care of your husband.

Mel: Well, he's working, you're working. Whether he's ironing the shirt, you're ironing the shirt, he's cooking, you're cooking. What the **** does it matter?

Suzie: Like, of course, like, obviously, if there's huge disparities with, like, women are doing all the housework and you have the nine to five because your husband. Of course, that happens a lot because women, A lot of it does fall in the women, because men are not taught from a young age how to do chores,

which is also a problem.

But there is that thing of, like, if you're feeling that way,

obviously just have that conversation. And before you even get married or anything like that, these conversations should happen. If you're not.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: Like, this is why. This is what I don't understand. I think I see a lot of relationships where it's like this weird thing. I don't know how it's happened, but somehow you got into marriage and now you're seeing all the problems with the home life.

And maybe that's because people aren't moving in before marriage, which I don't disagree.

Mel: I think is insane.

Suzie: Like, I think you need to have to live with someone before you marry them. Like, that's. That's crazy. But,

like, how does all these. How are all these things just coming up? Like, yeah, he works nine to five, you work nine to five. How did you not know that he didn't know how to cook?

How did you not know that he couldn't do his own laundry?

Mel: Like, but you need to have these.

Suzie: Conversations before you have a serious relationship.

Mel: You have to have these conversations. And I, like, I know a lot of women who will not do their husband's washing.

Suzie: Right. Like, crazy. They'll take out his stuff, they'll.

Mel: And I'm talking women of my age, they'll actually. And younger, they'll actually do the washing and they'll actively do theirs separately to his.

Suzie: Oh my God.

Mel: And to the children. And you're just like, this is madness, this is utter madness. Like, you know, and they think like, that's not the way I do it. I do. Everyone's like, my whole family's washing.

I do it. It's a little old fashioned, I do it, I do the dry, I put it away, blah, blah, blah.

It's just easier for me. I don't need 1500 people loading the washing machine. It's like chaotic.

And that's very, you know, I'm mummy mum and I'm very, you know, maternal like that. And I look after things like that. But I just don't understand why does he have to wash his own stuff?

Like he cooks for me, I'm washing.

I don't.

Just because it's a domestic thing and I'm a woman, I don't get hung up on that. And I think the women who are way less hung up on that have much better relationships.

Much more.

Like everything does not have to be carved down the middle.

And I just think it doesn't matter if you feel that you are overwhelmed as a woman or as a man, and you're doing everything that clearly is not right.

Clearly. If you're working all day, both of you, and one of the couple is like doing everything, that's clearly a problem, you can't sustain that and you're gonna feel pretty bitter about it, Right?

But if you don't like moan about every frigging thing that you do and you just take some initiative and do things,

then I think your partner,

if you've chosen them well,

will reciprocate and you'll get this great kind of,

you know, to and fro, like effort backwards.

Suzie: Yeah, of course.

Mel: But it's just this whole principle.

The effort is not just in the dating.

The effort has to carry on till the day you are not married to the end. Right. Like, you have to. I don't care if you're married for 50 years,

you should still be dating your wife. You should still be romancing your wife, you should still be loving her, telling her she's beautiful. I mean, obviously if you're still in love with her, that's another cod.

You should still be going on date night if you can. You should still be buying her gifts, which do not have to be big.

You still have to do lovely, thoughtful things, whatever that is. Make a breakfast on Sunday if that's what she likes. And equally,

if you've chosen well,

she will.

If you've been on a long business trip and she's at home and you need a shirt or you need a lunch or whatever the hell you need the next morning,

she'll do it.

Because that's what teams do.

It's not about,

I'm a woman and I can't do this. Cause girl power and all this stuff. And I'm a man and I don't do those things. That's not what it is. But it's like put effort in.

And I just think it is this very masculine, feminine thing.

But most women love to have attention.

And they love.

Suzie: If both parties just change their mindset about it.

Mel: Yes.

Suzie: That's all it is.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: It's like your mind has to be, I want to take care of people I love.

Mel: Yes.

Suzie: And that's for men and women.

Mel: Yes. Each. Both ways.

Suzie: Both ways. I want to provide both ways. I want to provide for them. Like I can. Yeah. So if that means the woman isn't working, let's just say the woman's not working.

She's gonna provide for the family. Like she knows. So she's gonna take care of the kids properly,

clean. If she doesn't have a cleaner or whatever pot, like cook, you know, she's gonna do the more homemaking things and make that a nice environment for when the husband comes home.

And hopefully he's working really hard if she's doing all that, because that's a ton of work.

So hopefully the man is at work,

working hard,

getting promotions,

like, you know, being able to, like,

the woman should still be, like, celebrating his wins because those are her wins and her wins, like raising the kids properly are his wins. Obviously, I think we have this weird mindset now where people in relationships don't think of it as a team effort.

Mel: No, it's about you're both in this kind of alone and you just basically come together, it seems like, to have sex and dinner.

Suzie: It's so weird. And it's like, how can you feel like you can have a good sex life when that's how you're thinking about it? Because then how are you even going to give her orgasms if you don't even care what she wants,

thinks, or wants or is even.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: Like, you have to be thoughtful in every single way if you want her to actually have good sex. Is the woman going to want to have good sex? With you, like, is she's going to want to tell you everything that she wants in bed when you're not even giving her what she wants outside of the bedroom.

Yeah, no,

she's gonna. And you know what? She might find it somewhere else.

Mel: Yeah. And she'll get bored.

Suzie: She'll get bored and she'll get upset.

Mel: And she'll find somebody else to do it.

Suzie: And women find men,

if they're attractive and they are sweet and they're kind, they will find another man who will appreciate them a little bit more. And obviously, same for men. This happens a lot.

Mel: Yeah, absolutely. And it's just this.

I just don't understand this thing that.

Why you think once you're in the relationship,

that's it. Like, it's like almost like, get the stretchy pants on,

you know, get under the.

Suzie: I don't know. That could never be me. That could never be me. And that could never be you either. It's like a weird thing though. Like. But I have never wanted to.

I always want to look good. I always want to look my best.

Mel: Yes.

Suzie: Even when I'm just in my house, like, I try to make myself look nice, even if I'm just going to the gym.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: I feel very European a lot of times. But, yeah, it's a North American thing. We literally just do not give a ****.

Mel: No. I can't stand it.

Suzie: It's crazy. And it's okay to make an effort. I think people actually look down on making an effort now a lot of the time.

Mel: Oh, yeah.

Suzie: It's the weirdest thing. It's like, it's. Why are we punishing people for making an effort looking great?

Mel: I have no idea.

Suzie: It's crazy.

Mel: It's like, you know,

a lot of women do this. Like they. When they have their kids and it, you know, it's a lot. And they just suddenly can't be bothered with their clothes. Like when the kids are little and you take them to school in the morning and,

you know, I was a working mom, so I was sort of in a. Not necessarily suit, but in, you know,

working clothes. The amount of moms who turned up in their pajamas,

this is a North American phenomenon. I was just blown away. I was like, you cannot be ******* serious.

You've walked down the street in your pajamas. Like, what does that say to the kid,

to your husband? Like, you just can't give a ****. It's nine o'. Clock. You couldn't get up and like, it's not that hard. I'm not, you know, it's not that difficult.

And I just think it, you know,

if you are married and you're not even making an effort in that respect for your husband and I know women will come for us and say, well, that's so old fashioned.

But you're like, come on, it's basic, right?

Suzie: If my man was just wearing sweatpants around the house too, it's the same thing.

I would be so I would, I would get the ick. That's for me though. Like I,

I make the effort and I expect my partner to make the effort too.

Even if we're just in the home,

like to not just look like ****. And like, well, you know, and you.

Mel: Go for, for dinner that you, you wear something, you dress up, I expect you expect your partner and then yeah, the whole thing is nice. Like you've made an effort for each other.

Suzie: Also, like, I know that when I see someone in the world that is going to be their representation of me forever.

Mel: Yes. Yes.

Suzie: So if I look like **** for every time that I'm doing something, every time I go for a walk with my dog, I look like ****. Because I can't make an effort to just even go outside and see the world.

Like, people are going to notice that and people are going to.

Unfortunately, this is the truth. People are going to think about you in a certain way. So like, let's say like I have a business opportunity and you know, I look great when I go out for business, but I don't look great, you know, the other half of the time.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: Then you're like, oh, well, Susie makes an effort sometimes and that could be like my next boss. Like, it's like the weirdest. You have to put your mindset around it. Like there's opportunities everywhere and the fact that we aren't seeing that anymore.

I know, it's so weird to me.

Mel: It's weird and I. You just see a lot of.

Suzie: You meet the love of your life on a dog walk, you could, you know, that's.

Mel: People don't understand in the Starbucks it could be anywhere. So just in the supermarket,

just a bit of an effort. And it could be a scale of an effort. God scale. So you could have your walking look.

You're like going out look. It doesn't have to be all the same.

Suzie: I wear ball gown everywhere I go.

Mel: Exactly. Yeah, exactly. She probably does, but.

And the same for men. Like if you're married and you love this woman,

treat her as such.

Love her,

adore her, cherish. Love her, cherish her,

do stuff for her. Think about her.

Get her, you know, if she's struggling with the kids or with dinner or you know, come home, then you've ordered takeout. I don't know, it doesn't matter. Just do something right.

Treat her like she's not. That you are not like slothing through life in some boring way. And look, I get it, life is boring.

Life is difficult.

Sometimes you just do not have any energy. Yeah, but if you are in a marriage, particularly we talk about long term relationships. What is the point if you don't make any effort?

Why are you with this woman if you're not going to date her for the rest of your life? Effectively, Totally. And you know, if you are a woman in that relationship and you're not making an effort for that man equally, what is the point?

What is the point? Point? I just don't know what the point is. Why are you even bothering?

And I think we've got very, very confused in the last,

you know, two decades. Yeah, even longer than that. Like,

you know, just very confused. And then people just don't understand. They don't understand why relationships don't work. Well, it's pretty easy, yeah. To understand that people don't make any effort.

They don't do anything.

Suzie: They give up and they don't meet people outside.

Mel: So they don't meet anyone. They,

you know, I think, you know, it's pretty easy to realize and stop. Women stop moaning about men, stop asking them to be these crazy unrealistic things and see beneath, like,

might be a really nice man, you know,

and equally men stop ******* going on about how women wear makeup and Spanx and bras and they take this all off and they look horrendous. I mean, do you not want women to look nice?

Suzie: Men don't like women anymore, I think,

I don't think men like women anymore. Like, it's actually weird also. It's, it's like if you see your woman's working really hard at home, let's say, and there's two kids or something like that, like, and you're like, wow, like, I can't believe she looks like, like this is crazy.

You know, she should start making effort. Maybe try to get her a cleaning lady once a week.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: How much, how much nicer would it be for her to feel so much less pressure to make everything look incredible around her when she has to deal with the kids, when she has to deal with the cleaning and, and the cooking and being like, you know what, it doesn't actually cost that much cleaning land Is not.

It costs that much.

Mel: If you can't afford it and you're not into that, you could say, look, I'll look after the kids on set and then do the cleaning yourself.

Suzie: I'm just thinking it's easier for men to make a lot. Like, it's easier for men to make money than for them to make an effort doing other things. Is that horrible to say?

It's just the way I know a lot of men.

It's like if you. It's like what. What drives a man's mind?

Sex with a beautiful woman. Your wife. So giving her the energy back to you properly and to make an effort because she's not worrying about your cleaning.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: Does that not make you want to work harder to afford that cleaning lady?

Mel: Yeah. I mean.

Suzie: You know what I mean. Or just like, it just doesn't make sense to me.

Mel: Like it's.

Suzie: It's not that hard to put the mindset into trying to make that effort for your woman to feel better about herself, to have the time so that she can take care of herself properly for you and for her and for the relationship.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: And just allowing her to be in her feminine energy instead of you making her take care of everything besides the working or whatever has going on. Right. And like allowing the woman to be.

To let the man take care of things if he wants to do that. And like being in his masculine energy instead of just like confusing the two. And then everyone's kind of doing everything and we're mad about doing the washing for our partners and all these other horrible things come up.

Just do something nice with the people you love.

Mel: Wow. Have you solved the whole.

Suzie: I hope so.

Mel: Woman and mankind. I think you might have done. That might be the solution.

Suzie: I don't know, guys. I.

I just want people to have better relationships. I think I see a lot of ****** relationships lately and it makes me so sad. And the. I don't think the solutions are that hard.

I think people just don't want to admit to themselves as to what they want because we're being sold on a different idea.

Mel: Yeah. I think, you know, if you look at social media and you look at all this stuff around you, you get a really false idea of really what's going on.

And I don't think it is that difficult to solve it.

I think also this idea that you think you're gonna have a relationship and it's always gonna be fantastic. I think you need to start.

That's not the case. You're gonna have. That's. We're human beings. We all annoy each other.

We all have flaws.

Come on, you're not gonna be.

Suzie: You should find someone who loves your flaws.

Mel: Absolutely.

Suzie: That's what I,

I think we, yeah, we want to perfect ourselves in so many ways. But I love when a guy loves my little flaws, my little quirks, because I got a lot of them.

And I love a. I love a man and his, you know, every little weird thing he does and his, you know, like, I don't know if the man loves,

I don't know, knitting.

Mel: Knitting.

Suzie: I don't know. You know what I mean?

Mel: Like, that's like, okay, any men out there who knit?

Suzie: I'm just like, what a cute thing.

Mel: It's very handy.

Suzie: What a cute thing to do. Like, I don't know, like, just like liking your partnership,

little interest and taking an interest in what they like and appreciating them for liking weird things.

Mel: Letting them do it.

Like, I don't have to like it.

Like,

I hate knitting. I have, I can actually, I have knitted in my life.

My husband loves pinball machines.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: So he's bought himself this electronic huge pinball machine we're talking about. And those aren't cheap, it's very expensive and it's his thing and he loves it. And I don't understand it.

And I,

I think I've probably played it once. I just, I have no idea. But it doesn't matter.

It's not. I don't have to get it. I don't have to. Like,

he likes it and he finds it very relaxing when his brain is all these things going around his brain, business wise. And he likes. It's pretty simple for him. I mean, he's quite simple in that respect.

And it's like, I don't have to like it.

Suzie: No.

Mel: I don't have to want it.

Suzie: Exactly.

Mel: Why does that always have to be the case? You know? But anyway, the underlying thing of what I was trying to say is make a ******* effort.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: You know, if you.

And we're talking, because we really are in this episode talking about men with women and people are going to criticize because that's what people like to do. But if you have a woman and you love her and your wife, your girlfriend, your partner, long term, whatever,

keep making an effort, keep dating her effectively,

obviously you're dating in a different way,

but why can't you go for date night? And if you can't do date night because you have children,

maybe date lunch,

date breakfast.

Suzie: That's hot. I love a little Afternoon delight.

Mel: Date lunch is great. I mean, you know, if you have to go back to work, I realize it could be, you know, short lived.

Suzie: But you could **** in the car.

Mel: Or, or you could have this really vava voomy date lunch and then you go home and have to do all the things and then imagine how much better it's gonna be so fun and you're gonna be so happy to see each other and just little things and it doesn't have to be fancy,

doesn't have to be expensive,

doesn't have to be anything. Or come home and,

you know, you've organized for your wife a weekend away and you've organized the children going to wherever and then you're going to, I don't know, New York for the weekend and you've planned all the restaurants and you've planned.

How ******* nice is that?

Think about it.

Suzie: So nice.

Mel: Just think about it.

And the,

the men, some of the men I know are so good at that.

They're so good at thinking about these things and like really. And even like big gestures, but they're also really good at really tiny gestures. And I think the tiny, like you said, the small little continuous gestures is really, really nice.

Suzie: That's what turns me on.

Mel: It's very nice.

Suzie: It's the fact that someone is thinking about me all the time. Text all the time, thinking about me,

texting me throughout the day. It doesn't have to be all day. I'm not a needy kind of girl. But like the fact that I know that this guy, I'm gonna come home and we're gonna have a nice,

like, relationship or, you know, a nice date at the end of the day or have something to look forward to or, you know, you can surprise her with like a nice flower.

Like, flowers are not, they're not that expensive.

And it,

and it doesn't. You don't have to understand it. You don't have to understand why she likes flowers because I get that it's stupid, they die and it's, it sucks.

But they're so nice for a week and it's gonna make her happy and it's gonna make her want to suck your ****. What is the problem?

Mel: Thank you.

Suzie: What is the problem?

Mel: If your girlfriend also likes going to Sephora, which most women do, and buys, you know, 400 and you think it's stupid,

how about saying, you know what? Just get whatever you want and imagine that is so.

Suzie: Honestly just got turned on.

Mel: Yeah. Thank you. When you go home. Yeah. How much nicer is she gonna be to you.

Suzie: No, that's hot.

Mel: She's gonna be like.

Suzie: She's gonna be ready to go.

Mel: Exactly. This stuff is not complicated, right?

Suzie: Yeah. I love that.

Boys. Yeah, boys, you heard it here first. Okay?

If you are having trouble with disguise, maybe you're like, I swear I'm making the effort, but she's not. You guys can write into us. We'd love to hear from you in your specific situation.

We can chat about it on the pod and go to sharemytruth.com where you can email us or send us a little voicemail or you can even go to Share My Truth Pod on any socials you can DM us.

We'd absolutely love to hear from you.

Mel: Who would?

Suzie: And we'll see you next time. Good luck.

Mel: Thanks so much for listening. Please rate and review this podcast and follow us on social at Sharing My Truth Pod and leave us a voicemail on our website sharing my truth.com to share your stories and experiences with us.

We'll see you next time. Bye.

Bye.

Three, two, one.