Suzie: Welcome to Sharing My Truth with Mel and Suzie. The uncensored version where we bear it all.

Mel: We do.

Suzie: 1, 2, 3, 4.

And hello everyone, and welcome back to Sharing My Truth podcast. You're here with the lovely Mel and I'm Susie and we are so happy that you joined us today to have a little chat wherever you're listening to this.

Thank you so much for joining in. You can subscribe to this podcast wherever you're listening to it, whether it's on Apple, Spotify or anywhere else that we have no idea where you're from.

And if you want to follow us on the socials, you guys can connect with us there at ShareMyTruthPod or go to our website and you can share your truths with us on our website.

You can leave us a voicemail, email, whatever you want, give us a fun story and you might even be on the pod@sharemytruth.com

hey, babes.

Mel: Wow. Hey, hey, babes.

Suzie: What an intro.

Mel: Hey, hey, darling. Even that was quite an intro.

Suzie: You got to give people the information.

Mel: You have and they've got it.

Suzie: They've got it because I keep telling.

Mel: Them, you better ****** go and look at it anyway.

Suzie: But yeah, we're so happy that you guys are joining us. We have a fun little episode. We're going to talk about something that Mel knows quite a bit about.

Mel: Oh, really?

Suzie: Yeah. Our Milvin residents. And you know, I mean, obviously you don't have a lot of experience in it, but your friends might.

Mel: They might, yes, maybe, you know, some.

Suzie: People who have been in situations like this. We're talking about, I mean, the, the not so formal term is Cougar.

Mel: Cougar.

Suzie: Ms. Cougars.

And why are they so popular nowadays? And they're in the. So they're in the media. There were so many TV shows, so many movies that are coming out with like, and I want to say like older as in like maybe these women are 50.

Mel: Yeah, right.

Suzie: Maybe late 40s. And they're like going out with like 20 somethings, early 30 somethings maybe. And they're making it a huge part of kind of like the norm of society now.

But I don't think. And I. We've talked about this and you corrected me, but like, I don't know any older in quotations. Women going out with younger men.

Mel: I do and you do. Yeah.

Suzie: So, like, I have never actually seen this in person and I also just, I have quite a few guy friends and I don't know any one of them that has gone out with an older woman who who has had a relationship with an older woman.

Do you know what I mean?

Mel: 100%. I don't think it's for everyone.

Suzie: Yeah, no.

Mel: But I do think a lot of men are into it.

Suzie: Well, I can definitely see the appeal. Right. You're kind of milfy if you're good looking, if you're hot, even if you have like kids or whatever. It's like the fact that this woman has her **** together and maybe she's divorced or whatever it is, or maybe she's still married and needs a little side piece or something like that.

Right? Like. And she knows what she likes, she knows what she wants and she likes to **** still. Maybe her husband doesn't **** her anymore and it's a good situation for them.

Mel: I think there are two reasons. It's in the press or in like mainstream kind of content. In the press. That sounds very old fashioned in content like Netflix shows and stuff like that.

And there's like, there's been one with Nicole Kidman, one with Anne Hathaway. There's one that I saw, I'm very sorry was terrible with Laura Dern and one of those brothers.

Hemsworth. Hemsworth.

And I think it's largely because we've talked about older men and younger women to death and we're bored of it and we want a new thing. It's a little bit taboo because it's still for a lot of people, like, oh, she's old and he's young.

It's kind of.

For some reason, a lot of people are grossed out by that.

And I just think it's a new thing to talk about and why not? And also there happen to be a lot of actresses who are in their 50s looking great.

Because it's a weird phenomenon that, that now if you're in your 50s, you're. And I don't mean this in like I say you're allowed to kind of wear whatever you want.

Whatever. I don't mean that allowed. I mean, it's just like society isn't so, oh, you have to look old. Whereas I would say, like when My mother was 50 and my mother's actually quite youthful looking, but I would say most women, they'd sort of cut their hair really short into that very sort of golden girls matronly sort of haircut.

Then they'd wear very frumpy clothes.

Suzie: Yeah, they've just like lost all their sex appeal sexuality. Even though we know now, right, that once you're in menopause or like kind of going through it or just getting out of it.

You're horny as ever.

Mel: Yeah. I mean, that's the thing. The complete misconception.

Suzie: Right.

Mel: I mean, it's funny, like, we see that in all our comments that women aren't interested in sex and older women. Like, what women are you.

Suzie: Yeah. What are you talking about? Maybe there's you.

Mel: Exactly. And that's about it. But I think it's also just women look a lot more youthful. Obviously. You know, a lot of women have Botox or have done. Not necessarily procedures, but there's lots of, kind of, kind of non invasive kind of things you can do to make your skin look very youthful.

Yeah. People tend to be fitter, healthier. And I just think the way you dress and the way your hair is and stuff like that, like, I. I'm all for, like, I'm.

I love clothes, I love products, I love stuff, but I'm very into. I think you kind of try and dress kind of appropriately. I'd never want to look. My horror is like, oh, my God.

Somebody would say she's trying to look like she's 25. But I think most older women are not doing that. They just look great for their age. Like, you kind of know, they're not obviously 35 or 45 or whatever.

By the way. I'm not talking about me, I'm just talking about women. And. But they just look great.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And I think it is a relatively new thing. Like, I saw this interview recently and it's. It's an old interview of Kim Cattrall who. Who's in her 60s.

Suzie: And I was literally just about to bring up the fact that, like. Cause Samantha, obviously in Sex and the City, like, she was literally wearing whatever the **** she wanted in that show.

Mel: Yeah. She was meant to be in her. She was in her 40s. She was meant to be in her 40s. And I'm. This interview was with Katie Couric. I think this is from a while ago.

And she said, you know, when the show started and she was in her 40s in that time when Sex and City first came out, when I was first watching it, which I guess would have been late 90s.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It just wasn't a thing like, like, you know, they talk about 50s, the new 40 and 60s. The new 60s. The new 40. 50s, the new, whatever.

40. You were over the hill.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: You were old, crazy. And those concepts have, to be fair, really gone away a lot.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And people don't talk about it as much. And I just think that a lot of these actresses Who've been around for a very long time who were young and famous. So we know them and they're now like 50 and 60.

So it makes perfect sense too. And they look great to have.

Suzie: Well, I think it's also different like if you, if these women have the women who are like just like trying to look their best. Right. Like they, they, they appreciate their appearance and they want to look their best.

So like the ones who don't have kids I find are much more into wearing something very more scandalous than the ones who are mothers and who maybe have adult children or something like that.

Like you see like Reese Witherspoon looks ******* incredible. She's about your age, maybe a little bit like 40.

Mel: Little younger.

Suzie: 46.

Mel: She's a bit younger and she's got sort of around. Yeah. And she's got three kids.

Suzie: But she doesn't. I mean I think it's just her personality too. But she like I've never seen her in something that looks scandalous. But she looks amazing.

Mel: You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

Suzie: But like JLo who is actually a mother but will look like she'll wear the high, you know.

Mel: And I think she actually, I have a comment to make about Jennifer.

Suzie: Oh, no.

Mel: In a mag in a magazine recently. Can't think of it was. And she was wearing this kind of like knit cardigan thing with crystals. Top was very nice.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: But she's wearing these little knit hot pants. I'm just like, no, but she's got great legs. She has. But it just looked ridiculous and you're taking it too far and that looks stupid.

Suzie: I mean there are, there are things to say, I think like people have stylists. You know what I mean?

Mel: Looked stupid.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: I mean I'm you. She looks incredible. You know, let's not forget all these people have a lot of help.

Suzie: Well yeah.

Mel: With their face, their body and everything. She looks amazing. Also please everyone remember you're looking through it with a lens. Like if you saw her personal, it's different to what you're seeing when people don't think that physically and your skin and everything.

But there is a point. Like you're 50 years old and I'm all for like, you know, literally like wear what you want. If you like wearing lots of jewelry or you like having your hair, whatever the **** it is, do what you want.

Yeah, but I don't think.

Suzie: Put your ***** out.

Mel: Well, if her ***** wasn't out, it was just she had these. I just thought. I'm not even sure I Would have liked it on a young. I just didn't think it looked great.

Suzie: So it's just the outfit.

Mel: Maybe I just thought it was too much.

Suzie: But, you know, but you know, you do you. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like if I. I mean, who the **** knows what I'm going to want to look like when I'm older.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: I don't want to think about it. Scary, terrifying. Terrifying. But I mean, if I still have a fudgeing great bod when I am in like when I'm 50, I mean, yeah, I'm gonna still wear a bikini and yeah, I'm still gonna like.

Mel: That's not what I'm saying. I thought if I can. Even if you don't or you have whatever you have, who cares? Do whatever you want.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: You know, feel good about yourself. I'm not. That's not what I'm saying.

Suzie: I mean, Catherine Zeta Jones looks amazing. Salma Hayek looks amazing.

Mel: Yeah, but she dresses really nicely.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: And very. And it sounds so like old fashioned, like appropriately. Like it's really enhancing her beauty.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: What I'm saying, like Nicole Kidman. I think she's actually had a little bit too much work done on her face. But that's a separate conference.

Suzie: Nicole Kidman. Yeah.

Mel: She's gone a little bit too far. But in terms of her clothes. Excuse me, sorry. I think she's very appropr. Like it's enhancing her.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: Like clothes or your hair or anything. Don't you want it to enhance you?

Suzie: I mean. Well, this brings us back to cougars. The cougars.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: So how many of these older women that we're talking about that are celebrities dating younger men and really all I can think of is like Madonna.

Mel: Madonna, Cher.

Suzie: Cher. Yes. That's a good one. But like not many of them are actually dating younger, like below their age.

Mel: I'm thinking there was somebody, there was a comment on Instagram about this and like all these women with these much younger boyfriends and you know, maybe your guy isn't born yet.

Okay, I should see that. She's like, gross.

I'm trying to think. There are a couple. There's actually a very famous producer in England who is quite well known and she's like in. Was in her 40s and she started.

She was married, I had children. Started dating him and he was like 20. And then they. It was a bit of a scandal and then they got married and had more children.

It's like 20 years different.

Suzie: Oh, wow. Yeah.

Mel: And there's a couple like Instagram people, if you sort of follow people I know are married to much younger men, like 20, 20 years younger.

Suzie: Right. I mean it's just so normal when we see it from like a guy from like a man dating like a 20 year old, we're like, yeah, we get it, like obviously.

And then when we see a girl, a woman doing that, we see like a 50 year old woman dating someone in their like 30s, we're like, what the **** is going on?

Mel: Yeah, I mean, I think such a.

Suzie: Weird, like it's very weird people.

Mel: I think one of the things is if people are in long term relationships and let's say a man is in his 20s or his 30s, wants to have children, there's an.

Obviously there's a reality and that's often what happens, you know, I mean, I think I've told you this and I've mentioned this before. My mum had a string of young boy toy boys.

Like.

Yeah, yeah. Probably like 20 years younger than her. And one guy was quite serious. My mom must have been in her 40s and he was sort of barely 30 and he wanted children and she didn't want children.

So that obviously is a thing. And I don't think men think about it as much.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: Because obviously they don't physically have to have the children. So it's not. And then they're sort of, you're going through the relationship and it's like, oh ****, you know, now what do we do?

But yeah, I don't think society likes it very much. No. They see these young men and they think it just looks wrong.

Suzie: We're just like, why? Like you have your whole life to live. Don't you want children? Like all these things?

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: And it's like, well, maybe they don't or maybe they just don't care. Or maybe they just like what they like. A woman who is not like, doesn't know what she wants in the world.

You know what I mean? Where these women have their own kids, their own lives already, they're not so obsessed with the relationship. Possibly.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: You know, like there's so many losses to an older woman.

Mel: 100%. I think there are lots of reasons, like, oh, you know, when you get older, irrespective of your appearance, you just don't care as much about what people think about you.

So there's a confidence in that. Yes.

Suzie: You're going to wear what you want to do. You want with your like self and your body and whatever.

Mel: And you're not, you're not insecure, you're not worried about people. Obviously, sexually, you're much more experienced.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: Even if you haven't had lots of partners, you've, you know, you. You kind of know what. What to do. So, Zeke, now I'm joking is you're a bit more kind of.

I think maybe you're a bit more patient as well. Like, there's lots of things that just come with age and that also you're not meeting somebody probably to sort of forge a life.

Like, you're really just interested in that person for whatever reason.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And I think at the end of the day, people just read into this too much. I mean, for Christ's sake, if you meet somebody like them, you just like them, and that's it.

I know and I know people even like, you know, we. Our friendship people have a really hard time with it.

Suzie: People are like, what the **** do you like?

Mel: They think it's very strange.

Suzie: They actually think it's so weird. They're like, who is this woman that you do your podcast with? And I'm like, well, one to know your ******* business. No, I'm just kidding.

Mel: No. But they don't get it. Yeah.

Suzie: They think we're swingers.

Mel: Of course they do. They think. They think something is dubious going on. And I'm sorry to upset everyone. It isn't.

Suzie: Don't ruin their vibes now. We could.

Mel: Yeah, but. But people just. They want things to be the way they should.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And then. So they don't. It kind of bugs them.

Suzie: Well, yeah, like, I would w. And I. We obviously talked about this before, but, like, you know, I'd way rather date an older guy who knows what he's doing.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: And who has his **** together and is not going to be so obsessed with, like, just like, where we are in our relationship.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: Where it's like most older guys aren't like that.

There's a lot of younger guys who are more like texting all the time. And like, you know, they don't have their own lives yet. They don't really know what they want yet.

And I'm like, that's so unattractive to me. Like, I'd way rather have an older guy. And a lot of. For these guys, these younger guys who were dating older women, they probably think.

Mel: The same thing 100%. And from a sexual point of view, obviously older men like younger women because of the way they look.

Suzie: Well, yeah.

Mel: But young men who are into older women is because, A, they know what to do, and B, perhaps the men, as men get older, they can have issues downstairs.

Suzie: Right.

Mel: And young men don't.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: And so there's lots of benefits. And I, I just, I think, look, this has been going on forever. It's nothing new. It's just that we've decided that we're going to talk about it because we talked about everything else.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: So like we do move on to the next subject and it's a little bit, it's sort of a little bit taboo. Yeah, I know it, it is though.

Suzie: Because I think we just expect women to kind of not have a sex life after a certain time.

Mel: 100%.

Suzie: We don't want to think about women over 50 having sex and it's like, what the **** is wrong with you? Like, like what do you think?

Mel: In their 60s and their 80s.

Suzie: But we expect the 80 year olds to still be dating 20 year olds, like 80 year old men. I mean, like, it's just like this doesn't make any sense. Like you're just like putting these like in quotes, like older women in a box.

Mel: I, I think it doesn't make sense. I think it also bothers people because I saw something, I think it was yesterday and it's some famous guy that I can't think what his name is.

And he's like 75.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: I think Max said he's like a coach of some big American football team. So of course I don't know what his name is. And he's his new girlfriend. And he looks like a man in his 60s.

Suzie: Right.

Mel: And his girlfriend is drop dead gorgeous. She's 24.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And you're like, what goes through everyone's head? Yeah, well, I know why he's dating her and because she, you know, she's absolutely gorgeous. She looks like a, you know, Hollywood sort of starlet or whatever.

He's got loads of money. That's what goes through your head.

Suzie: Of course.

Mel: And for some reason that's okay. But when we see an older woman, we're a bit like, ew, like, why is that young, good looking man? What does he see in her?

And I think particularly women look at older women and if they're with a younger man, they're like, I don't get it. Why is he looking at her when he could have me?

Suzie: Right.

Mel: And you're like, if you're thinking that you've lost the point of why he likes her. Exactly. He's interested in her because she's interesting. She's sexually experienced because she's confident and.

Suzie: She buys money too.

Mel: Yeah, all of those things. And she's not insecure. She's probably not a drama queen. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Which is probably why. And then people, you know, you meet people and everyone doesn't fall into boxes.

And that's it, really. I just think for whatever reason, you know, media just picked up on it. And I think it is also because a lot of these actresses are hitting their 50s, and it is great that they're.

They're getting roles because that was always.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: Complaint as an actress. You're young, but you'll. I guess you'll find as you go through your career that, you know, I think previously you just got lot less and less and less job, for sure.

And then a certain point you're just playing mothers or you're just playing this or you're just playing whatever. And now this is interesting. This is like. And it's interesting. It's like, this isn't boring.

Okay. Okay, we can believe that. Why not?

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: You know.

Suzie: No, I mean, this is how I can see my life going is that I marry an older guy and then I get his money, and then I, once I'm like, 50, I start dating a younger guy.

That's how I see my timeline going.

Mel: So I haven't calculated this at all. No, but I think there's another thing, though, like, because we started by saying cougar, and I don't even know if that's.

Suzie: Is that a proper term?

Mel: Do people say that anymore? I say it, you say.

Suzie: I don't know if that means anything.

Mel: But obviously the idea is that. Is that it's these older women, like, literally on the hunt, on the prowl.

Suzie: Yes, you're right.

Mel: So that's a little bit unfair to a lot of older women who aren't necessarily on the hunt. They've just. They've met these younger men for whatever.

Suzie: Reason they might be on the hunt, though.

Mel: The question is, where have they met them?

Suzie: Bars.

Mel: Balls. Yeah.

Suzie: I guess they have to have met them in, like, somewhere like that because. Yeah. Where else would you be?

Well, like, so there's a place in Toronto and it's on King. And it's. It's literally known to be a cougar bar. I've personally actually never been there, but I do have younger guy friends.

Like, not younger, but, like, they're my age who will go to this bar and they know it's a cougar bar.

Mel: Oh, interesting.

Suzie: And I don't know if they're, like, actually hooking up with these, like, older women, but it's just like, kind of maybe more fun why not to, like, hang out with them?

Mel: Yeah, I mean, I. I also think it is more of a phenomenon in Europe because, like, I was recently in Paris and I, you know, as you know, I go to Paris quite often.

Suzie: A lot of Parisian women, actually, I feel like, yeah, do that and yeah.

Mel: Notice, like, I notice met younger men do look at older women like men in Europe, and I'm not including the uk, but, you know, I think it does have men just look at women as like a less.

You notice it. There's less of a categorization. That's so interesting that you're young or whatever, and it's quite shocking. You're just like, that's weird. Like, why is that, man, you're the hottest commodity.

I just think when you go to Paris. No, not me in particular. I just think men look at women right full stop. They. Or put it this way, they admire women.

Suzie: Right.

Mel: More. And so it's not necessarily that you're young, you're old, you're just attractive and that it. I mean, you could be 70 and attractive.

Suzie: I love that, though.

Mel: I mean, why not? Yeah, I mean, you know, Jesus, some really hot women in Paris and Parisian women, just the way they dress, the.

Suzie: Way they do, everything is so much better.

Mel: Everything is amazing.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: You know, so much more glamorous. Very glamorous, but very natural.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: So kind of put together, but not put together.

Suzie: Yes. It's just like effortless.

Mel: It's gorgeous. And I think women, they're very secure in their femininity.

And I think probably in North America particularly, women are struggling with all this **** for sure. Where does my femininity fit into? The woke feminist bullshit stuff like, where am I in all of that?

Suzie: Yeah, yeah.

Mel: Like, can I be the boss ***** and be feminine and all this stuff. Just shut the **** up and think.

Suzie: Like, just live your life.

Mel: Just be.

Suzie: God **** it.

Mel: If you are feminine, be feminine.

Suzie: If someone's making you feel bad for doing something or not doing something, that's the problem.

Mel: Yeah, yeah. And I. So I would say that's a comment because. And I just can say that, because I was just. There is. I think women are very secure, particularly in somewhere like Paris in their.

And, you know, in European countries like Italy and Spain, very secure in their femininity.

So that's very appealing. So you don't have to be a certain age for a man to look at you. So I think that's. That's the thing. But, yeah, I mean, how many women are doing it?

I don't know.

But I think it also if the other thing is, if you're single and you're in your late 40s and 50s and you're not saying the person has to be this age and has to be that and has to be the other, I mean, it opens up your possibilities more, doesn't it?

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: So why not? And if you're both, at the end of the day, if you're in a relationship with somebody where you both are getting something out of being together and something from the relationship, and nobody I, you know, let's say you.

And obviously, very quite possibly you've met a young man, he doesn't want to have children, so you just have a fun time.

Suzie: Can we just talk about how it's okay to have just a fun time.

Mel: With someone and that. Just go and do that. You. You meet somebody, you have some fun.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: It doesn't have to be the love of your life. Okay. You don't have to end in marriage.

Suzie: Exactly.

Mel: Just having a fun time.

Suzie: And that actually brings us to our. What's the tea today?

Mel: Yes.

Suzie: But before we get into that, we're going to take a small, teeny, tiny little break to hear from one of our little sponsors.

Mel: We are sharing.

Suzie: My truth Pod is so excited to partner with vibrator.com where the A in vibrator is the number 8. This is an extremely exclusive code where no other podcast has it. If you go to vibrator.com

right now, use the code ms.15. That's ms.15@vibrator.com you can now get 15 off anything in store that's any sex toys for you, your partner, your neighbor, your mom. We don't judge, we don't care.

Get it now go to the link in our bio, put in the code and get jiggy with it. Okay. So into.

Mel: Yes.

Suzie: So we were just talking about how, you know, you don't have to be in love with the person to have a little bit of fun or, you know what I mean, you can just enjoy the person, being with the person, and you don't have to think about the future with them.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: Potentially.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: But that brings us to people.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: As what they call themselves demisexuals.

Mel: Yeah. And I've never actually heard this term.

Suzie: I've never heard the term either.

Mel: But it's. It's a thing. And this is an article that. And there have been several articles. This is again, for my favorite Grazia magazine. And so. So do you want me to tell you what it means?

Suzie: Yes, I really do.

Mel: So being Demisexual Demisexuality is a type of asexuality and is defined as having no sexual attraction without emotional connection. Less than 1% of the population reportedly identify as asexual. But numbers are growing as awareness spreads.

That's thanks to Blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Okay, so basically, thanks to what? What?

That's. Thank you. Because it's just boring.

Suzie: Got it.

Mel: Carry on. So I'll just go back to that. That's thanks to many other public figures who too have spoken out about their demisexual or asexuality.

Suzie: Okay, well, here's the tea about that. Right.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: I mean, I don't really understand that, why that's an asexuality thing. Because I thought if to be asexual, you don't want to have sex at all. So why would Demi be sexual.

Be in the sexual asexual thing family.

Is it because asexuality, you also kind of just have to like the person to kind of want to be with them because.

Mel: So this article is talking about this. This is a singer in the UK called Talisa who made a.

A sort of, I guess, public confession. She called it as I is. I'm demisexual. She said of her attitude towards sex and dating, I need to have a really close emotional bond with somebody.

I need actual depth. I am a slow, slow burner. I've been celibate for over three years.

Suzie: Holy.

Mel: That's a very long time.

Suzie: But if you don't need sex, right? Like if your body isn't telling you that you need sex.

Mel: I'm not saying I'm not sure. It's. So asexuality is when you're not interested in sex.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And I'm not sure with asexuality, I think there are people who are just asexual from, you know, the beginning and they're just not. Sex is not of interest to them. So the complete reverse of you.

Exactly. So if you think about it, if you are a thing, then that's got to be a thing.

Suzie: That's. No, you're absolutely right. You're absolutely.

Mel: The opposite is always a thing.

Suzie: Unbelievable.

Mel: So. But I think asexuality also can. You can become asexual, obviously. You can change. Right. You can become not interested. Yeah. For a whole variety of reasons. But demisexuality is. You need.

It's not just. It's not just physical, your mind and your body and everything to get turned on, basically. So it means that you will not feel in the mood.

Suzie: Here's the thing.

Mel: If you're not emotionally Connected. Here's the thing.

Suzie: Do these people **********?

Mel: Which is a very good question.

Suzie: I would like to know if.

Because if you don't feel any like horniness at all unless that other person is there, that's putting so much pressure on another person. It is for your own sexual desires and pleasure.

Mel: It's puts a huge amount of pressure. It also means, and I'm not trying.

Suzie: To like be like goat down on the demisexuals here, but I just want to know more information as to like, how this works. Because if you're trying to live for you, if this person that you're really interested in and in love with, like leaves you or something, are you just like, you just never have sex again?

Like what?

Mel: Well, here's another thing. So here they're talking about another person. Chapel Rowan. Who? I don't know who that is. Oh, who's Chapel Rowan?

Suzie: She's like a. She's like a gay pop icon right now. She's like very hot right now. Do you have your heard of the song Hot to Go? Have your daughters been singing it to you at all?

Mel: Maybe, but I just got it.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: It's very Gen Z. She's a very Gen Z artist.

Mel: I'm sure she's lovely, but I've never heard of her.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: Anyway, she considers herself demisexual in a 2023 episode of the We're Having Gay Sex podcast, saying the thought of one night stands give her crazy anxiety. But I think that's a different thing.

One night stands. Because I know friends of mine who've never had a one night stand and obviously lots of everyone else who mostly have, but. And some people really, really don't like it.

And I completely understand that.

But I think that's very different. Yeah. Like that's like you don't like the idea of meeting a complete stranger.

Yeah. Which, you know, on many levels we've talked about this many times. Is a little bit gross if you really give it to a lot of thought.

Suzie: No, for sure you do not want to give it a lot of thought.

Mel: You don't. You know, I think I said this before, like, you know, we'd never sit on a public toilet seat.

Suzie: No.

Mel: But you'd go and meet some guy and you know, I mean, it's a bit bizarre, isn't it? It is, but so I understand why people really don't like that scenario for a whole host of reasons.

But I think that's different. We're talking about, well, what if you just have a fling or you just.

Suzie: Have a little like a friends with bunnies kind of thing and you like the person and they're a good. But you don't really have any like relationship attachment to that.

Mel: I think lots of people don't do that. I think lots of people do and lots of people don't.

Suzie: Yeah, people are very weird about who they let put their **** in them, but also who they let put their ***** on them.

Mel: But do you know, is that a sense. Are you suggesting that's not a sensible idea?

Suzie: I just think it's like as long as you're being safe, right, like you're like using protection and like, you know what I mean? Like maybe you're asking the right questions whatever about like when they've last time they've been tested and all these things that you should be asking a new partner.

Mel: It's like, yeah, because that conversation I.

Suzie: Ask, I ask any new person when's the last time you've been tested and you don't have to make it weird.

Mel: And what if they lie? Well then that's. Do you.

Suzie: So you're still wearing a condom though. Okay, but it's nice just to. Because you can, you can sometimes tell if you catch people off guard. You can tell if they're lying or not.

Mel: Wow. Okay.

Suzie: Anyways, but I try to always ask a question and like not make it weird but just like say but yeah, like it's just like it's okay to just not take it so seriously.

I think that's what it's a hundred.

Mel: Percent what this is. Yeah, but I agree. But I think there are, as with anything in life, there are lots of different kinds of people. So there are people like you who view it in one way and then there are people who need to have more of emotional connection or they don't like one night stands or they don't like the idea of sort of flings or whatever.

And that's completely normal. There's a whole range going from one end to the other.

So that's why like demisexuality think yourself. Isn't that just like a lot of people who just want to have a connection? Well exactly. But they, the problem is those people judge the people who are just interested in the physical and you're just like, why doesn't everyone just mind their own business and do their own business?

Suzie: No, we can't mind our own business here, okay?

Mel: I mean just do your thing. What is right for you. But people just can't, can they? I just want people to have fun. But yeah, so it's a thing. But then it's a bit like being aromantic is a thing.

It's like, are we just finding all.

Suzie: These aromantic as and you don't want to. You don't want to have any romance or you only want to have romance?

Mel: So this is another person. So who's Michaela Cole?

Suzie: I don't know.

Mel: Okay. I think that might be a British actress. She considers herself aromantic, which is another type of asexuality that describes having little or no romantic attraction to others.

Right. So does that mean you're asexual if you're aromantic?

I don't know.

Suzie: Little or no sexual attractive.

Mel: No, no, no. Little or no romantic attraction to others.

Suzie: But you still want to have sex? No, you just don't want any romance.

Mel: I don't think you want any of it. Or maybe you do.

Suzie: No, I think you want to just have sex. You just don't want to have the romance. Maybe the romance gives you the ick.

Mel: Really?

Suzie: Because I can kind of get that if some. If a man is like, I wrote you a song and I want to play it for you. Ick.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: But if a guy's like, I want to buy you dinner. That's a hot.

Mel: I need to find out now.

Suzie: An aromantic person.

Mel: I. I have. You see all these terms and you're like, oh, we're just making everything so complicated.

Suzie: No, we are. And it's honestly getting unbelievable.

Mel: Aromantic has multiple meanings. Include. No, that's. That's not what that is.

Suzie: Wikipedia.

Mel: What does it mean to be aromantic? Having. No, this is saying having an aroma. That's. Oh, that's cuz I look. No, I remember.

Suzie: Wait, maybe you're just not reading. She's trying to see what's air. What's aromatic. What's aromatic?

Mel: I'm trying to go aromatic. Okay.

Suzie: You're like, why is this not coming out? Oh, my God, that's so funny.

Mel: That's very funny. Okay, I am going to get to this.

Okay. Hey, romantic. I'm here now. I've added the end in experiencing little or no romantic attraction to anyone. Not having romantic feelings. I identify as an aromantic. Asexual. Oh, my God, this is so complicated.

Suzie: Okay, can we just make it simple for us?

Mel: Okay. Okay. What is aromantic versus asexual? Aromantic means not having any romantic attractions. Asexual means that not having any sexual attractions. The two types of attractions are not the same and are not linked.

That is to Say neither is dependent on the other existing for it to exist.

Suzie: No, that's what it says.

Mel: It should be noted that sexual attraction and sexual. Oh, my God, you're making this way too complicated.

Suzie: Okay, can I we just ask, like, if there's anyone who's listening here, can somebody tell asexual or aromantic. Can you please just, like, reply to us and explain to what it is?

Like, what is this?

Mel: I know what. Asexual. That's. That turns asexual forever. Yeah.

Suzie: So aromantic, you don't want to have sex at all.

Mel: Does that mean that you're only interested in sex or you're not? Or perhaps it means you could be two types of aromantic. So you could be somebody who's not interested in sex or romance.

Because some asexuals are interested in romance, but not sex. So you can interest in romance and. I don't know. But demisexual. Getting back to the.

Suzie: Yeah, okay.

Mel: Is that. You need a sec. A sexual. No, that's the. No, you need an emotional connection to the person that you're doing.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: And that's the T. And that's it.

Mel: I got nothing else. **** me.

Suzie: Why don't you make it so hard?

Mel: Yeah, I. I don't know, but I.

Suzie: Do understand, like, I was, you know, like, I'm bi, obviously, and they're, you know, straight people don't understand bi people a lot of the time. They're like, just pick a side.

Mel: Oh, yeah.

Suzie: Do you know what I mean?

Mel: So it's like, say that too.

Suzie: Oh, yeah.

Mel: No, you're right.

Suzie: For sure. So if someone's on one side, they're like, pick a side. You know, stay with, like, gender neutral people. It's like, yeah, just pick one. Yeah, obviously people don't. People are weird.

People are different. This is what's happening. Obviously. Me, I don't understand this demisexual thing.

Mel: Right. And there are many levels because I'm.

Suzie: Oh, what do you mean? Extreme extra sexual. What's my term? Yeah, overtly. Oh, yeah.

Mel: What is that? You're like the complete reverse.

Suzie: Exactly. I have to look it up.

Mel: I think that's just sexual, Susan. I think that's pretty ******* simple. The definition of the term.

Suzie: No, because I feel like they're sexual people. Then there's sexual people.

Mel: Really?

Suzie: You know what I mean?

Mel: Really? Yeah, like more than you.

Suzie: No, I feel like there's sexual people and then there's me.

Mel: Well, what's. What are the sexual.

Suzie: Like, I feel like you're sexual.

Mel: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Suzie: Are you sexual?

Mel: Oh, well, I guess that's because I had one partner. And so I think people have a different view in their head of. Got it. Well, that means.

Right. True.

Suzie: I don't know.

Mel: Because they think because you're having sex with the same person that you're not really having sex with them because you've been married to them for a long.

Suzie: Time, but you still want to have sex with them all the time.

Mel: Well. Oh, no. I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. Put it this way. I have a husband who's very interested in me.

Suzie: I'm obsessed with that.

Mel: So that's good, isn't it?

Suzie: Sorry, guys, she's not gonna be your cougar anytime soon.

Mel: No, that's. That's a no.

Suzie: That's a no. And we'll leave you guys there.

Mel: That's it. Yeah.

Suzie: If you guys know any of these terms or even new term that we want to.

Mel: It's very.

Suzie: You want to bring up. You want to teach us about a new term?

Mel: I mean, there's going to be a new one, isn't there?

Suzie: Every week there's a new one of these ******* people.

Mel: Just. Okay. I mean, we just. Just. I think we need to all relax and just live your life.

Suzie: Stop making so complicated.

Mel: I mean, if you can't understand.

Suzie: If I. And I understand everything about modern, super.

Mel: Super, like in the thing, and you don't get it, it's a problem, isn't it?

Suzie: It's a problem. It's a problem.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: Fix your problems. Hope we helped. All right, guys, we'll see you next week, I think, right?

Mel: Definitely.

Suzie: Subscribe, like and follow.

Mel: Bye.

Thanks so much for listening. Please rate and review this podcast and follow us on social at Sharing My Truth Pod and leave us a voicemail on our website sharingmytruth.com to share your stories and experiences with us.

We'll see you next time. Bye.