Suzie : Welcome to sharing my truth with Mel and Suzie. The uncensored version where we bear it.
Mel: All we do 1234.
Suzie : Welcome back. Hello, everyone. So nice to be here in our little happy place. Welcome back to sharing my truth pod. You're here with Mel and Suze.
Mel: I'm Susie and that's Mel.
Suzie : And I'm just going to be a quick little reminder. Give our podcast a five star review, if you would, because it helps know share with the community and you guys share with us.
Mel: Mel, darling. Babes. Hi. Hello.
Suzie : It's been a long week. And it's Tuesday, Wednesday. It's been a long week, Mel.
Mel: Yeah. We're hitting the bottles.
Suzie : Holy ****. Are we ever.
Mel: Sometimes that's the only answer, to be honest with you.
Suzie : I feel like everyone is feeling the same thing. You can feel it in the air. Everyone is feeling a little bit wonky.
Mel: The seasons are changing.
Suzie : It's a bit hard to deal with stuff.
Suzie : It's just a bit of a hard time for everyone, I think.
Mel: And we live in a **** world.
Suzie : God, we ******* do, babes. We really do.
Mel: But all depressing. We're not going to go there. But it's all depressing.
Suzie : Yeah. Just don't look at social media. When you think you shouldn't look at social media. Don't do it. Right. Like, just stay off of it for your mental health.
Mel: Absolutely. Unless you're looking at our social media.
Suzie : Well, because we post funny things.
Mel: We do post funny things. It is true. You should actually you know that people say this stuff about not having your phone in your bedroom, which I do, and not looking at after that. People did.
Suzie : People don't have their phone on their mouth.
Suzie : Oh, my God.
Mel: Friends of mine, and they are actually right, like, they actually have they don't use it as their alarm clock. They have an alarm clock because what it means is it makes you at a certain time, if you're like, watching TV or something, then you just don't look at your phone after, say, nine or 10:00.
Suzie : I need to do that.
Mel: I think nine is a bit early, but 10:00. But I always have it because I'm worried about my daughters calling me.
Suzie : Yeah, of course. And also just like I just feel weird without it. It's an addiction. It definitely is.
Mel: It is an addiction.
Suzie : But we want to use this episode as more of like a fun, funny episode because I feel like we haven't done one like this in a while and we just kind of want to have a laugh with you guys.
Mel: What was that? A laugh. A laugh, yes. A laugh, yes. Everyone is always teasing me. On that note, these are the two things my husband perpetually teases me about is how I say hockey. Going to the hockey. Yeah, exactly. He says, go to the hockey.
Suzie : Hockey Hokai.
Mel: And then would you like a coffee? A coffee, exactly. On that note, what are we talking about?
Suzie : I just want to say also in the researching of this episode, which I'm so grossed out that we did, because you have no idea the articles that Mel and I just had to go. But while we were looking through some of the terms that we're about to say mel, what did you say? Which was one of them which you.
Mel: Thought we couldn't speak. I think it said cream pie.
Suzie : Yes, but what did you call it? You're crumpy. What's a crumpy?
Mel: Well, I think I was thinking, this has got to be some amazing term that I've never heard of.
Suzie : Crumpy.
Mel: I don't know, I just made it up. It means nothing.
Suzie : So anyways and if you want to make a cream pie sound cuter, it's a crimpies. Okay, but no.
Suzie : So this episode is going to be about it's going to be a quick one. We're going to go through some funny terms of maybe what you guys knew or didn't know. New of definitions of funny terms and positions of sex.
Mel: Sex. Or that perhaps you think you should know, and you're like, I know you can Google it, but people talk and you're like, what the hell are they talking about? You think that everyone knows and you don't, and actually they probably don't.
Suzie : And maybe people go through your search history and you don't want that in your search.
Mel: Yeah, probably not. Good. Yeah. Okay, so what's number one?
Suzie : Number one a blumpkin.
Mel: Now, I do know what this means.
Suzie : Did you know before?
Suzie : How did you know? Have you done it?
Mel: Odly. No. Susie I knew it because I watched this comedian in the UK and he does this funny thing where he kind of calls out to the audience and says, tell me about sex, terminology that I've never heard of. And this woman shouted this one out and he shouted it and he's like, what now? And then she explained it, and that's how I knew it. Before that I didn't know.
Suzie : Well, then, do you want to explain what it is?
Mel: No. I think you should.
Suzie : Oh, God. Okay, so it's actually when a person gives a person with the *****, the person with the ***** is on the toilet taking a ****.
Suzie : And the other person is going to give them a blow job while they do that's.
Mel: Exactly. What?
Suzie : Isn't that a gorgeous little term?
Mel: What springs to mind is what the **** is wrong with you?
Suzie : What the **** wrong with people if.
Mel: You are married to a man or a person with the *****? Their poo's are stinky. I mean, everyone's poo is stinky. Let's not beat around, whatever, but they're extra stinky. Like, why would you want to be near ****? And to be honest, the other thing I find actually quite hard to get my head around, which was the first thought when I first heard this word, is when men go and do a number two.
Suzie : I don't like to think about it.
Mel: Well, I don't think about it, but also they're generally they read a magazine. They're there for, like, phone. Yeah. They're doing something and they're generally in the mood of thinking about their ****. Yes. And this is horrible that we're talking about. I hate that. And so I don't think often men are actually thinking about the front. They're thinking about what they're doing because they're a little bit obsessed with it.
Suzie : Imagine imagine someone you're seeing or sleeping with asks you to do this. What do you do? Run. You ******* run.
Mel: I'd run very fast.
Suzie : You ******* run.
Mel: I mean, I'm all for being open and trying new things and all the rest of it and not being judgmental. This is a step too far.
Suzie : If I had a line that you could cross this would anything to do with the bathroom going, I not like we looked up water sports, which is another term. It's not even on our list. Water sports. Anything to do with urine.
Suzie : We don't need to deal with this, okay? I'm not judging people. I'm not harping on anyone. But I'm just saying, if you're going to do this, guys, you got to be ******* smart about it, okay? This is not cute. This is not clean. This is something you need to do. And then you go, I have to take a shower right afterwards. Okay? You got to be safe.
Mel: Yes. The peeing thing is I don't know, it's kind of like it's hard for me to get my head around that too, but I just don't understand, actually don't understand if a man is on the toilet and having a poo and you're giving him blowdrop, how you don't gag and keel over with I don't know.
Suzie : I think we have to move on.
Mel: Yeah, we do.
Suzie : Okay, the next one is we're going to go a little lighter. This one you probably should know. Probably do know. Probably it's happened to you.
Suzie : Pearl necklace.
Mel: Oh, yes. And I've talked about this in a previous episode, haven't I?
Suzie : Yeah, because Mel gets them all the time.
Mel: I get them all. No, I used to actually I don't wear a real pearl necklace in pearls. I used to wear a pearl necklace when I was about your age, bit younger. And I used to work when I was younger, years ago, when I was in my 25, 26, that sort of age. I worked in sales and I worked with sales team. They were all men. I never worked with women.
Suzie : Right.
Mel: It was just that was London in that area. Anyway, and I was wearing it and I guess I was quite naive that age. And I was wearing a pearl necklace. And this guy, he thought he was really funny.
Suzie : Wasn't this your boss?
Mel: No, he wasn't my boss. He had a little bit of a thing for me, this guy, and he was like and then he pearl necklace. I was like, I have no idea what you're talking about.
Suzie : Wait, can you say in his accent?
Mel: Oh, he's from north, and he said yacht pearl necklace. And I was like, yes, I know I have a pearl, and then obviously I twigged it means something else, but I didn't know what it meant. And then all these guys thought it was hilarious, and you can't just Google it. I'm this sort of prim little well, in those days, we didn't have ******* had, and somebody had to explain it to me, so then from that point.
Suzie : On, I knew, well, I'm really proud of you.
Suzie : So I've gotten a couple of pearl necklaces in my life. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. You just kind of got to take it as it comes trying to get in your eye. I think that's my biggest piece of advice. Anyways, next one.
Suzie : Okay. This one is ****** up.
Mel: Oh, because the other ones weren't.
Suzie : Okay. A rusty trombone.
Mel: Yeah, I'd never heard of this. And then you told me I told you to look it up in the research, and I've actually forgotten already. Oh, no, I think I've not forgotten, but this is ***** again, isn't it?
Suzie : Yeah, now I remember.
Mel: Okay. Yes, I remember.
Suzie : So the man is on his back, I'm pretty sure.
Mel: Is on his back or is he on his knees? I don't know.
Suzie : Something's happening where his *** is in the air. He's exposing his chocolate starfish, as Mel likes to call it, and he's getting rimmed while he's getting a hand job. Okay, and that's lovely.
Mel: Well, I mean, as long as your starfish is clean, I mean, that's key. I would like to reiterate something that anybody wants to do. Just clean it up.
Suzie : As long as you haven't had a blumpkin right before.
Mel: Exactly. But keep it clean and everyone will be fine.
Suzie : Okay, what's our next one? Should we do queening, your favorite?
Mel: Again, I'd never heard of this one.
Suzie : Yes, but you should have.
Mel: I know what it means. I just didn't know what the terminology was.
Suzie : It's just the term where the woman face sits on the but I just.
Mel: Thought that was sitting on your face.
Suzie : Queening.
Mel: I've never but you know that there.
Suzie : Is a history behind this, is that I'm sure, obviously, since you're a British oh, yeah.
Mel: Yes. We know there used to be chairs.
Suzie : Made for queens and for higher up women that they would have chairs made so that they could sit and they could relax, and there would be a hole in the chair, and the man's face would be up there, and they could just sit and lounge while the men are what? In the chair?
Suzie : **** promise. Look it up.
Mel: All right. As she's talking are you looking at.
Suzie : The right look it up. Because it exists.
Mel: I bet the British just look up this.
Suzie : Look up queening chair. Queening historical queening chair, and you will.
Mel: Find apparently it comes from ancient Persia.
Suzie : There you go.
Mel: The Persian women knew cleverly constructed chairs were known as man face stools, with the male face replacing the seat center. That's right. It is now a thing called a queening chair. Yes. Getting it done. In the 18 hundreds, women carried their love of face fissing into modern times. And it was even banned in the UK. ***********. I don't know what to say. I mean, I've learned.
Suzie : I'm telling you. I'm telling you, Mel, I know more about history than you do now.
Mel: Well, you know the ******* interesting history, that's for sure. Wow. Well, there you go.
Suzie : Anyways, guys, so if you didn't know about queening, it's a thing. You should get a queening chair. Promise you. It'll be great. You can lounge while the man or the woman goes down on you or you sit on their face.
Mel: And that's nice. I'm, like, fascinated by this. There's all these articles about it. I mean, what is there not an article about?
Suzie : I don't know. We've yet to find it. We have but the next one is masturating.
Mel: Yes. Again, I didn't know this one such a stupid but it is quite funny.
Suzie : It's so ******* stupid. It just means when you're jerking off, but then you also have to wait because the video is buffering. So you're masturbating. This happens to me all the time.
Mel: Yes, this could be an issue. Male, female, whatever. It could happen.
Suzie : It's always an issue. It's always an issue if you have bad internet. If using bell.
Mel: Sorry, Belle, if you were going to.
Suzie : Sponsor us, you can sponsor us. Maybe we'll have really good internet after it.
Mel: Yeah, that's true.
Suzie : I'm telling you, though, you don't want ******* bad internet when you're trying to.
Mel: Do the no, that's you should get all your tools, get all your ducks in a row and figure it all out before you start.
Suzie : Okay, Mel, what is shrimping ****?
Mel: I've forgotten. Oh, something to do with feet? Yes, it seems. OD. Why is it called shrimping?
Suzie : I don't know. Because your toes look like shrimps.
Mel: Oh, really?
Suzie : I don't know. I didn't come up with the word.
Mel: I mean, is that really a thing?
Suzie : It just means that sucking on it's sucking on toes sexually? Pretty much. You get sexy sucking on the toes.
Mel: But this is the thing. Why do we need a word for all these things? Why can't we just explain it? Surely we waste time because nobody knows the ******* word shrimping. So then you've got to explain it. So you might as well just ******* explain it in the first place.
Suzie : Yeah, but shrimpers know shrimping.
Mel: Oh, I see.
Suzie : Shrimp is no shrimping. That's why you have to have a word, because it's shrimpers.
Mel: No secret. Oh, I see.
Suzie : You got to be a little discreet. You're like you like a shrimp. And then they're like, what do you mean? And then you know that they're not a shrimper.
Mel: Oh, you think they think they're talking about I think so. Shrimp secret.
Suzie : I think they're like, well, yeah, sure.
Mel: I like shrimp, but shrimp?
Suzie : And then they're like, oh, yeah, you're not a shrimper. You know what I mean?
Mel: Oh, that's quite clever, actually. That makes a lot of sense. It's a bit like queening.
Suzie : It's very much like queening.
Mel: I get that. Okay.
Suzie : Do you want to hear a gross one?
Mel: Not really, but okay.
Suzie : That's too bad. Figging.
Mel: Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, my God. Honestly, when we did the research for this killed me. We're like, no, this has got to be some bullshit. Whatever. But you know what? It probably is a thing.
Suzie : No, it is a thing. And apparently it used to be a thing in ancient Greece or something where they did this to female prisoners. Anyway, so it's actually when you insert a piece of peeled ginger into someone's.
Mel: Bowl does sound like an awful lot of work.
Suzie : Oh, my God. Right?
Mel: But what's the pleasure of it?
Suzie : No, I don't think there is any pleasure. I think this is just a horrible thing that you can get. People are what is it called when people like bad things done to them?
Mel: Oh, like masochists.
Suzie : Thank you.
Mel: Right. But this isn't just this is like serious pain.
Suzie : Yeah. Ginger stings. I don't know if people understand, but I've never ever heard of figging. It seems, like, weird. It's too cute of a name for what the **** it is.
Mel: When we saw it and we read it, I actually thought it was going to be about figs going ***, which.
Suzie : I'm like, I could see that.
Mel: I mean, again, I don't know why you would put a fig in a bumhole, but whatever. Courses for courses and all that. Whatever you want to do. But how have you got from ginger to fig ing?
Suzie : I don't know.
Mel: I mean, how have you got from toe to shrimping? To be fair, I could see shrimping.
Suzie : For toes more than I can see for figuring for ginger in the butt. Okay. I mean, I think it sounds pretty ******* cool. What if you put it in your ****** instead?
Mel: Do you think it would hurt?
Suzie : Maybe it's like maybe it's a goop thing, like Gwyneth Palatro.
Mel: I was just about to say, maybe it's a cleansing thing.
Suzie : I bet she does this.
Mel: I bet she does.
Suzie : I bet she's like, hey, guys, she's got you put a piece of ginger in your ******, steam it out and steam it and it's so good for you. And then you get a UTI and you're like, Why?
Mel: Yeah, exactly. Because we've all got time to steam.
Suzie : Our vaginas and yoni them and what. Yoni?
Mel: What does that mean?
Suzie : You put a yoni egg? A yoni egg?
Mel: What the hell is that?
Suzie : Oh, my gosh. Mel another term for us. A yoni egg is like a crystal egg. It has weight to it. I don't think it has to be crystal, but it's like some kind of a rock, right? And it's smooth and it looks like an egg.
Mel: It is an egg shape.
Suzie : And you put it in your ******, in your *****, I guess in your ******. You put it in there and then you do keels and apparently it strengthens. It's like weight training your ******.
Mel: Where in God's name is that from? Goop, of course.
Suzie : I mean, she obviously didn't come up with the ******* idea, but she definitely made it famous.
Mel: That is insane. I've never heard of anything so ridiculous in all my life.
Suzie : That surprises me because I feel like she's about your age, right? She's exactly my age and she has all this advice.
Mel: Well, that's why I don't listen, because it's all ridiculous.
Suzie : Yeah.
Mel: Steaming your ******, for starters. Yeah.
Suzie : And vajazzling it.
Mel: What the hell's vajazzling?
Suzie : Oh, my God, so many things. Vajazzling is when you put crystals on. I mean, it's really not on your ******, it's on your gulva, but it's called the jazzled. And this is like a 20. I feel like this is from 2016, and you put cute little crystals on your ****** ***** and to make it look pretty.
Mel: Oh, my God. It's like a merkin.
Suzie : It's like a bajazzled merkin. Exactimundo.
Suzie : Would you ever do that?
Mel: What, a merkin or bajazzled?
Suzie : Both.
Suzie : Maybe you could get like a fur, like a real fur merkin, like a chinchilla merkin, and you just have it tasseled on right there and it feels, like really fluffy.
Mel: Okay. Anyway, moving on. Yeah.
Suzie : Okay. Simping. Simping is a gen z term.
Mel: Yes. I didn't know this either, but your.
Suzie : Daughters say it all the time.
Mel: But it's not sexual, really?
Suzie : It's not really sexual, but kind of like I mean, it could be like dominatrixy in the gen z terms, I guess. You never know because it's like a man bending over backwards for the woman.
Mel: Is it sort of like he's a bit of a wimp.
Suzie : I guess so.
Suzie : I don't know, I feel like it's kind of what's the opposite of, like, being alpha?
Mel: The opposite of alpha, yes.
Suzie : But I just hate the term. I'll be honest, I hate it. I'm like, this is stupid. I'm like, yeah, what if I want a guy to be over backwards for me, I better want a sam.
Mel: But that's also like, if he's really nice to you, that doesn't make him weak, that makes him nice. Yeah. I don't know.
Suzie : I think it depends on the guy and the girl.
Mel: Is it also just if it is a gen z term, you're really young and you're kind of treating the man badly, but he's still coming back for more. Is that sort of the idea?
Suzie : Probably, yeah.
Mel: Okay. I'm going to have to do more research.
Suzie : We're going to have to ask the gen z about that. What the **** is simping? And you can make fun of us if you want because yeah, we're not very good at the Gen Z terms. No, they're confusing.
Mel: I know. My daughter one of my daughters said to me the other day that she thought, oh, millennials. Honestly, it was the funniest thing I'd heard all week.
Suzie : I was like, Hang on a second.
Mel: You have a problem with millennials? She's like, oh, yeah, they're just so annoying. I thought it was very funny because.
Suzie : This happens with every generation.
Mel: Yeah, but I asked her, what do you think about Gen X? She said, oh, no. She used a term that I didn't know what it meant, but I think it meant that we're okay. I can't remember the term okay, but it was specifically I felt quite good about it, actually. Susie, it was specifically targeted at your generation. The Gen Z's were just believable, and I quote, ******* annoying.
Suzie : I, for one, love Gen Z. I think they're stupid. I just think younger people are stupid. You know what mean? Like, I was stupid. Exactly. Like, I remember when I was ******* idiot.
Mel: But they think you're annoying and we are. I thought that was great, but she didn't think I'm annoying. I thought that was great.
Suzie : Yeah, because you're paying bills.
Mel: Well, that's true. But let me just win this small, tiny, tiny victory.
Suzie : No problem, babes. No problem. Okay, our last one. Can you believe it? Wait, I don't even have the definition because it's so gross. Hold on.
Mel: Oh, gosh. I think I know which one this is.
Suzie : No, this is the one. Okay, hold on. I have to look it up again because it's so disgusting.
Mel: Okay, I know what it is.
Suzie : Okay. ********. Okay. We started off with a bad one.
Mel: Did we?
Suzie : And we started off with blumpkin blur. And we're going off with a bang.
Suzie : We're going off with a big bang.
Suzie : Do you want to read it?
Mel: I'll read it. Okay. Read it because I think it sounds more medical.
Suzie : I think it's going to sound really much better from yours.
Mel: So thouching brackets sucking or eating ***** out of someone's **** is a sexual behavior about which virtually nothing has been written in the scholarly literature. Sorry, I have to read this. Despite the fact that it appears to be a not uncommon not uncommon practice among certain what's? A subpopulation of men who have sex with men. Oh, sex with men.
Suzie : So basically, I really don't think this.
Mel: Is a gay thing when you have sex to a bumhole. So the ***** to a bumhole and the ***** ********** in the bumhole and you suck your own want to ******* cry?
Suzie : ******* vile.
Mel: I don't think it has anything to do with men. It says here, ******** among men. Oh. Engage in bear backing. Oh, anyway, that's a whole going down the whole rabbit hole because yeah, you.
Suzie : Have to engage in bear backing to do a felch.
Mel: Yes, well, yes, I suppose you do. Yes. But the thing I don't really understand is why would you eat your own ****?
Suzie : I don't know, Mel. Why would you? Do you?
Mel: I'm having problems with this and somebody needs to tell me why you're eating your own.
Suzie : I don't know. It's just like when you know cuckolding.
Suzie : For people who don't know what cuckolding is. It's when a man likes to watch his woman we're just going to do this generically, okay? A man likes to watch his woman, wife, whoever, **** another guy. Right. Sometimes that husband guy wants to eat the other guy's **** out of his wife's *****. You're welcome.
Mel: Thanks a lot. I feel I'm a very open minded person, but that does excuse the pun. Blow your mind a bit.
Suzie : It has to be some kind of a degrading thing, because it's not like.
Mel: But that is somebody else's ****. To be fair, it's not his own ****.
Suzie : Why would you want someone else's over your own, though? Would you rather someone else men's gin?
Suzie : Yeah, but would you rather eat your own ***** juice than someone else's ***** juice?
Mel: I don't want either of them.
Suzie : No, I know, but wouldn't you trust your own more than another person's?
Mel: I suppose that's a very good point. You know, if you were going to drink pee, you drink your own pee.
Suzie : Oh, I wouldn't want to drink any pee. God **** it. Wow. I hope we've literally discussed it in our audience, and I hope we've lost them all.
Mel: I think this is actually very informative.
Suzie : If anyone is still with us, thank you for being on this journey with us so much.
Mel: It's a short one because we're speechless.
Suzie : I can't talk about anymore.
Mel: I don't think I have anything left to say.
Suzie : No. If anyone else has other funny, ridiculous, stupid, gross terms that they want to share, you can always DM us on Instagram and tell us the definitions. Tell us if you've done them. Tell us your funny, ridiculous stories about them. We'd love to hear that. Also, go to sharingbrettruth.com and tell us there.
Mel: You can, because we would like to know. Because it's education. Education comes in many forms. Oh, does it? And maybe we need educating.
Suzie : We definitely need something. I need a ******* xanax after that.
Mel: I didn't know what shrimping was. Or the other one.
Suzie : ******** flogging.
Mel: I think I knew what ******** was.
Suzie : Figging.
Mel: Figging. God. And I knew what today blumpkin and a rusty trombone.
Suzie : Don't forget about that.
Mel: I didn't know what that was. I mean, I knew what the act was. I didn't know it was called that. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah. Anyway, I mean, lovely images to leave you all with.
Suzie : Truly. I mean, we'll leave you guys with that. We just want to make sure everyone don't forget to laugh in these times. It's nice to kind of just let go of whatever social media is trying.
Mel: To tell you I agree.
Suzie : And get into something a little funnier. And it's okay to still laugh. You're still alive, you're still here.
Mel: Yeah, it helps. And I think it goes back to sort of before we leave you just the thing is, like, sex is meant to be fun and it's meant to be kind of funny because you think about it is a little bit gross.
Suzie : So ******* gross.
Mel: I mean, think about it. You would never do this. We're all worried about going to public toilets, but you'll have sex with a stranger. Yes, it's kind of OD sex with.
Suzie : A stranger in the public toilet.
Mel: I would like to caveat. I don't have sex with strangers, but you know what I mean. So the whole thing about sex is sort of quite funny. So I just think we wanted to do this and be light hearted because it is good to have a bit of a giggle. It is. When the world is not really in a very good place and the winter's coming and everyone's just not happy. Exactly. And with that, we're going to leave you.
Suzie : We love you guys so much.
Mel: Remember to breathe. Yeah, she likes to do that. She makes me do that every time.
Suzie : Do it with a mel.
Mel: I don't feel a thing. That feels nice.
Suzie : Don't forget to do your kegels. Goodbye, everyone.
Mel: Till next time.
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Mel: Get it?
Suzie : Now go to the link in our bio, put in the code and get jiggy with it.
Mel: Thanks so much for listening. Please rate and review this podcast and follow us on social at sharingmytruthpod and leave us a voicemail on our sharingmytruth.com to share your stories and experiences with us. We'll see you next time.
Suzie : Bye bye.
Mel: Three, two, one. Yeah, don't get.