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Episode 34  -  the truth About INsecure men
Melany Krangle & Suzie Sheckter

Speaker A: Welcome to sharing my truth with Mel and Suzie. The uncensored version where we bear it.

Speaker B: All we do 1234.

Speaker A: Well, hello. Hello, and welcome back to Sharing My Truth Pod. You're here with Suzie and Mel. I'm Susan. That's Mel, and it's a quick little reminder to give us a sweet little supple review on this little five stars. Tell us how much you love us because we do have praise kinks. And I'm here with my girlfriend, Mel. Hey, babes.

Speaker B: Hello, darling.

Speaker A: How are?

Speaker B: Fine. You're fine.

Speaker A: You just came back from vacation. You must be absolutely ****.

Speaker B: That's true. I'm a little on the jet lag side, which sounds a little pretentious, but no, I'm fine. It's nice to be back in the big to.

Speaker A: You're absolutely glowing. You're absolutely glowing. You look like you've had a tan and a half.

Speaker B: A tan and a half? Yeah, and to be fair, it's faded a bit because I was in England, which is the shittiest place in the world to go for a tan. But anyway, it's another conversation for another time.

Speaker A: Anyway, raining and pouring and yes, you'll.

Speaker B: Be snoring, but no, all is good and I'm happy to be here. I'm back with you. And the distance, it's been so hard.

Speaker A: It's been very upsetting.

Speaker B: It has.

Speaker A: You should see my boyfriend. He's like, Are you okay? And I'm like, no, give me a ******* cup of tea. Like I'm at Mel's house.

Speaker B: Yeah, I do understand. That's all I want. Anyway, what are we talking about today?

Speaker A: Little MUB.

Speaker B: Well little what?

Speaker A: Little MUB.

Speaker B: Little MUB. How does that mean?

Speaker A: You know, you're my little Mel bub.

Speaker B: Little mel babed. Bub. Have you just made that up? Yeah, I did. Excellent.

Speaker A: You like that?

Speaker B: We are talking about insecure men.

Speaker A: That's funny.

Speaker B: And I say that not to particularly pick out men because that's not fair, because there are insecure women.

Speaker A: There are many.

Speaker B: There are many insecure women. And I just think that we need to tackle this.

Speaker A: Well, it's funny because I feel like when you think of someone who's insecure, you're going to just be thinking about a woman. Usually I think that's picture it's like picturing a CEO in your head. You're most likely going to think of a man. When you picture an insecure person, you're going to be thinking about a woman. Most likely right. Because we just have a lot more self esteem issues because there's a lot more horrible targeting bikini ads that are out there to make ourselves feel bad and **** like that.

Speaker B: But yeah.

Speaker A: So I just don't think we're talking about the fact that it's okay for men to be maybe a little insecure and unsure of themselves. You're not always supposed to be so strong all the time. But also the fact that don't be a **** if you're insecure. Don't put it on us. And I think that's something as well.

Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. I think that's it to try and define what it is. We're not trying to beat up on anybody, because I think there's a lot of that going around and that is not helpful at all. If we all want to have relationships, healthy relationships, if we're talking about the opposite sex, we've got to look at what the issues are and not be negative about anyone, but try and figure out what the things are, what the problems are. Now, one thing I would like to say is we did run some little polls.

Speaker A: Love it.

Speaker B: So my questions that I was particularly interested in is, do people generically think insecurity is worse in men or women? And that was actually pretty much down the line.

Speaker A: Right.

Speaker B: I don't think there was any sort of specific feeling about that. One thing that was absolutely clear is the question is insecurity in your partner unattractive? 100%. Everyone just said yes, 100%. Yeah. There's no wavering from that. And what is it that makes men insecure? Is it women? Is it other men, is it lots of things? And it's other men, according to the men insecure. Right, exactly. Which doesn't surprise me.

Speaker A: No.

Speaker B: Because I think men have to try and live up to this ideal of being super macho, super capable, not vulnerable, don't crack under pressure, et cetera, et cetera. I think that sort of is a very old idea, but I don't think it's gone anywhere. Yeah. And then what makes women insecure? Is it men? Is it other women, is it sort of lots of different things. Now, mostly people said lots of different things, but the next thing they said was men. Men making women insecure. Which I guess that probably leads into what we're talking about, which is specifically about men making, well, women insecure. And what is that? What is making them jealous or control freaks or whatever, which, from my personal experience, is not most men, but there are some men out of there. And you really should steer clear of those men, as far as I'm concerned.

Speaker A: 100%. I mean, it's like anything like when you have these weird insecurities, whether you're a man or a woman, you have these insecurities about yourself, you're going to bring in other negative traits into you. So, like, neediness is going to be one. Like jealousy is going to be another one. Right. If you are dating someone, all of these insecure thoughts are going to come out of being like, she's probably ******* someone else, she's talking to other guys. She doesn't like me. My friends don't like me. There's a whole load of **** that just comes with being an insecure person. But how do you solve the insecurities of yourself? It obviously comes from you. No one can, obviously. Maybe going to therapy would help. And I think that's why a lot of women want men to go to more therapy, to just think deeper into what is actually going on and the problems that they're having.

Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, I just think there's a level where everyone's insecure about something, whether it's their physicality, whether it's their capability of how they can do things. They're very conscious of their flaws of the floors. Their flaws, not flaws in a building. The floors, as in your imperfections. How would you say?

Speaker A: The flaws? Flaws. Sorry. The flaws.

Speaker B: The flaws.

Speaker A: We call it flaws floors. I think you meant, like my hardwood floors. I'm very insecure about no, darling, we.

Speaker B: Say floors, as in the floors of the house. Got it. And your floors. Yes. Was your new person?

Speaker A: I didn't hear any difference in that.

Speaker B: Okay. I'm terribly sorry about that. Yes. Sorry about the cuffing there as well. That's not very good, but yeah, everybody has it. But I think, really, what is the level where it's a problem? And I do seem to see a lot of stories around social media generally, and it's always talking about women having men who are jealous or control freaks or whatever. Now, I think that's a little bit unfair because obviously it works two ways. Yeah, but where is the level where somebody's a little bit insecure, maybe they're a teensy bit jealous? Is there a level?

Speaker A: Of course.

Speaker B: And then it goes into the complete, like, you're nuts and you should run for the hills.

Speaker A: Well, yeah, I think if it's I mean, the levels are obviously, like, we are talking about men, but there's obviously levels of women where it's like, we get a little bit nuts because we're kind of worried about these guys cheating on us because that's an insecurity that we have or whatever it might be. And obviously this happens with men where it's like, you can't talk to another guy, you can't hug another man, and it's like, what the **** are you talking about? I'm not your property. And so for me, if a man is insecure, you notice it right away, or at least I notice it right away, and especially if they're trying to be more macho in this way. And I'm like you're hiding something 100%.

Speaker B: Absolutely.

Speaker A: And there is this way of like, I won't take in any insecurity from a person that's when I run from the hills, if there's any insecurity in someone that kind of they're putting on me, that's a ******* problem. And I'm not going to solve like, I'm not going to solve their problem, and I'm not going to stand for it at all.

Speaker B: I 100% agree. I would say, from my personal view, as we know, I've been married for a very long time. Very long. And my husband Max is a very secure very secure person, very secure in who he is. And I can honestly say to you, in our relationship, so it's why it's very hard for me to sort of conceptually understand this, is I don't think of a single time when either of us was jealous or either of us was controlling or worrying about going off with other people. I just know I don't know if that's us as people. I just am innately, personally not particularly jealous, and I don't think he is. So I find it hard that some, particularly women, are literally putting up with some complete and utter bullshit as far as I'm concerned. And I wanted to in that vein, Susie, talk about some of these nutty stories. Let's indulge, darling. What you got for us? So this is from Buzfeed.

Speaker A: Oh, God, we love a buzfeed article. They're so ridiculous.

Speaker B: They are ridiculous. But I just wanted to use this as a sort of show how completely *******, excuse my French ridiculous some of these things are. So this is an article from 2022. So women here are sharing the most ridiculous insecurities of men they dated, right? To me, I read this and I'm like, these aren't insecurities because people are ******* mad. Right?

Speaker A: That's also the thing, right? Like, it's not just because they're insecure, but these people are also they have other problems, 100%.

Speaker B: And I mean, I'll read a bit of the first one, and honest to God, if you are in the situation, ladies or gentlemen, and somebody is like this, leave. And I know this is very easy for me to say, but you would be so much better off on your own. And in any case, better off on your own, getting on with your life, making yourself stronger, enjoying life than being with some complete nutter. And I mean, male, female, whatever you're doing, just no, don't put up with bullshit. I know, that is my mantra. Anyway, so this first one, this is a woman who said he dumped me because he believed I had slept with two more people than him. Oh, for the love of God. This is body count stuff. Is that word body? Yeah. I hadn't told him my real number in the first place. It's no one else's business, but it was actually a lot higher than two. He chewed on it for three years before dumping me because he felt like less of a man. Okay.

Speaker A: But, yeah, she's with him for two ******* years.

Speaker B: Are you doing what are you doing wasting your life? Life is precious. Get on with it. Meet somebody else. Go and have some fun.

Speaker A: This is also immaturity. Let's just talk about that. It's not just insecurity. This is immaturity.

Speaker B: Anyway, so he's the man. So his number should have been higher, according to this guy, right? So he asked the girl back after six months because he'd slept with more people by that point. So then, I mean, I'm not going to go to the end, but basically that they were even. Now, I'm sorry, ladies and gents, because I don't want to like, I'm talking about insecure men, but we're definitely not picking on men here. Is that if somebody has this, this is a humongous red flag. Yes. What are you doing? I don't care how nice they are, how good they are in bed. Go, there's no way he was good in bed. Well, probably not. I just don't understand. What are you waiting around for? This man in particular is not going to change. He has some serious issues that go to the core of something else and this is not going to resolve itself. And you should not be with this person. That's ******* right. I mean, I think that's very hard for me to say, but I don't get it. What are you doing?

Speaker A: What are you waiting for? You're waiting for these men to change? You think you're going to change this man or I don't ******* know.

Speaker B: And I understand, obviously we all desire companionship or to be with somebody, or maybe Susie's saying this many people, but to have companionship. But why do you want to partner up with somebody who's not what you want? I don't understand. Take it from me. Marriage, relationships, long term stuff is difficult. Even if you're in the best relationship, you have to work at it. Why would you put up with second best?

Speaker A: I don't know.

Speaker B: When you don't need men and women don't need each other other than well, what do they need? They don't need well, let's say you can buy a fake *****. So you don't need a man for a *****. I just need what you need money.

Speaker A: You don't heavy body on me sometimes, but that doesn't need to be.

Speaker B: You could probably buy some blow up doll that was weighted I'm not being funny.

Speaker A: A weighted blanket.

Speaker B: Yeah, we could probably put the blow up the doll with the weighted blank with the **** with the ten foot *****.

Speaker A: Exactly. I think we're onto something.

Speaker B: Covered your bases, Sophie. But obviously you want nothing is the same as a really good relationship where you have everything. I understand that, but why are you putting up with this ****? I don't. Next. So the next lunaticle. Lunaticle.

Speaker A: Lunaticle. Lunaticle.

Speaker B: I had an ex who was ****** at me at Bath and Works. Wow. Just the Bath and bodyworks. Just hilarious. I wanted to get a Musky cologne scented candle. His stance so that it was basically cheating because it smelled like a man. This man is insane. I'm sorry. He is mentally unhinged. Don't go to Bath and Works anyway. Sorry.

Speaker A: Maybe there's lots of other places.

Speaker B: No, I do actually get scented candles from Bath and Works.

Speaker A: Who is this nuts, though? I'm like, people are making this up because there's no way that someone is.

Speaker B: Like, saying it could be made up. But I think there are levels of lunacy out there. There are like, people who say all sorts of crazy **** and who put up with crazy ****. Because I've certainly heard it from my friends over the years. I'm like, what are you doing?

Speaker A: What are you doing?

Speaker B: So this one is just unbelievable. This actually reminded me of a story of somebody I know. I got married very young, and my mother died of cancer. Lovely. Shortly before our one year anniversary. I was 19, going on 20. My now ex husband stated that I chose my mother over him since I spent so much time with her while she was dying.

Speaker A: Shut the **** up.

Speaker B: Now, you would think that was completely a mad story, but I know somebody where this happened. No. And they're now divorced.

Speaker A: I'm so happy for that woman.

Speaker B: And you're just like, what? You're jealous of, like, what is going on? I just don't get it. I mean, this could just as easily be a man or a woman, or it could be anybody.

Speaker A: But why mummy issues, like the guy.

Speaker B: But why are you with this person?

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: What are they adding to your life?

Speaker A: But when you're getting married young and obviously this is this certain circumstance when.

Speaker B: You get married young? That is such a bad idea.

Speaker A: I'm sorry. To anyone who's gotten married young, but oh, my God, please think about this. You're not going to be the same person. Five.

Speaker B: Define young. I was young. Well, no, this person is, like, 18.

Speaker A: You're not that young. 28 is not that young. No, you're not even in your mature your brain is not even matured properly.

Speaker B: My oldest daughter's almost 19. I'm in. Can you imagine? First year of university. She's a baby. It's a terrible idea. Oh, my God. It's a terrible idea.

Speaker A: Think about it, everyone.

Speaker B: Okay, so this one is when I was 20. I was dating a man for about four or five months. We're going out to Halloween party with a bunch of his friends. He and I were roughly the same height. Not thinking about it. I wore heels.

Speaker A: Oh, my God.

Speaker B: This particular is not an issue that either of you or I would have.

Speaker A: Because we're Eddie Bitty.

Speaker B: Because we're not the tallest people in the world. I met him at the party and he told me I had to change my shoes. There's your red flag.

Speaker A: Done.

Speaker B: Walk away. Go to another party.

Speaker A: Four or five months.

Speaker B: I didn't have any other shoes with me. I was an hour from my home. Since this was on a college campus, he wouldn't talk to me the entire night. What? When we got back to his place, he screamed at me for an hour that I was an embarrassment. All because he was insecure about his height.

Speaker A: Oh, my God.

Speaker B: Yeah. No, I mean, is the truth. I have no idea.

Speaker A: Well, obviously we're talking about maturity. We're talking about immaturity, we're talking about they're in college or whatever the ****. Why are you with this man? Why are you even doing this?

Speaker B: There's, like, a few here, but this one here, I think, is an interesting one because especially in work scenarios, I think a lot of people have this scenario. So this is somebody who she said, we worked in similar field I'm a paramedic, and he was a police officer, her boyfriend. That's how we met. After a month together, we were set to go on a date. I canceled because I had a bad migraine. My paramedic partner, a man, bought me medicine. So her colleague, her coworker, bought her medicine. They are in the medical profession, and as a longtime paramedic, he had a good idea what would help. So shortly after he left, I got a text from the guy I was dating. So that's a police officer, which is terrifying. Yeah. Asking why another man had left my apartment. How did he know that? Well, apparently he was waiting outside. No, he was checking. He was going in and out.

Speaker A: No, because she canceled the date.

Speaker B: Yes, exactly. Oh, my God. To make sure he didn't go anywhere or see anybody else. No. I mean, the man is a psychopath. A psychopath. Yeah. And I think the one thing I would say about coworkers to be very careful of is I think it can make some people feel very insecure, male and female, and it shouldn't do if you have a secure relationship. But one thing you must never do in front of a coworker, particularly a coworker of, say, the same sex as your partner, is to belittle your partner, to say, oh, that person is always big up your partner to see what I mean? Yeah. So if you're dating a man and you're close to your coworker who's a man, don't ever say, oh, he's not good at belittle him. That's completely wrong. Or the other way around. That's why I'd say I think some people can get very insecure about that. But honest to God, the world is a big place. The chances that you're going to be working with somebody of the opposite sex or somebody who or even somebody who might find you attractive, I mean, you got to get real. The world's a big place.

Speaker A: No, I'm not going anywhere without anyone finding me attractive. I'm a hot bit.

Speaker B: Exactly. What are these? It's not a big deal. It even happens to old MILFs like me.

Speaker A: Of course it does, because you're a ******* hot little toddy MILF.

Speaker B: Sizzling. But it's like, get a grip. Just because somebody says something to you and this wasn't the case, but it doesn't mean you're going to go off, rip your clothes off and **** forever. Like, just chill. So there are many more of these ridiculous stories. I'm going to link it in the blog. I think the point is really that people stop putting up with all this *****. I don't know, because, as we know, I'm not a young person. Do you think generically you're dating somebody? But do you think men are more insecure? Young men? Are they insecure?

Speaker A: Yeah, I actually do, because obviously, like you said, I'm in a very secure relationship, and neither of us really are jealous. And we've been together for a really long time, and we know it pushes each other's buttons, and none of it is jealousy or to be with insecure. But I do find that and I'm not saying these are insecure young people, they aren't in their even late 20s or early 30s. These are, like young 20 year olds, like 20 to 25, men and women. The age actually has so much to do with it because you get over yourself in your late 20s. You're like, I'm not ******* you. Find yourself a lot more later in life, is what I found. And you obviously make these decisions in your early 20s that are like, I just want to be loved by everyone. A lot of it is like, you want to be liked. And so much of what social media is, it's like it's all about ******* attention and being liked and all this ****. And it's like, not everyone is going to ******* like you. At the very minimum, your partner should like you, and you should like your partner helpful. You would.

Speaker B: Helpful. You would hope so.

Speaker A: But it is, I think, and I'm seeing it with some of my friends even, who are not even like they're dating people that are our age, like their same age, which I would never I would always date a man older because men mature later in life, absolutely. But women, my friends who are dating guys who are like, the same age, I have seen them get mad or I've heard about stories about them getting mad at my girlfriends for the most ridiculous reasons or, like, trying to have control over these women. And I don't know where it comes from because I'm not an insecure man, but it is some weird *** **** that is still happening in real ******* time. And it's weird because I've never had to deal with it, thankfully. But I don't know what these women are doing still with these guys and why they stay and why they can put it past them.

Speaker C: Are you at that point in midlife when you're realizing that what you thought would make you happy really doesn't? I'm Erin Keating, host of the podcast Hotter Than Ever at 50, I left my marriage, got laid off for my fancy TV job, and started over. I dated a ton of guys, had a lot of sex, found edibles, and I started to feel like myself again. On Hotter Than Ever, we explore the unwritten rules we've been following, and we break those rules to be freer, happier, and more self expressed. Follow the show right now, join me every Thursday and we can be hot together.

Speaker B: Yeah, that's exactly I mean, I don't know if it's because there are more places where you can see other people, obviously. There are all the dating apps and social media and all these places where you can see potential people. But I mean, that's ridiculous. I mean, that's crazy that you would be worried and then you're worried about the entire world. It doesn't make sense.

Speaker A: Sorry. So it's also about control. I think men do feel in this day and age that they are losing control and that's terrifying to them.

Speaker B: Yes.

Speaker A: And it's not like we're taking control away from them. We're just giving control to ourselves. Right?

Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, I would say, like the insecurity thing, I'm going way back for myself, but I would say that it's not necessarily changed all that much. And there were lots of like I can think of boyfriends and now husbands of friends of mine who are really very controlling. But I think you're right, there is an extra layer today. There's a layer that we've talked about in a past episode where there's a lot of confusion also amongst women because women are meant to be the girl boss, meant to be the great lover, made to be the great mother, meant to be the great wife, like, meant to be all these different things. And there is a lot of confusion around that. Can we just be me or do we have to be all these other things? And I know know sort of things like the Barbie movie and stuff like that, talking about women's roles and all of that. And I know what's that actress, the one that she was talking about and I've seen that a lot, that women can we ever be what is it ever enough? Kind of thing. So there is some confusion about that, I think. And that creates insecurity because it's very changing kind of times on many different levels. Not that it wasn't in my generation and in my generation it was one of the first generations, really, where we were like go out there, work. You don't need a man. That's what we were taught. You don't need a man to live or buy a house or buy a car or whatever it is. You can get married if you want to. Which is not my mother's generation's experience, if you see what I mean. But I do think, yeah, there is a level of insecurity in men that we've also as women, there's a layer that we've added there we're making them insecure. Do they not know what their role is? But then on the other hand, it's like, come on, really? I mean, I've seen lots of things on TikTok and stuff like that, talking about women, like coaches and stuff like that, saying that men can't handle successful women. That if you're in a relationship with a man, you kind of have to downplay your success so that you're sort of the maiden.

Speaker A: Sorry, these are women coaches that are giving real ******* advice.

Speaker B: Yeah, like Big TikTok. And I'm like I just want to scream very loudly. That is the biggest pile of bullshit I've ever heard in my life any, actually. And I say man will 100% as a 50 year old woman if you are not with a man who is happy for you to do whatever the **** it is that makes you happy. Like we said before, whether that is be a hotshot superwoman career lady, whether that is to have 15 children, whether that whatever the **** that is, that he is not happy for you to just be happy. Whatever makes you happy. What are you talking about? If you are a secure man or a secure woman, you are not worried about that? You're not trying to compete with your partner? No. So maybe that's where it's this level of competition, competing with your partner. And I see it in my friends that are in their fifty s and their forty s and their sixty s, and you're like, Why are you competing? Is there not enough competition in the world that you want to compete with the person at home? You're going to be better at different things. Why are you competing? Who cares who makes more money? Who cares who makes I don't get it. And I think that is a big pile of bullshit. And I think if you are with a man who doesn't like the fact that you're successful, it is never going to work. Yeah. If he's that insecure and I would say it the other way around too. It's just not going to work. Like, get a grip.

Speaker A: Well, it's never going to work. No, I don't know what the **** I think that's also the thing. It's like we keep on trying to put women down and be like, you have to belittle yourself.

Speaker B: Yeah, but I hear women say that.

Speaker A: But that's the thing. And it's like, what is happening?

Speaker B: What are you talking about?

Speaker A: Where are those ideas coming from? Those ideas are mostly coming from men that these women are saying. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker B: Well, the accounts that I look at, they're not they're women saying this. Yeah. And you're just like, what are you talking about? At the end of the day? What happened to go out and live your life the way you want, be what you want to be, and that will attract and draw in the person who's kind of right for you. Why are you altering your being? It's so ******* for somebody else. Whoever you are, in whatever relationship you are. I'm not saying that. When you're in a relationship, you don't compromise on certain things.

Speaker A: Not it yeah.

Speaker B: You compromise on small things, not big things. Not the essence of who you are. Exactly.

Speaker A: If you're changing the essence of who you are, which I love. I love that. But if you are changing that before you meet your person and they think you're another person, obviously your real self is going to come through at some point 100%, and you guys are going to break the **** up because you're not being true to yourself.

Speaker B: It's just a lie.

Speaker A: It was all a ******* lie. And they're going to smoke and.

Speaker B: Mirrors.

Speaker A: Yeah, exactly.

Speaker B: You have to be yourself. Now, if you're an *******, that's very unfortunate, and that's not going to help.

Speaker A: Or a *****.

Speaker B: Or a *****. Absolutely. And that is never a good thing. I'm sorry, but nobody wants to be with an *******. Or a *****.

Speaker A: No.

Speaker B: So think about that.

Speaker A: Get your **** together.

Speaker B: Get your **** together. It doesn't work. But I just see a lot of this stuff around on the interweb about that, and I completely just don't agree with it. Yeah. Because like I said, I'm with somebody who's very secure, and quite frankly, he wants me to do whatever makes me happy. And if I made more money, less money, and we've had different points in our lives where that's happened, he really honestly wouldn't give a ****. He'd be like, great. Fantastic. It's just strange. And where do all these insecurities come from? I don't know the answer to that. But I think if we just kind of if you were just authentic or who you are, then maybe there wouldn't be so many problems. I don't know. But generally, if you are with somebody who has these kind of weird, controlling things over your life, over either your social life or your family, somebody who doesn't want you to see your friends.

Speaker A: Or your family that really ***** me up.

Speaker B: Yeah. Or doesn't want you to go for a job, or is highly critical of you, you are, I'm sorry, with the wrong person. That person needs to go and sort themselves out. You shouldn't be with somebody. It's not worth it. What's the point?

Speaker A: Okay, and I just want to it's a really random note, but for women and men, if you're in any kind of relationship, do not put all your little eggs in one basket, if this makes sense. So obviously you're going to hang out with his family, but don't hang out with his family more than your family. If you're going to work, you can work together. But have your own job, have your own life, have your own hobbies. Do not make him the only part of your life.

Speaker B: Exactly.

Speaker A: Do not revolve around his needs and his life more than you revolve around yours. I think a lot of women I've seen do this without even realizing that this is happening.

Speaker B: Oh, I agree. And to me, I find it amazing that in the world, we are now 2023, and we're still doing this. Even though we've talked about we've gone through feminism, and now we're going through whatever we're going through.

Speaker A: But whatever the **** this is happening.

Speaker B: Female empowerment, whatever, I mean, that you're still doing that. Like making yourself fit in to somebody else's reality doesn't make any sense to me. And you're absolutely right. And you should have your own interest. My husband loves sport. I hate sport. Literally. It's like watching paint dry. No, thank you very much.

Speaker A: Thank you.

Speaker B: I like shopping. He really doesn't like it even a little bit. He's quite good at coming with him. Coming with him? Coming with me. That sounds a bit naughty, coming with me, shopping. But he has his limits and I respect that. But we don't have to be in each other's pocket all the time. I have my friends, I go and see my friends, I have dinner, lunch, whatever. He doesn't have to always be there. Why would he have to be there? Why can't I have my friends and dinner and lunch and enjoy your life without this person?

Speaker A: And then it's more exciting when you come together 100%.

Speaker B: You don't need to be and share every single millisecond together. And I spend a lot of time with my partner, don't get me wrong, but I also have a social and so does he goes on, like, boys weekends and boys weekends. That involves getting very drunk in Las Vegas. Really? And I will go out my girlfriends. That's important.

Speaker A: And it's like, if you are insecure about your partner going to do that, that is a you problem.

Speaker B: 100%.

Speaker A: You cannot put that on that person, being like, yeah, you can go to Vegas, but you know what? You can't go to the strip clubs, you can't do this, you can't do this, you can't go to the pool party. It's like, okay, you can't tell me what to do when you're one not here, you're not experiencing it. Like, if you were here, yeah, we might do more shared activities, but I'm not making this trip about you when you're not here. This is my trip. I'm not going to cheat on you. We have trust and that's the most important thing. If you don't have trust, you don't have anything.

Speaker B: 100%. Couldn't have put it better. Susie if somebody's going out, if it's the evening or weekend, whatever they're doing with their girlfriends or their friends or whatever and the partner isn't there and they are imagining all these things happening, there's something very fundamentally wrong. If you don't have enough trust to let somebody, for God's sake, go out for the evening or go and see their whatever the hell they're doing, there is something fundamentally wrong, 100%. And you're going to have to either look at that or walk away from that, because that is not going to fix itself. No, it is not a healthy, let's put it that way, a healthy sentiment, emotion, whatever.

Speaker A: I love that.

Speaker B: Yeah, that's what I've got to say.

Speaker A: We might have time for one more article. I don't know if you've won another one that you wanted to share with us.

Speaker B: Little mel, another kind of something. Well, this is from I love the way this site, it's called I can't even say it. Bonobology.

Speaker A: I'm sorry, bonerbology.

Speaker B: It does sound like bonabology. And so this article is Habits of In Seven Habits of Insecure Men.

Speaker A: Seven Habits.

Speaker B: Okay, so what do we think they are?

Speaker A: And how to Deal with them and.

Speaker B: How to deal with them. Yeah. Is your man insecure? Maybe signs of an insecure man. Nothing I've actually personally experienced, but clearly there is a problem with. So he tries to keep up a macho image.

Speaker A: Yeah, we talked about that.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: So we know about that aggressive demeanor around other people.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: He's trying to like kind of big **** energy, but he's actually got a small ****.

Speaker B: Big **** energy. Yeah, that's right.

Speaker A: That's exactly but that's not real big **** energy. That is faux big **** energy.

Speaker B: That's good. I like it. Faux big **** energy. He's a Mr. Knowital.

Speaker A: Oh, I ******* hate this. Mansplaining.

Speaker B: Mansplaining.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: Which there are many of.

Speaker A: Oh, my God, are there ever?

Speaker B: And this is apparently, deep down, he does not have faith that his opinions matter to other people.

Speaker A: Oh, ****.

Speaker B: Wow. He feels jealous of your male friends. Yeah. I mean, idiots.

Speaker A: It's like when a guy will get his girl to unfollow all her guy friends.

Speaker B: Yeah. People do that. Yeah. It's ****** up.

Speaker A: Calm the **** down. You're not the only person she's allowed to see in her ******* life.

Speaker B: Why is she doing it?

Speaker A: Yo, that is my question. That is my question. Tell this man, are you okay? Go and get out of this relationship.

Speaker B: And again, I like to add tell if that is a woman saying that to a man.

Speaker A: Oh, my God.

Speaker B: Run very fast in the opposite direction, can't follow his friends on social media. I mean, that is you mad.

Speaker A: The whole thing anyway.

Speaker B: And you know what? If you are in an adult relationship, nobody should be telling you what to do. You're an adult. Why are you listening to anybody tell.

Speaker A: You what to do?

Speaker B: Exactly. He's jealous of your friends and family. I mean, we did talk about that. Completely mad.

Speaker A: It's horrible when that happens.

Speaker B: Your family. And then he needs constant reassurance again. And I think people misinterpret, like, saying nice things to somebody, like, I love you, you look great, or whatever, which is a very healthy thing to continuously do that is completely different than somebody needing constant reassurance. That basically you're not going to go, or whatever. So that's a whole different thing. Number six, he resists equality in the relationship, wants to be superior to you.

Speaker A: Well, yeah, there's a difference between BDSM and well, quite. Dominance.

Speaker B: Absolutely. I mean, I guess that could be if you have a better job than the man you're with, for example, and he has a problem with it that really isn't getting any better. And you really need to understand why that's the case, because that is hugely problematic, to be honest with you. He holds sexist views, again, just sexist views. A man who does not respect women and treat women well and respect women fundamentally, that is not good.

Speaker A: Also respect other people. I think that is a huge something we don't talk about enough. And obviously, I've been in the service industry for a very long time, like the restaurant service industry, if they are not treating the waiter properly or anyone around them, if they are not like just common courtesy things, I find that so repulsive. Yeah, there's just little things like that. That's not the only piece of evidence, but there's just so many things that happen like, that you don't take as a red flag.

Speaker B: And it's like I completely agree out. I completely agree. If somebody is having to make themselves feel or big themselves up by treating people that they, in their weird ****** up view of life, think are inferior right. The fact that they think there's levels to me is just crazy. Then they have serious issues. Everybody in your life, it doesn't matter if you are the CEO of Coca Cola, you should treat everybody in your life with respect. They're a human being and they deserve respect. And you're absolutely right. So if you don't fundamentally live by that, then so far as I'm concerned, that's a big problem.

Speaker A: That's a big red flag.

Speaker B: It's a big rouge flag.

Speaker A: Does that say Bonus insecure men traits?

Speaker B: And then this article goes on how.

Speaker A: To deal with insecure men, which establish clear boundaries. That's interesting. Like kind of telling them your boundaries. I'm like, you can't always text to me when I'm out. That could be something, you know what I mean?

Speaker B: Why do you have to even say that?

Speaker A: Yeah, so here's the thing, okay, so let's say a woman is in a relationship with a man and they might be insecure, but they're working on it.

Speaker B: Okay.

Speaker A: You know what I mean?

Speaker B: Okay.

Speaker A: They also have to be working on it. You can't just be treating like a child and being like, you can't text me all the time. It's like, no, this is what's going to happen. We're going to work on this. You can't know where I am all the time. That's something.

Speaker B: Yeah, well, I mean, I guess does that often happen because something's happened in the relate, like somebody strayed in a past relationship, maybe? Yeah, I don't understand that. I know friends of mine who will continuously text their husbands and knowing they're in meetings and stuff, or the husbands will do it to them and you're like, what is it that you need? Unless it's an emergency, like a serious emergency. What is it that you need to know so urgently? You know where they are. What do you need to know?

Speaker A: Yeah, it's like they don't text back right away. It's like, oh my God, calm down.

Speaker B: Well, they're clearly busy.

Speaker A: You shouldn't have access to me. 24/7. That's not what this is.

Speaker B: Yeah, I think it does depend, and it does depend if you're in your relationship. You have a history where the woman or the man goes on benders, goes out all night, or who doesn't text you back. Okay, yeah, that's a totally different thing. 100% but if you have a healthy relationship where that isn't the case, there isn't some history where you're insecure, then why do you need to continuously have that validation?

Speaker A: No, it's crazy.

Speaker B: And I think it goes back to what you said about being young. And of course, when you're young, even younger than you, Susie, you are much more worried about what people think about you. Like, by my age, you couldn't give a flying ****.

Speaker A: ****, yeah.

Speaker B: I really don't care. Say whatever you like. Whatever. So I think there is an element of that, but I think you really have to think as a young man or a young woman, if you're in a relationship, do you really need this so badly that you need to go to these lengths? No.

Speaker A: And this is kind of what brings us to our last point of, like, just be ready to let go of the toxic relationship that you're in 100%.

Speaker B: If it is getting to the point where you can feel all this happening, it's not getting better. Somebody's very controlling or very jealous or endlessly sort of putting you down or picking out your flaws. I mean, it really is like if there are more cons than pros, why are you together? No, it's not going to get better. And really just don't put up with it. And it doesn't matter who this is. This is men, women, wherever. You're having a relationship, remember that. You have to take care of yourself. This has to be a partnership where you're both getting something out, you're both loving each other, you're both getting happiness. It's not just one person. Right? So, yeah, that would be my final word on the everyone gets **** sweat.

Speaker A: But do it safely and do it kindly.

Speaker B: Get your **** sweat.

Speaker A: Yeah. And that goes for little girls, too. Get your **** sweat. Get your **** **** in **** sweat.

Speaker B: Wow.

Speaker A: But not in a toxic relationship.

Speaker B: You can do it yourself. No, it's not worth it.

Speaker A: Not worth it.

Speaker B: And please do remember, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Speaker A: Oh, my God. There's a billion. There's more than billion.

Speaker B: Many, many people.

Speaker A: You don't have to stay in it, honey. You don't have to.

Speaker B: Please don't think this is the last woman or man that is walking the earth. I mean, come on.

Speaker A: Have you seen all the celebrity breakups this summer? There are so many. If those people can break up publicly, you can break up with your absolutely ****** boyfriend 100%.

Speaker B: What's the point?

Speaker A: What's the point of staying if you're ******* unhappy?

Speaker B: Yeah, exactly.

Speaker A: I think we covered it.

Speaker B: I think we have.

Speaker A: I love you, babes. This is fabulous. And if you guys have any thoughts on insecure men, insecure women, insecure people, or you just want to have a chat with us god, we love a chat, don't we, Mel?

Speaker B: We do. We'd love to hear from you. Yes.

Speaker A: Share, share, share on our socials at sharingmytoothpod. Or you can go to our website,, where you can actually leave us a ******* voicemail or email us your little stories. We love to hear them.

Speaker B: Absolutely send away.

Speaker A: Love you babes.

Speaker B: Speak to you all soon. Thanks so much for listening. Please rate and review this podcast and follow us on Social at sharingmytruthpod and leave us a voicemail on our to share your stories and experiences with us. We'll see you next time.

Speaker A: Bye bye.

Speaker B: Three, two, one. Yeah, don't get on. I can so.

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