Speaker A: Welcome to sharing my truth with Mel and Suzie, the uncensored version where we bear it all.
Speaker B: We do 1234.
Speaker A: Hello, welcome back. Happy Wednesday. Happy Friends Day. I'm Suzzie and you're listening to Sharing my truth Pod. I'm here with Mel and don't forget to rate and review this podcast. It helps us out so much to build this community that we're in and we are loving. And don't forget to follow us on social media at Sharing My Truth Pod and hello, babes.
Speaker B: Hello, darling. How are you?
Speaker A: I'm so good. How are you?
Speaker B: I'm good. Yes, the sun is out finally. It helps.
Speaker A: Can you believe it?
Speaker B: It takes a fair few months here in Canada.
Speaker A: We've been waiting a year for this.
Speaker B: Yeah, it does seem like a year.
Speaker A: Seems like twelve.
Speaker B: It's like very depressing.
Speaker A: I feel like an old boy in Russia, just like looking solemnly at you.
Speaker B: Being like, when is it coming, mommy?
Speaker A: Yeah, that's how I feel.
Speaker B: An old boy in Russia.
Speaker A: A young boy, I guess, like a.
Speaker B: Little eight year old.
Speaker A: Like, wow, we haven't even started in your off track, just ready to get back into it.
Speaker B: Yes, absolutely.
Speaker A: Well, I'm so happy to be here with you today.
Speaker B: Well, of course, I'm always happy to be with you, Susie. Daniel. Yes.
Speaker A: And I think we're doing some fun things on the TikTok. We've gotten a couple it's always fun doing social media with you, Mel, because we we get a lot of these hate comments.
Speaker B: There is there is a fair amount. I mean, especially if we say anything. Well, this week we got into this whole thing because we said, I believe if you go on a first date, maybe I should have clarified this. And we're talking about men and women. If a man had invited you on a date that he should pay. I don't think there's nothing about being sexist or a gold digger or a money grabber or anyone. Anyway, we posted this video and this guy went a bit mental and he was so upset. He's like, oh, you're just trying to get my wallet. No, I'm really not. It's like my foundation mate cost me like $100. My moisturizer is 150. My outfit do you like to see my hairdressing built? In fact, I had my hair done at the weekend.
Speaker A: Yes, it's fabulous.
Speaker B: It's very expensive, as you know. It all racks up your nails.
Speaker A: Oh, my God. My toenails, my wax, my Brazilian, my **** bleaching, the whole ******* bit.
Speaker B: Bleaching. You've got to do your cellulite rubbing. I've got this machine that sucks. No, it doesn't really work, but it makes sense.
Speaker A: Well, I'm borrowing it later, but yeah, that's the point. It's like our tampons get taxed.
Speaker B: Yes.
Speaker A: The least you could do is buy us a meal.
Speaker B: Yeah, and that's all we're saying. And I just think that's basic. Anyway, he got very upset.
Speaker A: Well, it's actually so funny because when you said that not that I didn't think that you were going to answer that way, but I was always brought up with the impression that we kind of share the responsibility of the paying. And especially in dates, it's usually like whoever asked the person to go on the date would pay for the meal or whatever it was. Or like, if you pay for the movie, I'll pay for the dinner and you share that kind of responsibility. But I don't know, when you get a bit older and you're like, I can't waste my time with people that don't want to kind of give that extra little bit of effort that it takes. And it just feels really nice as.
Speaker B: A woman to be taken out and taken care of and made to feel special. And I wasn't saying he needs to buy you a house. I was talking about dinner. That would be nice. And I wasn't saying that it had to be in some amazing restaurant. I know that everyone gets very wound up if you talk about relationships and dating and the modern era anyway. But yeah, nothing to do with what we're talking about today.
Speaker A: A little bit, though.
Speaker B: It is a bit. It is about relationships and the decisions people make to go down certain roads and become certain things. Don't you think that's what this is about?
Speaker A: Yeah, we're talking about **** boys.
Speaker B: We are.
Speaker A: So much nicer.
Speaker B: That was my very nice way of.
Speaker A: Saying that I love it because I love a good **** boy.
Speaker B: Do you?
Speaker A: I do, because I used to be **** girl.
Speaker B: ****. But that's not a term, is it?
Speaker A: I'm making it a term.
Speaker B: It should be. Why isn't it a term?
Speaker A: Because they call us *****. That's what they call us.
Speaker B: That's true. I forgot.
Speaker A: That's what they call us.
Speaker B: Forgot about that one.
Speaker A: But yeah, I used to be **** girl, so I respect the game.
Speaker B: Yes. Play a hayden. Yeah, I'd say player because that's another point.
Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, the term **** boy did not come out until like, I think, ****, I don't know, 2015, if you want to go back that far.
Speaker B: Well, yeah, I looked everyone used to be a player to do with a song or something. And it certainly wasn't used when I was younger. I think everyone would say Player, or just man. You don't want to be with PM.
Speaker A: Or like, appropriate, like a pimp.
Speaker B: Not a pimp. You know what a pimp is?
Speaker A: I know what a pimp you'd call a guy who'd like, be with a lot of girls. You call him pimp. ****, I got the pimp.
Speaker B: Millennial slang. I guess so, yeah. Okay, got it.
Speaker A: No one says it anymore. They don't, but no one says it anymore. But yeah, that's what we sometimes say. But player is very like yeah, of course they're the Player and they had the Bachelor. I guess Bachelor is before your time.
Speaker B: Even the show.
Speaker A: No, what the hell's the bachelor? No, like being a bachelor. Oh, I see. And then it turned into player, and now it's turned into **** boy.
Speaker B: Well, why was it bachelor? But bachelor's just a man who's not married.
Speaker A: But I think that's what it is, right? Because it didn't matter if men got married or not. So he was just a bachelor his whole life. Just like a guy's a player his whole life. Do you know what I mean? It kind of comes into the term.
Speaker B: Of it kind of because it's not.
Speaker A: Like you're seeing, like, let's just go into real estate. You're going to buy a bachelor, right? That's a one bedroom apartment for anyone who doesn't know.
Speaker B: Very good.
Speaker A: It's not a bachelorette. You're not calling it that because women were never allowed to be single.
Speaker B: Do you know? I've never thought about it that way.
Speaker A: No.
Speaker B: That's very interesting. Well, that's in a North American term, bachelor pad. I know we say bachelor pad. What am I saying? What do you ******* talk about? Yeah, what am I ******* talking about? Confused. I'm stuck in the middle of the Atlantic now. We do call it a bachelor pad, but we would say player. Not definitely. Would never. And I would never use the term **** boy purely because purely because I'm not used to it. Not because I don't know what it means.
Speaker A: I know you know what it means. I just feel like you don't want to swear all the time, mel, you're a very proper person, and I feel like a lot of your generation is also proper. Not saying that you're not, like, can't get dirty in the downs, but like, I'm saying that you're not going to say **** all the time when talking casually.
Speaker B: I swear all the time. No, I've got a right potty mouth. But I think actually on the subject of that, most Brits swear a lot, right?
Speaker A: So why aren't you saying **** boy now? You are bever boy.
Speaker B: Maybe we are. And I don't think North Americans swear as much. And sometimes I say **** a lot. And I think North Americans get a bit shocked because they don't swear in quite the same amount. Like Brits, literally, we say **** a lot. I have a sailors and ****** and bollocks and all that sort of stuff. But I do say **** it. But I don't say **** boy because it's not in my vernacular. Right.
Speaker A: Well, I like the term. I think it's funny.
Speaker B: It's descriptive.
Speaker A: It's very descriptive. You know exactly what's going on with it.
Speaker B: I mean, if a man met you and he said, I mean, it would be very helpful if he said, I am a **** boy, then you'd know exactly where you stood. But they don't. That's nice. Would be helpful, wouldn't it?
Speaker A: Let's go make it in the bathroom. Yeah.
Speaker B: And then, you'd know, that's all it was. So my issue with a **** boy is not that he is a **** boy or you are a **** girl, if you like that's right. The issue is you have to be clear with the person you are thinking. They need to know that this is it. It's the act, and then bishbosh, we're done.
Speaker A: Yeah, that's actually a really good point. So it's not like the **** boy is the problem. It's like not the sex that's the problem. It's the kind of making you feel special.
Speaker B: Maybe.
Speaker A: Maybe you're doing that for too many women and not telling them about each other.
Speaker B: Well, I think the problem is twofold, Susie. It's the expectation. Like they think, okay, whoever you have the said aforementioned fucky person you had sex with thinks, okay, now we're in the realm of something serious. Or the person who is the ****, whatever they are, the boy, girl, whatever, they have done something or said something that is not accurate, like, I love you, or this is going to be amazing. Or I don't know how many, I.
Speaker A: Want you to meet my parents. Let's go way together. And then they ghost you.
Speaker B: That kind of thing. I mean, the most thing that I certainly know from men of my generation, friends or friends of my husband or whatever, it's telling women that they love them. Why did they do this? Or telling them that they want or staying going back for a few more *****, if you like. Because that's a good question. Actually, that's my next question. I got to finish this thought. I'm getting ahead of myself. But if you are kind of saying something to get somebody in bed or like fake promises or that's not fair. If you're being very clear, this is it. This is sex, and we're going to have fun time and that's it, then that's great. That leads to my second question, because I think you're going to know more about this than I do. Not in any way suggesting anything. Sure, but a **** boy, can he have sex with the same person more than once? Or is it just literally worse?
Speaker A: I think it's just like it's just him not wanting to settle down. I think that's it. It's a bit of a man *****. That's also a term yes.
Speaker B: That people like to use.
Speaker A: He's trying to ***** out. He's trying to lay his **** down. He's trying to get his **** wet.
Speaker B: His ****, yeah.
Speaker A: He's just trying to get that **** wet with as many ******* as he can. And I don't think it's anything wrong with it. Obviously, you also be a gay **** boy ******* in the streets. I think gay men are just a lot more poly. They're not as monogamous as straight couples. So I don't know if it's a term that they use often, but we're talking about straight guys now and yeah, straight guys just want to get their **** wet. Let's just be honest.
Speaker B: Yeah.
Speaker A: And want the attention.
Speaker B: Yeah. But I think most men want that, if they're perfectly honest. Oh my God.
Speaker A: 100%. But a **** boy specifically cannot settle down.
Speaker B: He does not want commitment. So he's also a commitment phobe, which is another thing we've had tons of comments about on social media. People getting very upset about the fact that we've said, I think there's a.
Speaker A: Lot of divorced men on social media that really want to say their opinions.
Speaker B: I think there are. My God, I think there are. But I think that yeah. Commit a foe. But that's another whole thing. So that's interesting. So you could be a **** boy who's into the booty call.
Speaker A: Oh, hell yeah.
Speaker B: I like the way that sounded.
Speaker A: A booty call. Mel loves a little booty call once in a while.
Speaker B: Oh, dear. Okay, I've got it.
Speaker A: Let's say you're a **** boy. I think, you know, it's funny because we just did an episode on MILF. And if you think about it, the MILF is the perfect woman for a fuckboy. Completely, 100%. Because the milk usually, in my opinion you can correct me if I'm wrong but does not want a commitment because she's maybe already had one. She wants to have little fun in her mature self. The **** boy also wants to have fun, but in his less mature self.
Speaker B: Yes.
Speaker A: And they would be a pair.
Speaker B: It's ironic. A marriage made in heaven.
Speaker A: Can you believe it?
Speaker B: Yeah, that is absolutely true. But I actually think that is how it often starts. Yes, but that's exactly what happens. Is that milks we're talking about milks as if they're a sort of species. But they are species, but they seek.
Speaker A: Out they're kind of cougars.
Speaker B: Yeah, but that's another whole thing, isn't it? The prowling of the cougar. And I have known some cougars in my time, and wow, I'm definitely not a cougar. They're terrifying. They're absolutely terrifying. Like, they sort of yeah, well pounce on young men, right? Not actually, but you know what I mean.
Speaker A: They're ready to go.
Speaker B: Yeah. And actually, I have a story about, well, cougars. And it's not really a story at all. I don't know why I'm making this much bigger than it is. But anyway, I went for dinner on Saturday nights to a very nice restaurant in Toronto, and it was funny. And I went with my husband because we just done the episode Milk about Mils. And we were sitting down and we had a very young waiter who was very charming, very nice young man, I'd say probably 22 or something, and so could indeed himself have been a fuckboy. But he was very charming. And this table of women who were a good I'd say ten years older than me, late 50s they love seventy s. Oh my God. Max and I sort of counted down like he came over to take and he was really charming guy. And we counted down, like, how long is it going to take? These women to start flirting with him. We weren't sort of going and it literally took like 20 seconds. And one the least attractive woman in the throttle of the three women just started chatting him up and sort of sexual innuendos about the food and the wine. And then they were cackling. And it was just like that. Those were cougars. Because it was interesting. You looked at this young man, you thought, how could you three possibly think that this man is in any way looking at you in that?
Speaker A: But I think that's the fun of it. He is literally paid to talk to them.
Speaker B: Yeah, it was the funniest scene and it was funny. And you're all going to be thinking, she's mad. But I thought it was funny because we just done this Mills episode. But they were the description of cougars.
Speaker A: That's so great. It was like when I was a waitress and bartender, you think these old men really I mean, they might have believed that they would have actually had a shot with me, but the amounts I'd hit on every single hour of every day. But this is definitely what happens to this boy, too.
Speaker B: Oh, yeah. And good for him. And I hope he got a very large tip. And I noticed this is my last thing about this group of women. None of them had wedding rings on, which made myself and my husband cackle. We were cackling even more because it literally was well, maybe he was a fuckboy. Of course, this is not something I discussed while I was ordering my whatever I was ordering.
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Speaker B: Yes.
Speaker A: And I think that's a huge thing.
Speaker B: About what the constitution of a fuckboy is. Yes. Is that part of it, though? Do you have to do that bit or not to be trying to understand? In fact, yes. Sorry, I was earlier looking because I was interested by the definition, which is hilarious.
Speaker A: It's such a Gen X thing to do. What is the definition of a **** boy? I need to know.
Speaker B: It is a very Gen X. Oh, my God. This is hilarious. So this is urban.
Speaker A: Urban Dictionary, which is very proper.
Speaker B: Well, this is what I dirt and unsung. A **** boy is someone who says I'm bad at relationships. As if nearly an absolute truth, a **** boy is also somebody who's just so emotional that he cannot deal with it. What are you talking about?
Speaker A: Okay, so can I explain?
Speaker B: I have no idea what the hell okay. Going on about.
Speaker A: So saying that mostly in my idea of what a **** boy is and from being a **** girl, this is why I have this experience perspective, darling. And so from what being a **** boy is and saying that you're bad at relationships is you literally have so many emotions, but you don't want to be vulnerable.
Speaker B: Okay.
Speaker A: So you can't be in a relationship because you cannot give yourself to someone else. In that sense, you're a selfish person, and it's not a bad I'm not saying that this is a bad thing to be as long as you're truthful about it, but you are literally bad at relationships, but you're still a very emotional being. But you just like a very emotional being because you have no one to pretty much talk to besides your other **** boyfriends. I see if that makes kind of sense to my Gen X friend here.
Speaker B: It actually does make quite a lot of sense. Yeah.
Speaker A: So there's nothing wrong with being a fuckboy, but it's sad when you think about it in terms of, like, this person is most likely a lonely person.
Speaker B: Yes.
Speaker A: Because they do not I'm not saying that a relationship will complete you or anything like that. No, but you have to be more comfortable within yourself and being truthful to actually what you want and being truthful to those other people of what you want and not ghosting them, and not like that makes complete sense.
Speaker B: Yeah.
Speaker A: So Urban Dictionary, that's what we there you go.
Speaker B: Yeah, because if you think about Ghosting, do you think people ghost because they're too immature to kind of like just deal with it?
Speaker A: Yeah. And it's also, I think, a lot of people because we have all this amazing technology now where it's like your relationship is pretty much on this device anyways. You're texting them way more than you're seeing them in person. So if you could just casually not ******* ever talk to them again, it would be very easy because let's say you live in different neighborhoods, you're not going to see them ever again. So you're like, **** it. I'm just never going to talk to that person, I bet, right? Maybe they said something weird, or maybe they just aren't your type anymore. Maybe you found someone else. Just don't ******* talk to them anymore. Just way easier. And especially as millennials where you have or Gen Z or whoever, or Gen X, even, you have so much choice now on dating apps that you're like, oh, the ******* next one's going to be right over on the corner here.
Speaker B: Yeah. I think it's also because also, people completely lose their **** all the time, and so many ways to connect to people yeah. That I do sort of get it. It's better to kind of I get it too way than to get more involved because the more involved, the bigger the thing blows up. And I do understand that. Yeah.
Speaker A: I'm not saying it's a bad thing to ghost people. Honestly. Sometimes it's just like this relationship wasn't going anywhere anyways. You just to ******* get over it. People do this all the time.
Speaker B: They do. I think the sad thing is when people are actually viably something's going on and one person really thinks something's happening and then the other person just drops off the face of the earth. And I think that happens a lot because I think going back to your thing about what we were saying about fake promises, that unfortunately, I mean, men women obviously do do it, but men probably just have a much, very bad reputation for doing it. And they make promises to women to lure them into sex pretty much law is a horrible word, but to kind of get them into that situation and then the woman really thinks, oh my God, something's happening here. And then poof.
Speaker A: Well, that's the thing. Obviously the man up thing, the adult thing to do is be like, hey, sorry, this actually just isn't working out for me. Really wish you all the best. Yes, of course I found someone else. Whatever the ******* excuse you want to give and just be nice about it. Yeah, you don't have to give them any reason at all either, if it's really not that important. But it's just the nice thing to do. But, yeah, unfortunately, a lot of people, including myself, I've ghosted people in the past. It's a hard thing to do because you just like you're like, ****, I don't want to break their heart. So you think it's easier to just.
Speaker B: Never speak to them again. Yeah, which well, I think the thing is if you're young, like you were saying when you were a **** girl, so if you're like, sort of somewhere between the ages of 18 to 25, you're immature for me, from my sort of 50 year old perspective. Of course you can be forgiven. You have to make a lot of mistakes in life to realize what you should be doing 100%. My problem is I still know **** boys and **** girls who've never sorted their **** out, who are still doing it, who are still making the fake promises. Completely fine. I mean, I question, do you really want that lifestyle? It must get pretty I don't know, boring isn't obviously the word, but pretty kind of empty. Yeah, but maybe that's completely my perspective. But I think that it's more about the lying. It's like, come on, can we not, for the love of God in the world we live in today, with Tinder and Bumble and Bumble, ****, whatever else there is? Engine what's the I can't think of all the JSwipe grinders grinders for gays, whatever it is, is like can we not, I mean, if we can't today be honest, this encounter is purely physical.
Speaker A: Yes.
Speaker B: Like really? Okay.
Speaker A: Actually, this brings me so off topic.
Speaker B: Yeah.
Speaker A: But my friend was telling me we were at dinner the other night and she was like, yeah, there's this new dating app, it's called Field.
Speaker B: What?
Speaker A: I've never heard of it. What's that? It's apparently for any kind of person, gay whatever. And it's about either finding a thruffle or if you have like kinks, it's like pretty much a dating app for people to find people that are really alike to them.
Speaker B: Wow.
Speaker A: Isn't that ******* amazing? That is so yeah, I haven't gone on it yet, but I just want to go on it to see what it's like. Obviously I'm not trying to meet anyone on there, but I just want to go on because you can literally say what your kinks are on your profile.
Speaker B: Wow. I mean, that makes a lot of sense. It does. I'm concerned.
Speaker A: It honestly does because so upfront.
Speaker B: Yeah. And it must and we've discussed this in previous episodes that it must be very difficult to meet like minded people and people are so judgmental. It would just be much better if there was a way. I mean, I suppose before, the way was kind of like sex parties or groups or whatever, but I think that's really good, actually. On the subject of dating apps and stuff, did you see was it yesterday or the other day that WhatsApp has launched a thing for, like, intimate chat.
Speaker A: No. Yeah, because they already get all that. What do you mean?
Speaker B: Well, I think I don't actually know because I'm not really texting anybody as we've discussed before. But I guess because if you're WhatsApping somebody and it's intimate if you're sending photos or having sexy chat cheating. Yeah, well, there's that. And there's been and I personally know of a couple of stories of people who were with somebody and then they were WhatsApping somebody else. And because you can just see WhatsApp because it's an app, you just open it and then the person who was being cheated on just looked, saw the image, saw what the chat was. Right. So I think this is a new thing where maybe you can lock it or something like that.
Speaker A: Wow.
Speaker B: Which of course is good for people in consensual relationships just wanting to have sex chat in the whole world and show their intimate pics. It is not good for the cheating thing. But anyway I digress, but I thought I'd mention that it's great for the **** boys though. Oh my God, they'll be on.
Speaker A: They're going to have a great ******* time. They're not on it already.
Speaker B: Well, I'm sure they are. Sure they are. I'm not sure though. Are they texting people if they're just who knows? What do you mean? Well, they're meeting people. What do they need to text them for? Because they meet them, have sex, and off they go.
Speaker A: Yeah, but you got to text them a bit. That's the beauty of a fuckboy. It's like you got to tell them what they want to hear. Like, we're saying it's not great to.
Speaker B: Do that, but lead them down the golden path.
Speaker A: It's all foreplay, baby.
Speaker B: You got to give them that little.
Speaker A: Extra bit of what they want.
Speaker B: Like, hey, I'm going to meet for a drink. Right?
Speaker A: And usually **** boys are hot, so, yeah, girls want to **** them.
Speaker B: Well, yeah, that's a very good question. Is it possible to be an ugly **** boy? I think, I think tricky, isn't it?
Speaker A: I don't know how good of a **** boy you are if you're not attractive.
Speaker B: That's what you mean.
Speaker A: Unless you got a great ****.
Speaker B: Well, exactly, but I mean, you can't really show that unless you know to.
Speaker A: Use that tongue, baby.
Speaker B: Yeah, but how do you advertise that before you've actually done it?
Speaker A: On field.
Speaker B: On field. These are very interesting questions.
Speaker A: Yeah, I have no idea.
Speaker B: I don't know.
Speaker A: I think you do have to be somewhat attractive to be a fuckboy. That's a great question.
Speaker B: I would think attractive.
Speaker A: You got to know how to use your ****. You got to know how to use your tongue or no one's going to.
Speaker B: Want well, technically, do you have that's a very good point, because if you're meeting somebody just once, you might be appalling in bed and that person's never going to see your bed, so it doesn't matter.
Speaker A: Actually, that's a really good point. I do know a couple of **** boys who are not getting bad. Of course not, because they don't have to be.
Speaker B: They don't have to be because they don't have to repeat the performance. Yeah. Nobody they don't care what people say because they probably not in their circle or whatever. Yeah.
Speaker A: And they're still hot. So, like, why do they care?
Speaker B: They're still hot and they're generally in it for their own pleasure, not for anybody else's pleasure. So they're not really bothered about anybody else and they're not with anybody long enough to figure the stuff out.
Speaker A: Oh, yeah, that's what I was also going to say. I remembered.
Speaker B: And I'm the Gen X everyone.
Speaker A: But yeah, no, I forgot again.
Speaker B: Wow. Okay. No, is everyone still there?
Speaker A: So, yeah, it's about like being up front with people, but sometimes when you're up front with someone, they still don't care. And especially women. We want to change men.
Speaker B: Oh my gosh. Yeah. So we think we can change.
Speaker A: Of course. So this actually happened to my friend.
Speaker B: We can't everyone knows.
Speaker A: No, obviously not in the way we think they can. People don't change unless they want to change, and usually they don't. So, yes, this happened to a friend of mine who isn't a fuckboy, but he likes the poly community. And he wants to go have sex with a lot of people, which is completely fine and fair. And she said that she was okay with that.
Speaker B: Hang on a second backtrack. I'm lost. So this is a boy who's the girl? Oh, he's the girl he's having sex with? Yes. Who's in a polyamorous.
Speaker A: No.
Speaker B: God, I'm, like, totally lost.
Speaker A: Who's the Gen X now? Okay, so let me start over.
Speaker B: Okay, I'm listening intently.
Speaker A: Okay, so Mes is my friend, and he's not a **** boy exactly, but he likes to **** around, and he's, like, in the poly community and whatnot. So he's, like, having a good time and, like, whatever. No one's business. But he likes this girl, and this girl likes him and got it. She wants to be in a relationship with him. He's upfront with her being like, right, it's fine. She's like, yeah, that's fine. But then it's not fine because she's obviously unhappy about it. He is, like, unhappy about it, too, because he wants to do stuff. She doesn't want him to do stuff, I'm sure.
Speaker B: Yes.
Speaker A: And it's not the right match, which is super unfortunate, but I'm sure that happens all the time, where it's like you try to be up front with someone.
Speaker B: Yes, of course it does. Of course it does.
Speaker A: You try to be upfront with someone and then of course it does.
Speaker B: But, I mean, that goes to any situation, whether and I said this before, like, threesomes or any kind of anything, is that if you both or whoever is involved in the situation, everyone doesn't equally or more or less equally want to do it, then you have problems. But very frequently, it is one partner wanting something and the other partner wanting to make that other person happy and agreeing to something that they're not like, okay, I hate this idea, but they wouldn't do it unless that other person. Now, the flip side of that this is my Mama Mel thing is that in long term relationships, often the case is one person is either maybe more experienced or more communicative or whatever it is and can help the other person if you, like, kind of come out of their shell. That often happens, but that's a bit different. If that person that wants to be like a butterfly come out of there is beautiful. But it's true. If they want to, they just find it difficult to either communicate or whatever it is. They want to kind of evolve and they need their partner to help them. That happens a lot, and that's fair enough. But you are willingly involved in that. Yes. Right. And that is very, very common in long term relationships.
Speaker A: Well, I think it's also, like, why do women, like, fuckboys so much? Like, **** boys wouldn't be a thing if women didn't like them so much and we let them get away with so much.
Speaker B: Well, I have an answer to that.
Speaker A: Amazing.
Speaker B: It's the challenge. Yeah. Women, I have seen this in my 50 years, busy, I've seen it so many times, women, particularly were women and men, women in heterosexual relationships, meeting a man, thinking, I love him, I'm passionately, I'm in luck with him, and all the rest of it. This bit about him I don't like, I can change it, and you're like, no, you can change, like, silly things. Like, my husband hates shopping and he still hates shopping, but over the years, he's become more patient with, very nice. And I've learnt that as long as he's had something to eat and there's a chair in the store, we're all good. But that is a pretty minor thing. Right. But women, I've seen so many times, women in relationship than men, where men have said stuff like, I don't want children or I don't want to get married, or I like you or I love you, or whatever it is, but I don't want to live together, or whatever it is. They've made it very clear at the beginning. And the woman goes, yeah, but really, in her head, she's saying one thing's coming out of her mouth. And what she thinks in her head is a completely different thing because she ultimately thinks, this is the man I love. I want to be with him, but I actually want him like this, not like that. I want him to be this version of himself, not the version I have, and I can make him into that version. What they don't understand is that if they turn that man into the version that they want, he won't be the man that they're in love with. Right. So it's kind of messed up. But I've seen it so many times, and I think that's the thing about fox boys is that women think, and they're not totally untrue, totally misguided, that they think that they're going to be one to turn him the one to make him into a good boy, and they're going to be the woman. And of course, that probably in many cases does happen where eventually, if you're talking about the **** boy being emotionally kind of unavailable and all the rest of it, it is possibly and probably in many situations because he hasn't met the right person. When he meets the person that he's happy to be vulnerable with and so on and so forth, that it changes. But not with all the other myriad of women that try and change him between the first **** and the woman who changes him. Right. But as women, we have this thing in us and it causes so much unhappiness, Susie, so much sadness. I've seen so many situations of people just ****** miserable when they should just move, SKUs the pun the **** on. Yeah, they are not going to get the version of that person that they want, it's not going to happen. And they're going to spend a lot of years sitting around waiting for it when they should just move on. I say that I know it's very easy for me to say that because I know that moving on is an incredibly difficult thing. If you love somebody or you spend.
Speaker A: That time with them, it's incredibly difficult.
Speaker B: And I think the human that can actually do that is there aren't many, but it causes a lot of unhappiness. And the **** boy thing, I think ultimately a lot of **** boys are also unhappy because they're not really they can't be vulnerable. They can't be vulnerable and they're understanding that, yes, they like sex. But is it that they like sex? Is it like the multiple partner thing? Or is it like you said, that actually they're too scared to have it with the one person? Because the irony is, obviously if they just have sex with one person, it would be better because the quality as opposed to the quantity. Right. But I don't know the answers to any of these things because you have to want something different. But the thing that we started talking about was the fake promise thing. I I hate that because I do see that I can think of a couple of situations where I know where the man just outright lied and you just think, if you're 18, I can get it. But if you're in the 30s or in your 40s, like, grow up, get a grip, just explain to the woman you're not ready for a relationship. You don't want a relationship. Or if you're a woman, just be honest.
Speaker A: And you're right. The bottom line is that you're right and you're always right.
Speaker B: Mel, thank you.
Speaker A: But the other bottom line is that it's just too easy nowadays to not be vulnerable with people.
Speaker B: Of course.
Speaker A: And people are just okay with that. People don't want if they don't want to grow, they don't have to.
Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, to be honest with you, I don't think that bit has changed from when I was young. A lot of these things, these things don't change. It's just the kind of mode like what I think has really changed from my generation to millennial to Gen Z is just technology. And that's made the channels of communication, the ways to find people, the ways to interact easier and faster. The fact that people are doing they're doing exactly the same things. They're not doing any differently. It's just that it's much easier to find partners, it's much easier to hook up. But there are many, many downsides to that, as we've discussed, is that I think that it can cause a lot of problems and you leave a lot of kind of people in your wake. And maybe because it's so easy, you don't kind of evolve, you just keep going down the same path because it's pretty difficult to get off it.
Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, it's tough because a lot of women, like we just said, like, **** boys.
Speaker B: Yeah.
Speaker A: And no one is. No **** boy is going to stop being a fuckboy.
Speaker B: Because it's fun. Of course it's fun.
Speaker A: They wouldn't be doing it if it wasn't fun. So it's like, either women have to stop encouraging this behavior, but well, you never will. We're going to always have these men who believe that they can get away with anything, which they kind of can at this point. Which is like if you're a girl and you're a woman and you know what you want, you just stop wasting time with men who don't know what they want 100%.
Speaker B: That's it. When you're young, you do whatever you do. That would be something I would totally encourage. I say this to my daughters, I say this to lots of young women, is you know who you are. Believe in yourself. I know this is a little kind of overused love cheesy. It's very cheesy. It's super cheesy. But love yourself and believe that you're good enough. And I know that's like an ad, but you are. Don't settle for anything. Yeah. Because there are plenty of fish in the sea. There's another one. But also, it is much better to be on your own than to be settling for something.
Speaker A: You're right.
Speaker B: Although I know that may seem very difficult on a Sunday night when you want to watch Netflix or ****. Or watch Netflix.
Speaker A: Netflix and children.
Speaker B: But we have established that you can **** without that. Or if it's the winter and you can't be asked to go out or whatever it is. I do get that. I mean, I'm not that much of a duck.
Speaker A: Girls, if you want to date a **** boy, okay, just don't get a vibrator.
Speaker B: Yes. How can you date a **** boy then? Because it's not dating. You're going to try.
Speaker A: That's my problem.
Speaker B: Oh, try.
Speaker A: But get a vibrator. They're at least going to know how.
Speaker B: To make you come. That's true.
Speaker A: And no one's going to break your heart. A vibrator is never going to break your heart.
Speaker B: Or try and understand that. This is and women, we are capable of doing this. This is just sex. That's it. Move on.
Speaker A: Yes, ladies, get your peach wet. Grease your peach. Grease your grease your peach and get the **** out. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker B: I mean, that's it.
Speaker A: Be a **** girl.
Speaker B: Yes.
Speaker A: Take mel's advice and be a **** girl.
Speaker B: Yes. Don't be a dating girl with a **** boy. No. Find the right boy. Do you think we said **** enough in it?
Speaker A: I hope so.
Speaker B: I would like to say to you, Susie, that I had some facts, but let's be fair. I'm a little thin on the facts about **** boys.
Speaker A: You have **** boy facts? Well, not really. The fact is that **** boys are great until they **** you over.
Speaker B: Very good.
Speaker A: Thank you.
Speaker B: Thank you.
Speaker A: I'll be here all night.
Speaker B: Exactly.
Speaker A: You're on Wednesday.
Speaker B: And on that note, are we done. I think we are.
Speaker A: God **** it.
Speaker B: Good.
Speaker A: Thank God. Yeah. **** boys. You know where to do it. Slide into our DMs and tell us how much you love us. Okay. We love you. **** boys. Still, we appreciate you.
Speaker B: You do?
Speaker A: We appreciate your ****. But you got to stay away from our Go girls.
Speaker B: Okay? Yeah.
Speaker A: Leave our girl, the girls alone.
Speaker B: No fake promises. No. It's not fair. Okay.
Speaker A: Thank you so much, everyone.
Speaker B: We love you so much. See you next time.
Speaker A: I'll see you next time. Happy Wednesday. Bye.
Speaker B: Thanks so much for listening. Please rate and review this podcast and follow us on social at sharingmytruth pod and leave us a voicemail on our sharingmytruth.com to share your stories and experiences with us. We'll see you next time.