Speaker A: Welcome to sharing my truth with Mel and Susie. The uncensored version where we bear it all.
Speaker B: We do 1234.
Speaker A: Hello. Hello. Welcome back, everyone. Welcome back to sharing my truth pod. You're here with Mel and Susie. And I'm Susie. And that's mel. And this is Sharing My Truth Pod, where you find everything from sex, love to now, fetishes, OOH and kinky kinks. And you can follow us on Sharing My Truthpod at Instagram threads now. What the ****? And you can go to our website, sharingtruth.com. Leave us a voicemail, send us little mail because we're going to go through some mail today. Hey, babes, how are you?
Speaker B: Hello, darling. How are you?
Speaker A: I'm so good.
Speaker B: I'm absolutely fabulous.
Speaker A: Yeah, of course you are. You're on ******* vacation. Literally. Literally. **** off. It's good, though. You look amazing. You look glowing. I am nasally and hungover.
Speaker B: Well, not the best. Yeah. What can you do?
Speaker A: I don't know. You're literally like you're shining like a star.
Speaker B: Shining.
Speaker A: Yes.
Speaker B: Well, I think that's some very expensive products.
Speaker A: Still waiting for the get ready with me.
Speaker B: Yeah? Yes, exactly. Get ready with Mel. We've got to do that. So what are we doing today, Susie?
Speaker A: Well, we have a little write in from someone which is a little out of the norm, if you could say that.
Speaker B: It is. It is a bit of out of.
Speaker A: The norm, and not just because it is a fetish, but because it's just out of the norm of you and fetishes that I've heard of that aren't considered like normal in quotations.
Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, to be honest, I've never heard of this. But as we said what did we say a fetish is? What did we say it was?
Speaker A: A fetish is an outside of it's being attracted to a body part that's not traditionally attractive sexually. So like a foot or a finger or a nose or an.
Speaker B: It is. So just to get the Oxford language. The Oxford Dictionary.
Speaker A: Oh, God.
Speaker B: Sexual desire in which gratification is strongly linked to a particular object or activity or part of the body other than the sexual organs.
Speaker A: Exactly.
Speaker B: I think for most people, think thing that's not like traditionally you think of as a sexual part of your body or a sexy part of your body.
Speaker A: Exactly.
Speaker B: So I mentioned last week, feet and that's kind of a thing you hear a lot about. But this gentleman wrote into us yes. And I'm going to read to you what he said.
Speaker A: I can't wait.
Speaker B: Hi, girls. Which is hilarious that I was in the girls bit, but that's fine. Me and my partner, a future wife, need your advice. Helps, tips, opinions, thoughts. They're both 20, they live in the UK. And he says that his partner fiance has a weird, what he calls well, he says weird I'm not saying weird has this weird obsession. Fetish kink for my sticky out, aka outy belly button.
Speaker A: Okay, I don't mean to laugh. But you have to kind of laugh. You have to kind of get the fun, because it is weird, as he's saying. I think it's also weird.
Speaker B: It's fun. I mean, you have to with sex.
Speaker A: Sex, yes, exactly.
Speaker B: At its very core is such a kind of weird thing and messy and everything else. And we glamorize it in TV shows and stuff. It really, for the most part, for most people, is not it's sweaty, hot bodies with lots of fluid. And so you got to laugh about it, to be honest. So much so she has a well, as I said, a fetish kink, whatever thing, shall we say, for his sticky out, aka oute belly button. And his belly button sticks out a little bit more. And she wants to do a lot of things all over it. And in a nutshell, he is asking us what he can do with it.
Speaker A: I ******* love this. I love to hear about new fetishes.
Speaker B: And I think he also said she wants to eat stuff out of his belly button. She wants to do, like, raspberries and what do you call that? Like noises. And he said a zerbert. Yeah. And she wants to eat lick whipped cream, chocolate sauce, honey ice cream out of his outy belly button.
Speaker A: This man was very descriptive.
Speaker B: He's very descriptive. He might have the kink he might do because it does go on quite a lot after this.
Speaker A: Yeah.
Speaker B: And he's asking also about different ways what she can do, play with, like, ice and stuff like that. He does say that he's very self conscious about his outy belly button. He's been always very self conscious about it and is quite sensitive and ticklish. And I actually think that's actually quite wonderful. If it's something he's been self conscious about, that's the thing that she loves about him. I know.
Speaker A: That's cute as hell.
Speaker B: That's amazing. Yeah, isn't it?
Speaker A: That's so sweet.
Speaker B: I mean, that's the question. My very short answer to this would be, as Dr. Klein said to us in a previous episode, that fetishes can be atypical. I mean, if, you know you like feta, the next person, as she put it, likes **** sex. One thing that is totally weird and disgusting to one person is not to the other person. And generally it doesn't pose any problem.
Speaker A: Yeah. As long as it's not like a recurring disgust response from the other person, then you can kind of deal with it and live with it and kind of figure out how to make it sexy in your life. Yeah, I love that.
Speaker B: And also, like I said, if it's something this is belly buttons. But if it was feet and as I've mentioned earlier, I'm not a big fan of feet but your partner thought your feet were amazing. Surely that's a great thing, isn't it? That's the thing you're insecure about, that your other person really likes. Well, just go for it. Do whatever you want with it. 100% freaking spaghetti Bolognese out of it.
Speaker A: **** yeah. Do whatever you like.
Speaker B: Ice cream. If it's fun. If it's fun and you're not hurting anybody, then what's the issue?
Speaker A: That is so funny. This doesn't really sound like a problem. I think he is excited about it, it sounds like. And he wants to know what more he can do, obviously, about this, because it sounds like she wants to do stuff to him. I don't know if he does say, how do I do stuff to her belly button? But it doesn't sound like she wants stuff done to her belly button. She just wants to do stuff to his belly button. Am I correct?
Speaker B: Would that be fair? Well, actually, no. He wants to do stuff with her belly button, too.
Speaker A: Right. But does she want to do stuff to her belly button? It's her fetish.
Speaker B: It's not really clear. He just says that it's her fetish, basically. That's what she really likes.
Speaker A: Well, because this is what I'm saying. It's like, does a foot fetish person like their own feet massaged, or do they just want to massage other feet?
Speaker B: Well, it's a very good question. I've never thought about this. Because he has a sticky out belly button.
Speaker A: Again, yes.
Speaker B: I've never thought about belly buttons. Mine personally is an innie. What kind of belly button do you have?
Speaker A: I also have an innny. Yes. Thank you for asking. And I actually have a very deep innny. It's a lot deeper than the rest of the innis I've seen. Is it?
Speaker B: It is.
Speaker A: And honestly, I'm not going to lie, women's belly buttons are sexy. They can be.
Speaker B: Well, yeah. That's why people have piercings and stuff.
Speaker A: Exactly. So it's not like a completely, hugely weird fetish that's like, oh, I love the top of your ear.
Speaker B: Not except it's his. And men's belly buttons, I don't think you traditionally think I don't think you think anything about them, do you?
Speaker A: No.
Speaker B: And they often have hair in them.
Speaker A: Yeah, we're not a huge fan of that.
Speaker B: But also, not many people I have no idea what the statistics are, have alti ones you don't see very often. People who have kind of alti belly buttons. Not that I look at people's belly buttons, isn't it?
Speaker A: Because it's like cut wrong when you have the umbilical cord? I have no idea. I'm not a doctor.
Speaker B: But, like, it's something to do with that. I think I knew once, and I can't remember now, but it obviously is where you're connected to the mother. So something to do with that. Right. I'm not quite sure why it happens. Maybe I should look that up.
Speaker A: Okay, well, here's the thing. So I have this amazing article from Vice. Okay. And also, I would suggest anyone who feels like they have a weird fetish or they have a weird kink or anything like that, literally, just to go on Google and be like, what is this thing? Because it 100% exists, and you're not weird for having it. It's like millions of people in the world are thinking the exact same thing as you. So you're not estranged for thinking these things. Because there's a little whole article on Vice about what is navel play a Beginner's Guide to Belly Button Fetishes. There you go. That's amazing. So many people in the world are having this exact same reaction. And it is because and they say the navel is an erogenous zone because it has multiple nerve endings that make it sensitive to touch. So it is actually a very sensual, sexy place because also, if we think about it, it's a hole.
Speaker B: Except in this man's case, it's not a hole because he's got an outfit.
Speaker A: No, you're right.
Speaker B: But it's an entryway to the it's like and it's also you think of your body. It's kind of going down there 100%.
Speaker A: You're almost in the hot zone, as we say. In the hot zone. Yes.
Speaker B: But yeah, I mean, like you say well, we'll link the article in the blog.
Speaker A: Absolutely. And it says here that in a 1985 interview so this was in the 80s. This **** happened in the 80s, guys. The 80s were crazy ******* time. Madonna likened the experience of a belly button stimulation or navel plate to nearly achieving an orgasm. And she says, my favorite I'm going to say it like Madonna, my favorite button is my belly button. I have the most perfect belly button. She said, when I stick a finger in my belly button, I feel a nerve in the center of my body just shoot up my spine. So I'm sure it's not just her. It can't just be Madonna.
Speaker B: Madonna, you're not that special. I'm sure it isn't, because like you say, let's face it, it is a sensitive bit. Like, we know you can have jewelry there.
Speaker A: Yes.
Speaker B: Particularly for women. It's kind of a sexy part of a woman's body. Bizarrely, even though you don't really think but it is like you think of the way particularly a lot of young women dress well, you have your middrift showing and kind of part of it is the belly button. Right. I just don't think we think very much of it for men, really?
Speaker A: 100%.
Speaker B: That's maybe where he's insecure anyway, because it's a part of his body that he's always not he's been insecure about.
Speaker A: Right.
Speaker B: But his partner my answer to him, like I said before, is your partner really likes it. I think that's amazing. And the end of the day, you can do yeah. Your imagination, whether it's food or whatever it is, I mean, why not do whatever you want? And as we said, Dr. Klein said, these things are not necessarily a problem. It's not something that's veering into anything that's problematic.
Speaker A: Yes. As long as it's not hurting anyone else and you're just having fun, like, who ******* cares?
Speaker B: It's not hurting anyone. It's consensual. Who cares what anybody else thinks? It's between you and your couple and you're having a good time.
Speaker A: That's it.
Speaker B: Who cares?
Speaker A: Yeah. I just want to say there's so many ways you can play with the belly button. Like there is if you had a foot fetish. You can use this device for kind of any wear on the body that might have a little more stimulation. But feathers are a great tool.
Speaker B: That's a good idea.
Speaker A: Feathers are a great tool for tickling and teasing. Okay, good idea. What else? He mentioned ice in his thing, but ice is excellent. Like, warm, cold temperature play is really good. You can also stick a glass ***** in the freezer and bring it out.
Speaker B: Very good.
Speaker A: In case you guys didn't know, this is more on the BDSM side, but not intense. You can always use hot wax, but like, safe hot wax. I want to make a note here. Do not use beeswax. It will literally burn your skin. But if you're using soy, any kind of body safe wax, you can do that and you can drip it's super sexy, super hot. You can even use little bit more. Like, I know I have, like, a little candle that turns to massage oil. Get one of those. It's really sexy. Move it across the body. It's really nice. I don't know what this is called, but my boyfriend and I, we found it in a sex store one day, and it's like a spinning wheel with spikes. I don't know what it's called, but it actually feels ******* we should have got it. We didn't get it. But it feels amazing. And it just kind of like, tickles when you roll it up and down your body. It doesn't hurt. It looks kind of scary. It literally looks like a torture weapon, but you just kind of roll it up and down your body and it feels like it gives you, like, the shivers. So, honestly, I would look into little things that you can kind of tease and touch and maybe just go around the belly button. And you don't have to just eat food out of it. There's actually so many real sex tools and toys to make this a little bit more pleasurable and fun and exciting.
Speaker B: Absolutely. And any kind of, like, massage with obviously get the right sort of mass out of the right oils. Be careful with that. And then use all that kind of stuff. And there's lots you can do.
Speaker A: Oh, yeah, 100%. Yeah, go ahead.
Speaker B: Don't be insecure about it. Don't be worried about it. Because in a positive sense, it's your thing that you have with her, or part of the thing, if you like. And it's 100% a bit different to other people. But so what? So what? What difference does it make? I mean, I think the one thing I'm really interested in and I think we should, like I don't know what our listeners think is just to sort of really clarify what fetishes and kinks are. Because I think people are really confused about it.
Speaker A: Yeah.
Speaker B: I think they have a real sense that a fetish is something really quite weird and that it goes into a realm that's a bit dark. And that's not the case at all. As we said, we've talked about and we've talked about I was quoting again, but in our previous interview with Dr. Klein, it isn't necessarily but I think there is a perception that fetishes and kinks are very strange, that in a sense they're the same thing, but they're not. So just to kind of talk about that really what that is. So we said what the definition of a fetish is. Right.
Speaker A: Yeah. It's not not normal, but it's more abnormal of wanting to suck a toe instead of maybe suck on someone's lips. It's just different things you like.
Speaker B: Or it's either so offended to either an inanimate object or a part of the body that you wouldn't normally think is sexual. Right.
Speaker A: I guess it could be an inanimate object too.
Speaker B: A form of sexual linked to a particular object.
Speaker A: Yeah.
Speaker B: Okay.
Speaker A: So have you ever seen those shoes? Well, have you ever seen those shows? That was like my secret obsession or anything like that. Have you seen those on TLC? It's like the most ridiculous everything on TLC is ridiculous. But like I don't think so. It's like people I don't know if it's even still on. It's probably not, but people are like they have the show about people who are obsessed with balloons and you'll have this man who has a million balloons in his house. He's just, like, rubbing them on him. And then you have someone who's married their car and they're like, trying to **** their car. This is ****. That is maybe also in the fetish community.
Speaker B: So funny that you've just said marry the car because I was just watching a TikTok, obviously, before we started.
Speaker A: Yeah.
Speaker B: And it was about this woman who's married or is in a relationship with a fair ride.
Speaker A: A fair ride, like a teacup.
Speaker B: She's bought this enormous fair ride like this. Or she's in the fair business, I have no idea. But you know those kind of things that go round and round? Yeah. So before this, she was in a relationship with a train and before that she was in a relationship with a plane. What?
Speaker A: With a plane?
Speaker B: Yeah. But it is called something. It's called something OS. Anyway, but the point is there are many things in this world, but yeah, it just made me realize about that that's a fetish. I don't know if that's a fetish. That really that sounds like a fetish.
Speaker A: Because you have kind of an obsession with an object. Yeah, maybe that is that you're gets you turned on.
Speaker B: But I don't know if it was sexual. It was romantic.
Speaker A: Is romantic not sexual?
Speaker B: No, because you can be asexual a romantic.
Speaker A: That's true. But I feel like if you wanted to love this fair ride, whatever the hell that means, you're going to want to **** it in some way. No. You're going to want to ********** to.
Speaker B: I don't not necessarily.
Speaker A: I don't believe it. She's definitely masturbating to. That fair is what is that big wheel? What is that big wheel? Like what's the eye in London. What is that called?
Speaker B: What is that again? London.
Speaker A: Oh, my God. No, but like you're getting London eye. No, like the ******* what is that ride called? What is it called? The London Eye. Oh, God. Like the wheelchair ferris wheel. The Ferris wheel. For ****'* sakes. The ******* Ferris wheel.
Speaker B: Okay.
Speaker A: She is getting on that ******* Ferris wheel that she has bought for herself, and she's going up to it, and she's, like, rubbing her one out, and she gets to the top and she orcasms that's how that works. That's how that works. There's no other way to this. Yeah.
Speaker B: Anyway, I'm now going to describe kink. So this is what the dictionary says.
Speaker A: Go ahead.
Speaker B: Kink, right?
Speaker A: Oh, dictionary.
Speaker B: Let's look at the dictionary. No, this isn't the dictionary.
Speaker A: I need the Urban Dictionary.
Speaker B: The Urban let's see what it actually says. A kink is a type of sexual taste to have a type of act that relates to sadomasochistic, BDSM and sex. Oh, no, I'm not going to say that because that wasn't good. Hang on. It does say here in the Urban Dictionary, a kink is sexual taste for a person. Usually a kink is an unusual taste in sexual behavior. Unusual? But how do you define unusual?
Speaker A: Well, Urban Dictionary, anyone can ******* write in. I've wrote in about ****. Meaning this isn't the Oxford Dictionary. Sorry, darling, but a kink is literally just an act of doing something instead of being kind of not having more of an obsession about an inanimate object or a weird little body part. It's actually the act of let's say you really like to be tickled. That's a kink. Or like you really like to, I don't know, dress up like a baby. Like, that's a kink.
Speaker B: What is the real meaning of kink? So the Maryam Webster's that's a dictionary, right? The definition of kink is unconventional sexual taste or behavior and includes a wide variety of behaviors and preferences. That includes BDSM or bondage or sadomasochism or whatever. So it is like outside of unconventional, is unconventional the best way of putting it? But I just think it's such a like, lots of people do all sorts of things that can be defined as kinky, of course.
Speaker A: But it's like if you like gang bangs, that's a kind of a kink. I don't know if you like, MMFs, that's a kink. If you like to be peed on, that's a kink. There's a whole **** ton of there's too many kinks to talk about in this one. Podcast and we'll do an entirely other podcast on just kinks.
Speaker B: We have to do a podcast.
Speaker A: But that's the difference of the kink to the fetish is the fetish is the body part or an object. As we've learned. The kink is an act of doing something out of the conventional.
Speaker B: Yes, a deviation from the conventional.
Speaker A: That's right.
Speaker B: But to emphasize that many, many people are a bit kinky.
Speaker A: Everyone's a bit kinky.
Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. It's much more common than not and that most people have had some kind of thoughts about something that if you want to call it conventional, well, you.
Speaker A: Can call it vanilla sex. If you're just doing vanilla sex where it's just like you're doing the same **** over and over again and it's not very exciting, it's not very but maybe you like that. Maybe you just don't need anything more exciting. But a lot of people do need more than that and then a lot.
Speaker B: Of people are having vanilla sex and actually that is worrying them but that it's too vanilla. And they spend a lot of their time thinking about other things but don't necessarily get to it because maybe it's a little complicated or they're probably in most cases absolutely terrified what their partner is going to say. If you suddenly say, I'd like you to pee on me.
Speaker A: Well, this is yeah, you got to warm up the subject. Okay. You got to be in the shower first if you have a pee kink, you got to be in the shower. You got to be like, what if I just peed on you little bit? And then the other person's like, oh my God, what the **** are you doing? Or they're going to be like, ha, this is so funny, do it. And then you kind of can see where you're going.
Speaker B: You can definitely I love the voice, but yes, definitely. I mean, pee is one thing.
Speaker A: I can't do the pee. I can't no, I mean, not to.
Speaker B: Go too far down this road. For me it is a waste product. It's like people who want to **** on each other and I've heard so many stories about this and you're just like just the smell alone.
Speaker A: You're like gagging.
Speaker B: Some people like that. And I guess if you're both that's the thing. If you're both into it and you both want to do it and it's both okay.
Speaker A: Exactly.
Speaker B: And you can do it in a way that you're not going to kind of get ill, fine. It's probably just very difficult to meet somebody in a, let's say, normal setting where you're going to meet somebody who's going to be yeah, I'm into that too. And my question, because I don't know the answer, is it often I feel that is often that one partner wants to do something, whether it is peeing or threesomes or whatever it is that they're into and the other person is not so much into it. And then they often kind of get pulled into doing the thing because they want to keep the other person happy. And that's when I think things can get very messy. Yeah, you've got to want to do it 100% or you've got to at least be willing to be interested in it.
Speaker A: You can try it and see if you like it. And then what if you hate it? Then you're like, I'm never doing this again. And then your partner is like, Well, I really ******* like that. So we're breaking up. Yeah.
Speaker B: I don't know what the answer to.
Speaker A: That is in this man's situation. It's very nice because he is very open to his partner's navel fetish. But if he wasn't and he was like, my belly button is way too sensitive for this. I don't like this at all. That would really hurt her and be like, well, I really want to **** your belly button, so I don't know what to tell you.
Speaker B: And then she might get very upset and offended.
Speaker A: She would.
Speaker B: But obviously they both are kind of into it. He's accepted it, and he wants to figure out how they kind of do it.
Speaker A: Yes.
Speaker B: And I honestly don't think I really appreciate that he wrote into us, and that's great, but I really don't think it's actually very complicated. I just think do what you want.
Speaker A: Do what you want. Exactly.
Speaker B: If you're both happy and you can just do what you want, I don't think and obviously, we have stated many times, we are not clinicians, we're not doctors. But this, to me, sounds not problematic at all if you're both aware of it, you're both discussing it, you both think it's fun, then do what you want.
Speaker A: 100%. Do what you want, sir. This woman sounds like a great lady if she's trying to bring you in all of her sexy little kinks and fetishes. It sounds great. So you just got to lean into it. Give her belly button a little raspberry.
Speaker B: If you want a little. Thanks, Susan.
Speaker A: I just absolutely love I love how that turns one on. That is ******* hilarious to me and in the best way possible. Like, good for you. People can get over anything.
Speaker B: They really just I think it's great. I really do. That's amazing. The only thing I was going to say to you, Miss Susie yes. Is I have an article here as well. So this is from verywell in terms of my facts. Oh, we know how I love a fact. Yes, we do. And this may again also help this gentleman. So this is from verywellmind.com and this article was written in 2023, which is actually what is a fetish, which we have discussed. And it says here that the term fetish has become fairly mainstream. This is funny because it says, for example, foot fetishes are the most common and openly talked about. You see, I told you I wasn't mad. It is the most commonly talked about.
Speaker A: Because feet actually can't be cute. That's the thing. Like, a good foot is a good foot, but some people have weird foot fetishes where they're, like, not weird, obviously, but where they're pinky toe or they really love stubby feet. And I'm like, what? No, you got to have the perfect little, like, a model's foot where they're, like, in the shoe.
Speaker B: And the problem is, then you wear those shoes for years, and then, like me, you get arthritis and your feet look like they belong to an alien.
Speaker A: And they have, like, little bunions now.
Speaker B: They're not nice.
Speaker A: Then.
Speaker B: What happens if you start out in your relationship and you have really nice feet? And I would say I had pretty nice feet.
Speaker A: Yeah.
Speaker B: I wouldn't say they're horrendous, but they're not the way they were. Mel maybe that's me in general.
Speaker A: You could put yourself on footfinder.com and find someone who likes bunions. Like, I'm just saying people love this ****.
Speaker B: I could. I could make millions.
Speaker A: You really could.
Speaker B: So this is what this article says, which I do think is important for people to understand if they're in any way concerned, because this guy I wrote into us is obviously concerned, otherwise he wouldn't be written in. The truth is that a fetish is only a problem when the fixation interferes with your life or causes undue suffering to you or those around you. So I think it's like I've said this many times. I say this. I say this a lot is that anything in your life that veers into obsessive? It doesn't matter what it is, whether it's drinking, sex, shopping, I don't care what it is. If it becomes obsessive, then you got to deal with it. If it's actually interfering with your life and causing you distress, I e. You can't live your life the way you want, then it's problematic as opposed to not problematic. And I think it's as simple as that. It's the same with kinks. If there's something that is actually you're into, let's say you go to sex parties or you're into BDSM or whatever it is that you do and you do that the weekend and you go to parties or you have a group of people you enjoy.
Speaker A: Yes, we love that. Yes.
Speaker B: That's completely fine. As long as it isn't like a secret sort of dark side of your life, which is causing a huge amount of stress because the rest of your life isn't like that, if you see what I mean. And it's in conflict with the rest of your life.
Speaker A: Yeah, I think that's a great thing to note. Mel if you have a community who supports and loves you, even if it's just one person, it makes such a difference for you as someone who maybe feels a little bit more abnormal or just out of the norm or unconventional. Just having that one person to talk to who accepts you for who. You are, and especially if that's your partner, that's amazing because they want you to feel free and all these things. But yeah, I mean, having fetishes are not in quotations normal. So having this kind of weird thing that you're like, this is weird about me. I don't know if I like and I feel like this all the time where I'm watching different porns and feeling different things about certain things and like, what the **** is happening? But when you're aroused, **** just goes off the walls. Scientifically, it's just like you could probably watch anything once you're aroused and be like, oh, that could be something, but it doesn't mean you want that done to you. Also, it just means that, no, we're human beings and you can get aroused by pretty much ******* anything because we're wild creatures.
Speaker B: Feral, almost literally. But I do think it's important for people to understand that if this is something that is causing you some distress, then you really should seek some help.
Speaker A: 100%.
Speaker B: I think also, perhaps if you're like I just said, you're living in conflict. Like maybe you live a life I don't know if you're religious or something like that, where you're supposed let's put it this way. You're supposed to be perceived in a certain way, and then in your private life, you do something that is so completely different. To the extent that if something somebody found out, it could destroy your life. Then you really need to think about which part of your life, what it is that you want, because it shouldn't be destroying your life, eating you up inside. And I think that can often happen, particularly if people have a specific thing that they like and they haven't told a partner that they've been with for many, many years. So they go and seek that somewhere else because they need it, but they're scared. They're literally petrified to tell their partner, but then they go and seek it somewhere else, and that can work for a while, and then something happens and somebody finds out, and then it's just well, yeah.
Speaker A: I mean, it could also be the fact that they have told this person or they've told someone and then they didn't accept them and now they feel the shame from it. And shame can be a very lot like we know. Shame can be just like a horrible detriment to your sexual being and not wanting to just be free in that part of you and being in the closet, per se.
Speaker B: 100%. And I think obviously times have changed, but I think that it's always about I'm going to say the same thing again, Susie. It's all about communication. It's always being sort of as upfront as you can at the beginning because I do think people change in a certain way. You might start to, like you said, like, one thing one day and like another thing another day. And that's the thing that I think is confusing to people. They're like, Hang on, why did I not like this before? And all of a sudden I'm interested in this. How do I discuss that? And that's when they get a bit afraid to discuss it with their partner. I think that can cause a lot of issues. But I think if you, from the very beginning, have very as open dialogue as you can, that is really important so that you don't feel strange or weird, that you can kind of share things. And like you said, you can be interested in things, but it doesn't mean you necessarily do it or it's part of your life or your lifestyle or anything.
Speaker A: So do facts for us?
Speaker B: Meryl. Do I what?
Speaker A: Any facts. Facts? Oh, facts.
Speaker B: I thought you said fax, as in.
Speaker A: Have a I would love to have fax you something.
Speaker B: We don't live in the digital age. Well, so what facts can I give you? I can tell you that. Number one yes. Why do people have fetishes?
Speaker A: Yeah. Why the ****?
Speaker B: That's a fact. There's been a lot of research to explore why fetishes develop. However, some theories have been suggested. Biological, cultural, emotional, and social factors may all play a role. Apparently, this very famous French psychologist in 1887 jesus Christ.
Speaker A: People had fetishes so long ago.
Speaker B: Exactly. So he was the first to use the term fetish in an erotic context in 1887. His name was Alfred Binet. At the time, it was suspected that fetishes took hold through an arousing experience with an object during childhood, which I have.
Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Like, something happens in your childhood, and then you have that fetish, but also.
Speaker B: Something can happen, and it triggers something in your brain. And not necessarily there's a connection, which is why they often talk about why some men are so into shoes that when they were perhaps high heel shoes and stuff like that, perhaps when they were first developing sexually and for some reason they saw shoes or like their.
Speaker A: Mom'S heels or something.
Speaker B: Yeah, it connect in that way.
Speaker A: Weird.
Speaker B: And then even that just disturbs people. And you're like, no, that's kind of how it works.
Speaker A: Right?
Speaker B: It is. However, research has shown that it's possible to condition people to become aroused by objects like boots. Boots, as in shoes, suggesting that a festage is a learned process, which is interesting. Also, it is thought that festages are thought to be less common in women, and I've heard that too, which might suggest there are unique factors regarding biological differences between men and women. So it's important to note that much more research is needed in this area to understand how fetishes begin and who's more likely to have them and how they influence behavior. And that research has indicated that people who report having fetishes are more likely to use drugs and alcohol and experience lower levels of life satisfaction.
Speaker A: Oh, no. Because they're kind of obsessive.
Speaker B: Maybe. So then the other fact that we talked about is when is a fetish a problem? A sexual or erotic fetish, sorry, can be defined as an extreme sexual fixation on an object or body part. The object of the fixation is called the fetish. The person with the fetish is the fetishist, right?
Speaker A: Yes.
Speaker B: So there is a clear distinction between fetishism and fetishistic disorder, and that is a condition recognized as recognized in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. So feticistic disorder is very different from feticism itself because there's a lot here. But there are three criteria for the disorder, and it's basically the first criteria is over a six month period, you must have experienced sexual urges that were focused on a non genital body part or nonliving object.
Speaker A: That just seems like a regular fetish, though.
Speaker B: It does to me. Two, the second criteria, the fantasies, urges or behaviors that you are having have caused you a significant distress or impaired your ability to go about your daily life.
Speaker A: Right.
Speaker B: Which makes a lot of sense. Three, the object cannot be clothing that you use for cross dressing, and it cannot be a stimulation device like a vibrator. That's what it says in this article. So feeling urges to dress in women's clothes or use a vibrator does not constitute a fetish, which why would it?
Speaker A: This article seems like it was written by someone who's old.
Speaker B: It does a bit.
Speaker A: That's so ******* funny. It sounds like a really old white man doctor who's like, if you quote stress, that's fine, but if you use a vibrator, that's also fine. Like, okay, that makes sense.
Speaker B: I think basically the long and short of it is that it's a problem if it veers into it's going into your life and affecting your life. I think to me it sounds pretty simple. If it's something that's just something you do and it's kind of fun and there's no big deal, then it's okay. If it's veering into controlling your life or affecting your life or causing you or anybody else in your life distress, then you need to seek some help and could be a problem.
Speaker A: And that's it. I mean, this man who has written into us, we wish you all the best. I hope we've given you some good tips on how to arouse your lady's belly button. And she's arousing his belly button. He wants to now arouse hers.
Speaker B: Oh, I see. Yes.
Speaker A: So the best of both worlds, we hope for them.
Speaker B: To both belly buttons. To both navels.
Speaker A: We wish you well. And if you have a fetish, just look up whatever that fetish might be. You will find a community, I promise you. Yeah, I swear. Because there are not crazy people, but there are people for everything. If you look for the community, you will find it. And hopefully it's not for hurting other people, because we're not about that. But it is about just maybe you're like, hey, why do I like to be tickled on this one pot? Why do I like an elbow? Why am I obsessed with this elbow thing? Why does that turn me up? There are other people like know and you're definitely not alone in that.
Speaker B: Absolutely, definitely not alone. And I think that's very good advice, Susie, to seek out but we will link all this stuff in our blog.
Speaker A: Yes.
Speaker B: And yeah, like we said on another episode, we will talk about kinks because we need to talk about this is like a mammoth humongous topic, isn't it?
Speaker A: It truly is. Especially with fetishes. I mean, kinks, I feel like, are much more about specifically, like BDSM that's a lot of where the stuff kind.
Speaker B: Of leads into behavior.
Speaker A: Yeah, exactly. But fetishes are literally anything. So yeah, it's incredible where you can go literally anything. This mic could be like a sexual object to someone to think about it.
Speaker B: And it could well, remember what we said in our last episode. I told you about the story I heard about the guy doing it with the chair. If you like chairs. I really don't think it's a terribly good idea, but it really isn't a good idea at all. So please don't anybody do that. But there are people with a lot more out of the ordinary feelings and thoughts than we think, and we live in a society where we pretend that that's not the case.
Speaker A: Yes.
Speaker B: And then we judge people who like things that are not kind of in the box of what we've said is okay, which is just kind of nuts if you think about it.
Speaker A: It is. So let's just be open, guys. Let's be open minded. Because you never know when a fetish will actually come to you or a kink and you'll be like, oh, that sounds weird, but maybe I'll try could if your partner comes to you, you have to keep an open mind.
Speaker B: That's it. You have to keep an open mind and you have to keep communicating. Right, Susie?
Speaker A: That's right, Mel. My miscommunication.
Speaker B: Well, that's all we have for today.
Speaker A: That's lovely. Thank you so much, darling. Oh, have a wonderful rest of your vacay. I'm going to miss you so much. I know. I hate it that you're over there and I'm over here.
Speaker B: You're over there. I hate it over there.
Speaker A: Over here.
Speaker B: The technology is a wonderful thing. Well, yeah. Thanks everyone for listening. Well, we won't really see you, but we'll connect. And please remember please I can't please remember to share because like this guy who shared it's really great and we want to hear about them. And do send us your kinky stuff because we are going to talk about it.
Speaker A: You know, we love that.
Speaker B: Kinky stories, kinky, whatever we want to hear about.
Speaker A: We want it. We just want it. We want it.
Speaker B: The girl has said it.
Speaker A: Love you guys.
Speaker B: Until next time.
Speaker A: Bye. Sharing my truth pod is so excited to partner with Vibrator.com, where the A in Vibrator is the number eight. This is an extremely exclusive code where no other podcast has it. If you go to Vibrator.com right now, use the code Ms 15. That's ms 15. At Vibrator.com, you can now get 15% off anything in store that's any sex toys for you, your partner, your neighbor, your mom. We don't judge, we don't care.
Speaker B: Get it?
Speaker A: Now go to the link in our bio, put in the code and get jiggy with it.
Speaker B: Thanks so much for listening. Please rate and review this podcast and follow us on Social at sharingmytruthpod and leave us a voicemail on our sharingmytruth.com to share your stories and experiences with us. We'll see you next time.
Speaker A: Bye bye. It three, two, one. Yeah.