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Episode 16  - The truth about fantasies
Melany Krangle & Suzie Sheckter

 

Speaker A: Welcome to Sharing My Truth with Mel and Suzie, the uncensored version where we bear it all.

Speaker B: We do 1234.

Speaker A: Well, welcome back to Sharing My Truth pod. Hello, babes.

Speaker B: Hello, darling. How are you doing?

Speaker A: I am absolutely excellent. How are you?

Speaker B: Pretty good, actually.

Speaker A: Are you pretty good?

Speaker B: Yeah. It's a very British thing to say. We can never sort of give it 100%. It's pretty good. I'm doing all right. The sky is gray, that sort of thing. My balls are blue. No. Okay.

Speaker A: Well, just want to remind everyone to please rate and review this podcast. It really helps us out in the long run to make people find us and just become more of our community. And don't forget to follow us on Insta and the TikTok. And by the way, Mel, you are pretty much the TikTok queen, as we say.

Speaker B: I was a TikTok virgin. And then I joined TikTok.

Speaker A: Yes.

Speaker B: And I quite like it. I'm a little bit of a tickety docked queen.

Speaker A: I know you are.

Speaker B: And I'm a scroller and I scroll through. I get exhausted by it and so much the stuff is sort of wild, but I sort of prefer the fact it's very different to Instagram. Yeah. And it's not so posy. That's quite nice. Yeah. I mean, it is obviously all bollocks and everyone's, like, pretending to be something they're not, but sometimes it's quite good and there's like a huge variety of stuff. Like, you think it's just I suppose because I've got two teenage girls, I thought it was just teenage ****, like, ASMR eat people eat pickles and chicken and whatever. And of course I've looked at all of those, so I was like, oh, my God, there's no way I'd ever want to look at that, or whatever. But actually, I think pretty much everyone's had to join TikTok. So there's everything from every comedian, politician, podcast, like, everything's on there and yeah, I quite like it.

Speaker A: Well, I mean, we've actually gotten some pretty hilarious comments on ours, and you've been posting some really great stuff on our TikTok and a lot of them. So one of the ones that have gotten the most comments is one of our videos that's asking someone wrote in and they're like, is it okay, my man, if he doesn't want children, he got a vasectomy without telling me.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: And some of the comments are like, what's the problem? His body, his choice.

Speaker B: Yes.

Speaker A: And it's like, yeah, I do actually kind of agree with that, even though it's like, yeah, maybe it's your partner and you should be talking about this with them.

Speaker B: At the end of the day, if.

Speaker A: He doesn't want kids, that's his choice. Maybe those two were not meant to be together.

Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, it could be that. I thought it's interesting how people's views are so polarized. One woman was like, I don't even leave my house kind of thing without my husband or my partner or whatever, finding out what they're doing. So I think it's such a huge variety of comments about the subjects. And that's the thing that I think is Wild Things, I thought were just kind of like a baseline. They're not. There's no baseline. It's like all over the place about cheating. Everyone has a completely different opinion about it.

Speaker A: Completely different, 100%. I love to hear what these people have to say. Hold on, I'm just going to read it's.

Speaker B: Fascinating.

Speaker A: Yeah. Some of these comments I don't see the problem. He doesn't want kids anyways and it's his body, so we can make his own decisions about his body. This decision shouldn't need whatever her opinion. Right, yeah, because he doesn't want kids anyways and it's like, yeah, actually, should we ask man if it's his baby if we should get an abortion or not?

Speaker B: No, but I do think that's different personally.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: I do think that the thing about the vasectomy, from my personal opinion, is like, well, if you've got nothing to hide, why don't you just share it? But then on the other hand, I suppose it could be like, well, why do I need to share it? Because we've just talked about this. So I do see both points of view. But it's kind of funny that TikTok he think, is the domain of the gen Z. But actually there's all these other people on it, which is the thing that I find hilarious. So it's not just one side of the story. It's like lots of people and who say the ******* wildest things on you can find out so many things that.

Speaker A: You didn't realize you were interested in.

Speaker B: Yes, right. Absolutely.

Speaker A: And I mean, you can learn so much.

Speaker B: But also we did a post about our past episode which was about monogamy and polyamory, or as you like to put it, polyamory and monogamy. Yes, exactly. And somebody who actually said polygamy and you're like, no, polygamy. So the point is it's like, oh my God. A thing that I thought a term polyamory I thought was pretty like everyone knows what that means. You may not know what the variations of it mean, but you know, like or how different people choose to live their lives within polyamory. Yeah, but you know what? Polyamory you know that polyamory and polygamy are different, but apparently you can be on TikTok and not know that.

Speaker A: And then we teach them.

Speaker B: There you are. But there are grannies on TikTok. There are all sorts on TikTok.

Speaker A: There's all sorts.

Speaker B: I'm positively young.

Speaker A: So this is what we're saying.

Speaker B: Okay.

Speaker A: This is kind of bringing us into our topic today.

Speaker B: It is.

Speaker A: Which is we're going to be talking about fantasies and most in the realm of sexual fantasies, obviously, and I mean on the way of like, social media. And it's kind of you find out things you were interested in, you didn't realize it. You know what I mean?

Speaker B: Yeah, I think just like the way.

Speaker A: That I scroll ****, I'm like, oh, that could be interesting.

Speaker B: Yeah, okay.

Speaker A: That could be something to try.

Speaker B: Yeah. Knitting, Susie.

Speaker A: Knitting while you're getting did you say backed up? Yeah, knitting. There's everything on pornhub.

Speaker B: Knitting while you are. Okay.

Speaker A: Getting doggied.

Speaker B: Wow. Yeah. Have you ever tried to knit? It's really boring.

Speaker A: It's really well, that's what I'm saying. Maybe you'll enjoy it more noggied. While you're doing it.

Speaker B: No, I'll never enjoy knitting it's. Absolutely.

Speaker A: You're never going to make me a sweater. No, but you'll get one for Christmas.

Speaker B: You'll never get me or a meal, I'm afraid. A piece of toast cheese and crackers, nice cup of tea, lovely glass of wine. You're never getting any actual substantial food. Or a sweater. I'll buy you a sweater. Not missing you a sweater. Fine.

Speaker A: But I'll go into my fantasies.

Speaker B: Okay.

Speaker A: It's going to go into my fantasies of Mel making me a full meal.

Speaker B: Wow. So that will definitely stay in the realm of fantasy. My husband's fantasizing about that. That is it's never going to happen.

Speaker A: Oh man. So I want to know, Mel, do you have any fantasies that you want to share with us?

Speaker B: That's a good question.

Speaker A: Do you not think about it? I'm sure you do.

Speaker B: You don't have to say I can't think of actually anything specific I want to say.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: I'm not trying to be cagey. Obviously everyone has them, but I do feel that is this a thing? Like, people have fantasies and then they sort of forget about them?

Speaker A: Yeah, of course. I mean, things bring up things and then you're like, oh yeah.

Speaker B: And then you sort of I mean, in terms of like, how many fantasies you have a day. Yeah, I don't.

Speaker A: Not really.

Speaker B: I'm trying to scratch scroll your brain.

Speaker A: TikTok queen. Scroll your brain.

Speaker B: And I can't think of it which.

Speaker A: Oh my God, I have so many fantasies.

Speaker B: You have.

Speaker A: Unbelievable.

Speaker B: This is not hard to believe.

Speaker A: I spend a day thinking about sex.

Speaker B: Really?

Speaker A: Like, it's probably a problem. Not a problem.

Speaker B: How much of a percentage of the day would you say?

Speaker A: At least half the day.

Speaker B: Wow.

Speaker A: Because if I see a man or a woman that I might I find attractive, I'm going to think about ******* them.

Speaker B: Really?

Speaker A: I'm not going to do anything about it, but they're going to go into my little bank in my brain and being like, wow, that person was cute.

Speaker B: Right? So you completely crack the theory that men have more fantasies than women.

Speaker A: 100%. I think that's absolutely, if I may use a term of yours, bolics.

Speaker B: Very good.

Speaker A: Thank you. Yeah, no, women have, I believe, just as many, maybe more because we're more imaginative. Honestly, I might get some hate on that, but I do believe women are more a bit more creative, a bit more imaginative, especially with their fantasies than men.

Speaker B: I think it's just like the nature of what you're fantasizing about. Maybe it's just a little bit more PG than what a man's fantasying about. I don't think so.

Speaker A: I think women are dirty, dirty *******.

Speaker B: Yeah, maybe you're right.

Speaker A: And Mel, I know you don't want to say, but I bet you got some nasty girl fantasies. Yeah, I think you do. And you don't have to say them, it's okay, we'll keep them in the bedroom. But yeah, I think everything is okay. I think the most I mean, as.

Speaker B: Long as it's fancy and well, exactly. Look, there are some very strange people out there.

Speaker A: Yes, there are.

Speaker B: I do think most people have. And there are statistics about what the sort of general genre of fantasy is. And I think it's pretty standard. People fantasizing about having sex with the opposite sex if they don't, or threesomes, or being tied up or having sex in a field or whatever the hell they're doing. Whatever. Absolutely. All those things that they may or may not do. But then there's some really ******* weird creepy **** that I don't even really want to think about.

Speaker A: No, we won't, because you can't. How are we supposed to think we're not crazy? People around mel right. People think of the most crazy ****. And as long as we're not hurting people in real life by like absolutely. Putting that to reality fantasy yeah, the.

Speaker B: Realm of the fantasy.

Speaker A: It's incredible. I mean, like mel yeah, because we were talking briefly together and I'm playing footsie with you now. We were talking briefly before about what? Is it micro? Cheating.

Speaker B: Yes.

Speaker A: And microcheating. I don't know. I don't know if it's an actual thing, but is it microchipping?

Speaker B: Google, therefore it's real.

Speaker A: It's an urban dictionary. So it's a thing. Microcheating. Is it microcheating if you are fantasizing with someone else? Is that microcheating? No, it's just acting on the microcheating.

Speaker B: Yeah. It's all about intent, isn't it?

Speaker A: It is.

Speaker B: It's like anything you do in your life, if there is intent behind what you're doing, you know, you're talking to this person online or whatever because you like the way they talk to you. And perhaps while you're talking, you're fantasizing about your relationship. That's a different thing. But fantasizing about other people, I think that's fairly normal. I think most people have done that. That's different. So microfanticizing, is that a thing? Well, no.

Speaker A: Macro fantasizing. That's the only thing I want to do.

Speaker B: Macro fantasy. What is that analogy?

Speaker A: Maybe.

Speaker B: Wow.

Speaker A: A macro a macro fantasy.

Speaker B: Yeah, a macro fantasy.

Speaker A: Absolutely.

Speaker B: That sounds like it's a thing. I'm not sure what it is.

Speaker A: No, we're going to make it a.

Speaker B: Thing, though, I think. Mel well, you can by all means, off you go. Make it a thing.

Speaker A: Who wants to be my fantasy orgy?

Speaker B: Yeah, well, you never know. Dream of Weirdos is going to answer that. That's true. But I think the main thing is that fantasies are completely normal. It's completely normal human thing. Male, female, whatever gender. It's completely normal. It's part of life.

Speaker A: Everyone has fantasies.

Speaker B: Yeah. I think there's also I did read somewhere about what you're dreaming about, as in when you're asleep and obviously you don't remember that. Right. Or fantasies during the day. They're different. Yeah. But that's interesting that you say you spend a lot 50% of your day so much sizing. Is that when you're bored?

Speaker A: No, it just comes in it just comes into my brain.

Speaker B: Just pops into your brain? Yeah, it's ****** up.

Speaker A: My brain is ******. I don't think that's ****** because no, it's not ******. I'm just like you're a very I can't help it. I can't literally cannot help I'm also just very visual person.

Speaker B: Yeah. I don't think that's weird at all. No, it's a lot of time. Yeah.

Speaker A: I mean, I'm probably exaggerating, but isn't it exhausting? I'm exhausted. This is why I sleep so much.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: I'm thinking about too many things.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: But yeah, I mean, if I do see someone, then I'm like or I.

Speaker B: Very rarely see anybody. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I just feel like it's a rare thing. I see a lot of creepy people and maybe that's because of my age. The people that come up to me and chat me up and you're like, run for the hills.

Speaker A: Well, this is something we also talk about. We spoke about briefly on our social media was we asked what did you ask? You were like, would you rather oh, yes.

Speaker B: Would you rather spend another ten years with your partner that you're with right now or sleep with your celebrity crush? And I think a lot of people would go for the second one.

Speaker A: Well, I mean, like if it's a fantasy of yours to do this but.

Speaker B: That'S it, then it's done. You can't go back celebrity I don't know. I'm not sure that I can't think I've thought about that. Really. I mean it's like what's the point? Yeah.

Speaker A: Is there potential to have a relationship with them after zero potential?

Speaker B: I think the thing about fantasies though is I think in the last however many years, I think it's fairly recent that people are taught normalizing. It I think certainly when I was younger, before that, I think it was like, oh no, hush. That's something like people don't do, which is completely ridiculous because of course it's something. And even in my facts later, I will tell you there is a link, especially in women, between their hormones and fantasizing. Like when their menstrual start when they're ovulating and stuff like that, that they sort of fantasize it's biological, in other words.

Speaker A: Well, what's amazing about which makes sense.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: What's amazing about our brains, you're horne.

Speaker B: Air at different points for obvious reasons. Yeah. I mean, like which means your brain wonders.

Speaker A: Yes, exactly. And like when you're you can literally there's there's abilities. I haven't figured this out yet, but there's abilities to train your brain to make yourself come by not even touching yourself. Right? Like, in the way of, like, tantric sex and meditation and all these things completely connected to your body and your brain. You can literally have an orgasm just by fantasizing not just not touching yourself. That's incredible. That's what your brain can do.

Speaker B: Wow.

Speaker A: You know?

Speaker B: Yeah. That's a lot like if while you're awake, of course. Yeah.

Speaker A: Not while you dream. Not like having a wet dream, but like, literally, literally being able to just have a fantasy or like just getting really in touch with it, doing the breath work and coming.

Speaker B: You just sort of think, what's the point of that, though?

Speaker A: It's like a challenge. It's like a mental, sexual, mental challenge.

Speaker B: Challenge. Sounds utterly exhausting. Can't be asked.

Speaker A: That's so funny. Well, it's just like meditating. Meditating is like an exhausting but I've.

Speaker B: Never been a big one for meditating.

Speaker A: That does not surprise me.

Speaker B: It's so like, if anybody who knows me, they're like, yeah, she doesn't meditate. I can't even stand yoga. I just find the whole thing really annoying.

Speaker A: Well, you're go, go, baby, let's get on with it. This is all very boring, and there's nothing wrong with that. I think it's just like meditating. It's just like when you can get good at it.

Speaker B: Oh, no, it's good. I think it's good. I think people should do it. And it's on all the sort of gurus and the people, blah, blah, blah. I just personally am never going to be able to do it.

Speaker A: What about, like, tantric sex?

Speaker B: Tantric sex? Yeah. That's what Sting did, didn't he?

Speaker A: I don't know.

Speaker B: Is that like when you have eight hour sex sessions?

Speaker A: I don't think that tantric just what it is. I'm sure that's a part of it, but I think I mean, tantric sets that's that's a huge fantasy of, I think, a lot of women's and that emotional connection, trying to get the like trying to get completely into your body and just, like, doing everything to make yourself come.

Speaker B: Yeah. And I think that's probably very hard for most people. And a lot of women want to get to it.

Speaker A: Like ma'am. Ma'am.

Speaker B: Bam.

Speaker A: Thank you, ma'am.

Speaker B: Get to the point. Come on, get on with it. No, I'm not like that at all. That's terrible. That would be awful. Like, if you sort of said, there's a scene in Sex in the City from years ago when can't remember which character sort of says, do you remember that? Then she says, what's, the one who has his red hair? Ginger.

Speaker A: Yeah, as we call you can call gingers ginger.

Speaker B: It's not a nice thing in England.

Speaker A: Oh, it's not?

Speaker B: No.

Speaker A: Well, you can call me a ginger and I'll ******* care.

Speaker B: I wouldn't say you're ginger, but anyway, you're more open. But anyway say it dirty. She says that? Yes, we are coming off the topic of fantasies, which she miranda?

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: She says they're all like having their brunch that they do. And she says, oh, yeah, I told him the other day. I'll just get on with it. And they all go and it is like the worst possible horrible thing you can say, particularly to a man. I mean, talk about it going floppy.

Speaker A: Well, we were also talking about this on our social bit, being like do you fake an orgasm?

Speaker B: Yes.

Speaker A: Sometimes you kind of have to to get on with it?

Speaker B: To get on with your day.

Speaker A: You don't exactly. You don't.

Speaker B: To move on with your fantasies. To get back to all those fantasies.

Speaker A: Exactly.

Speaker B: It's not happening. Chop chop, let's move. Chop chop. Let's move on.

Speaker A: It's just a nicer way of saying chop top.

Speaker B: Yes, it is. And I think also sometimes you might do it or one might have done it in one's past to not hurt the other person's feelings. What you're saying? Yeah.

Speaker A: So what if you have a partner who is not into the same fantasies that you are?

Speaker B: That's a very good question.

Speaker A: If you really want to be completely open and honest and all these boring ******* things about relationship communication.

Speaker B: Communication.

Speaker A: But what if you're like, okay, I want to tell my partner this. And you do. And then they're like, that is ******* weird. And I think I'm never doing that with you. We're broking up. Well, I think maybe not that extreme.

Speaker B: But be with that person. Yeah. I mean, I do think sometimes it can take a while, like somebody's into something and it can take a while to communicate. I think there are certain things that for some people are a hard, fast no. And you have to make that clear. You have to make clear what your boundaries are. I do think during the course of a relationship, your boundaries will shift as you kind of evolve, the other person evolves and that's fine, but you have to communicate that. But if you do have a fantasy and you must think it's a bit weird if you're worried about telling your partner, but I think it depends on the level of your relationship. I mean, if you have a great relationship where you communicate, I don't think it should be an issue and you could have a laugh about it. And I think things like that, you should have a laugh and it should be a bit funny because it's not serious. It's just fun. And sex at the end of the day is meant to be fun.

Speaker A: So true.

Speaker B: It's not meant to be this Arduous thing. We're all performing all the time. It's meant to be fun. It's meant to be relaxing. It's meant to feel good. Feel good. Don't know what I'm saying today. Feel good? Yes.

Speaker A: I would hope so.

Speaker B: No, it sounded weird. And I think that if you can't share a fantasy unless it's super weird, maybe well, what's creepy and you're in the realm of creepy. Like, let's say, I don't know, you're into peeing or ******** on somebody.

Speaker A: Hey, we're not into kink shaming here.

Speaker B: I do think I might go, that's not for me. That's not for me. No, I completely agree. If you're both into whatever you're into and you're both into it, that's completely fine. You do whatever you want to do. But if it's like completely off the charts to what you were doing before, it's like, it's a bit like our last episode when we were talking about one of our previous episodes when we were talking about your sexuality changing. It's very confusing because if you were like, oh, no, I think like this, and then all of a sudden you're like, I was married to a man. Oh, no, now I like this woman. It's all very confusing. If you have fantasies and you communicate with your partner and normally it's about, let's say, being tied up or whatever, and then all of a sudden you're, no, I want to have an orgy with a GIMP mask on in a sex show in Berlin.

Speaker A: Yeah, that was specific.

Speaker B: Wow.

Speaker A: Mel, is that your fantasy role then?

Speaker B: It's like, wow, where did that come from if you've never talked about it? I think it can be pretty like I've said that before about communicating. If you don't communicate and you don't talk and then all of a sudden you decide, right, I'm going to tell the person that your partner, I'm bisexual or I'm bicurious, or I have these fantasies about this, and they're like, what the hell? And it's 510 years into it, and they're like, Where's that come from? Or I fantasize about men. If it's a man or whatever it is, then it's a bit like out of left field. Whereas if you talk openly and you kind of laugh about stuff, then I think it's fine. Yeah.

Speaker A: I will say though, like, some people are just vanilla in bed and that's.

Speaker B: How beige apparently is the term.

Speaker A: Oh, is beige now? The term?

Speaker B: A sex pert wants to tell me that.

Speaker A: Wow, well, people are beige, they're vanilla, they're a little bit boring, if you want to say, and that's what they like it and that's all they want. Maybe they fantasize, but it's not as crazy as you want it and they don't have to deal with your fantasies. That is something that you might have to deal with. You're on your own, but you also might just not be compatible.

Speaker B: Do you mean one person's beige?

Speaker A: Yes, exactly. I'm not saying if two beige people get together, I'm sure that's great. But if you are a very openly sexual person with a lot of fantasies or whatever, and you're about you're going to have sex with a vanilla person and you're going to tell them about your fantasies, they're going to be like, I don't want to do any of that. And that's totally okay.

Speaker B: You're going to come to a beige person?

Speaker A: I don't know. People are drawn to the opposites opposites track all the time. That's true, but I have no idea if it would actually but being beige.

Speaker B: Just as a digression from yes. Years ago, one of my friends, I was at a dinner party, and one of her friends is a sex bird.

Speaker A: Oh, my God. Yes.

Speaker B: And she was pretty amazing, actually. We had a conversation. I think she used the term pretty sure it was beige about people. And I was like, wow. I'm not beige. But she said the beige was literally very standard, like missionary, and also maybe not into oral. And you would be surprised the amount of people who are beige who you didn't think were beige.

Speaker A: I absolutely agree with that.

Speaker B: And you're like what? And they'll say about something, you're like, what do you mean? OOH about? I mean, I know friends who have issues with blow jobs. I'm like, what do you mean you have an issue with blow job? How is that even possible, to have a sexual relationship and be married and not have oral sex? The woman and the man?

Speaker A: I just don't I don't understand.

Speaker B: I'm not even sure I understand that. But people do get sort of things in their head, and I do think it depends on the relationship and lots of things sort of going back to the fantasy thing, I do think it's also okay for you to keep things to yourself if you feel that's just mine. That's a fantasy, and I don't want to bring it into the real life. Into real life. And I'm not talking about, shall we say, elaborate, interesting, diverse fantasy. I'm just talking whatever it is, and you don't want to discuss that. I also think that's fine, 100%.

Speaker A: And honestly, if you do want to talk about with your partner, if you feel comfortable enough to do that, and if your partner maybe is a little bit more vanilla than you or beige, as we say, but maybe it's okay for them to kind of get out of their shell as well. Maybe you're a vanilla person and you want to try something new. Yeah, I think that's great. I think you actually don't know what you like until you try it.

Speaker B: I 100% agree with that. But I also think it's about confidence. And generally in a relationship, one person has more confidence, and it's not just about being sexually confident. It's about being confident in yourself, kind of naked. And some people have more probably in most relationships, have more confidence than the other person. And so you kind of get to a point where you're both very comfortable, and then you grow in confidence. The person who wasn't confident grows in confidence. So I do think it is important to kind of share, generally, because I think the other person you never really know somebody unless you share some of your sort of fantasies. But on the flip side of that, what I am saying is it's still okay to not share if you don't want to, or you think, oh, this is my thing and that's fine.

Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. I absolutely agree with that. Because honestly, as someone who has quite a few fantasies, like ten a day, I don't know, that's enough on my ***. But yeah, as someone who has maybe just a lot more fantasies than the regular person, I'm going to bore someone to death with all those, you know what I mean? I don't think anyone wants to know all of them. That is a lot I don't want to share them. Well, yeah, it's also just like it's a very personal thing. You don't have to share everything that's going on in your head all the time.

Speaker B: I think if you think anybody that you're with as a human being that you know exactly what's going on in their head, then, yeah, that's not happening. That doesn't happen. And I also think you may not kind of remember it fully, 100% clearly. Absolutely. I think the generic fantasies that might be fun to share together and either you laugh about it or it's sexy, or you want to bring it into some kind of part of what you do. I think that's the thing. And I think, again, I bring back this point of sex is meant to be fun. It's not meant to be this arduous task on your to do list to tick off. It's meant to be fun. It's meant to be relaxing. You're meant to be able to laugh and communicate together and have and again, I'm going to say it again, have some fun. It's not meant to be some giant performance that somebody's being graded on at the end of it. So all in the name. That's your fantasy. Well, that's true, sort of.

Speaker A: A lot of people are into that schoolgirl. Okay, Mellis, let's get to the facts.

Speaker B: Okay.

Speaker A: Let's get to the real facts here.

Speaker B: Let me get to my facts.

Speaker A: Facts about fantasies.

Speaker B: Right. So in a study, and this is a 2012 study, so it's an older study and it's from people have become.

Speaker A: A lot more actual, but these are.

Speaker B: Sort of, I think, facts. I'm not sure how much you can argue this stuff, biological stuff. Right. So this is from a site called My Hormonology. I can't even say it, but anyway, I'll link it in the blog. So the first thing from this study is that as we said before, that we think that men have way more sexual fantasies than women. That is not the case, as we know, but this study said that men on average have one a day and women have zero point 77 per day.

Speaker A: I know men only have one fantasy a day.

Speaker B: It does sounded like, oh my God.

Speaker A: Who'S doing the study? I think it sounds no ******* way.

Speaker B: But anyway, that's what the study I didn't. Say this. The study said this. I think this is the more interesting thing, that for women during Ovulation, you have more sexual fantasies due to a spike in libido from rising testosterone.

Speaker A: That's amazing.

Speaker B: Which I think is very interesting. What's more, the study says these fantasies are far more arousing thanks to the same hormone. So blah, blah, blah. What am I saying now? Well, there was also, according to this study, in the first half of your cycle, as your estrogen estrogen, estrogen sound getting mixed up, rises, your fantasies focus more on the physical attributes of your fantasy partner.

Speaker A: Right. Like his body or their body. Sexy.

Speaker B: But once Ovulation arrives, your fantasies focus more on emotions.

Speaker A: Like you're like, I want to have a baby with you.

Speaker B: Yeah. Because women do statistically have more romantic fantasies. So they're not just about sex. They're like right.

Speaker A: They're like dinner and they're wedding.

Speaker B: Okay. That's where Susie may differ in this study. She would have been an interesting sample. Yeah.

Speaker A: It would have been terrifying for the scientists.

Speaker B: And then during Ovulation, you tend to have more cast members. This is that's how I love that. That's why this this article put it in your fantasies. And that fit. Yeah. Base and bait. So basically that you you even if you are, let's say, even if you're gay, you might have a fancy about being heterosexual. If you're heterosexual, you might have a fantasy about and it doesn't make you gay or it doesn't make no, it's just a fantasy.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: And again, and I have to say, I think for men, that is completely terrifying and they're never going to admit it, but I would like to say to all the men out there who are heterosexual and they're heterosexual and they're man limit. Exactly. And if they have a fancy about a man, it will scare the living **** out of them. But I would like you to know it's completely normal. It does not make me gay, Mal. And I know it's a terrifying thing, but it doesn't make you gay.

Speaker A: I don't know.

Speaker B: I like curiosity in your brain.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: And it doesn't mean anything. It's a fantasy, so stop getting so wound up about it.

Speaker A: And also, like, love is love, guys, if you want you want to suck a ****, I think you should try it.

Speaker B: Okay, Susie, very helpful. You're welcome. But now I've completely lost where I am. So this is another study, healthline.com. Yes. Well, they just said that it's completely normal. Everyone has sexual fantasies, the entire human race, which I think is a bit of a sweeping statement because they don't know that. However, this is an interesting fact, that men are more likely than other genders to have multi partner or taboo fantasies. Yeah. And women are more likely to have BDSM or romance fantasies. So that's a big departure. BDSM and romance BSM can be romantic. No, I'm not saying they can't, but I'm just saying BDSM or romance and have them more frequently than other genders. Yeah. So, anyway, those are my facts. I will link them all in the blog, as usual. But I don't know, I think most people would be surprised. I think the most important thing I would say about fantasies is most people, if they have fantasies that they don't believe are in the realm of what they should be thinking about, it freaks them out. And they worry and they talk to themselves about it. Like, I was just talking about men. If you're a heterosexual man and you have to have a fantasy about having sex with another man, it freaks you out, it worries you. Please don't. It is a fantasy. It doesn't mean anything. And it could be, you know, it's like you're thinking about this and your mind wanders to that. It doesn't mean anything. Just Relaxio.

Speaker A: What was interesting, I feel like it's like a lot of these fantasies, actually, they stem from somewhere, of course, in your past, in your life.

Speaker B: Yeah. Or they can stem from something you're doing or something you doesn't mean, like.

Speaker A: You want to have these sexual encounters.

Speaker B: But it doesn't mean that you want to bring them into the realm of your life. No. Or your lifestyle.

Speaker A: No.

Speaker B: So it can mean that you do. I think it can mean one or the other, but it doesn't mean that you have to. And I do think for women, it's socially far more acceptable to kind of admit or to have fantasies about same sex relationships or whatever. For men, it's still a massive taboo and it's a huge I mean, if a man admitted to one of his mates that, yeah, he'd had a fantasy, I mean, he would just be ripped to shreds.

Speaker A: Or maybe all the guys were like, oh, my God, same bro.

Speaker B: Maybe we should make out. Yeah, but I don't think that would happen. I mean, maybe try, but that's all I have to say on that.

Speaker A: Susie okay, well, we're going to talk about the seven most common sexual fantasies.

Speaker B: Let's see if I think that there's something I haven't thought about.

Speaker A: Okay, I like this game. Okay, so the first one is multi partner sex. So obviously, like threesomes orgies sex parties.

Speaker B: Gang bangs.

Speaker A: Gang bangs. Mel's face.

Speaker B: I hate that word.

Speaker A: It's a bad word, but it's a horrible word.

Speaker B: Is it?

Speaker A: Know what my thoughts are? Okay. Just kidding. Okay, so power control or rough sex fantasy? Yes.

Speaker B: I think that's a big one, particularly for women.

Speaker A: That's what I was going to say. I think a lot of women want to be because we have to be. So women have to be dominant now in the world. Feminism is a thing. It's a real thing. We're all trying to get what we need to be without a man. Sometimes we want to be dominated.

Speaker B: Yeah. I think it's the same for men, of men who have to be very in control in their life and they do everything. And in their private life or in their fantasy, they don't want to have to take control because it's exhausting. And I think there's a huge element of that.

Speaker A: 100%. Okay. The next one is novelty, adventure and variety fantasies.

Speaker B: Sort of like I said in running through a field and then suddenly going, oh yes, let's yes. You get in the unicorn and flower.

Speaker A: Oh, Jesus Christ.

Speaker B: It's wonderful. And then you run off back to your picnic.

Speaker A: That's so funny.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: I think there's ways that you can.

Speaker B: I just like to say that sort of thing never ends well. But anyway what doesn't end well? Because I'm thinking about this hilarious this comedian on British TV who was telling a story of that and he didn't end well. Wait, didn't end well?

Speaker A: What didn't end well?

Speaker B: So he was getting together with this girl and they were in this field or garden oh, you're talking about outdoor sex. And they're having a picnic. It's going so well. And they get into the mood and they start having sex and she's wearing this long floaty dress and she's on top of him and it's amazing. And he thinks, my God, this is so magical. And then his grandpa turns up and this girl is sitting astraddle astride him with her dress, covering the bits that you need to cover and of course he's an old grandpa and well, I.

Speaker A: Mean, doesn't know what's going on.

Speaker B: No. And he starts chatting to her no. While he is inside her. No. And she's like and they have like a 15 minutes conversation, so that's when and they can't do anything, they can't move. And the grandpa thinks they're being really rude because she's just sitting on top of him and he's on the ground.

Speaker A: What is his grandpa doing?

Speaker B: But I'm sure people have real stories like that and we want to hear them.

Speaker A: Yeah. Please tell us about them. That's so funny. That's hilarious. But yeah. So another fantasy non monogamy.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: And that could be ethical non monogamy.

Speaker B: Or it could just be this is a standard one.

Speaker A: Yeah. And obviously we talked about it. It's not cheating on your partner to have fantasy.

Speaker B: No. Because it's in your head. You can't cheat on yourself 100%.

Speaker A: And there's a part of this with men, right. Cuckolding is a big fantasy, I find, for men too. It is a big one, which is so interesting to me. It is interesting because they want to see their girl get ****** yeah. By another guy. Whether that's someone he knows or doesn't know, I know. And I think that's actually a super, super common one.

Speaker B: I think it's very common.

Speaker A: Right?

Speaker B: Yeah. I don't know. It's interesting.

Speaker A: And that brings us to taboo friend forbidden sex. So, like stepdaddies.

Speaker B: Oh God.

Speaker A: Milks, you know?

Speaker B: Well, milks not that bad. Well, it depends who the milk?

Speaker A: Well, like yeah, but yeah, exactly.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: Let's say, like, your dad's friend's mother's. Godbrother, yeah.

Speaker B: As long as you're not related.

Speaker A: No, of course not.

Speaker B: God. Oh, God. Now we're getting to the creepy.

Speaker A: I know. Hold on. Do we have any good other good ones? So that's about it. I mean, there's all these good ones, or there's, like, the really erotic ones, like the tantric ones, and then there's romantic ones.

Speaker B: I don't know any of this is but it's nothing new.

Speaker A: Exactly. That's what we're saying. Sometimes you should talk about it with other people and talk about it with people you trust, too.

Speaker B: It sure.

Speaker A: If you don't want to keep it inside your head, talk about it with someone you trust. Maybe you don't want to talk about with your partner, but you want to talk about it with your best friend.

Speaker B: Yeah, quite. If you have a girlfriend and, like, keep it light, it's funny.

Speaker A: It is funny because we're all happy.

Speaker B: Have that kind of relationship with the girlfriend. And most of us well, some of us do, some of us don't. But you can keep it light and funny. And you want to do it. You want to talk about it. I think it's funny.

Speaker A: I think it's amazing. Maybe you just want to lick someone's feet and you want to talk to people about it's.

Speaker B: Another huge thing. Feet.

Speaker A: It's crazy.

Speaker B: It's a big thing, which is interesting, isn't it?

Speaker A: I've always wanted to go on feet, finder feet.

Speaker B: Oh, my God. Is that it's? Actual thing isn't actually a thing.

Speaker A: Yeah, it's actually a thing.

Speaker B: Wow.

Speaker A: That's where the feet people find their feet.

Speaker B: I mean, you can sell anything these days. You can sell used underwear. You can sell your pee, apparently. No, there are men who buy women's pee.

Speaker A: No, please know.

Speaker B: Please know. I mean, I have to say, I heard this in another podcast, so I won't name that podcast, but yeah, they sell pee, and in Japan, they have vending machines with used underwear.

Speaker A: No, they ******* don't.

Speaker B: I mean, how does one quality check this exactly. Yeah, but used underwear is a thing men who that used to be like the sort of peeping tom who nick the knickers off the washing line. Do you know what I'm saying? And I'm talking about that.

Speaker A: No, that was absolutely gibberish to me.

Speaker B: Nick the knickers off the washing line. So I'm not sure why they'd want them, but maybe that's a fancy thing. Want somebody's knickers who are not knickers of a person. They could have I mean, we just.

Speaker A: Had a podcast about this, babe voyeurism.

Speaker B: Yeah. Nick the knickers. Nickers highly illegal peep and Tom. Don't be doing that.

Speaker A: Oh, my God. That's hilarious, though. I mean, you can't be everything all at once, but you can just fantasize about it.

Speaker B: You can.

Speaker A: And that's the beauty of it. You can actually just go into your little brain and see what you like and see what you don't like also.

Speaker B: Yeah, for sure. Well, it's entertainment, isn't it? It is.

Speaker A: It's your own entertainment.

Speaker B: That's what it's meant to be. Taintament and entertainment. That was beautiful, Mel. Well, this was an interesting chat. Have we learned anything?

Speaker A: Maybe?

Speaker B: I think we did.

Speaker A: I think we did.

Speaker B: I learned a bit about the hormonal thing. I mean, I think that makes sense, but I think we learned something. And I would like to say yes if we are pushing the needle. That's a good one, isn't it? Very good on the shame dial. So I stop feeling shame. I think that's a good thing.

Speaker A: 100% guys, don't feel shame about your fantasies. We're all doing it.

Speaker B: Everyone's doing it. So if you think you're thinking something, look at the next person. They're probably thinking something. Yeah.

Speaker A: And you can talk to someone about it. Don't talk to a stranger on the bus about it.

Speaker B: That's not what I'd be a little bit careful who you chat with. Remember the story about the grandpa, but just be a little careful who you share with. I'm all for sharing.

Speaker A: Share with us, though.

Speaker B: Yeah. We're with a non judgment zone.

Speaker A: That's right. And you can share with us anytime at Sharing My Truth Pod on any of our socials TikTok. Instagram, Facebook, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, YouTube, whatever you want.

Speaker B: And you want to send us a story, send us a story. You can DM us, you can email us, leave us a voicemail, which people do, which is great. And you don't obviously have to leave your name. It's all on our website. Sharamatruth.com and follow. We want to build this community. It's amazing. And it's so amazing hearing stories. Yes.

Speaker A: And thank you guys so much for being a part of this. And I think that's all for us this week, darling.

Speaker B: That's all for this week.

Speaker A: I'm going to fantasize about this now.

Speaker B: Oh, yeah, I am. Wow.

Speaker A: Okay, let you guys think about that one.

Speaker B: You think on. Speak soon.

Speaker A: Oh, love you, babes. Have a great have a great way.

Speaker B: Bye. Thanks so much for listening. Please rate and review this podcast and follow us on social at Sharing My Truth Pod and leave us a voicemail on our sharingmytruth.com to share your stories and experiences with us. We'll see you next time.

Speaker A: Bye bye. Three, two, one.

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