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Episode 68  -  Would You Rather: Single at 50 or Toxic Marriage?
Melany Krangle & Suzie Sheckter

Suzie: Welcome to sharing my truth with Mel and Suzie, the uncensored version where we bear it all.

Mel: We do 1234.

Suzie: And welcome back to sharing my truth podcast. And you're here with Mel and Susie. And we're here to give you a cute little friendly reminder to rate this podcast five stars. Subscribe and leave us a nice review. Maybe it's a little sexy, maybe it's a little dirty, but not a mean one, okay. Because we love you and we just want to be loved back. Hi, babes.

Mel: Hello, Dunn. That was good. I like that.

Suzie: Okay, good. Yeah.

Mel: Write a nice review, and it can be sexy. A little naughty, but don't be mean.

Suzie: That's it. I don't think we've got a mean review yet, but I'm just trying to not put it in there.

Mel: Yeah, I think that's good.

Suzie: Trying to prompt people to be like, hey, these girls. These chicks are pretty cool.

Mel: Chicks. It's a long time since somebody called me a chick.

Suzie: Chicks are pretty rad.

Mel: Wow.

Suzie: You know?

Mel: Yeah. Groovy.

Suzie: Isn't that what they said in your generation?

Mel: Holy ****. I wasn't born in 1950. Oh, **** me. So what did they say? Um, don't know. What did we say? What did you say? Sick. No, that's our generation. That's modern. That's actually hard to get your head around. Sick. Sick. Yeah, I don't like it.

Suzie: It's just like skateboard talk. It's so sick, bro.

Mel: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Suzie: All right, well, we have a fun little episode. We have a would you rather episode, which is actually kind of fun. And, I mean, there's been some changes happening with. Not us domain Mel are never gonna change, obviously. We've grown too much.

Mel: We're still best buds, and my life is the same.

Suzie: Her life is the same. The same.

Mel: But in a good way. Oh, yes. In a very good way.

Suzie: In the best ways, yes. But no. I've had some changes recently in my relationship status, and, you know, it's. It's tough. And, I mean, if you've been listening to this pod for a bit, you know, you know, I've been seeing the same person for a little while, and I didn't. I didn't know. Like, you don't know what you don't know? That sounds so ******* stupid. It's hard to put into words right now exactly how I feel and exactly what actually happened. And I obviously won't talk about what actually happened because that's very personal. And I don't want to bring anything up with him or anything like that I would never do that. But, God, it's just like, when you break up with someone, where does this love you're holding on to go?

Mel: Yeah. And, like, a question.

Suzie: It's crazy. Like, I mean, I know you've been with Max for ever, ever. It feels like it. But did you ever have, like, a little, like, a breakup of, like, a year or two before him or. No.

Mel: Um, a serious breakup with somebody else? Yeah, I mean, I guess so. One boyfriend before him, and I live with him. I was quite young living with a boyfriend, like, 19. The first person I lived with, I was 19, which in those days was quite young. Right, yeah. And, like, a serious boyfriend, but, yeah. I think the thing that's always weird about it is even if you know deep down inside that this isn't right, it's just so odd that you spend a lot of time with somebody and you see them all the time, and I live with them, and then all of a sudden, you never see him. And I actually broke up with this guy, and I've never seen him ever again. We sort of broke up, and we got back together again. Broke up, and I didn't see him, and I was, I don't know, 23, 20 something. And that's quite strange, but I think that's probably the hardest thing, is your. You're sort of grieving a passage of your life, even though you may know it's right thing to do to move on. Yeah.

Suzie: And, like, that's, I think, exactly what I'm dealing with right now. It's like, it's. And I have dealt with grief recently in my life, with the actual passing of a family member, and that was really tough. And it's crazy how much of the same feelings that come up from this.

Mel: Yeah, I don't want to, like, break.

Suzie: My voice right now, but, like, you know, it is really crazy. Like, I. And I haven't had a huge breakup like this. Like, the last guy I dated before my now ex boyfriend, which is crazy to say. You know, we went out for, like, three months. Like, I've never had a long term relationship like this. And the fact that I had no idea what to expect when you make a decision like this. And thank God it was very amicable, and he's still super great guy, and I would never think otherwise. It's crazy.

Mel: You're just going in different directions.

Suzie: That's all it is. And I think that's why a lot of relationships fail. I was talking to a friend today, and I had just told him. Cause he's also friends with my ex now and I broke the news and he was like, it's just so funny because. Not funny, but funny because funny, weird, funny, weird. Exactly. Because I know five other couples who've.

Mel: Just broken up sort of in their thirties, late twenties.

Suzie: Like same ages. Yeah. Just not married, obviously, just like, were dating for a long or, like pretty long time and just broke up and, like, have been going their separate ways. And, like, it's like, what is in the air right now? And are our listeners feeling this way, too? Like, did you guys just have a breakup? Like, what is going on? Is it because mercury is in retrograde? Like, what is happening?

Mel: Well, I think there's a couple of things. I think obviously the age you're getting to an age where you're. You're not 22, 20, you're. You're still very young, but you're like, ****, actually, do I want to be in this relationship? I don't dislike this person. But it's not, you know, it's such a moonbeams and feeling, you know, and you sort of think isn't. And I think a lot of people obviously get to a point where you're you and you're still very young. Like, is this. It isn't. You want something else.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And I think. And you're young, so you should be going off and doing whatever you want to do. And it's not. It's not you as individuals, it's just you together for whatever reason. I think there's also another thing that because of COVID and I know this is really annoying, I'm going to talk about COVID but I think especially here in Canada and in Ontario, it took two years of people's life away, essentially. And I think that if you're living together and there's some practicalities, you know, people, you're working long hours, you live together. You know, it's like time passes and then COVID, people kind of maybe stay together when they shouldn't because we're exactly where you're going. You're living together. Yeah. And you don't dislike each other, so you stay together. Yeah. And then it just sort of keeps going. And I think that that could be a lot of it.

Suzie: And that's exactly what I think, too. I think it's like, I don't know if we stayed together longer because of COVID because we. You know what I mean? Like, I can't say if it's because of that, but there is that part of me where it's like, well, we had all this time together, and we kind of. We were kind of everything to each other. So either you broke up during COVID because you couldn't stand one another, or you stayed together, you ******* dealt with it, you got a dog, or you had a baby, and now you're together forever. And now, I think a lot of our little relationships that are getting out of COVID Yeah, it's 2024, but that's not that far from 2020, if you really think about it, from 2022, when we really just got back to our lives, especially. And, like, yeah, now we're feeling like, oh, ****. The world is actually a huge place, and I actually haven't done everything I've wanted to do. And is this the person that's gonna be able to take me to do all these other things? And, like, is he the person or she the person that I actually really want?

Mel: Yeah. Like, mutually. Yeah, mutually.

Suzie: Exactly. It's just like. Yeah, it's just so.

Mel: It's so.

Suzie: Such a crazy feeling, but it's obviously difficult.

Mel: And when you live together and you're talking about people of your friends breaking up, you live together. And there are also practicalities, especially in big cities. It's like, oh, my God, where am I gonna live? You know? It's like. It's a nutty situation, and I feel.

Suzie: So bad for people who don't have, like, families that they can just move into. Right?

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: Like, it's like, if you're from two different places, places coming into the city.

Mel: Where the **** are you gonna go?

Suzie: You actually have to plan it out. So you're like, I'm going. I've already got a place. I've rented a place. I'm gonna move out. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And thank God our situation's a little bit more stable. But, yeah, it's just. It's crazy. Cause I have a friend who got a relationship maybe, like, six months ago, and it was not as easy for her, and I really tried to help her, and thank God. It was really easy to figure out at the end of the day. But it is also hard now. And, I mean, I know people have babies. That's even harder. But, like, if you have dogs and, like. Cause dogs still has to be taken care of.

Mel: You love that dog.

Suzie: It's like, it's your baby, and, you know, it's still, like, two parents involved. And, like, the dog isn't stupid. It's like, where the **** is the other person? And they miss them just as much. And it's like, you can't explain something like that to a dog. And it's so sad.

Mel: Yeah, it's very sad. I think there's also a thing, and I've talked to you a lot about this, that I think people are sort of jogging along and they're sort of okay. And the thing that I've said to you a thousand times, people are not unhappy, but not happy, and they're sort of okay. And they think to themselves, and I find it a lot people of your age, like, in their late twenties, thirties, quite cynical about love and life, thinking, well, is there actually anything? But does it get better? Is this it? No, that's.

Suzie: So they get stuck.

Mel: Cause they're like, well, maybe this is it. Maybe this is all that's happening. And maybe, you know, people talk about the fireworks at the beginning, and then it sort of gets boring. And then we sort of sitting at home watching Netflix. And I think people are much more. Hibernate a lot more than they did in my generation. Like, you know, when I was in my late twenties, everyone was out partying, and we didn't have Netflix and staying at home and Instagram. And Instagram.

Suzie: And all this sort of dating app.

Mel: Yeah. So you actually had to go out.

Suzie: To meet people and to ****.

Mel: So. Yeah, well, exactly. I mean, you actually had to go out. Yeah. So otherwise, you were staring, literally, at the ceiling. And so maybe that's a whole thing, too. But I think people are very cynical young people. That sounds very patronizing. But I think they are. They just think, well, this is it. This is. This is as good as it's gonna get. And if I say no to this, then it could be even worse. And then you look at, like, you know, dating apps and stuff, and it's like, holy ****, is that what's on my mind?

Suzie: Oh, my God.

Mel: Not that I'm looking at dating apps personally, but, you know.

Suzie: Sure.

Mel: Yes, definitely, definitely. I mean, I. I'm sorry, but get.

Suzie: Your profile just to see what's going on out there.

Mel: I feel for people.

Suzie: Yeah, I'm definitely not excited for the apps to go on because obviously I'm gonna go on them. It's just. Yeah, I think it's just getting over that hump of, because I know I'm gonna be okay. And this was. This was obviously, like, amicable, like I said. But it was my decision to bring it up, and I feel really good about that decision, and I feel proud of myself even doing it. Cause it's not easy. Especially when you have all these things tied in together, especially with friend groups. And we care about the same people. We care about the same things.

Mel: And you like the person? I love him so much.

Suzie: I still love him. Just the in love part, the passion part. And I think like you're saying once you get a little bit older, not that I'm old, but late twenties, early thirties, you're in this relationship for this much time, and you're like, is this it? And it's like, well, it could be, but it doesn't have to be. And it's like I had to make that decision for myself to being like, this isn't enough for me. And it wasn't enough for him, obviously too. Like, we both wanted more. And just, it's. Yeah, it's just you have to just make sure that you know that you're gonna be okay. And it's gonna take a little while. And that's where I'm at right now with this. It's like, I know I'm gonna be fine. I know how to ****. I'm gonna be fine. There's gonna be a lot of guys out there and girls who are gonna want this. And that's gonna help my ego. And then I can work on actually getting into another relationship. But I'm ready for a hot girl Suzy summer at this point.

Mel: A hot girl Susie summer.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: Wow. That could be like a whole new.

Suzie: Should we get t shirts made? Actually, we should.

Mel: I feel actually that would be good.

Suzie: I need a hot girl Suzy summer.

Mel: I like, that's like hot girl walks and all this sort of stuff.

Suzie: And I'm ready for those. Yeah. So that's how I'm feeling. But Mel has been so nice and.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: Appreciate you.

Mel: Thank you.

Suzie: We're breathing through it. Deep breaths. Mel, I know.

Mel: What's your favorite thing? You're doing very well. You know, I like breathing.

Suzie: Okay, now can we get to the fun stuff? Because I had to get that off my chest. Favorite listeners. But because it's a big thing that's going on in my life and I want to make sure I share that, share my truth with you guys, but let's get to the fun stuff. We're going to play a would you rather? This is our. I think this is one of our first would you rather. It is in our little podcast episode season gang. And it's a would you rather. And we want you guys to play along. We'll do something on instagram when this comes out. And so here we go.

Mel: The scenario, right? Yeah.

Suzie: Would you rather be a 50 year old woman? You're hot. You're not like, you know, like, you're good looking. Nothing wrong with you. You have your **** together, you have money, you got a great job, but you don't have a boyfriend, you don't have a husband, you don't have kids. You don't have any of that kind of closeness around you.

Mel: Okay.

Suzie: Or would you rather be a younger mom? Maybe like 35?

Mel: Right?

Suzie: Okay. Two kids. Husband. Husband's wealthy. You're living very comfortably, but you hate him.

Mel: Wow.

Suzie: You love your kids, but you hate him. But you're living this life that you kind of asked for, but you're also. Or you could be a 50 year old woman who's hot, got it all in her own right. Kind of Samantha Jonesy, but also kind of wants that. Like, feels a little lonelier. Right, right. So, Mel, which would you rather. And I feel like I actually don't know this answer. I was like, I'm gonna. I feel like I know, but I don't.

Mel: I think I'd prefer to be the 35 year old with the two kids.

Suzie: But the ****** husband, you can always.

Mel: Get rid of him, can't you?

Suzie: Well, maybe you can't, though, because you don't have a job. Like, let's say he makes all the money, alimony.

Mel: Go and do young kids. Yeah. I mean, I'm not saying it's easy. I'm not saying. But you have your whole life ahead of you. I think there's. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with being 50. Remark is 51 and, you know, got your **** together and not had children and whatever. But there is a big difference if you're 50 and I do have friends who are 50 with no kids and.

Suzie: Older and no husband or just no.

Mel: Kids, like maybe apart. Well, yeah, no husband, but they. They chose not to have children and they're very happy. But that's a whole different thing than if you're 50 and you wanted to have children. The partner's something else. But if you wanted to have, let's call it a family unit, and it never happened, for whatever reason, that's really, really hard. Really odd. Yeah. But if you're 50 and you've done everything and you're really happy and you're. I think it's called. No, I was thinking of something else. If you're. If you're. If you're. If you're single and you're happy and you've got a great job and you've got lots of financial security and you never wanted kids and you just don't have a partner.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: That is hard because that is lonely. Because the reality is, I mean, you even feel it at your age that, you know, Sunday everyone's doing things with a partner or something, you know, the older you get, the harder that gets. And you are, you get lonelier. And I think I'm never ever lonely. I never get the chance to be lonely. And if sometimes I'm at home, like, my husband travels. Max travels quite a lot. It's really nice. Yeah, just, you know, sit by the telly, glass of wine, something.

Suzie: Watch what? You want to watch this?

Mel: I mean, I watch the show anyway, but it's like, quiet. Nobody's bothering me. It's very nice. But I'm good after a day, you know? So I do understand that can get very lonely. Hmm. But when you're 50, you're not gonna suddenly have children. Well, yeah.

Suzie: Okay, so here's my take on, although.

Mel: Sorry.

Suzie: No, please, go ahead.

Mel: What's her name? What's her name? The actress, famous blonde actress who's just had the baby. 51. Oh, my God. Cameron Diaz.

Suzie: Oh, yeah.

Mel: She said she didn't have the baby. She physically have the baby. She got somebody else to have the baby.

Suzie: She's lost a husband.

Mel: That's true, she does. But what I'm saying is you could have a baby at 51. Yeah.

Suzie: If you have a circuit.

Mel: Yeah. Yeah. Well, why would you want.

Suzie: No, it's fine.

Mel: Physically.

Suzie: Ew, disgusting. Why would you want to do that? Okay, so obviously I think we know my answer. I would rather be the 50 year old single woman with no Kim cattrall. I would love. Yeah, absolutely. Like, there's already been a question about it because I think being in that bad relationship with two kids, that is just something I would never, ever want to put myself through. And, like, let's not even talk about the kids. You know what I mean? Because obviously, like, that's horrible for children to have to deal with that kind of thing. It is, but, like, let's just talk about you as the woman, as the person in this relationship to have to get out of that. And I'm just putting my mind into that. Oh, my God. Like, I'd way rather be that, like, kind of hot. Maybe you're not getting, obviously as much attention as you did when you were 35, let's say, or 25. But you're a hot little 50 year old, haven't had kids. Your body's still pretty good. You know, maybe you have. You have money, you know, you have a good job, you're traveling, you're able to see things.

Mel: You're independent.

Suzie: You're independent and, yeah, maybe you kind of feel lonely sometimes. It's definitely about other per. It's about the person. Like, I. I love being alone. Like, you're, like, you're also saying, like.

Mel: Yeah, I don't mind being alone and not for long periods, but I'm. I'm perfectly fine. I wouldn't say I'm good for long periods of time on my own.

Suzie: Yeah, I love my friends. Like, I love. I need to be around people. I'm definitely not, like, a loner, but there's.

Mel: I couldn't spend a week on my own. On my own own.

Suzie: On your own own? Yes, you could, Mel.

Mel: Well, I could, yeah, of course I have. But I mean. I mean, like, not. What I mean on my own is, like, not going out in the evening, not seeing people.

Suzie: Yeah. It wouldn't be a strange, just like, being at home.

Mel: So it was a funny noise. Um, yeah, I mean, it's a difficult one. I mean, because you'd think if she's 35, she does have time, lots of time to change the course and path of her life. It's question is, yeah, it is hugely difficult. If you're married and if you haven't, if you're not working because you've got young children and you've made that decision, then you've made that decision. And I know there are lots of women in this position and also in the other position, and they don't like it, and it's very, very difficult. But I think at 35, you have the opportunity to change it.

Suzie: Yeah, you're right. At 50, you don't have a huge. The only thing you could change is your partner situation. Right. Where it's like, you obviously could get a boyfriend or girlfriend or whoever sent and, like, toy boy. Toy boy, which we love.

Mel: You might.

Suzie: You could get a great little dog because me. And then they're way better than kids. Like, let's just be honest, you know? And you could take that thing on the plane and you can travel with that and be so great.

Mel: If you don't want children. If you don't want children.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: Then of course it's a no brainer. You'd be fine.

Suzie: You think people who want children literally won't. Don't give it up.

Mel: No, ever. It's incredible. It's like a thumping, like, almost like a pain. If you.

Suzie: In your uterus.

Mel: Yeah. Yeah. In your body, your soul. I think your mind. I think everything. If you can't have children, it's agony. And you want them. It's agony. And I, you know, I think I thought about it because I'm somebody. I literally got pregnant the minute I decided I'm one of those.

Suzie: So funny. That's what my mom says too.

Mel: I literally. We made the decision.

Suzie: Oh, my God, that's true.

Mel: I came off the pill. I was pregnant.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And for me it was so like we made a decision. Max and I were on vacation. We were actually very romantic in a swimming pool. We were having conversations about family. No, there were people around. Susie, it's illegal.

Suzie: And we decided it was private. I don't know.

Mel: Yes, no, I don't go to those kind of swimming pools. And we decided, yes, it's time to start a family. Married and we wanted to. Both wanted children and I literally got pregnant both times. It's amazing I don't have 100 children because I don't know how I haven't managed.

Suzie: Brigadier. Thank God.

Mel: I know. You know, I mean, you can have accidents and things, but if you want children and you can't have them. And I have friends who've gone through IVF. It's horrible. It's really hard. It's hard emotionally, it's hard physically, it's really difficult. And then if it fails, oh, my God. I mean, just agony. Just agony. And I, you know, it's a. And it is a need in a woman, like, but I do think the flip side. And now I'm talking about children. We weren't really. The idea was, but I think the other thing is, and I've had a few conversations with women, younger women, like in their thirties recently, about this sort of mid to late thirties. Sorry. That they've desired these children so much. They want to have children so much and they have the children and then they feel guilty about the fact they're like, oh, this isn't all it's cracked up to be or what we're feeling. And that is something that we are talking a lot more about in the media. I'd say that was not my case. I am somebody who came from a really, really unhappy home. But I came, for whatever reason, very naturally to motherhood. It just came to me very naturally. I don't know why. Everything just felt natural and. And easy and something I always wanted. But I do understand that if I feel like that, then somebody's got to have the opposite feeling and that there are women having children and they want them and then they have them. It's not the child so much, it's just kind of the life and everything around it can be difficult and. But I think if you want children and you can't have them, that's ******* hard. And you carry that with you? Yeah.

Suzie: No, I don't disagree with that. I think a lot of women, I mean, I don't know many 50 year olds.

Mel: Just me.

Suzie: Just you, babe.

Mel: And I'm 51, so technically, you and.

Suzie: My sister be best friends.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: But, you know, I think. And I'm feeling it, even though I'm not the person who's like, I really want ******* kids. Like, I want. I need them. Like, I understand that need, but I don't have that. I could have them, and I know I would be a good mother. Cause I do have those maternal instincts, but I don't need them. Like, some women I know need them, right? And there is just that, like, thing where, you know, women like me who don't exactly need kids, still feel it's that peer pressure that hits us and we're like, yeah, I mean, I would. I wouldn't mind a little mini me running the **** around, but I think that's just biological, right? Like, I don't know if it's even like, yeah, I want this. It's like, no, it's just literally, like, biology. And that's just how this is gonna work. And I don't actually want this for me, but that's nice for you. But I'm also a little sad because I'm a little lonely, but I'm not. I don't hate myself for it.

Mel: Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I do, 100%. But I think there are actually different categories because I've known friends in different sort of points of this. I think you are still very young, you're 28, and you could actually change your mind. I'm thinking a couple of my friends who were like, yeah, no, I don't want children. And then they met the man, sort of mid to late thirties, and they're like, oh, my God. And it suddenly was like, I want to have a kid. And, you know, and something happens for whatever myriad of reasons, you know, probably much related to the person you've met and all that sort of stuff, and they've gone on to be really amazing mothers. And then I know friends like me, who've always known they wanted children. I've known friends. I have friends who still don't have children, who always knew they didn't want children. I mean, literally, at 1819, they knew they didn't want children. And then I have friends, I'd say, who are on the fence about it, that maybe they thought they'd be more maternal than they actually are. Yeah. Because it's instinctive. And I think as women were made to feel really ******* guilty about it. Yeah.

Suzie: What the **** is with that? Hey.

Mel: Yeah. Because you're meant to be a woman. That you're meant to be a woman. You are a woman. Therefore you're nurturing, and therefore you immediately know what to do. And, you know, just let me get this out there that you have a baby, there is nothing in the process of having the baby. However you've had the baby and then breastfeeding and all this **** that happens, that you know what you're doing, it is unbelievable. It's nothing like anything anybody can tell you. And it keeps going.

Suzie: That doesn't make you want.

Mel: I don't know what will it keep going? Exactly. But, yeah. So going back to this, would you rather, what would you prefer?

Suzie: You still would rather be the woman unhappy in her marriage with two kids?

Mel: Obviously I don't want to be unhappy, but I.

Suzie: Unhappy in her marriage. Maybe she's not unhappy, but maybe she's unhappy now. She's probably taking an existential crisis of what the **** is going on and, like, how does she get out of it? Where the 50 year old is like, she's free. She's free in a sense, right? Where it's like, well, she's free.

Mel: She's financially free. She can do what she likes. That is a big difference if you are lonely. And loneliness is a huge thing. Oh, my gosh.

Suzie: It's.

Mel: Loneliness is horrendous because especially when you get to a certain age, and obviously, the older you get, the worse it gets. And there is if you. And this is if you don't have children, of course there's a whole part of your life you don't have children and grandchildren. So there's that sort of whole family, you know, thing we've, you know, you have the holidays, whatever, you know, religion, you follow. You always have sort of gatherings. If you're alone, then there's an element of that that fills up your life that's not there, if that makes sense. Yeah. And I do think there's a lot of things like Sunday, you might go for brunch with your partner or go and see your kids or you do these kind of things. And if you're alone and you could be tons and tons of friends, but if they're married and they've got children and grandchildren or whatever, there's a whole part of their life that's very full. And you can only have a little bit of them, if you know what I mean. And I can see this now. Like, I have two children and very involved in their life. They're very involved in my life. You know, they're very. Call me all the time, and even one is at university, but it's a big part of my life, and I will always want to have time and whatever. So any of my friends that are single, they don't have that whole thing occupying their time.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And a lot of time to think.

Suzie: About what is wrong, maybe in the situation. Like, there's just a lot of time to think about you.

Mel: Yeah, that's actually a very. That's a very good way of putting it. Cause I think the first time I went on a work trip after my kids were a little bit older, I mean, I, you know, gone on my own and sort of left them. Obviously not on their own.

Suzie: Left on their own, yeah.

Mel: Left them with their phone.

Suzie: Three and five. Bye.

Mel: And, you know, even though I was working, it was like, wow, I can have a bath and have it, you know, like. And I remember one day I was going somewhere and I had all these back to back meetings, but I got up, had like, a bath, shower, whatever, but it was just. I had a cup of tea. It was all so like, na na na na na. And I was like, my God, so much time.

Suzie: Nice.

Mel: But I had so much time.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And then I kind of had to. Then you have to fill your time because there's nobody at home. So, like, I was going out and seeing people, and then I think one. One night I didn't go out tired, and I just came home and. And then you realize you actually have to make a lot of effort because you have to see people all the time. Right? I don't. I mean, I do actually go out quite a lot, but I. You don't have to if you have family, right. They're there. But then going back to this woman, she's unhappy, and that's awful. If she's committed her life to raising her children, you know, particularly while they're young, and maybe she changes her mind and she's unhappy with this man. I mean, that is. Yeah, it's awful. Yeah.

Suzie: And I mean, obviously these situations are faux, but I think they are realities for a lot. You know, like, it's.

Mel: I don't know. Like, do you know what I think the answer is? What is? The answer is that one should always think about all the great things in your own life. It's a lesson to stop always looking at what other people are doing. So, you know when you have so many things in your life and you're going, but I wish I had a bigger house or a bigger car or more money or whatever the **** it is, maybe take a look at what you've got.

Suzie: That's really, honestly, like, I do agree with that in the core of what that is. But that would have kept me in the relationship that I just ended.

Mel: I see what you mean. But I.

Suzie: Because that was my mindset for so long of being, like, why can't I just be happy with what I have?

Mel: Right?

Suzie: Cause it was so good.

Mel: No, that's a good point.

Suzie: But I like. Cause that is the mindset that I try to keep. I'm just like. I am happy. Like, this is good. My life is really good. And it is. I have a lot of amazing things in my life. I'm definitely not complaining. Cause I know that I'm super lucky, but, yeah, you can't just, like, be complacent in things where it's like, the girl. Let's talk about those. Like, the woman who has the bad husband, should she be like, well, I got these two amazing kids, so I'm gonna stay with my husband, you know? Or is it like the 50 year old? Well, it's like, oh, I have all this money, so should I just, you know, go travel and kind of see the world? But I'm lonely, so. Do you know what I mean?

Mel: I do.

Suzie: It's sad. It's sad. But it's also, like, that's the life of being a woman.

Mel: Yeah. No, I think, yeah. There's some very hard choices to make as a woman. And unfortunately, we have windows that men don't.

Suzie: Yeah. Isn't that annoying?

Mel: Cause, you know, Robert De Niro, he's.

Suzie: Popping up people is.

Mel: He's what, 80 something? He's 82.

Suzie: Oh, my God.

Mel: He's got a baby. I mean, Alec Baldwin's got, like, a thousand children. Yeah. Seven children.

Suzie: Robert, you know, and, um. What's his face.

Mel: Oh, Al Pacino.

Suzie: Al Pacino.

Mel: Thank you. Yeah. You see? I mean, although, you know, not to judge, it really isn't terribly sensible. They're not gonna be around for very long.

Suzie: Of course not. They know that. They don't give a ****.

Mel: Well, no, I mean, they've.

Suzie: These women want their babies.

Mel: I mean, fair enough.

Suzie: We're not. Who are we to judge fair dudes?

Mel: Fair do. But, like, the point is, is women can't do that.

Suzie: No, of course not.

Mel: You can't. I mean, I know we just said Cameron Diaz has just had a baby at 51. A, by surrogate. B, she has a husband. C, she has tons of cash.

Suzie: Cash money. And makes a lot of difference.

Mel: Yeah. I mean, God, how much does a surrogate cost?

Suzie: A lot. Obviously, you're not paying for the baby, but you're paying for the person who's carrying the baby. As in, like, you're paying for typically. Right. Like, you're paying for her living, you're paying for her food. You're making sure that because she's carrying the thing that you're gonna have after she's done with it.

Mel: And I seen the whole process, like.

Suzie: Paying for a really big impregnating with. You want that to be organic?

Mel: That's a good point. Did you say the word ****?

Suzie: What?

Mel: ****. Oh, we're talking about babies. And she's brought. No, but Cameron Diaz. This is totally off track. But this has made me think, so I didn't think about this. She's 51. Generally, your eggs. Oh, no. She could have harvested them before.

Suzie: Before. Cause she's a smart team, right? She's a thinker.

Mel: So that is actually, I. I did know somebody did this, like, years ago when I was young, but that is a good thing to do.

Suzie: A lot of freezer I know have done it.

Mel: They're really smart. Do it.

Suzie: I don't want to do it. Not at this point.

Mel: If I'm.

Suzie: If I turn 30 and I don't have a partner, I will do it.

Mel: But I actually think that's very smart. It really is, because you do run out of time and you think that 35 36. And it is young, but actually, unfortunately, it starts to get harder at the sort of 35 36 end, which is crazy, because most women today, that's when they want to have children. That's when you're ready. 35 36. 37. I had my second at 35, and even then they were saying you were old. I'm like, **** are you talking about? And all my friends are older than me. They had babies, but, yeah. Freeze your eggs. Freeze your eggs. That's a good place.

Suzie: But you're in Alabama or something.

Mel: Oh, can you not do it, then?

Suzie: I don't know. There's something ****** up going on over there right now. Anyways, freeze your eggs. If you're in Alabama, come to Canada. We'll take care of you, babes.

Mel: Okay. Wow.

Suzie: Love you guys.

Mel: But if.

Suzie: Yeah, let us know what you guys thought. Let me know if you just had a breakup so we can talk about it?

Mel: Yes.

Suzie: It's good to talk about these things, even though it's hard. I find talking about my personal feelings getting vulnerable very difficult. It's something I'm gonna work on this year. Yeah. But let us know what you guys would you rathered?

Mel: Yeah. Okay.

Suzie: Because we want to know a or b.

Mel: A or b, go through door a.

Suzie: Take the red pill or the blue pill.

Mel: Very good.

Suzie: Thank you. Okay. Ta ta ta. Sharing my truth pod is so excited to partner with, where the a in vibrator is the number eight. This is an extremely exclusive code where no other podcast has it. If you go to right now, use the code MS 15. That's MS 15. You can now get 15% off anything in store that's any sex toys for you, your partner, your neighbor, your mom. We don't judge, we don't care. Get it? Now go to the link in our bio, put in the code and get jiggy with it.

Mel: Thanks so much for listening. Please rate and review this podcast and follow us on social at @sharingmytruthpod and leave us a voicemail on our website, to share your stories and experiences with us. We'll see you next time.

Suzie: Bye bye.


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