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Episode 4 - The Truth About Sexting & Self-Esteem
Hosted by Mel & S
Melany Krangle & Suzie Sheckter

Speaker A: Welcome to sharing my truth with Mel and Suzie. The uncensored version where we bear it all.

Speaker B: We do. 12345. My biggest problem spitting, because it ***** spits.

Speaker A: Spit or swallow.

Speaker B: Would you like to know why I hate spitting, actually? If I see somebody or I see the FLEM, I get like a gag reflex. So I told her, born in Hong Kong.

Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, they spent all the time, don't they?

Speaker B: Yeah. In restaurants in Hong Kong and China when I was little. I spent a lot of time in them. Even getting older. Under the table, they have like a spatoon.

Speaker A: What?

Speaker B: You know those things, like, if you do your washing and you have this little plastic bucket thing, what do they call it? Do you know what I'm talking about? Plastic base and things. Say you're doing some what. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. So they have that under the tape and China and it goes, Why? It's the thing. It's a cultural thing. So to this day, I'm almost 50 and the sound or the sight of spit, I cannot bear it. It makes me want to gap. It makes me want to hurl.

Speaker A: Yeah, I don't really ****** up, to.

Speaker B: Be clear in any context. Spitting for me is just I could never be a lesbian. So you swallow. I mean, that's another whole thing. It really wasn't made for consumption. I really think they should do something about it.

Speaker A: I mean, it's a beauty trick in some countries.

Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. It's supposed to be very low calorie. Yes, it's delicacy. My boyfriend when I was young told me that.

Speaker A: Oh, beautiful. I'm sure he did. Yeah, I'm sure he looked that up beautifully. Great red.

Speaker B: Smells like it's sort of a mixture of freshly grown grass.

Speaker A: It's just horrible.

Speaker B: Smell sperm. I don't know why I'm saying this. Anyway. Yeah.

Speaker A: Do you kind of think, like, Brie cheese tastes like ***? I've always found that Bree is my least favorite cheese. It's kind of *******.

Speaker B: It's the consistency of sperm. It's just that sort of spit, like, it's almost like phlegm and that's kind.

Speaker A: Of so you don't like Brie? You're on the page with not like.

Speaker B: I don't eat cheese, do I?

Speaker A: Wow, I forgot you don't eat cheese.

Speaker B: But I'm a big cheese girl. Yeah, I mean anyway, where is this going?

Speaker A: Sorry, I love to hear about your little because you had such a big background of British things and worldly backgrounds of other things, so it's very interesting.

Speaker B: Spitting. Spitting.

Speaker A: Absolutely not swallowing. Yes. Sometimes when the time is right, I have a terrible jag leaf left. Oh, really?

Speaker B: If I had some giant ***** in my mouth, it'd be a problem. I mean, like huge. Yeah, it would be.

Speaker A: Okay, well, let's start the episode, shall we? But thank you for that. It's all very informative.

Speaker B: Yeah, it's very useful.

Speaker A: Every day I learn a little bit more about you.

Speaker B: Yeah, but spitting. Oh, I love that so much and large penises. Not either of those things.

Speaker A: I mean, kind of on the topic of today, it's about what you like telling your partner what you like and how do you do that? By sexting communicating. Communicating in a sexy different way. Yes, I'm a big fan of sexting. Are you?

Speaker B: No.

Speaker A: Okay.

Speaker B: Very interesting. Yes, they were.

Speaker A: They were.

Speaker B: So that's the subject today, it's the truth about sexting. I obviously understand it and I think particularly why is it so kind of a thing for and this sounds kind of ridiculous, but like younger people are supposed to it's because of the phone, right? The phone is central to our life. It's the way we communicate with everything of all the different ways, whether it's social media, email, blah, blah, blah, blah, texting, WhatsApping whatever the hell we're doing, our phone is everything. So it stands to the sense that it's sort of going to be part of your sex life. I'm not the actual physical object getting involved but you know what I mean that you're going to use it as a means of communication. Yeah, I mean, that is obvious. And if you're not always or don't live with your partner, then part of foreplay, I think, in people's minds, is always like it's sort of in a room, a boudoir sort of setting with lacy stuff going on. Well, actually, no, it could be like the lead up, the conversation you've had, or the sexting before. It's all sort of foreplay. I don't think people get that but it is but I do think there are some realities around sexting and I am a mother, so I think about these realities. I have two daughters and the thing that bothers me a lot about it is I don't think people obviously you're caught up in the moment and often if you're sexting, it might be not necessarily. I mean, there's a huge animation, but might be more going on, more at the beginning of a relationship or more during your sort of flirty bit. And there and it lie the problem because you don't necessarily know the person on the other end. Woman or man. But I think, particularly as a woman, if your image should be very important to you, you should be in control of whose fees you naked. And there is a reality that if an image of you leaves your phone and goes out there off your phone, that's it. If you don't know where it's gone, and it can go into any number of places and people aren't nice, and that's horrible. And it's not only a massive, humongous invasion of your intimacy. If somebody sees your picture that was meant for somebody else, which is in a completely genuine, intimate moment, and then that person goes and shows, you know, every single one of his friends, you know? I mean, do you know what you mean?

Speaker A: 100% like it's so have you ever.

Speaker B: Sent a sexy pic or no, not really.

Speaker A: What is not really? Like a little bra or no, not really.

Speaker B: No. Okay. Yeah.

Speaker A: It's just very curious because I being a fan of sexting.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: And I think it just it's different because I've I've been texting since I was, like, 13. Not sexting since I was 13, but like yeah, you know, you have your phone, so you have a cell phone or whatever. Yeah, I think it's like as soon as I got as soon as I was sexually active, I started texting. It was just the reality of the entire thing. And like, you know, unsolicited **** pics. Right, yes. Where it's like obviously I'm not a fan of that. I think that's extreme. Like, I did not ask to see your ****. Yeah, but you're getting it anyways.

Speaker B: Fascinating to me.

Speaker A: It really is. Men just want to show it off.

Speaker B: I know.

Speaker A: You just want to show it off. And women obviously also, as we're seeing women also want to show it off, which is totally fine. But yeah, I remember getting **** pics when I was like, 1415, from 16, from just boys at school, like, just sending it around. And it's not it's just so funny. Like the double standard there, right? Like, there's just women. Not women, obviously these were girls at the time, but like, you know, a girl would send and this happened to some of my friends at school. They sent a photo around. One boy would send it to everyone.

Speaker B: Exactly.

Speaker A: And thank God that never happened to me. Exactly. I've had some very bad little scares like that when I was underage as well, but yeah, and no one knew the law or anything like that of like child ***********. But this happens a lot in high school and things like that. Of course it does. Not saying that as a consenting adult now, I love sexting. Also, I'm naked on Amazon Prime. I don't have a huge thing about me being naked. If you want to see me naked, literally, it's not hard to find.

Speaker B: Yeah, but it's also your crazy no, exactly. Different. It is 100%. You're like a school teacher teaching six year olds. It's a bit of a problem. You just have to use your common sense. I think that's the problem is that there are the laws around actually, if you're under 18, it's ***********, which is terrifying. And I've certainly had that conversation with my kids when they were younger. You actually could get into a huge amount of trouble. Right. I remember one of my daughters, one of her was a girl she knew wasn't a friend who sent her image. She was probably about 13 or 14 at the time. Unsolicited sent her image. Not to guys she was what are they talking to? She sent this image and the guys got it, and they were absolutely terrified. Oh, my God. You know, because we've got because now.

Speaker A: They know they're terrified that they're receiving it.

Speaker B: They know that by receiving that they're also going to get into trouble even though they haven't asked for it and they immediately deleted it. But I just think the whole thing is just sort of highly charged now you think about it, teenagers particularly, you're going to give them a phone, you're going to give them access to a way of videoing. Of course they're going to take pictures of their ***** and dicks and vaginas. I mean, of course they're going to do they're going to do all the things you don't want them to do. I mean, that's what happens. But the problem is they don't have the maturity to understand this issue of it is a thing like especially if you are having or not having a relationship or having a flirtation or having.

Speaker A: A casual or whatever it is for.

Speaker B: The person on the other end of it. You don't know what their intention is and you don't know whether they're going to delete it from their phone, what they're doing with it. So you could have them on your phone in the most secure place in the world and then they go to somebody and who knows what they're doing with it. And that is where I have the worries about it. And the other thing we were talking about this earlier is this thing of like you might take a picture and I give you a super smart and super organized you've got your certain photos in sort of locked places and all the rest of it and this happened to a friend of mine. So you think about the phone and we use it so much like you get on an airplane, it's your ticket or you go into four or somewhere where it's your reward thing or you use it as your credit card and somebody takes your physically takes your phone or you're somewhere and you've taken a picture. You've been on vacation or photo of your child or husband or whatever the hell it is and you give the phone to you that's right next to.

Speaker A: Your pair of your *******.

Speaker B: Exactly. And you know, people can't innately they sort of start flicking and you're like, oh no, that stopped the flicking.

Speaker A: This has literally happened to myself. A friend of mine, I don't think I was like it was like a nude photo. But my boyfriend, he gave his phone, he showed his mom something and sometimes your phone is ****** though. It just swipes like so fast or something.

Speaker B: Exactly.

Speaker A: And there was a picture of me in a sexy I don't think it was anything super lewd or anything like that, but it was like a sexy photo of me and she was like, oh. And I was like, exactly. I don't think it was like super bad or anything, honestly. Obviously it was not ideal.

Speaker B: And you know, your photos I'm always looking at my photos. I've got bajillion of them. And I'm always have these great intentions. You know, when you those moments you've got you're in the doctor or the dentist waiting room, I think, okay, I've got to wait here. I'm going to organize my photos. And then you get to, like, I've got maybe like, 50 photos in proper albums, and then I've got a bajillion bajillion just sitting out there, and I can never find them ever again. And that's the problem. If you've taken a picture of something and it's next to, like so you've gone out to a restaurant, you've taken a picture of your dinner, and next to that is a picture of your ******. And then the other problem is, I think that you I mean, we've all done it where you've texted somebody by mistake or you've emailed somebody.

Speaker A: Oh, my God. Yeah. I mean, sexting your mom, like, I don't even know.

Speaker B: And what happens, and I'm not particularly in huge WhatsApp WhatsApp group? If you're in a huge WhatsApp group and I mean, just the horror of it.

Speaker A: Yeah, I've seen all the horror, of.

Speaker B: Course, all the stuff. So I think that of course, if you're doing it, then of course I get it. It's communicating. It's no different than anything, but I just think particularly for young people and as I'm a mum of teenagers, I've had to have that conversation. I'm not sure it entirely went it sort of went between the end. I don't understand how serious it is. Yeah.

Speaker A: I think there's something to say about, like, let's say, obviously you're young and you don't *******, you're not exactly like you're saying with your daughter. It's like it might have gone in there somewhere, but not fully not fully realized of the consequences of their mind. Yeah. So, I mean, something important to maybe think about is maybe just send one without your face in it.

Speaker B: Yes.

Speaker A: So obviously, maybe you have to send that vote. Obviously you don't. But just think about the one without your face. And if you want to send that one, you can send that one. If the person is pressuring you to send one of your face, there's a red flag there. Of course you should not do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. And I've been in this situation. Obviously you can obviously look back at your horrible little teen years and be like, why the **** did I send that? That's so ******* stupid, or whatever happened. But this happens all the time. Of course you send these pictures to people you don't trust, and they send people or you think you trust them.

Speaker B: But, like, 100% you don't. ******* and I suppose sort of in the I can't remember when there was a whole thing that happened in the US was sort of around 2017 or 16, when they had all those sort of horrible revenge **** sites. Do they sort of exist anymore? I think the laws changed. Something happened, and I saw this, there was a network.

Speaker A: I didn't watch it because it was literally so horrible.

Speaker B: It was horrible. It was horrible. And they were doing illegal.

Speaker A: They were illegal.

Speaker B: But the point is, it's not just a massive invasion of your privacy. It's also there you are, the taking of intimate picture, kind of in many cases, because I would say that would be my case, is I have never been very body confident, so that's probably why I've never sexted. The idea of sending a picture of myself is just like, oh, my God.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: So I do think it's wrapped up in that if you're confident, you have.

Speaker A: A beautiful body, by the way.

Speaker B: Oh, thank you.

Speaker A: If that makes you uncomfortable, I'm sorry.

Speaker B: No, it doesn't.

Speaker A: But you're beautiful, but.

Speaker B: It'S what you feel like. I don't sort of go, oh, yeah, that's amazing. I sort of go, that's all right. I don't think I've ever felt, oh, yeah, I feel like doing that. That's very personal. I don't think that's that unusual for a lot of women, particularly probably of a certain age. I do think younger women, it's much more common. It's just because your life is on your phone. Yeah, but because I suppose that's what I'm saying is the added thing that your life is on your phone. I mean, you lose your phone. You don't just lose your credit card information, you lose your **** pics, your ******, everything's on there. And that's kind of like pretty bananas if you think about it. Yeah. And I certainly encourage my daughters or anybody sort of in my life who's sort of a young woman of a certain age is just really remember, this is your image, this is your body. It's precious to you, so you only share it with whom, with the person you really want to, that you feel comfortable, that you've obviously consented and feel right in that situation, and that is obviously up to you. But also then remember and it is very hypocritical the world we live in. But certain professions you're going to go into and you were talking about your professions, it's a bit different. But if you're going to be in most cases, some kind of business person or you're going to work in an office or you're a lawyer or something like that. It is not going to be great fun if one day a picture of you with however much of your clothing off suddenly turns up somewhere. It's not nice. It's a horrible, horrible, horrible experience. But also, obviously, it's not that it's not horrible like we're saying, in a situation where you wouldn't be so worried about it. But what I'm saying is that it will affect your job. You'll probably get fired. And I know that's completely crazy and fair and ridiculous, and we should really think about who are you offending? It's my body, all of those kind of issues. But I think there is a real double standard there. I remember one of my friends some years ago was sort of dating, doing online on sort of all these dating sites, which to me I was just I had no idea what they were. And she was showing myself and another friend of mine, both of us sort of old married women, all the photos like that, the men. And she was on sort of different kinds of sites but that the men had posted and you're just like really and huge amounts of **** pics or sort of dressed in a certain way with a bit showing. Like I remember this one guy who was ironing with a sort of pinny on. Do you say pinnying? Kind of apron. And you were like, what? It was strange. And then I sort of remember having a conversation, actually a friend of hers who was also on dating sites, and she said the same thing that you said, that if you have a naked photo, then obviously don't have your head in. I mean, that's obvious.

Speaker A: But I mean, men did have their head. Oh yeah, lay the entire face.

Speaker B: Every single head was in the photo. And there is also the hilarious thing like women are really quite attractive. Naked men fine until he gets to the ***** area. And I'm sorry, men for you to.

Speaker A: Actually there are very few beautiful, amazing penises.

Speaker B: I say this with love, but it's just and men don't understand that.

Speaker A: No, they think there's this I would.

Speaker B: Say that to my husband. I said, no, no, ***** is just gent. I mean, just think whoever created the *****, what were they thinking?

Speaker A: It does look like a little bit.

Speaker B: Of a shrively things in this little rinky thing. And then you look at a woman, you're like, who came up with that? That makes no sense that a woman looks good and a man looks great. But then you get to sort of.

Speaker A: This area, it's a lot going on. It's a lot to know what to do with that.

Speaker B: Yeah. Anyway, nobody has anything to do with.

Speaker A: It. It is just interesting. Like, obviously, like you're saying, like just.

Speaker B: Looking, yes, we're going to go to this. But you carry on.

Speaker A: Obviously I hear what you're saying with the careers because that is a big thing, especially if you are in high school or just in college.

Speaker B: Right.

Speaker A: And trying to find a career after that. Because personally, I think it's appalling that people still ******* care about what you're like. It doesn't even make sense to me. I get it's. Super conservative mindset of like, you know, your body, please cover it, don't show anyone. It comes from that mindset and obviously that's more extreme, but it's just come from everything. And obviously if you're in finance, it's male dominated. Any of these super male dominated industries other than veterans.

Speaker B: Yeah, exactly.

Speaker A: They're going to care more and they're going to be like, well, you know, the men in this office aren't going to be able to look at you again in a proper professional way because you're in a bikini on Instagram. It's like, are you ******* kidding me?

Speaker B: I mean, it is ridiculous. And I've had these situations personally in the past where you're like, let's say you're in a sort of work situation, but you've gone away to sometimes you go to these conferences and stuff where? In your hotel and let's say you've gone to the conference and then afterwards you're by the pool or whatever. And of course, you've got your swims, you've got your bike or whatever, a tie you're wearing by the pool. But this is in a works. I've always been super conscious of it and I'm not the person who'd be wandering around in their bikini. I would be, but those are my own personal hang ups, to be honest with you. But it is completely hypocritical that you'd be like, okay, so 5 seconds ago we were in a meeting, but it's now fine because I'm by a pool. It's just such a exactly. What difference does it make? I mean, it's also this thing about what people are wearing and it's always about women. What do you want in a fruitless.

Speaker A: Pantsuit to the poor?

Speaker B: I'm sorry, but it is a huge a weird line. It's all hypocritical. But I'm afraid that is what it is. And so that goes back to my thing about sexting. I'm not sure do women and men see it differently? And this is where my facts come in.

Speaker A: Well, I mean, there is a thing about normalizing sexting, right? And normalizing nudes and normalizing, that people do send these things out and that it happens, that people just like it puts that shame on your body. You shouldn't feel so ashamed of your body and having people see it. And that's where I come in. I can't fathom having I hate that you have to think about your boss and them looking obviously if you're in a super conservative environment, that's what you signed up for, right? Obviously. But at some point it has to change a slight amount because it's like if you have let's say they're like, oh well, our clients are going to see that and they're not going to like it. Our investors are going to see that and they're not going to like that. And it's like you think that they're going to see that and not respect me anymore or they're going to try to hit on me now. But it's like, are they going to hit on me because of that?

Speaker B: I think that is the perception because I think we still don't understand where these lines are. So as we progress as a society and I personally think generically it's all progress, some things are not that great. But I mean, I think generally we're moving forward in terms of I think of where my age group we are moving forward. But I just still think the lines are not very unclear. And it still goes back to one of our other episodes about **** shaming. I still think there is this thing about the girl who's really good looking, who has a bit of whatever showing and you're like, what? But we do still live in that midst of that hypocrisy.

Speaker A: I'm ready to change it, though, Mel. I'm going to send as many nudes as I can to change that policy in our lives.

Speaker B: Really? Wow. I'm going to leave you for aid on your own because I will not be in that fact check and do. Yeah. Coming up so this is from an article in The Guardian, which is a British newspaper.

Speaker A: I like The Guardian pretty much, and.

Speaker B: This is from 2019, but this is an interesting comment about sexting. So the title is Sexting Do Men and Women Do It Differently?

Speaker A: And actually what does that mean exactly?

Speaker B: Well, so when you think of sexting, you usually think of men sending unsolicited pictures. Very polite words, just talk. Sending **** big. But what about the relationships that thrive on it and the women who love it?

Speaker A: I love it. Well, not unsolicited, but like, sexting part.

Speaker B: Yeah, that's very interesting. Well, they are also talking here in this article about Snapchat, because that's the other thing is I'm not on Snapchat.

Speaker A: Because it is serious right away. And you can do that on Instagram, too.

Speaker B: Maybe that's a smart place to do it.

Speaker A: I don't think any of it, let's say smart as in, like, you don't think you're going to get caught. You can screenshot that ****. If you're super worried about getting caught, just don't do it, obviously.

Speaker B: No, but it's like anything surrounding sex, you think we've talked about responsible and so on. But the problem is, and I fundamentally am a realist, is that when you're in the moment of passion, you're not going, ABC, what's my list? Do I have a conduct? No, you're thinking about hot and heavy and getting on with it. You're thinking about what you want in the moment. And that is the whole point about sex, which totally is in conflict with the idea of being responsible, isn't it? I mean, it's like weird. Yeah. Because the moment is about vulnerability and going with sex just without pictures or.

Speaker A: You just don't know it all.

Speaker B: Yes. You back to this.

Speaker A: I just want to know more.

Speaker B: What do you mean by sex?

Speaker A: Like talking sexy house, maybe if you're.

Speaker B: Like, talking like, I'm so excited to come home to you. I don't say things like.

Speaker A: That.

Speaker B: I don't think I've ever said that in my entire life.

Speaker A: I'm very good at it. I want a job. Like a professional sexter. I would love that.

Speaker B: Amazing. Like, in the old days, I don't think they have this anymore, where they had sort of sex chat lines and men would women would be like, sort of literally doing her ironing or something. Or looking. Yes, they do.

Speaker A: A movie like that with what's her face, I think.

Speaker B: I know what you. The Devil? Worse.

Speaker A: Prodigirl. Not Meryl Street, but the other one.

Speaker B: The divorce prodigal.

Speaker A: The devil worse.

Speaker B: Prodigal. Anne. Yeah.

Speaker A: Anne Hathaway. There's a movie like that.

Speaker B: Yeah, probably. And it used to be a thing and it's always hilarious because the women or they'd be, like, really old a lot because it was a big sort of thing in England. It was a big industry. And I remember seeing some kind of documentary about it. And it was all these women sort of literally wearing these horrible housecoat kind of things with curlers or having a couple or doing the eyes and they're on the phone and they're going or they're doing something basically look as unsexy as you could possibly look.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: But they turn it on. Fabulous. And you're like, kudos to them. I mean, I think that's amazing, but I'm quite good with the emojis.

Speaker A: Oh, cute.

Speaker B: And I know what they all mean. I'm obsessed. The peach and the taco and the grapes and the cherries and it's a whole language.

Speaker A: Wait, what are the grapes? I don't ******* know what grapes are.

Speaker B: Not grapes. Cherries are booze. Right.

Speaker A: I thought cherries are the testicles.

Speaker B: Are they?

Speaker A: I don't know what **** are.

Speaker B: Now you're getting me confused. Peach, obviously, is your ***. Eggplant, as you would say, oberseine, as we would say it. Obese is of sexier. A taco is a ******.

Speaker A: Delicious.

Speaker B: Cherries, I thought, were *****. I mean, who wants to actually text about testicles? So that's why I probably didn't even cross my mind.

Speaker A: Really funny.

Speaker B: I thought there were *****. Maybe not.

Speaker A: I think it's just who you are, where you're from in the world.

Speaker B: The little spray, trying to think. Yeah.

Speaker A: I love it, though. Yeah, that's so funny.

Speaker B: Well, again, I think also if you have kids and even though my kids are not young anymore your kids are always looking at your phone.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: And I have had that way I've sort of sent nothing, like, major, but the sort of an obajin or something in it. And one of the girls picks it up.

Speaker A: Excuse me.

Speaker B: But whatever. At this point, I'm like, whatever.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: And personally, things like that don't embarrass me because I just think, well, that's life. And they're probably doing it. But in terms of seriously, no, because I'm not very good at not being me.

Speaker A: You don't get putting something on.

Speaker B: No.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: No. It's so innately unnatural to me. And of course, I've got that whole sort of I have to say something funny. Like, every time something serious, I have to make it.

Speaker A: You have to make a joke a.

Speaker B: Little bit, which is a really annoying British thing. It's very annoying. We have to trivialize everything because we can't cope with the emotion of it, which is horrendous. But you are who you are, and you. Work on yourself, I really do, but it is what it is. But the texting thing, texting, it's just about that as far as I'm concerned. It's not about for me personally that in any way, hey, A, don't think it's happening b disapprove or I don't disapprove of anything, really. But I mean, it's just you have to be smart, you have to be careful.

Speaker A: Yeah, of course.

Speaker B: And then you have to think about your age. And if you are under 18, I know it sounds crazy, but you shouldn't be knowing it because you get into.

Speaker A: A lot of child ***********.

Speaker B: It's really scary, a lot trouble. And we live in this crazy world where so many things are taken out of context all the time. So you could obviously be in a situation where you're in a relationship with somebody and it's all consensual. It doesn't matter if the wrong person sees 100%, you're in trouble. And I know that that's not going to change a lot of things because, you know, also about teenage sex, I'm again, I'm a realistic you know, people who think that their kids are sort of 16 when they're having sex really are living on the moon. It's like, no, they are not. They're much younger than that. Absolutely.

Speaker A: We're just experimenting with things like of course, and what were you doing.

Speaker B: Your.

Speaker A: Friends, doing, your siblings?

Speaker B: These things haven't changed. It's just we get uncomfortable with it, so we sort of forget we have amnesia about these things. But I would just say to anybody whomever they are, whether they're young and obviously there's the legal aspect, but really think about who is the recipient of what you're sending. It's obviously very different. Like you're talking about it. You're in a long term relationship with somebody. It's part of your conversation, your communication, your bank, of course. And everyone does that, whether it's like what you're saying, blah blah, blah, blah, ****, or whether it's me. Exactly. Which I don't say, but anyway, that's fine. And at least that's specific. Yes. I mean, you're not dancing around them.

Speaker A: No, go right to the point, darling.

Speaker B: Saying this is what's happening. Absolutely. And I think I actually applaud your confidence. I think it's unbelievable and I in many ways wish I could be like that, but it's a bit late.

Speaker A: I mean, it's just a part of your personality, part of who you are, and you don't pretend.

Speaker B: No, exactly.

Speaker A: Which I respect you for. You're not pretending.

Speaker B: Completely ridiculous. But it's communication. But I just think it's like anything you got to be careful.

Speaker A: I know.

Speaker B: It's like anything, you're writing an email, whether it's in a personal or a professional context, you got to be careful because some idiots are going to take that look at it and look at it completely out of context and some huge thing is going to come out of it. And I hate that about life. And I hate that life has become so kind of you have to think about everything that you do because what you do, even phone calls. I mean, I think people assume that it's amazing that people do still do stuff or get things wrong in the world and don't think somebody's going to film them. But people are so unaware. And I find it's actually a very odd thing, particularly in different generations, I think in generation X is the internet generate we're the ones who kind of mostly the creators of all the online businesses at the beginning of something. So the generations before, if you think of the boomers or whatever, most of their life, obviously they didn't use technology and some of them are used, but they're sort of in a different category. But I think that our generation, particularly people who are sort of in their forty s, fifty s we had a life before technology so we have a world in our world, we have the real world and the digital world, but I find the younger people are that it merges 100%. And I've had situations, particularly with my kids and their friends and whatever, where I can think of one instance a friend of one of my daughters, like, she well, she's no longer a friend, but she said something really horrible online to my daughter, like, really vicious. And she ended up getting in trouble in school because it was reported. But it's like she somehow thought if I say it in this platform and it was in a sort of messaging bit that then somehow it's not the same as saying it in real life.

Speaker A: But even though **** ticks gets taken out of contest online, way more than a dozen person.

Speaker B: But even texting, there's so many situations I can think of. Not particularly me, because I'm very kept think about it a lot. Married to a lawyer, I think about these things. But their friends will text them things and they'll say, My girls, and they'll say things in text. And you're like, you do know that that text is that you said that now. It's in the text. It's there. Because I think you can undelete parts of conversations, but you can take a screenshot. If you've said something horrible, it's there forever. But I find it very strange that at that age so anybody particularly young, so 14, 5016 1718, whatever, they somehow don't separate that in their mind. I find it so interesting compared to my generation that lives very much in the real and in the digital world. I think the Generation X we all use technology, it's all part of our jobs, it's all part of our life but our relationship to it is very different because obviously when I was before I was in my early twenty s, I didn't have a mobile phone, of course. So we have a different relationship. So maybe that's part of also my attitude than I do think about it. I think about the consequences of if something goes wrong and if that image, particularly if you are a young woman, goes into the wrong places. Because as progressive as we are moving towards progress, let's put it that way, there are still many, unfortunately, young men who are not very thoughtful and will say horrible things and will make your life very uncomfortable and it's very upsetting.

Speaker A: What about feet? Picks that's kind of a sexting thing, isn't it? It's not for me and I'm assuming it's not for you, but but it is for some, many people.

Speaker B: Some people are into feet.

Speaker A: A lot of people are into Feetish. A lot of people are into feet.

Speaker B: And I find with their feet, obviously.

Speaker A: Like I'm not saying it's just feet, there's obviously other weird things. I'm sure there's an elbow site up there.

Speaker B: Oh, yeah, I'm sure there is. God alone could be a knee sight.

Speaker A: I don't know, but there's things like.

Speaker B: That where it's definitely a knee sight.

Speaker A: Why do you mean? Why do you now?

Speaker B: I'll tell you why, because you can get a strap on ***** no strap onto your knee. What?

Speaker A: Yeah, maybe it's just an easy kicking point.

Speaker B: No, I think well, maybe if you find certain positions, possibly if you have a disability or whatever but yes, you can get a strap on that straps onto your knee.

Speaker A: That's incredible.

Speaker B: I mean, at the end of the day, you can get a strap on that straps onto anything and if there's nothing that nobody has not thought of but yeah, people have fetishes about all sorts of things and it's all to do with their part and something that happened at a certain point in their past and all to do with, at that time, their sexual awakening. And it could be the most random, bizarre, mundane thing because it happened at a certain sort of point in time. They sort of associate arousal, something sexual with that very weird. Like things like feet.

Speaker A: Yeah, well, the only reason they bring up feet is just because it's like if you are found not that you would probably never know that it's your feet, obviously, let's say like a boss or something, they would never know it's your feet, you know what I mean? Yeah, but if someone saw that or something and they knew it was you, is it like the same thing? Very good question because you're fired, we saw your feet picks yeah, that's a good question, actually. Where is the line?

Speaker B: I mean, it's slightly wild, but actually that's really good if your fetish is a foot because then you're not going to get into any kind how much.

Speaker A: Trouble can you get in with a foot?

Speaker B: But you're fetish's feet and then that double sorts of other issues. Like what?

Speaker A: And we're not kink shaming here.

Speaker B: No, if you got a little foot fed, then that's your business. I would never do that. But there are certain to clarify kinks and fetishes that you have them for a reason. And I would say if they were certain things I don't think feet really is it. There are other things that are more sort of explicit, particularly if you're into peeing and defecating people. You might want to think about even if the other person is consensual I know I'm going way off topic from sexting, but even if the other person is consensual in that you may want to think about where that comes from, why you have that. Because I think feet is one thing, the king king on somebody or ******** on something.

Speaker A: It's very interesting. The **** comes from a lot of places and a lot of these are more common than you think.

Speaker B: Oh, I know, but it all comes.

Speaker A: Into the sexting and honestly, if we're going back to the sexting, sexting is a very good way before you have to consent to any real sex act.

Speaker B: And then you know, to figure out.

Speaker A: Absolutely, maybe just ask if that's okay and then get it in there. And obviously you can take back you can set it at any time, but there's just questions you can ask a potential partner over.

Speaker B: I think that if you think about the whole **** thing is if we're assuming this is man and a man anyway, two people with penises or one person with a *****.

Speaker A: Somebody with the ***** is there sending.

Speaker B: A picture of a ***** to the other person, and the other person is like, that's big enough or that's not enough, then that's quite helpful, I guess, because then you've seen it and then you can go, maybe I don't want to get involved with that *****.

Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, it's hard with the.

Speaker B: Penises a lot because if they have placid, you mean I don't know.

Speaker A: I think a lot of men don't use their mouths or their fingers enough. I don't think dicks are the be all end all. Not saying that I want really a micro *****. I don't know if I'm really into that. I'm sure there are people who want a microbes. I prefer a nice ****, but there's a nice with a little finger and a little mouse help. Yes, I need a whole roundabout thing.

Speaker B: She's getting all excited, a little creativity.

Speaker A: A **** pick can hurt you in that way, you know what I mean? A **** pick can hurt you in that way. People might laugh at you. You have to become at that way. Women can also be ******* cruel in that way and they will send that **** about oh yeah, and they may laugh. Maybe you're into that kind of kink, but I'm just saying absolutely.

Speaker B: And that's another thing. Actually talking about sex that brought this to my mind is this whole thing about women and their vaginas and that a huge amount of women have absolutely no idea what their ****** looks like, right? And to be fair, the phone is.

Speaker A: A new hand mirror.

Speaker B: Yeah. And I think unless you've I mean, there's a lot of women you wouldn't think about. You'd be like, well, what does it matter? I think it's become more relevant. Like people are talking about it more nice ******. Oh, I think many women would go through an entire life and have no idea what it looked like. The thing that I think is fascinating is this concept particularly coming from, let's say, a straight angle, like what is a knife ****** and what's a not knife ******? And to be honest, I have to say to you that until a certain point in my life, never gave any thought, like, that's ugly. And that's not ugly or that's better or that's not better. I don't know.

Speaker A: All vaginas are unique.

Speaker B: How can they say which one definitely are?

Speaker A: How can you say which one's better than the other?

Speaker B: It's kind of wild.

Speaker A: It is wild.

Speaker B: But the thing also how critical men are straight men if they're in a straight relationship with women, and how critical but I guess it goes both ways. The woman women are very critical of a man's ***** 100% and the way it does its business. And then a man is so critical and so critical about a woman's.

Speaker A: Well, I think some are. Obviously not all, because I find that a lot of women think they make this up in their head a bit.

Speaker B: But it's horrible.

Speaker A: Exactly. Because of the shame thing. I don't know.

Speaker B: Because they get the idea that it's.

Speaker A: Horrible because when I was younger, I used to be very self conscious of my ******. My *****, I guess. Not my ******.

Speaker B: What were you self conscious about?

Speaker A: I wanted it to look a little more in.

Speaker B: Yeah, okay.

Speaker A: And now I love it. Now I think it's really sexy where you thought that.

Speaker B: How did you get to that?

Speaker A: I think there's this thing of, like because I remember the day that my lips just kind of went out of.

Speaker B: It and I was like, what the **** happened?

Speaker A: I was like, what the **** happened?

Speaker B: Did a lot of self study, obviously.

Speaker A: Oh yeah. I've always been very self study.

Speaker B: Yeah, but I'm saying a lot of people should be and they have no idea.

Speaker A: Yeah, that's crazy.

Speaker B: Because you think about it, a man it's there. Of course you see it a day. You're touching it every day, obsessed with it. Whereas obviously there's a lot of work for a woman to kind of 100%.

Speaker A: Say it and not that much work anymore. Everyone has a cell phone.

Speaker B: That's true. But then we go back to the sexting thing and you take a pic.

Speaker A: Of you don't need to take a pick, though. Just put your camera there. You could and you can just see.

Speaker B: Yeah, but you might take a pick and then you might take the pick and then you forget that the picks.

Speaker A: On the do not forget that the pic your ****** is there.

Speaker B: Yeah. Going to some nice tea party and handing your phone to your granny and she's seeing pictures of your lovely house or whatever, and then all of a sudden she swipes to make you have a giant oh, no, careful of this. She's probably very open minded, funny, but, you know, just be careful.

Speaker A: Oh, no, granny.

Speaker B: That's easily done, isn't it? Of course it is, but yeah, I'm still fascinated by this whole thing of how women I think it's because women have to pick some kind of fault. There has to be something wrong with them. So let's say this woman is completely perfect, like our societal image of perfect. Perfect, right. Perfect waist, perfect ***, perfect. So obviously her ***** isn't perfect. She's got to find something. Or her left nipple on the underside, whatever. Yeah, but it's kind of fascinating. But I think lots of women have. Absolutely.

Speaker A: I think because of ****, though, of course, one of the good things about **** and the bad things about ****, where you can find literally any kind of whatever looks like whatever, but then a lot of the most **** that you see is very like upyappy, upyappy, little, tiny, very teeny, tiny, waxed vaginas vulvas.

Speaker B: And that's fine.

Speaker A: That's a great ******. Another ****** is a great ******. There's no bad ****** *****. As long as you are, you just have to be happy with it. Exactly. How much time are you going to take about yourself for not liking it?

Speaker B: Don't let it control your plan, please. To be fair, it's something I've never given any thought to, other than the fact that I probably did not know what it looked like for very long, because I just didn't really cross my mind.

Speaker A: I've always been very interested.

Speaker B: Well, but again, I applaud that. I think that's great, but I think that a lot of women don't know. And then as society has become more talking about this more, then women have become way too obsessed. And then, of course, the other thing is, when you have a child naturally, which I didn't, and both my babies were cesareans, then you have another whole issue going down below. And I think, to be honest, that's the most conversation. It's a very negative one. It's very damaging to women. It's very destructive, because on the one hand, it's a completely natural thing. But like I've said to you before, you've seen a baby, you know how big the hole in your ****** is. What? Do the maths. Something's going to happen. And you know, if you have a child naturally, many women, they tear, and of course, it means that down below, they're not as tight, and of course, that changes the sex that you have with your partner. Obviously it does. Everything changes, but obviously it's just if you like engineering, it changes. But a lot of women feel huge amounts of shame about that. And to be honest, I think it's like all the conversations around women, that we're talking about things more like the menopause and all of that, but we still or postnatal depression, we still are very much in the realm of the negative. Yeah, of course. We seem to. And so I think because of the nature of the way women are, we are on the, oh, well, that's not good, or we go to the negative side. Yeah, I think you don't innately do that. Yeah.

Speaker A: Going back on the sexting part of that, it's like if a picture and you're a consenting adult, obviously, if a picture can empower you of taking that picture and maybe it's not for anyone, maybe it's for yourself.

Speaker B: I agree with that.

Speaker A: You got to start understanding your body and loving your body. And if taking a picture and maybe sending it to someone who actually appreciates.

Speaker B: It, I 100% agree with that. But I also sexy pick. Yeah. As long as you're the right age, consenting adults and over the age of 18, because we're talking about the consent laws, you can consensually have sex at a younger age, but still can't send saucy pics. I think I mentioned to you this earlier that I recently saw this film, Grande, I think it's called, with Emma Thompson. Anybody hasn't seen it, please go and see it.

Speaker A: I haven't even seen it. I'm really excited to watch it tonight. I'm going to watch it tonight.

Speaker B: I thought it was so really well made. I thought the conversation was really good. And it's all about this woman, this older woman who sort of had this very boring I won't ruin it for everyone but sexless life. And she employs this incredibly attractive young man who is a sex worker to kind of experience stuff she'd never experienced. Her husband, who was a bit of a sort of roll on top, do his business, roll off. That's the end of it. And she'd never had an orgasm. And it was all also about how you feel about your body, the way you look, how you feel about yourself, how the world sees you. And they did that really, really well. And it was very interesting in the film, as she became gained some sexual confidence because she was actually having an orgasm, she looked at her body in a different way, wasn't like completely revolted by it, but I think it was really well done. And even though the film was about her being older and her being of a certain age and a bit sort of frumpy, to use that word, in Canada yeah. And him being even though Emma Thompson is that the character isn't the character was and him being this young, very attractive young man and sort of very busy and all the rest of it and the sexy Irish accent and all of that exactly. It could actually apply to many, many situations. It's just that not everyone is confident. Somebody can be telling you that you're beautiful and you're this and you're that. But if you don't feel it and that feeling, why is it not there? And it's probably rooted in my case, it's completely rooted in stuff that happened in the past and things that people said to me. And I wouldn't say I have this, like, oh, my God, you're hideous. But I look in the mirror and I just go, yeah, you're all right. Possible. That's my feeling, and that's been my feeling my whole life. But it is very much rooted for me. I know where it comes from. It comes from something that was said to me, a bit like we're talking about the fetish. Something was said to you at a certain point in your life that is literally lodged in your head, and you cannot get it out of your head. And it doesn't matter. Me personally, I've said this to you before, I absolutely hate photos. Take them with a burning passion. We had to do all the photos for our website photo shoot.

Speaker A: And you're so cute, by the way, in those photos. And obviously your husband agrees, like, everyone thinks you're in.

Speaker B: Yeah, okay, good, because it's helpful to me because I really had to push myself. Not that I have I'm not good at pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I've done that for years. But, I mean, in that particular case, that was not something I am very comfortable doing. I thought it was a very good experience. Obviously, you have to do it more, but I don't think I'm that unusual. I think there's lots and lots of women maybe the photo thing, I take it to slightly obsessive levels, but I don't know what it is. But I think you have to understand in yourself, but I'm not sure you can never get to the point if you feel a certain way, somebody can tell you anything. If you don't feel it, you don't feel it. It's just what it is. It's not healthy, and it's not a way to be. And it's something you should definitely try and work on. But how do you change that? I don't know.

Speaker A: Yeah, it's like literally anything. You just have to work on it and work on your confidence. And actually, it's just so sweet. I had a friend say it to me. She was like because I saw her the other day, she was like, you're so confident sexually in yourself. I don't know how you've done that for yourself. And I'm like, I've literally worked on it my entire life, and I don't know where it comes from, specifically in my head. That's what therapy is for. And I haven't done that yet, but yeah, and I've just accepted it. It's a part of my life, and it's a part of who I am, and I like that little part of it. But it's something you obviously have to work on. If you want it to be a part of yourself and your personality.

Speaker B: I think that women in particular have trouble with it because I think it sort of ties into the sexing thing, is that I think, as women were endlessly told, you have to look like this, and you have to. I know that we do live in an era where, compared to when I was a teenager, there are other images. Thank God it's not always somebody the size of a bean pole. There are models in many different campaigns today that are all different sizes and lots of different body shapes, and it's much more representative, but still, ultimately, that's not what people want to see. People want to see amazingly perfect people that don't actually exist, and it's very unhealthy. And women, for some bizarre reason, we do this to every sort of element of our being, and it's really amazing. People who are confident and it's incredibly appealing. People are attracted to people who are confident that believe in themselves and just sort of go, **** the rest of the world, I don't care. Certainly something as you get older. I certainly feel as I get older, I really couldn't actually give a toss.

Speaker A: Yeah. I've tried my entire adult life to kind of be like, I don't ******* care what anyone thinks of me, because I'm always, at the end of the day, you should only do anything for yourself in a very selfish way of like it is literally about, this is your life, and you have to live.

Speaker B: It the way you want to live it.

Speaker A: That's it. And if someone doesn't like what you're doing, whether it is sexting, whether you want to post a bikini pic or.

Speaker B: Whatever it is, it is their problem.

Speaker A: It is literally their problem. And maybe if it affects your job, maybe you should find a different career path. You have to weigh your values. And I think that's what I've done with myself. I've had to weigh my values a lot of the time, being like, this person saying this about me. They're trying to **** shame me. They're trying to tell me what to do on my own, like social media or my own, whatever.

Speaker B: I've had a lot of that.

Speaker A: I've had some of that. Not a huge amount, because I've just been like this for so long.

Speaker B: For women and often men or from both?

Speaker A: From women, actually.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: It's just so funny that way. But it's just like, I have to be like, what the **** do I care about what other people are thinking of me? It doesn't put me any further of where I want to be. And for me, it's like, I want to be completely free sexually, in every other way possible. That's how I want to live my life. And I want to give that to other people too, because if I show that I can do that, then other women will also see that they are able to do that. So that's exactly how I want to deal with it. Especially like, yeah, you can post that sexy pick on social media if you're not doing it for someone else, it should be empowerment to you.

Speaker B: If you want to do that and you've kind of decided or you've weighed up or whatever, then absolutely don't do it.

Speaker A: If it can make you feel more confident.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: Why the **** not?

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: I ******* love when women are confident. We should all be so much more confident. We should do it.

Speaker B: We should. But we're not just make that effort.

Speaker A: Every day of just like, what can I do today? Maybe it's just like, look at your tummy in the mirror and being like, I love you, and then put your shirt on. There's so many small things. Just literally look in the mirror because that's what is it called? Affirmations, like positive affirmations. Doing it in the mirror. Yes, I have to do it sometimes when I'm really feeling down, but it actually it's a mental thing that actually works.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: So doing things like that, taking sexy.

Speaker B: Pictures, looking at them or doing things that just are not going to make you feel bad. I mean, I know lots of women and I don't eat like, lots of women don't weigh themselves or whatever.

Speaker A: I don't weigh myself.

Speaker B: Yeah. I only use clothes. Like, I have clothes I know if I can't wear it. I know. Because I just feel you look at the numbers and then you just have the whole day, all you can think about is obsessing about this number. And I'm old enough to have been down that road. And you know what you look like, you know what close fit. If you're in this size, you're sort of all right. But I think you have to know that about yourself. You have to know that if that's hard, then don't send yourself down that rabbit hole like you're saying. And yeah, affirmations. But and I think that's really, really important. But I think that women, unfortunately, we work against ourselves. And I wish we'll have to talk about that in other podcast. And I've certainly found it in my life where I found women to be the ones who've been against me rather than 100%. And you're like, Hang on, don't we live in this world where we're all empowering each other and that's actually not happening? And that's part of the whole critical **** is like when we talk about artists like Lizzo and stuff like that. Well, look. Go live. Lizzo Live your life you want to be. If she wants to be whatever she wants to be, that's entirely up to her. You can have another conversation about what's healthy and what's not healthy. But that's not your buffer.

Speaker A: Honestly, if she wants to be healthy, different for everyone.

Speaker B: But it's also about what she's comfortable with, not what I'm comfortable. I'm comfortable. And. I want something else. That's completely fine. I'm not her, she's somebody else. Why can't we just talk like that? Why do we have to endlessly be critical? And unfortunately, that does come from a lot of women. We do it to ourselves. Or like the bitchy. Like she thinks she can get away wearing that.

Speaker A: Yeah, exactly. Oh, my God. Shut the **** up.

Speaker B: If you're 75 want a mini skirt, wear the mini, mini skirt. Anyway, as usual. Completely, I think, just coming back to.

Speaker A: It, if the sexting and you are.

Speaker B: Consenting, adult and over 18.

Speaker A: Over 18 and yeah, I think you can make your own decisions and I am all for sexting. You need me to help you with the sext, you can message us. I will help you with your sex. Do not send us unsolicited **** pics, though. We're not going to open them.

Speaker B: Please.

Speaker A: But if you need if you're a man or a woman and you need help sexting, I would love to help.

Speaker B: She probably really can. I would be of no uses.

Speaker A: I think that'd be so fun.

Speaker B: Yeah, I can tell you about emojis. I love it.

Speaker A: As always, Mel, it's been a pleasure.

Speaker B: It's been fab. I love it. A fabulous chat always. Bye, darling. Love you.

Speaker A: I'll see you next time.

Speaker B: You will. Okay. Bye.

Speaker A: Bye.

Speaker B: Thanks so much for listening. Please rate and review this podcast and follow us on social at Sharing My Truth Pod and leave us a voicemail on our website to share your stories and experiences with us. We'll see you next time. Bye.

Speaker A: Bye.

Speaker B: Three, two, one.

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