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Episode 10 - The Truth About Being addicted to Excitement
Hosted by Mel & Suzie

Melany Krangle & Suzie Sheckter

Speaker A: Welcome to sharing my truth with Mel and Suzie. The uncensored version where we bear it.

Speaker B: All we do 12345.

Speaker A: Hello everyone. Welcome back. Welcome asked you sharing my truth. I'm Susie.

Speaker B: And I'm mel.

Speaker A: And we are here again talking to you guys on a hump day wednesday definitely are. It's very exciting and it's very fun. And it's stunning weather today. The weather is incredible.

Speaker B: Yeah, the weather is amazing.

Speaker A: It's incredible.

Speaker B: It's not good for the planet, but it is good for the I don't.

Speaker A: Know, maybe the plants like it. Plants are important.

Speaker B: I like it. We're sort of plants on.

Speaker A: We are absolutely plants. We are actually a little house plants. Plants. House plants that you just have to water and sunbathe.

Speaker B: Yeah. I do hate the snow elements of winter in North America or the Toronto element. And I thank my lucky stars every day that I don't live in Alberta. Yeah.

Speaker A: No. Hell no. My parents live there. It's an absolute nightmare. Why do you think I'd never visit them? It's not my fault. They don't visit me either.

Speaker B: Well, that's something for another day.

Speaker A: It might be anyway. Yes.

Speaker B: Well, I'm here today.

Speaker A: We are here because we're going to talk about a little something that I like to call excitement.

Speaker B: You know what excites me, really? What?

Speaker A: Life.

Speaker B: Really? That's good. Yeah.

Speaker A: I find that I am one of the most enthusiastic people I know.

Speaker B: I think you're one of the most enthusiastic people I know.

Speaker A: I just don't understand when people are into bad boots because I'm like I mean, obviously there's a lot of **** in the world to be upset about, and I'm not I try not to be naive or ignorant to any problems of the world, but problems are always happening in the world. Always. There's always absolutely something horrible going on. It doesn't matter what time period you live in in the future, there's going to be horrible things, and the news media doesn't ******* help. But there's always something to be happy about too.

Speaker B: That's very true. And I think that you're to be commended for that because I think too many people know. But it is a human condition that we always remember the things that we did badly over the things we did well. We always remember weaknesses rather than strengths. We always go to the negative before the positive.

Speaker A: Well, and also because of COVID like, we're having a mental health crisis. So people are trying to get their what do you Brits call?

Speaker B: What do you say? Yeah, you're trying to get jolie's out.

Speaker A: And in so many more different ways than ever before. Like, obviously social media, which has never existed, you know, which is a very new thing, and they're not going outside enough and finding natural ways for enjoyment.

Speaker B: Yeah, I mean I mean, we're talking sort of we're going to share with you one of our listeners who who sent their their story about this. And they're talking about addicted to excitement in terms of affairs but I think it's generically across everything that excitement I think life can be for the whole most of life is quite mundane if.

Speaker A: You make it mundane.

Speaker B: Yeah, for sure. I don't mind the mundane. I'm not somebody like I'm quite happy when I'm having my cup of tea.

Speaker A: That's not mundane though, that's just enjoying the little things.

Speaker B: Exactly. I think that's a very good way of putting it. But I think it does sort of take a bit of living to realize actually there's a lot of pleasure in very small things like going for a walk and having a cup of tea and just being calm or watching your favorite TV show or whatever it is that you want to do. And I don't know if it is to do with social media. This isn't a new thing because I certainly know plenty of people in my age or when I was younger, but this need to be continuously stimulated and I don't mean sexually, I just mean your mind. Like my kids will go to the loo and they have to the toilet for everyone else or they have a shower or they go and make a piece of toast or anything. They have to be stimulated, they have to listen to something. And I'm telling you this because you're listening to our podcast but no, but it's true and I think that that also feeds into this desire to make Life kind of like so excited. It's like a movie and so I think people can get addicted to stuff like sex and stuff like that because it takes them away from their life. Do you know a bit like I find I love watching dramas. I watch a lot of British TV, as you know, and I watch it at the very end of the day when my brain is completely that's it, I got nothing left.

Speaker A: Yeah, because that's beautiful, that's a beautiful time of day where you literally just kind of doze off into this world that's not your own.

Speaker B: Exactly. It can be anything, it's just not your life.

Speaker A: Absolutely.

Speaker B: And so you're going into another life so even if we're talking about addicted to excitement, there's the same thing, isn't it? You're just going into something else and I think the danger here is you can really get very high on the excitement and there's no balance. It's like anything, like any kind of obsession, whether that's sexual or anything. If it starts to overtake the mundane overtake, you think about that more than you think about everything else, then you're getting into really a sort of worrying.

Speaker A: Well, they need to be excited about something. They need to be looking forward to something all the time, which makes sense in the dead of winter, obviously, in Canada. This is what we're dealing with.

Speaker B: Right.

Speaker A: Like in the dead of winter, I need to have a trip or something a party, something going on that brings me to this thing of like, okay, it's okay. We're dealing with this **** right now, but soon it's going to be better. We're looking forward to this thing. And I think a lot of people can't they sometimes can't see out of this way.

Speaker B: I think so. And then the other problem is that you get so focused on the thing that's coming that you wish your life away, you wish time away. And I know a lot of people who look forward to trips all the time, and especially, I don't work for have a corporate job. I work for myself. And so it's very different how you structure your time, but especially if you're in a corporate job or you're just something where you're like, I don't have that much control over my time. And you're always wishing, I can't wait till I go on that trip to Mexico or whatever, then you're not living in the moment.

Speaker A: That's true too, and that's a very good point.

Speaker B: Can get quite problematic.

Speaker A: ****, it's hard to live in the moment. I was doing a workout this morning, and it was incredible, and it's just like this instructor. It was like a pilot's class, but the room is all dark, and it's kind of sexy in there, and you can't see anyone else. Pretty much you're just focusing on yourself. But obviously your mind is wandering. It's like a meditation, sort of. And the teacher is obviously, like, just literally the outside world is the outside world. You are here right now, and it's so important to do that for ourselves throughout the day and not have to worry about what's going on at 02:00 P.m. On Thursday, because you have to do a million other things. It's like, well, there's a task at hand right now, whether it's more important or not. Obviously, strategizing your time correctly would help, but you could be dead tomorrow in a very well, no, but it brings up this thing of, like, you have to start it's obviously easier said than done, but there's a thing about living in your moment for yourself.

Speaker B: I I do think that's very true. It's something I've had to learn. I'm not tremendous. I innately want to multitask. I want to do, like, 50 yeah.

Speaker A: In the same way.

Speaker B: And I think as women, we think we're really good at it. We're definitely better at men. Better than men at it. Like, I'll find, like, if somebody calls my husband, that's all he can do. He can be on the phone, he can't be calling somebody making dinner.

Speaker A: No, jeff cannot multitask. And I make fun of him all the time.

Speaker B: For I could easily do that because you have to, especially in a family with children and stuff. You're talking to somebody, you're cleaning the floor, you're sort of doing something else. You're making a sandwich for your kid, whatever. You're doing, like, four different things at once. However, it does mean that the main task, I think, does suffer because your brain isn't really structured. I mean, I don't know enough about the science behind this, but you really need to you're absolutely right. Focus on the thing that's happening and worry about that and do that well. So let's say you're at work or like you're talking about your yoga class or the latest class, just be there. And actually, that's one thing I find really hard about yoga 100%. When they tell you probably yoga more, I don't know, I haven't done it for so long. But they tell you to close your eyes. I can't do it.

Speaker A: It's really hard to close. One of the hardest things about the class is literally just letting go of yourself and being a part of whatever's happening around you. It's almost impossible. And to not allow thoughts to just come in your head about what you're doing after this.

Speaker B: Very difficult.

Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker B: I find that, personally, my personality, I find that very, very tricky and I have to learn how to do it and I have to learn I'm doing this now, like you said, stop worrying about what's happening this afternoon or whether you have another 50 million things to do. Or if you're with your kids. You're with your kids, that's it. Or if you're working, you're working. If you're with your partner, you're with your partner. But some things you actually sort of have to train yourself to do 100%.

Speaker A: And it's obviously not easy. We're not perfect at this. That's not what we're talking about, this Edward, it's insane how difficult just being in our moment is difficult.

Speaker B: And I think that's why people can get quite addicted to the thrills, to the highs.

Speaker A: Yeah, exactly.

Speaker B: Because, again, it's like this thing about life is in order to succeed, and I've learnt this, certainly the hard way to succeed, you have to fail. Without doubt, you will have failures in your life, whether they're personal, professional, whatever they are, and however you see them, you have to kind of go, okay, that was that. You just move on. And that's very hard and you're professional and your personal life. But in order to sort of have the real highs in your life, you kind of have to know where the lows are. When you're in the low, that's quite difficult to kind of get your head around that. But I think that's the same thing with the idea of excitement or around sex, or around the sort of mundane monotony of life that people who seek and I've seen this myself, with friends or acquaintances who've sort of fares out, so they're living in the thrill of the moment, of that affair. It's so exciting. And then we'll just worry about all the **** and all the **** and everything else that that's going to bring afterwards. But in the moment, this is taking me away from the stuff I'm running away from that I really can't deal with. And there are lots of problems with that, aren't there? There's lots of, like, issues with that.

Speaker A: We all have our small addictions, right? Like an affair is an affair. If you're addicted to your affair or that kind of excitement, obviously that's a much larger issue on some other scale. And I think a lot more people have been dealing with this than we realize. But apologetically, I smoke once in a while because it's delicious and I'm not endorsing it at all. It's disgusting. But there are these just times where you just need this tiny bit, this thrill of death. And it's weird that I keep talking about in a way of like it brings you right back down to earth.

Speaker B: Brings you to the edge.

Speaker A: It brings you to the edge and then it's done, it's over, and you move on with your life. And that's kind of obviously, that's a very small thing.

Speaker B: That the way you see it.

Speaker A: It's just a thrill. Because I do find that not that I'm a safe person in any means, but I live my life in a not very dangerous way. And so these small things that keep us kind of into reality, it's exciting, whatever it may be.

Speaker B: Yeah, but I mean, that's why people drink. Sorry? That's why people drink.

Speaker A: Well, I ******* love drinking too. Is that a problem?

Speaker B: Well, according to the Canadian government, it takes the edge off the day, doesn't it?

Speaker A: Absolutely.

Speaker B: And I personally, the older I get, I don't need 100 drinks, but even just one drink. It's amazing how it's like.

Speaker A: There'S an appreciation with these small addictions that we have.

Speaker B: Yeah. And tea.

Speaker A: Yes, you are. But I love that about you and it's adorable. And the way you make me tea makes me feel special. It's like someone sharing their favorite glass of wine with me.

Speaker B: But I'm actually doing good things for your health because supposedly it's good for your heart or something. Or something, sure.

Speaker A: Whatever you say.

Speaker B: Yeah. Something good about that.

Speaker A: English people live so long. It's why the Queen lived till 100 and whatever.

Speaker B: Chinese drink a lot of tea and they live very live forever. The Indians live very long lives. They drink tea.

Speaker A: That's perfect.

Speaker B: There you go. I'm selling you a good thing, but I can't not drink it. And I've tried. I get a massive headache. Head over?

Speaker A: Head over? Sure.

Speaker B: No, I get a huge headache. I've tried to do, like, these detox things as women have tried. We've all tried all these things in our life and I tried it and I laughed at 11:00 in the morning and I felt like there was an elephant sitting on my head.

Speaker A: Oh, my God.

Speaker B: I thought, **** that for a lump of cheese. I'm going to just carry on drinking tea. Yeah.

Speaker A: I think addictions are great if they're not controlling your life. But I guess that's what an addiction.

Speaker B: Addiction obsession and then addicted as we're going to be talking about as we're going to be talking about one of our lessons that shared with us addicted to excitement, to the thrill, to the chase and the affair, to cheating. That's another whole thing, isn't it?

Speaker A: It is. Well, let's get into it.

Speaker B: Hey, that's dangerous.

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Speaker B: Get it?

Speaker A: Now go to the link in our bio, put in the code and get jiggy with it. Our listener. I'm so excited to hear her story because I think most people than we think, more people than we think are dealing with affairs and cheating. And obviously we talked about this on our other episode of trust and cheating and open relationships, it's super common. People just need, hopefully to figure out their own wants and needs and what this is.

Speaker B: Yeah, it's a really tricky thing, affairs. Somebody's been married a long time, I do get it. And a lot of people are going to say to me, monogamy is not the natural state of things and biologically programmed. We're programmed to blah, blah, blah to spread whatever seeds yeah, if you want to see and I guess there's an element of truth in that. But if you want to have a meaningful relationship, somebody and love some one person, those two things don't go together. And one thing I would before I read this out, like to say about affairs, is that there are a million people are super judgmental about when people do that. We have to remember we are all human and there are a billion a bajillion, as I like to say, reasons for affairs. They can be very selfish, that you're just really interested in getting your jollies. It's a sexual thing. For whatever reason, what's happening in your life, in your regular life is not enough. And you're lying, you're cheating, and that's a whole different thing. It could be all sorts of things. Something very traumatic, dramatic's happened in your life. Death a change, some big change. And often people can be led into affairs because a little bit like what we said before, it's about distraction, isn't it? Reality in another case.

Speaker A: I mean, sometimes being selfish is maybe not the worst thing.

Speaker B: Well, no, I mean, it's your life. It's just me. I always go back to the thing like who are you hurting?

Speaker A: Are you hurting yourself by not?

Speaker B: Oh, I agree, I agree with that. But I think trust is a massive thing and once trust is gone in a relationship, it's a really big problem when people lie when they've had affairs or they've cheated, and then they lie or they're caught out. And sort of the latest trend now, that because we have social media. Whoever they're having affair with, it's much easier to contact whoever you're having affair with. If you're caught out and you don't tell the truth, then you really are going down another whole thing. But so I'm going to tell you it's not very long what this listener shared with us. She's a 46 year old woman, and she's been married for 26 years. So that's a long time.

Speaker A: How many years?

Speaker B: 26.

Speaker A: Wow.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: That's my entire lifetime.

Speaker B: That's a whole of you. Wow. I know. That's crazy. So that's an issue. Her kids are grown, and her husband works a lot and a way for work a lot. And I've seen this a lot where it's a problem because if you're not happy but not unhappy, then there's a lot of hours in the day to fill, even if you are working well. Yeah.

Speaker A: If your man is out and you need sexual release and masturbation isn't cutting it well, yeah, something's got a gift. Right?

Speaker B: So a year ago, she started an affair with a man I used to work with. I love my husband, but I've become addicted to the physical side of this man. I hate lying to my husband, but I feel very trapped. And she's asked us, what do you think? Whoa. Heavier.

Speaker A: Very trapped. I mean, it's tough because is she feeling trapped because she wants to get out of the marriage, or she's feeling trapped because she wants to tell her husband, or she's feeling trapped because I.

Speaker B: Think she wants the feeling trapped is that she still loves her husband, which I think is the big misconception. Because somebody has an affair, it can often actually just be physical. It's not about love. When we go into the realm of loving somebody else and cheating with, that a whole different thing. And I could sit here for hours and talk about that, but she's been with somebody else because physically they gel very well, and she's getting physical pleasure. But she still loves her husband. So she's trapped by, what do I do? I'm addicted to the thrill, the pleasure, the excitement of this other man, and that's what he gives me. But I love my husband. I've been with him for a very long time. I'm saying I but this isn't me. Yeah, but I haven't been married for 26 years. But I love my husband. I love our relationship. I love the person. So what do you do? So this is very complicated. I don't think this is easy. And I have to tell you that I have to tell the listener that this is not going down in a particularly fabulous route.

Speaker A: Well, Mel is a very monogamous person. Obviously I am.

Speaker B: I think I'm an innately monogamous person. Is that possible? Is that a thing?

Speaker A: Well, I actually believe that there are two kinds of people and monogamy. Monogamous. And for whatever reason, that's the way you are, whether it is from your childhood, that's what you need in your life.

Speaker B: Right.

Speaker A: And then there's the other side where you're more open about your relationships. Not that you don't care as much about that kind of one relationship, but there's this belief that there might be more out there, and that belief doesn't go away.

Speaker B: Yeah. So this is where I would ask you a question. Do you think that it's because there are two different people? Do you think it's because you feel that way because the person you're with isn't checking all the boxes?

Speaker A: No, I actually believe that there's two different because I don't believe that one person can check all your boxes.

Speaker B: Yeah, I understand what you mean. I think that's a huge thing to say, checks your boxes. I don't think they do because at the end of the day, you don't check somebody else's box.

Speaker A: You have great you fill your own.

Speaker B: Life and you have flaws. And if you're with somebody, you're with them for the more pros and the cons, as it were. I know lots of people are actually with people where there are way more cons than pros. But of course, we're human beings. We're not robots, we're not programs. Of course we have things that the other person doesn't like. And if they could actually pick you off a menu, they take those things out. Yeah, I think that's fair, but I don't think that's what I mean. I think I check the boxes. You mean emotionally, physically, financially, whatever you want to call all the things you want to call it. It's very difficult to find somebody who does all this.

Speaker A: I think if you have more pros and cons, obviously it's going to be an easy relationship. I also think opposites attract in a lot of ways, in a lot of things, whether that's unfortunate or fortunate for the specific relationship, whether you mend really well in that way, and you kind of fit into each other a little bit better because of your opposites. But yeah, I really do think that obviously no one is the same, but monogamy cannot be the way of everyone.

Speaker B: Oh, yeah, I totally agree. I would never say to somebody, I live this way, therefore you have to live that way. That's just completely absurd.

Speaker A: No, yeah, of course.

Speaker B: I found my path in life. I've found what works for me. It works for me, and it's completely personal. And I'd say that what I'm about to say about this is that's from my perspective, from my point of view, from what I've lived through, from what I've seen and I would say the problem with these situations when you're having an affair, we're talking about affairs because you are addicted to thrill. And it can literally be it's so exciting. We meet every wednesday in a hotel or whatever, even at the very point of being caught out is the excitement. So that's why often people, the affairs don't last is because they think it's about the person. And of course they are sexually attracted. They're attracted to the person. But it's the thrill, the thrill of being caught. There's so many parts of that right yeah. That are exciting. Yeah. The fact that you have to have this special time that nobody knows about. There are all different things about that. And you are human being and I think most human beings want exciting and things to happen. The problem is when that then hurts the person. And if you are in a marriage with somebody and you've been with somebody that long and there is probably a problem in the physical side of your relationship if you are and I'm not telling you that every relationship, even if it's been a long time, is always perfect physically that's a big subject. But if there is an issue in the sense that you need to seek sex outside of your marriage, you really probably should have had a conversation with that before. And if you've been married for that long and I only say that from my perspective, from having been married for a very long time, if you don't talk about things, the longer you leave it, the ******* harder it is, the longer it goes. It's like almost impossible to bring stuff up because then they'll be like, well why didn't you tell me earlier 100%? And then you go down this whole thing. So I can understand that that's possible. Life drags you down the path. And if her husband works away and she works different hours or whatever it is, I understand that there are actually things you can't change in your life. However, she's now got into a situation where she can really hurt her husband and possibly destroy her marriage.

Speaker A: Maybe he's having an affair too.

Speaker B: That is possible. That is possible. I'm not even sure. And then people will say, well, you have to tell well.

Speaker A: Can you just stop the affair and never tell them?

Speaker B: Well, that's going to eat you up. I don't know if she's saying she's trapped, it's going to eat her up. Yeah.

Speaker A: I want to know why. I wish you would kind of explain because I feel like there's a lot of things in this that could make a person feel trapped, obviously. What is it specifically that is the core of the trap? Is it literally you feel trapped in this marriage and you don't want to be in this marriage and you want a way out.

Speaker B: Was it trapped in the feeling?

Speaker A: Exactly.

Speaker B: I think from the way she's written that there's a big assumption, but I would assume she's saying she's trapped in.

Speaker A: The feeling and the feeling of it.

Speaker B: Of how I love this thing, but I love this other person. What do I do? And then you go round and round around circles, and then there is the argument that sort of being truthful and saying the truthful thing to your husband.

Speaker A: That is going to break your ******* heart is probably the worst thing ever. It's never happened to me, but I can't even imagine that's, like, really upsetting. Yeah, it's a very hard this is incredibly difficult. And this person has to make their own decision about what they're doing.

Speaker B: They have to think about because, I mean, there is an issue of personally, I couldn't live with it. I couldn't live with having done that. And every day looking at my husband and him not knowing, I just feel the person I am and maybe that's selfish about me, I don't know. But I think she has to weigh this all up and she really has to think about whether this is worth it, because the longer she goes down the road with the other man, maybe the other man's falling in love with her and oh, my God, the whole thing is just going to be a massive **** storm.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: The answer is, the simple thing I would say about this is that I know I've said this many times, but we are human, we are not infallible. We make mistakes all the time. We fail, we pick ourselves up, we move on. In life, you have to learn from your mistakes. If you make a mistake, the worst thing you can possibly do is repeat it. You got to realize that was bad and do something different next time. In this situation, she really has to ask herself, look really hard in the mirror, ask herself some serious questions. What is it that I want? Is it the sexual side? Is it do I really love my husband? She really has to ask herself. That would be my piece of advice. I can't tell you what to do. I really think that's wrong for anybody to tell you what to do. But you have to look at yourself really hard. And I know that's sort of like, what does that mean? That means Walt and all the bad and the good, what is it that you want? And remember, if you're going to destroy your marriage, that has all sorts of ramifications and if you're going to lie so you're going to end this affair with this man, never tell your husband that also has ramifications. Because when you live with a lie, it changes your behavior. And then it's sort of like a domino's. When you see those domino things going, like a card thing, right? It literally goes around the thing. So it's a very tricky situation.

Speaker A: Well, I would say this woman is not the first person to cheat and she's definitely not going to be the last. And this kind of thing literally happens so often, way more often than we think. I think a lot of our I swear, our friends, people, we. Know are having these complications in their lives. And I think talking to someone you trust about it, someone who doesn't maybe know your husband or someone who you would trust that to not tell him or anything like that would help a lot.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: Because I mean, we don't know the situation fully, obviously at all just from a little snippet. So to have someone you trust to actually speak about, to maybe get a therapist of some sort to speak about it and find out maybe that there's something from the past that has brought this behavior out and then possibly doing a he's away all the time, that's ******* annoying. I understand that that's super difficult, but, like, to get into relationship counseling because to have a mediator speaking about it and if you wanted to tell him, if that's the choice that you wanted to make, to be able to have someone there who can calm the situation or deal with it in a logical way and not just an emotional way.

Speaker B: Yeah, for sure. I mean I think the sort of first step I would say is please go away if you can have some time to yourself. Sounds like unfortunately that's the crux of the problem. You do have time to yourself, but look at yourself. Think really hard what it is that you want and that you're going forward and then sort of work back from there. So if it is that you want to salvage your relationship with your husband and he has no clue, so telling us is going to be very destructive. You then have to think, how am I going to do this? Because even if you go back, let's say you don't have this relationship with this man anymore and you don't have the thrill and the excitement, then you've got to go back to your husband and the original problem is still there. So you've got to think about that. Yeah.

Speaker A: I mean if you cut this person off, which might be something to do, obviously and just figuring it out for yourself, which I think is what you're saying anyways, of just like is it the person that I'm addicted to? Is it the feeling of being away from my husband? Exactly, because you're in a completely different place in your life and you don't have to think about anything around you. It's a bit like a meditation.

Speaker B: Yeah. Other things going on. And the other thing I would say, my last thing I would say before I move on to my facts, Susie, is I would say think very hard who you talk to because I don't know if you've learnt this, but I've learnt this from bitter experience. You can speak to friends who are your oldest friends and you think, I'm going to share with them. Then you put them in a very difficult situation, particularly if they know your husband because then they're like, oh my God. And then they're going to have this whole agonizing thing, whether they should tell the husband. So think very hard about that and think also you want to talk to somebody and you're talking about counseling. Is that the next step? I don't know. But talk to somebody initially who isn't going to judge you, who's going to listen, but they're going to hear what you're saying, that, yes, you've made a mistake. Yes, having an affair and cheating and so on is not great, but you're a human being. You're not the devil incarnate. You made a mistake, and you need to move forward. You have to find a way to move forward with this. So somebody's not going to judge you and somebody's not going to tell your husband. So that then you can maybe listen to that person. Maybe if you're able to tell a few people so you can get a few different perspectives and really think about this. But then there is the big thing is you do not want your husband to find out.

Speaker A: No, but I wouldn't really call it even a mistake, per se, because if it brings you closer to knowing yourself, then in my beliefs, everything happens for a reason in one way or another. Everything brings something happens, and it brings you closer to hopefully knowing who you are fully. But obviously these things are super ******* ****** to deal with, especially if you're.

Speaker B: The person and the receiving end. It's awful. If you can cheat it on, it's awful. And I think the other thing I would say is whatever you're going to do, whatever you're going to is really be kind think about how this is huge, this is big, this is really painful. This can take a very long time to recover from. You may not recover from the person may not recover from right. So as best as you can it's a mistake in the sense that you've married somebody and you're not supposed to cheat on them if you haven't discussed that. So there's a lot to unpack.

Speaker A: Or just ask them for an open relationship. You know, that's my favorite advice.

Speaker B: I know it's your advice.

Speaker A: Always ask for a ******* open relationship. If they want it, they want it, and they can do it, and you don't have to leave any guilt.

Speaker B: And what if they don't?

Speaker A: Then we have to talk about that a little deeper with our therapies.

Speaker B: Okay? One thing to actually think about in terms of facts and in terms of this particular woman who's 46 is I think we underestimate how as women get older, their sex drive can go up and their partner's sex drive can go down.

Speaker A: Right.

Speaker B: And that is something I have no idea why we're really only talking about it now. Let's face it, we're only really talking about the menopause in the last five years before that was the sort of thing shrouded in shame and some kind of weird **** happens to you when you have your menopause and that's it. Your life is over and you shrivel up to a prune.

Speaker A: Right?

Speaker B: This is actually not fun. And statistically, women so women between the ages of 31 to 45 have the strongest sex drive compared with other ages. So I suppose she's 46, so she's a bit older than that. But I think the point is the physical and mental changes that occur in women's 40s through to 60s are some of the greatest changes of experience. This particular article says there isn't enough conversation surrounding that. But the point is that in some people, their sex drive can decline. Some can just go through the roof.

Speaker A: Right?

Speaker B: And especially for women, the older you get, you're much more in touch with you've been through a long, frigging journey, and you're much more in touch with your body. You're much more in touch with what works. And sometimes, actually, you find the whole thing a lot easier.

Speaker A: Well, here's the thing. If your husband that you're with right now cannot find your ******* **** or cannot make you come like you got to find something else, well, you've got.

Speaker B: To talk to the man soon.

Speaker A: I know, but if you're married for.

Speaker B: 26 years, I do say this with no judgment because I communicate with my husband a lot, but that has in itself taken a while. We talk a lot. We communicate. But I understand that that isn't easy, but you've got to talk. So the moral of this story is sharing.

Speaker A: It absolutely ******* smell.

Speaker B: I do feel for this person because although I don't condone cheating no, we know that, ma'am. In a situation, you're a very good person. I'm a very good person where you don't know this is happening. You haven't talked about this. That's the problem. It's always a problem if you are not truthful, if you don't talk to your partner, bad **** happens.

Speaker A: Yeah, I agree. I absolutely agree with that. You have to communicate with a person that you're sharing your life with.

Speaker B: But I do caveat with saying I understand that's very difficult. It's very, very difficult. And just sort of end my sort of babbling on about this is that if, for example, this listener is with her partner and perhaps she has communicated with him, that the physical side of their life is not enough. We don't know because she hasn't told us all the details or she's tried to have conversations millions of times and her husband isn't receptive. I'm so sympathetic to the fact that's a really hard position to be in. But I'm afraid if you're in this marriage and you want to stay in it, you got to keep chipping away at the ice block, as it were. You've got to keep trying or just get a divorce.

Speaker A: No, but seriously, if you're finding out at the end of this, this person actually doesn't make you happy and this is just a gateway drug, if you will, this addiction of this man to.

Speaker B: Something divorce in itself. I'm not saying it's easy. I'm not saying it's such a huge thing. And when you get to my age or this woman is a bit younger than me, your life is so intertwined, so intertwined financially.

Speaker A: But if you're not happy, if you're not happy, get out.

Speaker B: I agree. However, it can be a huge thing to overcome. The moral of this is we're telling.

Speaker A: We don't give advice, by the way. Do not to.

Speaker B: I don't think it's right. We can't give advice, but we are saying, please do a lot of introspection, I think, is what I would say.

Speaker A: Yeah, that's a really good that's a good point. And then let us know how it happened. I would like to know what maybe at the end of this, you got a three sum out of the two and it's really good.

Speaker B: We see. Suzy always sees the bright side.

Speaker A: I always try to see the bright side of things.

Speaker B: Yeah. Well, okay.

Speaker A: Husband number one and husband and number two could be like little Polly family. Just the opposite way.

Speaker B: Exactly. It's always men who have all these wives.

Speaker A: Let's go, ladies.

Speaker B: Anyway, let's get ours.

Speaker A: All right. Anyways, thank you so much, Mal. This is absolutely fabulous, as always. As always, my little darling.

Speaker B: Very much to our listener for sending and sharing that because that takes a huge amount of courage.

Speaker A: Yes.

Speaker B: And please, everyone else, feats. Carry on doing it. It's been amazing. Lots of people have been sharing.

Speaker A: Yeah, you got some crazy *** bit *** stories that we're reading. It's amazing.

Speaker B: Exactly what she said. Go to our homepage and share in any way that's easy for you. Voicemail, DM, email, and we love to read them.

Speaker A: Yeah, it's always anonymous for never, ever, ever. You can trust us.

Speaker B: And we will get back to you as well. And we will let you know when we're putting it in an episode or when we're talking about.

Speaker A: Yeah, and if it's obviously okay that we put this in an episode.

Speaker B: 100%.

Speaker A: Okay, well, love you guys so much. We will talk to you next week. Don't forget to follow the social.

Speaker B: Yeah. Thanks so much for listening. Please rate and review this podcast and follow us on Social at Sharing My Truth Pod. And leave us a voicemail on our to share your stories and experiences with us. We'll see you next time.

Speaker A: Bye bye. Three, two, one. Yeah.

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